jimothy-salmonwich

[jimothy-salmonwich]

there is only one number who has ever ate another. there is only one number who has ever died. which one feels worse

[jimothy-salmonwich]

hear me out, miss piggy and kermit are the pastel versions of morticia and gomez

[jimothy-salmonwich]

Carl is so... He's just some guy. He's the messiah. He's a war criminal. He's hope personified. He has killed babies. He's a cultist. He's a cishet ally but everyone thinks he's bisexual. He has daddy issues. He has PTSD. He's straight but he has a boyfriend. He really loves his friends. He has a mental illness. He loves his cat more than anyone and anything else in the world. He's an anarchist. He is slowly going insane. He's a fan favourite crawler. He's a mass murderer. The AI is in love with him. He makes inspirational speeches. He monologues. He's anti-establishment. He's traumatised. He pulls a lot of bitches but doesn't pay attention to them. He sees his friends as his family. He's street smart. He has gotten hit by a train.

[jimothy-salmonwich]

People on this website react to mentions of forcefem like it's a serious, real thing, when in fact it's more like... You're looking at someone who says "I'm a warlock" and panicking because you genuinely think they're communing with an evil force from beyond this realm, and not just being a nerd on the internet.

Basically I'm saying you're the same people who think D&D is satanic, or that pokemon is satanic, or that violent video games cause real life violence.

[jimothy-salmonwich]

People on this website react to mentions of forcefem like it's a serious, real thing, when in fact it's more like... You're looking at someone who says "I'm a warlock" and panicking because you genuinely think they're communing with an evil force from beyond this realm, and not just being a nerd on the internet.

Basically I'm saying you're the same people who think D&D is satanic, or that pokemon is satanic, or that violent video games cause real life violence.

[jimothy-salmonwich]

People on this website react to mentions of forcefem like it's a serious, real thing, when in fact it's more like... You're looking at someone who says "I'm a warlock" and panicking because you genuinely think they're communing with an evil force from beyond this realm, and not just being a nerd on the internet.

Basically I'm saying you're the same people who think D&D is satanic, or that pokemon is satanic, or that violent video games cause real life violence.

[jimothy-salmonwich]

me: I want to buy and play this game on my video game console. You cannot pirate games on this console, only PC. I do not have a PC. I have a console. I have no choice but to buy a game on console. I have no way of pirating it. I would like to emphasize that I cannot pirate the game. I cannot pirate the game.

internet jackasses every motherfucking time: uhhh just pirate it lmao ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[jimothy-salmonwich]

[jimothy-salmonwich]

you there. the person who claims to be a hater for fun. are you actually having fun or are you recurrently making yourself miserable looking at things you dont like

[jimothy-salmonwich]

[jimothy-salmonwich]

Fucks me up to think about how every character in the world is literally just someone's OC

[jimothy-salmonwich]

Basic life stuff on Father’s Day your dad may have never taught you

Men’s pants often have what’s called vanity sizing so a 32 inch waist between different brands is actually different sometimes. It’s still a good idea to try the pants on before you buy them.

A flathead screwdriver can be used on a Phillips head screw.

It’s always morally correct to simply walk away from a salesman. You don’t need to buy a mattress to be polite. Just leave. Walk away. Skedaddle.

A complete meal has fat, protein, carbs, and some kind of fruit or vegetable. A snack should have carbs and protein. That’s how you stay full for longer and get your vitamins. It’s really that simple.

Dumpster diving is legal in many countries including the US, Canada, and Australia but trespassing and property damage are illegal. If you are allowed to be in an area and can access the trash without breaking anything you can just take stuff

You should be thinking about retirement savings even in your 20s and 30s. Get a mutual fund.

If you go gambling, only spend cash and pull out exactly as much money as you’re willing to lose from the atm. Never use a credit card in a casino if you can avoid it.

You can add a layer of seasoning to a cast iron skillet right on the stove. You don’t actually have to put it in the oven every time.

To build a fire, build a little pile of kindling first with plenty of air under it. This can be sticks or leftover wood from the hardware store. Doesn’t matter. Then light some newspaper or leaves under it. This’ll help the kindling catch on fire. Then you can add a log to it. The log needs a long exposure to flames before it catches on fire.

Fresh cut wood needs to dry out for several months before it’ll work as either building material or firewood. Several years is even better.

Flower delivery for simple bouquets costs less than you think it does and makes a nice gift for people who are hard to shop for

University libraries often let the general public get a card to check things out from them for a yearly fee. This is useful to know if you’re ever doing some specific research.

To make hard boiled eggs easier to peel boil them with just barely enough to cover and let a lot of the water burn off. Then shock them in an ice bath when they’re done.

If you or your pets end up killing a venemous snake by accident or in self defense you should bury the head so that no animals get poisoned by it because the fangs can still distribute venom

Tall people who visit your house can see the tops of your cabinets and bookshelves. Clean accordingly if you don’t want people to see dust.

Annuals are plants that will die after one year and perennials are plants that live for multiple years

If you feel gross and like your life sucks maybe try getting a haircut

[jimothy-salmonwich]

[jimothy-salmonwich]

Pool # 27 -  Ann Goldberg , 2016.

Canadian , b. 1970s

Oil on canvas , 30 x 48 in.

[jimothy-salmonwich]

[jimothy-salmonwich]

Thought my gf cheated on me again so I messed around with her gay brother, but it turns out it really *was* just her cousin that she was spending time with, so now I’m kinda feeling guilty and confused

Is this how a priest in a confessional booth feels… ten hail marys

[jimothy-salmonwich]

"UM OP DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT THIS INNOCUOUS VIDEO/IMAGE/POST IS ACTUALLY FETISH CONTENT"

might not be true at all and might be puritan panic you bought into but ok

even if it IS true, ok?? and?? based