jleonjackson

[jleonjackson]

...As he looked into her eyes, she blushed and lowered her head a bit. He raised it up so that again he could see into her depths. "You are an angel. The gods could strike me down just for my being in your presence. But I would gladly spend an eternity in hell for but a moment of touching you, speaking to ypu, and gazing into your eyes. As he spoke, the words were drawn out of his mouth by her beauty. "As I look into your eyes, I know that you're an angel. I want to touch your skin, kiss your lips, breathe your breath and become you... for only then will I know the depths of your love, your passion... and you will know mine.

from an unfinished story, by Me

[jleonjackson]

Beware of my dog!  My cat’s a shady little bastard as well!

[jleonjackson]

FUN THINGS TO DO AT WALMART

I'm going to be ahead of the game and let you all know in advance that not all of these little idess are of my invention but a lot of them are. Still, it was my idea to put them all into s nice, neat little collection. So if you've happen to have heard of some of these before, don't stress out: just enjoy them. ​ ​I'm sort of the original prankster a long time YouTube was ever invented which tells off on my age somewhat. Actually, my younger girlfriend says that I was around when the Dead Sea was just sick! And being of the older cross section of the population, nobody really expexts something like this from me although I HAVE been asked to leave the store on more than one occasion.  And the fact that nobody sees me in the light of a prsnjstrr makes the play out even more enjoyable. ​ ​So without further ado, allow me to to share my favorite FUN THINGS TO DO AT WALMART! One of the things that also helps the overall thing more of a surprise is that I always wear nice clothing: a pair of dress pants, nice shirt and shoes, and if the occasion presents itself, a tie. MANY years ago I was the director of public safety for a small town. I had just been appointed to the position and was still under contract with another agency where I was generally working undercover. Hence, at the time I shall recount, I was sporting a beard of sorts and long hair which I kept pulled back in a ponytail. One one particular evening, I took it upon myself to get the patrol cars and equipment cleaned, including new ammunition for the squad shotguns. Fairly late in the afternoon, I went to the Walmart in a nearby town and after looking around the store for a bit made my way to the sporting goods area. After finding a clerk, I asked for 6 boxes of double ought buckshot which, for those of you who aren't familiar with the guage, let's just say anything hit with such a load generallyis pretty much torn to shreds. So yhe clerk looked around and advised me that he was out of that guage and offered something different. "No but thanks. I have to have the heavy shells." I replied. After scratching his chin for a moment he looked at me strangely. "Five boxes of buckshot! That's sort of unusual for us. What exactly are you planning on shooting?" He asked. Without looking up from my surveying the stuff in the glass counter, I simply replied : "People." So his face turned a little ashen and he said he would check in the stockroom for my shells which I knew was a ploy to get the hell away from me! And, when he FINALLY returned, he was accompanied by 2 rather large police officers from their local department. I suppose it was lucky for me that one of the cops recognized me snd just shook his head. Still, and needless to say, I didn't get the shells. Now in today's societal climate, I wouldn't necessarily say this is exactly a safe prank. But on the other hand... And sometimes I'm a tee-shirt kind of a guy but not just any tee-shirt will do. I have one that is imprinted with "Cat: The other white meat" and on the back it says: So many cats, so few recipes." A lady from Walmart once asked "Aww, you really don't eat cats, do you?" "Nahh," I replied. "I gave them up for Lent. Besides, Chihuahuas are less greasy." Speaking of eating, one evening close to Halloween I put dark circles under my eyes and walked into a Walmart carrying a rather large black stuffed crow by the legs. I had removed the stuffing from it earlier and  filled it with chicken from the Colonel, poured in a bit of ketchup, and while I was walking around the store I was reaching into the stuffed bird and pulling out chicken, eating and allowing the ketchup to smear on my mouth. As I recall, that was one of the times I was asked to leave the store. It wasn't all that close to Halloween for such pranks I was told. "Pranks?" I asked. "I was just having a snack while I was shopping!" While we're on the subject of food, carry some toothpicks in your pocket ss you browse the live fish area.  In MY case, I prefer to do this late in the evening about the time the tanks sre being cleaned or serviced. I would ask what they did with the dead fish floating around. "Ummm, we generally just throw them away. Why?" "Can you give them to me in a little container?" I would ask. "Oh. Are you going to take them home for a pet or something?" At that point I would pull out s few toothpicks and hold them up. "Nah. I just wanna munch on them while I'm shopping. I LOVE sushi!' Although I never was actually given any of the little floaters, I have gotten quite a few really strange looks! Priceless! There are a few things that you can do when there are several people around, especially in sporting goods. Ask the clerk to let you examine one of the shotguns in the display case. After he hands it to you, take your time and look it over while asking intelligent questions about it. Sooner or later there will be an announcement over the p.a. system and it's at this point I will suddenly jerk the gun up to my shoulder and aim in in a side to side motion st the ceiling. "There's those damned voices again! QUICK!! Give me some bullets!" People will generally back away and leave the area, if not the store, entirely! Some of these little pranks you should really be careful with because there's a slimest of a chance things won't go as you expected it to go! But what the hell? Spice adds a little zest to life. And I'm sure that you've probably heard about the man and woman at the clothing try-on closets. The man goes inside one of the rooms and after s few minutes he yells out in a really hick voice: "Edna! Could you please run over and grab me some toilet paper? Ain't none in here!" One of the things that I like to do is leave little notes in the pockets of the clothes. Something like: "Help! I'm being held captive by inspector 21!" or, "What were you expecting to find here, money?" Sometimes I might leave a note on a sheet of paper that goes like this: "Hi! My name is Paper. I've been watching you everywhere you go, hoping for the chance to talk to you! Mmm... I love the way you're holding me and caressing me between your thumb and fingers! Don't stop! You're making my ink run! Look, you know that you want me! I can feel your warm breath all over me! So why don't you roll me up into a ball and put me in places no paper has ever gone before! Or gently fold me into any shape that makes you go wild with passion! Just, I'm not into the kinky things like staples or paperclips! Just thinking about you is making my margins wet! Don't worry. I'm not a gossip column so our secret will be safe! Hurry baby!" Of course you can place this in various places around the store such as in a magazine, in a pair of women's jeans, in a package of panties, well, you get the idea. The library is also a good place to pull this off. I recall one evening a terribly rude customer in the produce and vegetable arra was being very snotty to one of the female associstes in the area, to the extent that the girl was almost in tears! I quickly pulled a condom from my wallet (hey, I'm old. I'm not DEAD!!) and surreptitiously removed a cucumber from the lady's cart. The clerk saw what I was doing but didn't say anything. After putting the condom into the cucumber, I placed the cucumber back into the cart, hidden beneath the other groceries. I walked away, past the girl who was getting yelled at and whispered "Follow her to the checkout for the real fun!" The girl did exactly that and I'm sure that she was trying not to laugh hysterically as the lady was trying to explain the condom covered cucumber to the cashier! The old man and the little girls panties. My girlfriend has a twisted sarcastic sense of humor kind of like mine. In Walmart one evening, she was browsing the clothing chemicals, specifically the dye, when aa associate asked if he could help her. be Without missing a beat, she glanced at him and shrugged. "I don't know. See, I bought a cat today and I was looking for like a multicolored calico cat but all I could find was a cute white kitten. So my question is, do you have something that would be groovy for a tie dye look? Especially something that won't fade out in yhe dryer?" The associate had a surprised look on his face and shook his head. "Are you serious? You can't tie dye an animal like that! Don't you know that you cannot put a live cat in the washing machine or dryer?" She giggled a bit. "Well duh! I was talking about a STUFFED cat! I found out that you can't tie dye a live animal when I tried it with my hamsters!" She rolled her eyes and walked off, leaving him standing in the aisle in disbelief. The particular store back in the town where I recently lived was generally quiet in the evening. There were restrooms to the back of the store in the layaway area which seems like they were never really cleaned very well so one evening my girlfriend and I grabbed a few things from the store: candles, incense, hand towels, lava lamps, and some bathmats, and when nobody was watching we slipped into the restrooms and proceeded to remodel them somewhat. In less than 15 minutes we completely changed the decor of the restrooms to quiet, subdued elegance. Luckily, nobody walked in on us but there was something of a commotion emanating from the p.a. system before we finally left the store! I once purchased a set of frss walkie talkies and while I was fiddling with them in the parking lot of Walmart while I was waiting for my girlfriend to finish her shopping, I realized that these were essentially the same two-way radios that the WM managers used in the store. Suddenly something came over me and I couldn't resist the temptation: "We have a code pink in the men's wear! Code pink in the men's wear area!" After a brief silence someone asked for a repeat. "Excuse me: We have a code RAINBOW in men's wear!" I replied. My girlfriend emerged from the store finally and looked at me. "Something tells me that you had a hand in that!" Of course, there probably are now several people running around the store trying to figure out who had the extra radio. They changed frequencies occasionally after that but I managed to figure them out in quick time. I found out that several drive-thru restaurants likewise have the same radio system which they use for the wireless units at the take out windows! "Hello? Is anyone there? I want 5 Big Macks, 3 chocolate shakes, and a dozen apple pies please!" Sitting across the street from the restaurant I watched and chuckled as heads popped out of the drive-thru windows and out the back doors to see who was making the order! It's interesting to drive around and see how many restaurants use these radios. Too bad the batteries aren't rechargeable! Anyway, I'm sure that you can relate to some if these and even have a few of your own. Just don't say that I put you up to it!

[jleonjackson]

Everything is energy and that's all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy, this is physics

Albert Einstein

[jleonjackson]

Ice Cream: A Psychological Perspective

​There are a lot of things that you can tell about a person’s general personality by their ice-cream mannerisms and preferences. After a lengthy, intensive study… okay, actually after realizing that I had too much time on my hands one afternoon, I came up with the following: ​ ​First, the type of ice cream a person prefers is a very basic reflection of personality traits. For instance, if a person prefers plain vanilla ice cream, his or her personality is somewhat dull and tends to follow routine. The same could be said for their sexual side: vanilla.  While they probably have some positive personality traits, I would say that their personality is probably as vanilla as their frozen treat. ​ ​A person who eats chocolate ice cream has an inner desire for something more. Likewise with strawberry but is aware of his own inhibitions although wary of too much change. ​ ​On the other hand, a person who likes many different flavors, he or she will have their own special characteristics and likes to experiment with life. In a dating relationship, the person could well be extremely fun and interesting and could actually lead to many new perspectives on dating and the world in general. Sexually, this person likes to try many new things, positions, variations, etc. ​ ​Rocky road represents a rift in relationships while cookies and cream or cookie dough ice cream might represent a longing to release that child inside, or is longing for a return tohis/her childhood in order to resolve some pent-up issues from life. Chocolate and vanilla swirl is probably representative of a desire to explore other dimensions in a relationship, while neopolitan represents an impending sexual metamorphosis. Other flavors such as chocolate mint depicts a person who is wanting to break through inhibitions and try something extreme. A mixture of any of these flavors represents someone who is daring, while a mixture of ALL of them together probably represents multiple personalities or a schizophrenic reaching out for help! ​ ​The actual eating behaviors are representative as well of a person’s nature. ​ ​Eating from a cup might depict someone who is organized and careful, and if it’s just vanilla they’re eating from the cup, it’s probably either an inner child trying to acknowledge the danger in the world, or is probably an elderly Sunday school teacher or librarian. This person may be a bit obsessive about cleanliness and orderliness over many facets of life. ​ ​Eating from a cone represents someone who is a bit more daring and prone to risks, unless they’re covered with napkins in the process. However, throwing the cone away after it’s empty instead of eating it with the ice cream denotes a generally wasteful personality type, and could possibly be a user of other people and then tosses them out once they’re finished with them. ​ ​Eating from a saucer implies that the person is somewhat strange and completely has no regard for routine or generally accepted actions or behavior. Licking the saucer afterwards either shows a blatant disregard for manners, or the ice cream was just amazingly tasty and they don’t want to buy more. ​ ​If a person prefers to eat from the bare stomach of a partner with a lot of condiments, I want their phone number! Especially if they use a lot of whipped cream, syrups, strawberries, etc. ​ ​Condiments are also a giveaway of a person’s behavior type. ​ ​Nuts: this person usually has their own, sometimes twisted, view of life and reality. He or she probably has an equally twisted if not dray and sarcastic sense of humor. ​ ​Cherries or strawberries: the person is likely seeking a sweeter or more fulfilling relationship.Peaches: This person may be old fashioned, perhaps a bit eccentric at times, but generally has a warm heart.​Chocolate syrup: a desire for decadence and a trip to the dark side ESPECIALLY if it’s being eaten on chocolate ice cream with little chocolate sprinkly thingies. ​ ​Other syrups: a yearning for sweetness or to try something different in their life. ​ ​Banana splits with all the toppings, syrups and whipped cream: this person is undoubtedly well rounded and knows what life is about! If such is placed on bare skin by a partner and it looks so good they try to eat it themselves, the person is definitely narcissistic and generally strange. ​ ​Eating with a spoon denotes yet another person who is careful and plays by the rules. Generally this person is a follower and possibly on the bland side. Another person who is probably a follower rather than a leader, or a corporate “yes” person. ​ ​Eating with a fork: a person who has inner rebellion conflicts. This person has attitude and sass, doesn’t play by the rules, and is generally a really cool person. ​ ​If you’re sitting in an ice cream shop and you see a person who’s eating a variety of flavors and condiments on the ice cream, whipped cream etc, using a fork and knife, and eating while carefully guarding  his dish while furtively  glancing about the room, carefully back out of the place and be very, very afraid!So the next time you have a hankering for ice cream you will have a better understanding of those around you. Enjoy!​​​

[jleonjackson]

Remember: outside of a dog, a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read.