jgray955-blog

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You know what sucks? Have BPD and not being able to control who you are addicted too. Like I could talk to a person for five minutes and want to talk to them everyday for the rest of my life. Or I have someone genuinely trying to talk to me and I don’t give a shit.

[jgray955-blog]

i don’t know how to explain to people that every moment i feel differently. that when i speak my truth one minute, i change my mind in a day. how often i regret speaking because i had an opinion that i am disagreeing with the next time i think of it. i always feel like i’m caught in a lie. with others. but especially with myself. do you know how it feels to feel like no one knows you because you don’t know you. to have a sense of self that shifts from day to day. do you know how it feels to talk and talk and talk and never get your point across. to have to backtrack because you’re saying things you don’t mean without trying. how can i explain everything i have felt about something in one sitting. how can i survive when i don’t do anything but feel. every second i have an opinion but every minute it is changing. it’s exhausting to feel so strongly. it’s exhausting to feel the opposite later. to go against your own word. to disappoint your past and future selves because you don’t know which parts of your mind are telling you the truth about who you are. because you don’t know what you want. because you don’t know what is you. it’s exhausting to have to update people on your always changing feelings. on what you’re doing. when you say and do things you said you would never say or do. to hide parts of yourself to avoid always making everyone confused. to feel fake. to feel like you are never really you. how funny is it that people actually have parts of themselves that stay the same. that they have an identity to cling to. do you know how it feels to never have a true. solid. you.

[jgray955-blog]

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by Tristan Petel

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have you ever had a weird sort of crush on one of your friends where you cant actually tell if its a crush or not??? do i want to kiss you?? do i just really enjoy being your friend????? who knows? not me

[jgray955-blog]

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besides lynds

Everyone who says I love you either ends up hating me or leaving me so why do I even bother anymore

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emotions are attractive

(via phototags)

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Many things interested her, and nothing satisfied her entirely.

Ivan Turgenev, Fathers and Sons (via books-n-quotes)

[jgray955-blog]

to me, one of the worst things about having bpd is that when you’re alone it’s like if the wire that connects you to your loved ones was cut, so you feel like if their affection suddenly disappears and you feel so deeply alone inside…  and it hurts do damn much