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jlarchives · 2 years ago

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OCEANS AND ENGINES

a #JENLISA one-shot AU.

[Disclaimer: everything in here is purely FICTION and DOES NOT reflect the artists themselves. Enjoy!]

—

LISA’s POV

It’s our last concert day here in Jakarta. Weather in here is so hot I think I could fry an egg on the floor. No kidding. But I would be lying if I say the girl I’m looking at right now isn’t as hot. Heck, she’s the hottest.

The second I heard the sound of my scooter’s bell, that’s when I snapped back to reality.

Jen is happily riding my airwheel luggage while I’m sitting on a chair holding my ice cold sparkling water and I have Alice beside me, as always.

“Ah! Let’s run away!” she exclaimed.

I was staring at her with a huge smile plastered on my face when she turned her head and gave me this look that I somehow can’t decipher.

“What?” I asked. Confused about what she’s trying to tell me, I asked again. “What is it?”

She then drove the scooter in reverse. Still wearing the huge smile on my face, I waited for her to stop right in front of me.

“It’s yours.” Ahh. She thinks I would mind if she steals my airwheel. Is she being serious right now? I would give anything for her.

Anything..

For her happiness.

“It doesn’t matter.” I said. Well, it really doesn’t. What’s mine is hers. We basically shared the same wardrobe. Duh.

Shared. Past tense.

“Really?” she asked in a baby tone. I nodded in response to assure her that it’s fine. Such an adorable little bear.

I was taken aback when I saw her lockscreen. It was his picture with kuma.

“You’re very generous, aren’t you?” she said, while looking at her phone. She must’ve received a text or something. I have no idea. But the way she smiled after reading that message feels kinda bittersweet. It stings that I’m not the reason why she’s smiling that way but I’m genuinely happy for her. I really am.

“Byeeee!!” she yelled as she took my scooter away in full speed that I didn’t even have the chance to answer her.

“You’re very generous, aren’t you?” her voice echoed in my brain like a beautiful melody.

“Maybe you’re right. I am generous. I’d give up everything I have just to make you happy. Even if it means giving you up too. And I will do it over and over again if I have to.”

—

“Something beautiful died too soon.”

—

We were never gonna last anyway. I knew it the moment we first started going out. Being in a conservative country and the whole world’s eyes pinned to us, it’s a tough battle. But that said, there’s never a day that I didn’t love you or think about you. Even now that you’re not mine anymore.

Nobody knew what we had. Or maybe they did, I don’t know. Is it that obvious?

—

But I'm letting go

I'm givin' up the ghost

But don't get me wrong

I'll always love you, that's why

I wrote you this very last song

I guess this is where we say goodbye

I know I'll be alright

Someday I'll be fine

But just not tonight.

—

“You okay?” Alice asked when she saw me with my head down.

“I mean.. I have to be. Right?” i replied with a wistful smile. “Just kidding, I’m fine, Unnie. See??” I did some jumping jacks to prove my point. “Go do your thing. I’ll come out in a bit.”

“You got this, Lis. I’ll be heading out to the barricades now, alright? Call me when you need me. Have a great show. Fighting!” Alice must’ve thought I was talking about my physical health.

“Yes Unnie. Fighting!” I cheered and waved her goodbye.

“You got this, Lili.” I told myself and stood up.

—

We have 3 more minutes before the show starts so I ran as fast as I could to get to the backstage. Thank God I made it on time. Aha!

“Hey, you alright? and why did you run? It’s so dark in here you could’ve tripped.” Jen asked, rolling her eyes. Annoyance is very evident on her face. Oh crap, I’m so doomed. For the most part, Jen can be the cutest little kitten but when she’s mad, she’s a mad MAD lion. It’s scary.

As she wipes my sweat from sprinting, our eyes met and for a second, my whole world stopped.

“There. Now you’re ready.”

“Oh thanks, Je.. Unnie.”

“You know you can still call me Jen, right?”

“I know but..”

“But what?”

“It’s different now.”

“Yo yo yo! Let’s go!” Jisoo exclaimed as she steps on the lift. Rosie followed her.

To my surprise, Jen suddenly held my hand. “We’re good, right?” she asked, almost whispering. I can see her holding back her tears.

“Hey. Ofcourse we are. We talked about this.” I held her hand tighter.

“I’m sorry, Lili.” her voice cracked. “I’m so—”

I didn’t let her finish her sentence and immediately hugged her with my arms around her neck and my hands caressing her back. It was instinct, I guess. And hers wrapped around my waist.

This is home.

I am now facing Jisoo and Rosie who were shocked by my sudden action for a brief moment but gave me smiles and looked at each other. Ohh. They know for sure.

“Don’t say that. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I broke our hug and cupped her mandu cheeks. “Promise me one thing, alright?” She nodded. “Never blame yourself. And be happy. Please?”

“I promise.”

I guided Jen to the lift and we joined the two crackheads waiting for us.

“I thought you guys forgot we’re in a middle of a concert. That was smooth, Manobal.” Jisoo jokingly said and winked at me.

“Shut up.” I said and pushed her lightly.

“You knew.” I told Rosie. “Ofcouse, you idiot. We knew since then. We just didn’t wanna say anything.” she replied.

I looked back at Jen who is now making sure her in-ear is well adjusted.

“Now let’s conquer the world, shall we?” I said. Nodding in unison, we both let out a sigh of relief.

“Let’s do this!”

The lift slowly went up and we did what we do best since we were teenagers in training rooms.

Perform. As if it’s our last.

Last.

—

I have so many questions

But I'm pouring them into the ocean

And I'm starting up my engine

And I'm letting go

I'm givin' up your ghost

It's come to a close

I marked the end with this last song I wrote

I'm letting go

This is the last falsetto

I'll ever sing to you

My great lost love

—

Will my love for her fade away in time? Ofcourse not. She’ll always hold a special place in my heart. But I already came to terms with the fact that she is now happy with someone else and that’s all that matters to me.

Cliché as it may sound, but seeing her happy is everything.

It’s never too late to throw your unanswered questions to the ocean and start your engine in order to move forward.

Letting go doesn’t always mean cutting people off your life. Letting go can also be in a form of..

acceptance.

‘Til our next life, Jen.

————————— fin. —————————

#jenlisa #jennie #lisa #jenlisaau #au #blackpinkau

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