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THE BRIEF WONDEROUS LIFE OF JOULES

“Family: 

where life begins 

and love never ends”

   My ideal family is simple to be honest. All I ever want is a complete, harmonious, and loving family. My target age to get married is at least 30. I want to have a husband who is hardworking, family-centered, faithful, and loving to his wife and children. Good looks is preferable but not necessarily a must. Also, I prefer someone who is open-minded and is a cultured man. Someone who will be there through best or worst. Most importantly, a man who respects and values himself. I see my family living in a beautiful huge two-storey house in either America or Europe. We will also have pets (cat and dog). My husband and I shall enjoy our marriage life to the fullest before we finally settle down and have kids. I see myself traveling with him and do things that we both love together. After a year or two, I’d give birth to our eldest. I do have high hopes that it will be a boy. I see myself getting so stressed because of sleepless nights and doing things that all first-time moms experience. We’d bond together as a family. My husband and I do our best to balance and manage our career and personal lives to ensure that we’re thriving in our chosen career paths and at the same time making sure that we will have plentiful quality time together as a couple and family. Four or five years later, we are blessed with another bouncing baby girl. I want our children to be respectful, open-minded, multicultural, values family, kind, and confident. I might spank them but not to the point where they fear me and are traumatized because of me. If they make a mistake, I’ll let them be and give advice about life. I want to be their personal cheerleader, human diary and a best friend mom at the same time. I see my family traveling all around the world together. Making memories and spending our happiness and sadness moments together as a family. A tight-knit family that walks the flowery path together until the very end.

   Originally, my chosen career path would be in the field of Psychology. I want to be a Psychologist, not only because it pays well and is directly related with my college degree, but because I’m doing it mostly for myself. I want to help others, to heal from my unresolved problems/issues & “traumas” and have deeper understanding about myself. 

“The secret to happiness is freedom, 

And the secret to freedom is courage”

-Thucydides 

   The job that I might perhaps choose to willingly do it without pay, I’d choose to become a travel vlogger. The reason why is because I really want to travel and take advantage of the freedom that I have once I have my own life without having to rely on my parents. Ever since I was a young child, I never really got the chance to fully enjoy the things that I want to do because my parents strictly supervise me for 24 hours and 7 times a week. I want to see new things, explore, taste different cuisines, and experience different cultures from all around the world. At the same time, I get to share these intimate and meaningful memories with other people through vlogging. I can also encourage them to try such things or raise awareness. The bonus part is that I can ask suggestions from them if ever I wanted something that can only be suggested from a native. I can always earn money in a different way but the things that I have personally witnessed and experienced is something that nobody could ever take it away from me.

   WINGS by LITTLE MIX is a song that kind of depicts what I’m feeling right now in regards to doing what I like and that I will freely enjoy despite the circumstances and such. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOQDsmEqVt8

   My retirement plan is basically to enjoy the remaining time that I have on Earth. When I’m in my 50s or 60s, I will retire. I will solely rely on my retirement funds, savings, and businesses that I have put up when I was in my late 30s or 40s. I see myself having a bountiful of blessings that I have earned and worked hard for. I see myself spending much more time with my family. We will go camping, road trips and travel around more often. I can also see myself gradually fulfilling my bucket list such as doing extreme activities and many more. I will do more charity work and personally volunteer to various activities in our community. I see myself doing random things that I have never done before. My husband and I will move into a suburb area and buy a ranch in a somewhat rural area. We will be living in a cozy house with our beloved cat and helper dog. I will also be able to visit my siblings more often and some relatives back in my native country. I can also see myself throwing a reunion party with my former coworkers and friends. My husband might get annoyed because I have become more sociable and energetic. I’m also going to write a book that depicts my whole life. I will write everything that has happened to me and basically my life journey. After  this, I will pass it on to my children and future generations so that they will always remember me. This can also serve as a guide about life and they can further learn about life; how to do a certain thing in a good way, how to avoid bad things, and how to live life to the fullest without any regrets. Unfortunately, I would have to closely monitor my health by exercising more often, eat and live healthy. I can finally find a new habit that will keep me entertained and help my mind and body to be active. Lastly, I will do things that I was initially skeptical about and things that I have never really got the chance to do so. 

   Being a retiree is a drastic change that some people find it intimidating. However, if this kind of vivid imagery that I have regarding my retirement in the future, I would truly be happy and feel content. I FEEL GOOD by JAMES BROWN is a song that has a vibe that fits really with it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5TqIdff_DQ

[jhieneration]

HOME IS WHERE THE FAMILY IS

I don’t think I have written something so heartfelt like this that is solely dedicated to my parents. Personally, I’m not that type of person who is expressive and showy. I guess I show my remorse, gratitude, and love to my parents in a way that you have to pay extra attention to before you could actually notice it.

Before I officially start writing my letters, I’d like to dedicate a song called TO MY PARENTS by ANNA CLENDENING for my very own beloved parents.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ0ApWXElFY

“An apology is a lovely perfume, it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift”

- Margaret Lee Runbeck

I’d like to sincerely apologize to my parents for making them feel that I don’t care about and love them enough. For all my wrongdoings that caused them so much stress. To all the pains that I’ve unintentionally inflicted upon them. And to my hurtful words that I have uttered at them. Lastly, I’d like to apologize for disappointing you because I lack in so many ways, and because of this, you probably felt dissatisfied and unloved.

“Healing begins when we humble ourselves and go to one another asking for forgiveness”

-Susan Alexander Yates

I'm sorry about everything. I haven't been the girl that my parents were expecting and I'm sorry about that. I haven't been focusing on what is more important and that most important part is my parents. The two of you are always working your butts off out there for me and my siblings. I never really appreciate how hard you guys work for our family to have a roof to live under, food, and a blanket. Many people don't have that and know I am now realizing the stupid and ungrateful daughter I have been. I also now realize how you guys want everything to be perfect for me and I just don't value everything I have. I take everything as a joke but it's not. To make you worry less, I’m currently in the progress to improve myself so that I can better fulfill my role as your daughter. I cannot and will not promise to be the perfect daughter, however, what I can promise is that one day I will make you guys proud of me.

“First your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life”

-Chuck Palahniuk

First and foremost, I’d like my parents to know that I really do appreciate everything that they have done for me. They may not be expressive and showy like other parents, however, they show their love to me in other ways that I probably didn’t realize and took for granted. Also, I appreciate my parents because, despite our ups and downs in life, they remained resilient and continued their best by striving harder for us. I appreciate my father because he’s such a good provider and he always prioritizes us especially our education. I appreciate my mother because she is willing to sacrifice everything including her own happiness and health for us. They always ensure that we’re well-provided and healthy. They’re willing to sacrifice everything just for us. No matter how hard-headed and irritating we are, they still do their very best for our family. Lastly, I appreciate and feel grateful for them because we’re extremely blessed and lucky to have parents like them.

Before I officially end this, I’d like to show my appreciation and gratitude to my parents through this song called THANKS TO YOU by TYLER COLLINS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVIG4QAlvjE

To Dad and Mom: Thank you, I’m sorry, and I love you.

[jhieneration]

Ready or Not?

Adulthood is the phase where you suddenly have to grow up just like Wendy in Peter Pan did. Adulthood can be scary and sometimes, it makes you wish to be a kid again once more.

“I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.”

- J.D. Salinger

Adulthood is nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time. I wouldn’t say it’s overwhelming because I’m currently trying my best to gradually adapt to the adulthood world. Things that I find extra challenging about adulthood are: over-the-top level of stress and pressure, possible anxiety and depression, environment change, and doing unfamiliar things all by myself. Things that I look forward to after college graduation are: migrate into a different country (again), one step away to become a Psychologist, have much more freedom, travel, work and earn money, and to get away from all the toxicity (people and environment) that I’m currently experiencing in my College years.

PS: I am so not ready in paying bills, bills, bills, and more bills.

[jhieneration]

Sassy Pearl

Life in High school was definitely not easy. It was always filled with dramas and conspiracies. All kinds of cliques are everywhere yet loyalty isn’t. They say ‘high school life is the best’, but is it really true?

“Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons”

I used to think that I’m different and somehow “unique” as I was the only Filipina in our school for a while. I used to think that I’m good at almost everything; I’m a consistent honor student, did extracurricular activities, took difficult and advanced classes, and a multilingual person. I hold great pride and joy as I used to think that I was very good at spelling words and constructing sentences or words, advanced vocabulary, and excellent grammar that my typical American classmates could never relate to. Growing up, I have always been a shy yet open-minded person. I felt frustrated because some dared to underestimate me and I get misjudged so often.

PS: This is me back in high school. Secretly taking a selfie in my Journalism class hehe

[jhieneration]

Middle Me

5 BIG PERSONALITY TRAITS: “OCEAN” Openness - I’d say I got a high score because like what I’ve said in my previous blog, I have always been open-minded to discovering and exploring new things, especially if it intrigues me. My parents enrolled me in different workshops such as ballet class, taekwondo class, and many more to further enhance my skills and gain more experiences.

Conscientiousness - I’d say I got a score that’s just right above the average level.  I am not really that organized and studious, however, I am very goal-driven. I have been recognized as one of the consistent top-performing students in my grade. I’m also high in self-discipline because I always made sure that I finish my homework first before I play.

Extroversion - I’d say I’m in the middle. I am outgoing and friendly, however, I tend to be reserved whenever I’m surrounded by strangers or people that I don’t really vibe with. I remember back then, it did take a couple of weeks before I started to open up and become closer to my friends. I have always minded my own business and becoming a popular kid in my school was never my goal.

Agreeableness - I’d say my score is fairly high. I’m pretty helpful and cooperative with my groupmates. I don’t like it when I get appointed as the group leader though because I knew I’d be the only one to suffer and the thought of my groupmates not helping me irks me. Sometimes, my group mates including our group leader rely on me too much because I contribute a lot to our group.

Neuroticism - I’d say my score is low. I am emotionally stable and secure. I am independent as I’m always the one who does my homework and I don’t have any trouble doing things on my own. Also, I don’t react negatively to neutral events.

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.”

- Sven Goran Eriksson

One of my favorite memories during my elementary years was during my birthday when I was still a 4th grader. I was part of the top 10 students in class and we attended the mass to offer. I actually doubted that I’d still be included in the list because, at that time, I recently got out of the hospital. I had been hospitalized for a few days due to my asthma. Before the mass had ended, the priest suddenly made an announcement and asked all the birthday celebrants to come in front because he wanted to personally greet and bless us. It is definitely one of my favorite memories because even though I recently got sick, I was still included in the list and got blessed by the priest on my birthday. 

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Jolly Chillin’

I initially thought that I was a slow-to-warm-up child because growing up, I admit I am kind of shy. Although I have made quite a lot of friends, I tend to make sure that they are trustworthy enough, we would bond well, and we share common interests in certain things in life. I am kind of surprised because most of the assumptions that I had or thought I knew were mostly wrong. I feel glad because I got to know more about my younger self. 

“That a good fit between parental handling and child temperament is vital to help children adapt to the imperatives of their society is a crucial concept that can be applied to other cultures.” 

- Stella Chess

When I was a child, I was told by my mom that I was an easy child growing up. I was playful and hyper whenever I’m in the mood. I’ve always liked exploring new things. I was also a techy person and I even had to teach our nannies how a certain device works. I’ve always loved listening to music, reading books, and watching cartoons and educational movies. I spent a lot of time watching tv which affected my sleeping cycle. Most of the time I sleep late which is technically not good for a young child but I still did it anyway. I was and still a picky eater. I remember back then I wouldn’t eat chicken skin and its fatty parts and only the meat part. I easily adapt to a different culture, new environments, new people, and unfamiliar events. I have a high energy level response when it comes to a positive situation. I have a low energy level for negative situations especially if someone forced me to do things that I dislike. I was and still am that type of person who doesn’t like to please other people to like me and gain friends or to become popular. I've always been the unbothered and hardworking queen. My attention span differs depending on every situation that I encounter. I can concentrate if I’m doing a task that I like and find it interesting. I can also be easily distracted if the environment is dirty and the people that I’m with are annoying and loud. I have an intense amount of stimulation when it comes to my studies and moderate to low amounts of stimulation when it comes to doing things that I dislike such as doing household chores.

[jhieneration]

Sneaky Peeky

What is childhood? A beautiful memory from the past? An escape from reality? A phase where fairies and pixies used to be the center in one’s world. A childhood that gives you a nostalgic feeling but it is something that you could never relive or re-enact in the present. A memory that will forever remain in our hearts for the rest of our lives. 

“Nothing lights up a child’s brain like play.” 

- Dr. Stuart Brown

My siblings are my playmates most of the time. Our parents allow us to go out only if they are around to watch us. Sometimes we’d ask our neighbors to come inside our house instead so that we all could play together. Our setup has been like this for a long time not until my brother came up with a mischievous idea. He had discovered a way for us to sneak out without unlocking and opening our huge gate. At first, I didn’t follow him. I feared that our nannies would snitch on us and I didn’t want to get in trouble. Later on, I got tempted and I finally went outside through our secret “gateway to heaven”. Our nannies have been in so much stress because of us. They didn’t want to get in trouble because of us, yet we never listened to them. It felt good playing outside with our friends without our parents strictly supervising us. We’d go to our friends’ houses to hang out and play all sorts of traditional Filipino games. My siblings and I even dared to go to places that are a little bit farther from our street. There’s this gymnasium in our subdivision just 1 or 2 blocks away from us, we went there to play and even got the chance to meet Former Mayor Digong. Our friends would let us take turns in their bikes. Our friends even taught us how to climb a tree and get a nest for no reason. I almost got chased by a dog just because I was wandering alone in another street. My siblings and I did our best not to get caught and hopefully not to get scratched or wounded. We also made sure to estimate our time well on when to go out and go back inside or else we’d be caught red-handed by our parents. Once the street light is lit or the sun kind of cooled down, we’d bid our farewell to our friends and hurriedly go inside through our secret “gateway to heaven”. Surprisingly, our nannies didn’t really say anything to our parents about our wrongdoings, hence, this kind of sneaky setup had been going on for a while. One day, our parents arrived earlier than expected and we were caught playing in front of our friend’s house. Our dad honked at us and we ran as fast as we could back to our house. Our parents interrogated us and we did our best not to say nothing but they threatened us and we ended up telling them the truth. We got severely punished especially, my brother. This memory is definitely one of my favorites. We’ve shown great teamwork and I felt like I was being a sneaky, bad girl back then. We love recalling this particular memory simply because it was an unforgettable fun and thrilling experience to us.

[jhieneration]

Raise Her Right Or Else

Four Parenting Styles:

Authoritative (High Demandingness and High Responsiveness): 

Parents have high expectations for achievement and maturity, but are also warm and responsive. Their disciplinary methods are confrontive. They provide their kids with reasoning and explanation for their actions. They are also affectionate and supportive.

Authoritarian (High Demandingness but Low Responsiveness): 

Parents demand blind obedience and only allow one-way communication through rules and orders. Their disciplinary methods are coercive. They justify their mean treatment as tough love.

Permissive (Low Demandingness but High Responsiveness):

Parents are warm and indulgent. However, they set very few rules and boundaries and are reluctant to enforce laws. They also do not want to or cannot say ‘no’ to their child and are afraid of disappointing them.

Neglectful (Low Demandingness and Low Responsiveness):

Parents do not set firm boundaries or high standards. They also do not respond to their child’s needs and are basically uninvolved in their lives. These kinds of uninvolved parents may have mental issues themselves such as depression, physical abuse or child neglect when they were young.

“Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.”

–Carl Jung

My parents are Jojo and Merly. Both of them have done a great job raising us and providing us our needs and wants. I honestly think my parents’ parenting styles fit more than one and those are the Authoritative and Authoritarian style. My parents can be too strict and demanding. I’m not allowed to explain myself as they view it as me being disrespectful to them aka “back talking”. My parents discipline me in a “traditional Filipino way” (physically and emotionally). They don’t give any reasoning and explanations to me about my mistakes and how to correct them. They don’t really pressure me in my studies, however, they always tell me that I could’ve done better. My parents aren’t affectionate but they can be supportive in a way. They do their very best to provide my basic needs and some of my wants. Overall, their parenting style is fairly effective to me. Personally, I don’t want to follow their parenting style because I don’t want my future children to experience how awful and traumatizing the “traditional Filipino way” of discipline can be. 

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Safe & Sound

Children are raised differently depending on their parents. Some children are raised with love and security while others are being neglected or abused. These could greatly affect how they’re able to socialize and the kind of attachment that they will have with their caregivers. 

4 Attachment Patterns by Mary Ainsworth:

Ambivalent attachment:

Children become distressed when their parents leave. As a result of poor parental availability, these children cannot depend on their primary caregiver to be there when they need them.

Avoidant attachment:

Children tend to avoid parents or caregivers. Also, children who are being punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.

Disorganized attachment:

These children display a confusing mix of behavior, seeming disoriented, dazed, or confused. They may avoid or resist the parent. Lack of a clear attachment pattern is likely linked to inconsistent caregiver behavior.

Secure attachment:

Children who can depend on their caregivers show distress when separated and joy when reunited with their parents. Securely attached children are easily soothed by the attachment figure when upset. Children develop a secure attachment when the caregiver is sensitive to their signals and responds appropriately to their needs.

“A secure attachment is the ability to bond; to develop a secure and safe base.” 

-Asa Don Brown

I personally think I have a secure attachment. Growing up, I have always had a minimum of two nannies. I feel sad whenever my parents are away for work, however, I feel secured enough with my caregivers. My parents made sure that they hire the most responsible and caring caregivers. They take good care of me and play with me whenever I feel like it or if I'm in a bad mood. Also, I remember back then when my mom dropped me off to school, I didn’t cry unlike some of my classmates and I did well on my first day of school. I remember back then I used to be a huge fan of Barbie and my caregivers wanted me to take a nap. I didn’t want to take a nap but they told me in a nice way about how sleeping is good for my body and how this would make my parents feel happy. Because of these reasons, I listened to them and took a nap. My caregivers live in the province and they go back home to visit whenever they can. I kind of felt sad but I know they will come back because they promised to and they did. 

I have a best friend since elementary and we’ve been apart for awhile when my family migrated abroad. I felt sad because we weren’t able to hang out. I did worry that our friendship might end but it didn’t. It grew stronger despite the fact that we were thousand miles apart. Even though we both have our own group of friends, our bond together remained the same.