jevilscarnival

[jevilscarnival]

The problem with playing smash or pass is that there's a lot of characters which I'm not sexually attracted to but I would fuck in a heartbeat out of sheer curiosity and ego, like I don't find Mickey Mouse attractive at all but if he approached me at a bar and went "Hey sexy, want me to show you my mouseketool?" I would say yes because then I get to tell my friends I fucked Mickey Mouse

[jevilscarnival]

some people just have no true appreciation for terrible women. oh she killed and ate people? well maybe she was hungry. "I cant defend her anymore-" well then fucking stand aside so i can talk to my client

[jevilscarnival]

Reblog to give a trans person a fresh and perfectly ripe mango wait huh

It's the wikipedia image??? How big could it be

What

Huh???

[jevilscarnival]

shoutout to the time in 2021 I was having scary seizurelike episodes that sent me to the neurologist, after having barely slept all week due to being a nervous wreck over my symptoms and shit.

when I sat down to describe what I was going through to the (young, very soft spoken) phys assistant taking my notes I started audibly almost crying . The whole time he’s furiously working on a tablet thing that I assumed he was writing my symptoms down on

in the midst of me having a mild nervous breakdown during my monologue he slowly turns the tablet to me after closing whatever program he had open and just fuckin stare-smiles at me all placidly til I notice the wallpaper the laptop is set to— a lovingly decorated collage of Lord Farquaad from Shrek

once I noticed I stopped dead in my tracks and we sat there staring at another for a solid minute til I broke down wheeze laughing, upon which he picked up the tablet and scurried off wordlessly. I just sat there dumbfounded til the doc showed up. 10/10 doctor experience ngl

I didn’t own a phone at the time to get any proof so this my best artistic recreation

[jevilscarnival]

The fact that animals that care for their young will sometimes adopt others' lost or orphaned young to raise along their own is just funny to me. I know that it's all hormonal and there's no conscious thought involved in it, but the internal logic of it is so funny.

"Baby = success. More baby = more success. I have one baby and I found four other baby. I have five baby. I am being so fucking successful right now."

[jevilscarnival]

can u imagine if other pieces of media were as scared of calling their monsters what they are as zombie media is about calling zombies zombies

[jevilscarnival]

divorce themed restaurant menu

dessert: CUSTARDy Battle

yeah that's all i've got so far sorry

[jevilscarnival]

the gap in my resume is when I was imagining two repressed homos go at it raw. in my brain

[jevilscarnival]

they dont tell you this but like half of adulthood is just washing the same FUCKING pan

[jevilscarnival]

[jevilscarnival]

saw this cute post and now I'm not going on reddit for the rest of the day. quit while you're ahead

[jevilscarnival]

good news i'm the most fuckable person at this vehicular manslaughter

[jevilscarnival]

the fact that i have to be in the “right headspace” to do even the simplest tasks. absolutely humiliating

[jevilscarnival]

[jevilscarnival]

"This fic is literally just porn, why do you care about the quality of the editing" unfortunately, both my brain and my dick have strong opinions about verb tenses.

[jevilscarnival]

i don’t get ppl who are fine w period pussy. smelling like wet parking lot pennies

[jevilscarnival]