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[jm-carson]

"How do I get back into my faith stronger than ever?"

J. M. Carson, called from my slumber of hedonism and disgrace to be a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ through the guidance and mentorship of the Holy Spirit which The Almighty bestowed upon us men for the sake of our salvation, who has been called to pull others from their slumber via my testimony of the works of Christ; to (girlfriend name), daughter of (Father). Grace to you and Peace from god our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

First, I give thanks to the Lord of Heaven and Earth for you and all your lineage preceding you, for it was through these ancestors and their works that your being was brought to fruition in accordance with the Father's will. You remain ever-present in my thoughts, prayers, and dreams and it was with great displeasure and remorse that I heard of your troubles. I have seen your faith at some of its strongest, as you have seen mine. In fact, it was you who served as a catalyst for my growth in faith. Without your love, support, and teaching I would not be at the place I am today. That is, the place to teach and assist you with these matters. Let me now extend the favor to you, as you did to me, and help rid you of these trials and doubts that the evil one has thrust upon you.

Let it not be lost upon you, nor anyone else, the awe-inspiring reality of the God that brought your existence forth. A being so infinite that He has no concern for the finite matters of us men. To Him, time is of no constraint, but His creation. His being ever-present, as much to you in this day as it is to those in the Far East and those of the islands. He hears you as He hears them and provides for you as he provides for them also. It was this God that created the heavens and the Earth and all in between. He willed it and it was. If He did not will it, it was not. This God begot a Son before time began. The first creation, the Word of God. For us men and our salvation, he came down from heaven and by the Spirit of God was born of a sinless virgin, chosen also before time began to bring to fruition the Father's will in the fullness of time. This Son, Jesus Christ, was willingly crucified, died, and rose again from the dead on the third day. All this was accomplished so that you, my love, might come into being. For it is true what they say, "If you were the only person that ever lived, all these things would have been set forth for your salvation alone." It is this God, this holy and infinite being, that loves you more than is possible to ever know. As he chose His Son and the sinless virgin, He has also chosen you to be by His side until even after time is no more.

In your time of distress, you must look to Him as He calls out for you. He pursues you relentlessly and yearns to envelop you in His mercy, but you must answer the call. In these times of desolation, which is what you are now experiencing, the answer is not to abandon what you have practiced for so many years so faithfully. These are the things that evil desires of you. Vigilance is of the utmost priority, for the devil lurks constantly in the shadows eager to draw you into the depths of despair. Like a predator, Satan attacks when he knows you are weakest. Hopelessness is his game as he and his servants deal only with lies. There is no hope in his ways, only death awaits those who fall into his trap. Be that as it may, but do not be fooled by his tricks; the devil's power was stripped from him long ago and his present aim is to ruin as much of the Lord's creation as possible until the appointed time. What could fight these forces of evil? Be your strategy to run in fear? abandonment of your principles? hopeless waiting for the Lord to come save you? All lead to defeat. It is you who must rebuke Satan as the Lord Jesus Christ did in the desert. It is you who must say, "Get back, Satan!", "Leave me now, evil one!", "There be no harm which you can inflict upon me!". Say these things - not just with your mouth, but also with your works and deeds - and the evil will have no choice but to flee from you with great haste. Amen, thus says the Lord, "I have observed Satan fall like lightning from the sky. Behold, I have given you the power to tread upon serpents and scorpions and upon the full force of the enemy and nothing will harm you." With the Lord at your side, what harm can come to you?

So it is with this message and this guidance that I implore you to run from the evil that has afflicted you. Rebuke it for its works against you and your God. Once you have done this, come also to understand that the God who created all things did just so that you might come into being. It is this God that we serve. It is this God that calls us to love one another as we love ourselves and as we love Him. It is this God who has shown me and all others the path to peace and has tasked me with revealing the way to those that have been lost, as I was. Now, I tell you, He calls you back to His side; this much has been revealed to me.

Stay strong and vigilant in faith. Make sure every act you do is done with love in your heart. Above all, embrace the Lord, your God, with all your being as He embraces you with all of His.

The Grace and Peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be ever with your spirit, my love. Amen.

J. M. Carson

[jm-carson]

My Girlfriend's Questions:

"If you looked in the mirror right this minute, what do you see and what do you say about yourself?"

Much of the time, we associate the most difficult of tasks with external feats. We rightly respect and admire ultra marathoners, bodybuilders, and multimillionaires for their seemingly otherworldly accomplishments, but these things must not be the primary goals that we strive for. While I do not set out to diminish these triumphs, I must argue that the most significant achievement a person can make lies in wrestling with and transforming what is within. For I know it to be true that those who accomplish such impressive external exploits (such as winning a marathon, building a Fortune 500 company from the ground up, etc.) first testify to their mentality and personal fortitude before their gifted talents. In my belief, the fact that there be such little greatness amidst a world of comfortable mediocrity stems from the fear of getting to know one's self in the most intimate sense. For while there exists fear or discomfort for the self, there is no capacity to take on the world. So, in the hope that I can perhaps begin to overcome the conflict I have within myself, I present my attempt to dissect myself physically and mentally and lay out what I think of these things in the most coherent manner possible. This analysis will be conducted as if I were Sherlock Holmes and saw myself walking down the street and was instantly privy to all knowledge of myself.

As I observe the man before me, I see a broad-shouldered, square-chested, tall individual, a bit above 6'1". His rectangular forehead and strong neck give an air of masculinity to his appearance that is almost immediately contradicted by his soft brown eyes and dark hair that flows and curls ever so past his shoulders. His facial hair, a patchy beard that is thicker on his chin and neck than it is on the sides of his face, produces at least three distinct, randomly distributed colors. In some places, it is a deep and dark brown, nearly black. In other areas, it fades to a light mocha and even a very bright blonde. Connected to his shoulders are long arms with visible musculature and defined veins protruding from the skin of his forearms. The man's small waist and hips finish off his V-shaped upper body. Finally, his long, thin legs give his stride purpose and you might think the man was a sprinter or some other high-intensity athlete.

The man's deep, brown eyes give him a look of thoughtfulness and observance and his large pupils seem to take in more than just the physical events that grace his vision. This man is an analyzer and thinker by image alone, but what is he paying attention to? More importantly, why is he paying attention?

It is clear that some of these traits are learned, not all graced from birth. The man's efforts are not solely to observe and learn from others, but to atone for a young boy on whom impulse was the only guide. The rambunctious young boy, never enough for his primary school teachers, now, as a man, the quiet observer. But be he a man? Better the question, be the sum of his parts a man? Capable and creative, yes, yet still insecure, anxious, deeply aware of his flaws. Flaws of which, as a young boy, harsh accountability was never spared him by his superiors. A blessing to be self-aware, indeed, but protruding from the stem of that illustrious, rare rose be the knowledge that he shall never be enough. For himself, firstly, but also for all his loved ones, his mission, his God. Be that reality or not, it is his belief. His feet, wounded and bloody from the obstacles of his past, trudge on in a flee from this world while pursuing greater holiness. For now, wrestling with himself, the man attempts to make sense of these things with his words. Be thee well, my friend.

J. M. Carson