jlhatesdrawing

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Incarceration ::

its constant in my mind the words seem to continue, your going to prison or were going to prison or a variation of that statement. It's starting to bug me a lot as I don't get much time in a day any longer where I don't hear something. I wish I had some drive back, get a job or something but this liquors killing me

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Spendature::

Having Spent over Once Again, I'm getting sick of being paid. Almost £200 spent in a day and nothing to show for it. I'm not even buying drugs, but clearly the alcohols costing me a fortune. Either way, mentally I'm getting better with these vocal remisions reducing by the day I've got a better thought system. Hopefully it goes but by recent reccuring events I could be in trouble

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Debt and Health ::

After Picking Up A Debt of £2800 from being overcharged an unpaid bill I managed to get it reduced to £1300. Still £500 over the costs of what I actually owe but unfortunately I'd be evicted. Meanwhile my health concerns have shortened with chest pains only shocking on a monthly basis and my psychosis reducing it's symptoms. Things are looking slightly up, now to move out of this house and get somewhere better to live

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Talking ::

Two Visits This I'm Presuming, After I Woke Up and Though of the Interview With the Police that I Believed was Supposed to Happen Today, I Got Side Tracked By Sort of Force. I mean The Lady May Have Come Along Way, But this was for a Meeting Regarding a New Type of Psychology, Either way After a Brief Explanation of What it is That the Study has to Offer I Went to Boredom Mode. I Think now, I was probably More Tired. Either way Seems That There Assessing the Idea of Continuing to Start With this Study and Start the Appointments, Who Knows. Not Like I Might Not Even Need It

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: And Other Things to Do ::

Seriously though, it's 8pm I'm sat here browsing Amazon for my own activities and I've come across two things, Totalling a whopping £50 I've got on the list some knitting stuff to make some cactuses after misplacing the first find of a Mario box, and a wooden Ferris wheel. Basically I need more for my room and more play in my life, I figured this is a good start. But seriously don't make everything yourself. Hope for friends.

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Fortunate ::

As Far As Many Publisice and I've felt like it before, the medication offers a break, mentally winding down seems to be achievable Aswell as a relaxed feeling that provides more than narcotics would offer, not having to go out my way to buy some form of relaxant is key self involvement. The unfortunate side is, say my symptoms reside and this being the future of most intermediate moments, if these tablets aren't available is there a chance that buying something illicit would happen.

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Keeping up With Things ::

As much as getting active one thing, I'm sure people have different ideas about getting active; here on site they keep pushing activities my way like they'd be good for me. it's nothing special but it's also nothing I've haven't heard before. art class, gym, I mean the gym they offered was like a outdoor gym, you know one of those things that has no weights or proper running floor the sort you see in parks. either way it just feels filled with disappointment when starting through proceeding with a healthcare routine, everything's council based and it's intrusion in me is that I'm better than that average level. i can't help it, but there skills I've got and skills i haven't, and i don't think it matters as the skills I've got are more lucrative or rich that anything else. being once and for a short time on unground scenes, seems like i wouldn't of even placed art in that direction. i saw graffiti and presumed that's all it was, there was no difference in seeing street art as street art or some intuitive text. but i didn't even have the flow to make a tag, it's not like me but I've got a girl mode about somethings it seems that if used for a purpose it's got to eclipse the whole point of the theory and everything around it. it's got to be proper. just as i posted on the other main blog, it seems that I can progress with things, but what 33 years old Gunna graffiti at home by himself, I don't know what to do. but everything bar art and music seems to come with employment. I don't even mind getting a job I'm just not well enough at the minute, and with my condition a lot of manual work is out the question (diggers and such). i think priority is working out how much time I've got left of psychosis and where i need to be by 40, the plan was 30.

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Medication ::

Relieving to Know I've got it, Even More Relieving To Not Know It's Boring

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Creative Diversion ::

With being unsectioned, I seem to have developed a new condition. Somewhat of a teary eye, with my eyes like this I can guarantee getting hit by a car. It only seems to effect me going to the store though. A little diversion, now this blog could be empty

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: More News ::

Taking Chance To Say There's Been More Conversation Around Discharge, Summers Coming. And Supposedly Around 2 or 3 Weeks I Should be Able For Discharge. Keeping That, Seeing Life in Normal Eyes Should be Good. I Hope I'm Physically Healthy Aswell.

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Ward Round ::

Taking Break In Hospital, By Means of Leave. I was Once Again Informed Discharge is. Being Discussed. Hopefully it's sometime Soon. I'm Not Particularly Bothered at the Minute, I need time in Here to Weight things Up. There's certainly no rush to get back to Poverty. Saying that what's more on my mind is Getting Past these Chest Pains they Seems to Get on Me Alot.

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Online Sense ::

Trying to Make Sense of Anything Can be Difficult But Posting Thoughts And Ideas is Something I Need to Rework. I think Even Logging of the Internet Whilst Typing would be better but I Wouldn't Want to go on Forever About. Either Way I Don't Really Know Emoji Code (Abbreviation) but I guess it's a thing. I'm going to need Either a Referance or some Intelligence at this Point.

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Split Personality::

Speaking of Split Personality it Seems Every time I'm in Section there seems to be long drawn out game having of being played. I can't wonder more sometimes if I'm actually under a manhunt, even in my hometown people seem to congregate around the places I visit, it's a small place but for 20,000 people I only see a few characters. How I see it as I type that I'm supposed loser, but there no bitching. And I wasn't joking either the amount new models cars after a weekend out was embarrassing for them, speak more of split personality I seem to jump into what I'm typing before I realise what's next to think about. But this is in action. My condition doesn't feel like an illness but getting more clean, less anxiety, more topics more attitude in life but of my own. I don't see looking back on the message as if there scary or horrifying I'm not sure if I actually got more care for health or not. But like I said I knew weeding out would of been better than sticking with normal life as it was going. I guess you can only sell drugs once, it's seems impossible to remise that opinion when the depiction keeps changing, I'll try post a screenshot of today's paper but it seems that the obvious opinion still lingers seeing that a person in this ward. Completely and positivity with the acceptance brought up in my mind, is being treated with denial. Still though trust no one, all points back to raves though. Why bring up caring about raves. There two images one of today's paper, and one of today's thoughts.

Edit: Reading the Paper After was looking back into the late 90's, was a Nigel farage a politician then, I think he was. The paper to be completely normal but compared I read before almost every other day it didn't feel like it was targeting me.

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Morning ::

No followers on tumblr so far but Im going to leave a message

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Lucky ::

until birds are watching

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Morning on Ward ::

I feel I've got a huge amount of compression in my head, like it's filled with wax, entirely though my hangovers gone nowhere in 6 months. Have a feeling of leather under the skins like having a body ache drenched in fine grapes. Interesting enough, I know. But there's Alot more of an aneurysm in my head at the minute, it's been constant everywhere I go. It's difficult some times to project back a meaningful arguement or conversation. I mean on another note walking people hearing that they'll suck your dick, and not here on ward. Seems that in eyesight these people have got a hard shoulder. Either that or Im mad. It's such a bad example but I think it makes it all the more purvursing

[jlhatesdrawing]

:: Rush ::

Bar taking some unknown medication yesterday, a funny looking pill i guess getting my headphones back on was a elevation and stimulant in another way, no using for many years has been great and having a new objective in life or at least a new way of living and different prospers around it toady using some tools on my laptop i had a session sat on my bed, here on ward. with a lot of electronic music in the background or around my head as said I feel extreme elevation in what's over calmed anger and excitement. there's days like this that usually as someone who partook in drug culture i can say I'm getting a lot out of it, it seems to be a elevation without consumption. having a experience of feeling high instead of being on drugs feels like catching a new wave of lonely energy, still stimulated by dance music more than a aggression in listening to punk. a supposed theory of dance in music practice, i feel like getting energy from a sat session in its own environment has a slight edge when your older, and definitely holds fear.