jichann

[jichann]

ugh when he deleted all her pictures and every convo i hv with her. i have 10,000+ pictures, screenshots and videos deleted lahat abt sakanya. but it’s fine i guess.

[jichann]

it’s our monthsary today. but idk hehe. really want to break up wt him already told mom abt it but they didn’t want to.

[jichann]

yayyyyy off na hihi.

[jichann]

[jichann]

morning;

sometimes i’m scared of myself, that i’m losing those people i love. i have loved and lost and loved again but i think it’s going to be worth it eventually. i’m gonna be happy eventually and that’s getting me through. it’s been a chapter and it’s still a chapter. i don’t know where one is meant to end and the other one begins. love, i’ll always be here even when you don’t need me.

[jichann]

[jichann]

im sorry i was not good enough for you. i hope you forgive me one day, for wasting your time.

[jichann]

But you, you were my favorite

[jichann]

10/14/2022

raw thoughts madaming typo and grammatical errors. wag na basahin pls. labyu mwa.

—

hi, what’s up? we both have happy rs im so glaaaad. still can’t get you out of my mind.

ilang beses ko na ba subukan mag reach out, tapos hindi natutuloy. im a coward yes. im always scared about why did i suddenly stopped talking to you. that you’re mad (ofc tangina bobo ka ba) na pano ko ba uumpisahan.

it started nung hindi natuloy yung sleep over it was all planned super excited namin but suddenly hindi natuloy due to some reason and afterwards hindi na nawala sa isip ko. like ik na disappoint fam niya even her friends, also hindi ko na alam anong mukhang ihaharap ko.

nasa baguio kami noon, then suddenly bigla akong nag breakdown; if i continue talking with her gusto pa rin ba nila ako ma-meet? galit ba sila? is she mad? and etc. her friends and relatives helps me with my issues and problems tapos just a simple meet up na messed up pa. i really hate disappointment, doon lahat nag start isama pa yung nga threats na guguluhin sila if i don’t stop.

well right after i stopped talking with her, there’s a complete silence. there’s no chaos, walang kahit ano. im just existing. but it’s sad, im sad. i missed them esp the memories; us playing roblox like whole fucking day; movie marathon weird pati detective conan hindi pinalagpas; watch her do online class; talk shit about our exes; mga latest chika maritess duo kasi kami; and lastly her choice of music.

super dami niyang inintroduce na music so potangina kada marinig ko siya lang naiisip ko mhie. also even tho our rs is not that perfect kasi may mga epaloids at the end of the day im happy. or baka ako lang. after some time she’s my totga. i’d rather be sad than keep her with this complicated rs she doesn’t deserve any of this.

fast forward.

after ko mag social media break bcs i stopped for awhile ik myself hindi ko mapipigilan na kausapin siya if hindi ko gagawin yon eh.

ayun nga i started distracting myself mhie and super superrr hindi tama tong ginawa ko. tried to date bois but uhm didn’t work out kasi idk can’t feel any connections towards them.

well good thing lang is nag stop na rin yung epal ferson when she found out im dating guys na. sana diba noon ko pa ginawa para tumigil na siya completely potangina.

and now i met rifle, nakikita ko lang si amber sakanya. all of his past experiences esp sa fam super parehas sila. hobbies din he loves playing online games grind na grind si accla just same as amber. he loves movies and animes din. boy ver lang ni amber. then found out na he’s not like her. super layo.

same with the traumas like her pero ibang way to handle it. he tend to sometimes can’t control himself lalo pag galit but i just listened eventually learned a lot from him. he’s independent and loves to explore. sometimes his perspective is kinda (kinda want to strangle him jk) but i realized diff person diff pov and i started to be open. at first we tend to argue syempre patola si accla lalo pag iba yung pinaglalaban but when i tried to listen his side my point din pala kahit nakakainis minsan. utak niya eon eh anong gagawin q sis.

afterwards i learned how to love him bcs it’s him not because i saw amber in his personality. he once said “siguro pag nagkita kayo magtatagal kayo nun.” and i silently agreed. it’s reallt diff when it comes to her. i replied “tbh if mag hiwalay tayo, kaya kitang iremove kahit saan but not her. pero if she decided to block me i’ll respect it.”

hi, sana okay ka lang lagi. sana healthy kayo lalo na si baby zia she so cuteeee. hindi kayo nawawala sa prayers ko. mahal ko kayo palagi. namimiss ko na si bebe drew. kung galit man kayo or sila magalit lang kayooo issokay. deserve ko hehe. belated happy birthday pala. malapit ka na gumraduate sheesh.

btw jai is super pretty! like im so happi kasi diba u guys r so fineeee. wag na wag kayong maghihiwalay ako taga ship niyo. thenchu sa lahaaaat i enjoyed ever bit of our memories. mwa mwa ily byeee!!

ciao, amber. see you when i see you.

[jichann]

Okay ka lang?

yesssss it’s our payday. im with him rn he’s sleeping while it’s raining hard outside. i hv my softie blanket wt me tapos naka aircon pa. physically im okay.

emotionally idk. pero okay lang. basic.

dalaw ba naman nang dalaw sa isip ko. hindi ko na tuloy alam if tama ba mga desisyon ko hehe. pero okay lang.

[jichann]

aaaaa anoto jfjwksmfnwm

[jichann]

wow

baby, would you love me less?

[jichann]

[jichann]

It’s extremely important to realize that you were beautiful before someone noticed and you’ll remain beautiful in their absence.

Your beauty is not subjected to who values you for it.

[jichann]

Adélia Prado - Denouement, tr. by Ellen Doré Watson

[jichann]

hi, it’s been a while.

i missed you.

[jichann]

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡