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‘ i don’t appreciate your lack of sarcasm. ’ (rizzo)

“I don’t have time for mockery and tomfoolery. What makes sarcasm so alluring?”

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‘that’s a long time to bleed’

“Depends how you look at it. Some menstrual cycles last over four-hundred days.” Jemma murmured nonchalantly. Before she cast a worried gaze, “Erm, is something else bleeding?”

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[ text; ] ‘i don’t drink coffee,’ i say, before chugging an entire pot of it (Jaina)

[text] Please don’t.

[text]  Did you know coffee was first discovered in Ethiopia circa 800 A.D.?

[text] Did you consume the Arabica or the Robusta coffee bean?

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‘did you not realize that til now, though?’

“Hm? Beg your pardon? I don’t normally pay attention to much outside algorithms and local medicine. Look how cute the minuscule letter is on this tablet.” 

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✰  BOB’S BURGERS SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  only strippers shave above the knee.  ’ ‘  your ass is grass and i’m gonna mow it.  ’ ‘  i’m a smart, strong, sensual woman.  ’ ‘  time for the charm bomb to explode.  ’ ‘  i’m no hero. i put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else.  ’ ‘  i’ve logged over 3,000 fantasy hours on my relationship.  ’ ‘  just when i think i’m out, those cheeks pull me right back in.  ’ ‘  that’s lipgloss? i thought you’d always just finished eating rotisserie chicken.   ’ ‘  is it possible to be in love with 25 people at once?  ’ ‘  oh, it’s okay. i guess i wasn’t meant to have a good life.  ’ ‘  if boys had uteruses, they’d be called duderuses.  ’ ‘  if you need me i’ll be down here on the floor dying.  ’ ‘  here’s a bunch of numbers. they may look random, but they’re my phone number.  ’ ‘  if he has a butt for touching and lips for kissing, i’m going for that.  ’ ‘  if we see any mermaids, i’m gonna ask them where their merginas are.  ’ ‘  hey, jennifer slowpez! get out of the way!  ’ ‘  do you think horses get songs stuck in their heads?  ’ ‘  i’m just a little tired. also, i might be a pimp.  ’ ‘  i think i have the best legs in the family, and the smoothest bottom.  ’ ‘  our gang is called the broken glass kids. we’ll cut you.  ’ ‘  i want that on my tombstone. seriously. i do.  ’ ‘  i’ve eaten nine birthday cakes and i still feel empty.  ’ ‘  camera, take the day off. i added ten pounds to myself!  ’ ‘  i don’t get drunk. i just have fun.  ’ ‘  mommy doesn’t get drunk. she just has fun.  ’ ‘  i don’t appreciate your lack of sarcasm.  ’ ‘  you’re my family and i love you, but you’re terrible.  ’ ‘  uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  ’ ‘  i am not drunk! i’ve only had half of four bottles of wine!  ’ ‘  sorry, i’m saving my spit and blood for my honeymoon.  ’ ‘  i just want to slap his hideous, beautiful face.  ’ ‘  yeah, she’s pubing out real bad.  ’ ‘  quiet dignity? have you met us?!  ’ ‘  why don’t you try speaking in words instead of your damn dirty lies.  ’ ‘  i hope they’re using protection because i am not taking care of that baby.  ’ ‘  clean up, aisle ‘my panties’.  ’ ‘  i didn’t know our country was bi. good for us.  ’ ‘  i’ve seen your life and i’m not impressed.  ’ ‘  let’s see your ‘everything is okay’ face.  ’ ‘  it sure is cold in here. i wish some strong, chivalrous man would lend me his jacket… or pants.  ’ ‘  when i shut my eyes and cover my ears, i feel like i could maybe spend the rest of my life with her.  ’ ‘  it smells… exotic, like ranch dressing.  ’ ‘  it’s rated ‘r’ for ‘really boozy’, starring me.  ’ ‘  gee, even your testicles are failures.  ’ ‘  aw, i gave it a shot. time to give up.  ’ ‘  well, i’m glad you’re excited, because i am going to kill myself.  ’ ‘  kids are horrible. why do we keep making them?  ’ ‘  oh my god, i don’t know. go to sleep.  ’ ‘  admit it, you look up to me!  ’ ‘  i’m the alpha turkey.  ’ ‘  i deserve this. i’ve been coasting.  ’ ‘  i changed my mind about having kids. i’m gonna have one and feed it to that bear ‘cause i love him so much.  ’ ‘  love you, cutie pie. sorry. i’ll think of a better one than ‘cutie pie’.  ’ ‘  you’re my angel… dust. sorry. that’s a drug.  ’ ‘  uh, you’re kind of exaggerating.  ’ ‘  i’m exaggerating?! that is literally the stupidest thing that anyone has ever said in the history of mankind ever.  ’ ‘  is that a euphemism for his ding dong?  ’ ‘  you’re a couple of sluts!  ’ ‘  what is this feeling i’m feeling right now? it’s like i’m sad for another person? is that a thing!? am i going crazy?!  ’ ‘  i made this friendship bracelet for you.  ’ ‘  why would you head-butt me?!  ’ ‘  i was gonna punch you, but i’m holding wine.  ’ ‘  the sign says ‘no running’ and you’re running your mouth.  ’ ‘  my cat was right about you!  ’ ‘  why do men have to ruin everything?  ’ ‘  gotta keep the players happy. flirt a little, wink a little.  ’ ‘  last year for halloween, i was a mummy. this year, i’m a mommy mummy. i’m single, i’m working two jobs, and i’m just trying to get back out there.  ’ ‘  are you drunk enough to be any fun yet?  ’ ‘  put some mistletoe on my butt and kiss it.  ’ ‘  a world without me is not a world i want to live in.  ’ ‘  oh my god. i never noticed how annoying you are.  ’ ‘  you’re the baddest girl in detention.  ’ ‘  summer is awful. there’s too much pressure to enjoy yourself.  ’ ‘  i don’t need a boy to pay attention to me. i’ll pay attention to myself.  ’ ‘  hey, you don’t wanna mess with her. she’ll wear down your self esteem over a period of years.  ’ ‘  i’ll probably be sad for the rest of my life. but besides that, i’m good.  ’ ‘  i’ll stay here cause it sounds like where you’re going is outside.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna drink. a lot.  ’ ‘  you can’t hurt me. i’m already dead.  ’

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text message starters pt. 1

[ text; ] this is a terrible idea

[ text; ] fuCK you f*ck your cartoon hotdog husband fuck his stupid sunglasses and FUCK the ketchup kids (and fuck THEIR sunglasses)

[ text; ] i need help.

[ text; ] i don’ t know wh a t to fuckign do w i th myself a nymo re

[ text; ] i got a dog!!!!! I GOT A DOG!!!!

[ text; ] please let me come over and pet your dog?

[ text; ] anyway i’m bleeding, like, really badly. no worries though i’m good

[ text; ] i love death and dying

[ text; ] i fucked up. i fucked up really badly.

[ text; ] I BROKE EVERYTHING

[ text; ] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[ text; ] don’t freak out but i’m in the hospital.

[ text; ] leave me alone.

[ text; ] i said not to talk to me.

[ text; ] QUICK WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL SONG

[ text; ] some-

[ text; ] this might be the last text i ever send you.

[ text; ] i’m going to do it.

[ text; ] i’m sorry.

[ text; ] fCUK I PUNCHED MYSELF I NTHE FACE

[ text; ] i’m playing club penguin and you wouldn’t believe the shit these 9 year olds are saying to me

[ text; ] you okay?

[ text; ] i’m so worried please text back please please please

[ text; ] ‘i don’t drink coffee,’ i say, before chugging an entire pot of it

[ text; ] what would happen if i just, like, downed seven five-hour energies. does that equal 35 hours of energy

[ text; ] brb, descending into hell.

[ text; ] it’s 3 am and i can’t sleep

[ text; ] GO TO BED!!!!!!!!

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      →  ANOTHER BUZZFEED UNSOLVED MEME.

‘ignore my tall, idiotic counterpart’ ‘is there anyone in here with me?’ ‘examine the hole’ ‘oh, there’s a ceiling hole up here’ ‘you almost startled me with your realistic gunfire noises’ ‘do you realise that was extremely dangerous and you could’ve probably killed someone inside this bar?’ ‘he didn’t care, he was full of gin’ ‘you didn’t care, you were full of gin, right?’ ‘well see here’s the thing’ ‘hey! speak up! do ghost stuff!!’ ‘oh, wow, our backs are certainly turned!’ ‘this is like that but you watch a man’s neck break.’ ‘it would have a great view of all the people dying’ ‘that’s a sparkly fuckin’ thing.’ ‘why don’t you join in on the fun?’ ‘there’s just us two down here now’ ‘i feel like my bravery is gonna stop at this point’ ‘you get mad vibes in here?’ ‘this is fucking stupid.’ ‘get your big-ass legs in there.’ ‘sure is dark in here!’ ‘i’ll give you three minutes, and you can chat me up.’ ‘maybe you should shut your fat mouth’ ‘alright ghoul-y ghouls! let’s have some fun’ ‘this has been a huge waste of time’ ‘i believe it’s your moral responsibility to be an evil person’ ‘this guy sounds like a real piece of shit’ ‘i’m going to disrespect your favourite toy’ ‘you have a very sly, evil smile on right now. i don’t like it’ ‘this is fucking horrifying’ ‘what the fuck is wrong with this man?’ ‘i’m way more scared of you than you are of me’ ‘we’re all assholes here’ ‘you’ve just gotta decide which side you’re on.’ ‘do you think he ever watches and is disappointed in you?’ ‘you can be as big a prick as you like’ ‘you’ll have to throw me off this bridge yourself!’ ‘alright idiot, it’s your turn.’ ‘it’s not an effective technique, it’s a way to get killed’ ‘i got a lot of limbs that are, uh…’ ‘i’m a little disappointed that he was, uh, haunted by things.’ ‘to be fair… you did murder me.’ ‘i just thought you were raising your standards’ ‘maybe you’ll get lucky tonight.’ ‘i can’t believe i’m provoking these people’ ‘nothing to see here.’ ‘let’s make sure there’s nothing horrible going on here’ ‘this murder’s not ripe yet.’ ‘that’s a long time to bleed’ ‘____ is a very tough love kind of guy.’ ‘you think this is a lovers quarrel?’ ‘why would he pay for his funeral if he killed him?’ ‘yeah, he wasn’t brutally murdered in a hotel room.’ ‘that would be a rough end to that tale’ ‘that’s not gonna fly. they’re gonna put handcuffs on you right away’ ‘people have too much free time… you know what happens next.’ ‘this is just a man with a passion. a passion for justice.’ ‘did you not realise that til now, though?’

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The clinic was the closest thing she had to home. After occupying herself pouring multiple liquids into a beaker, she sat back against her desk mesmerized by the concoction.  “Interesting. The texture is..” Her voice is cut off when her alarm goes off in the office. Time to start the work shift. Jemma refrigerated the sample carefully in the mini fridge by her legs. She went sailing until a room was spotted, grabbing the clipboard she rasped her knuckles against the door. Clearing her throat, and smoothing the flyaway hairs before she entered. “Salutations, I’m Doctor Simmons. What brings you in today?” It was always refreshing to hear it in the patient’s own words.

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 Jemma’s brain was elsewhere, which was normal when she wasn’t focused on her work. There were so many unanswered questions, and slowly it was driving her insane. Sam wasn’t the only one not paying attention, when she felt the force bump against her. The girl blinks as the hot tea beverage in her hand splashes over the scribbled notes in her hands. A rather soft expression of, “Bloody hell!” emits from her lips as she shakes the hand a minute. Dark hues move to look up to Sam’s face as she offers him a kind smile. “I get lost in my thoughts too. You’re a rather tall one.” She squints her eyes up to him and then down to the ground as if silently measuring him. “You could easily pass as a Sequoiadendron giganteum seedling.” Jemma’s way of a subtle joke, she slowly shakes her head blinking. “Are you injured? I have a first aid kit! Let me...just...Oh dear.” She rambles on and groans once she realizes she put the tea notes into her purse. Now it’s going to smell like Earl Grey.

sam had just finished fixing up a busted air conditioning unit in one of the towns coffee shop, and as well as getting paid for his work, he’d been force fed free coffee and cakes by the shops owner, which he wasn’t exactly complaining about. a tool bag hung off his shoulder as he wandered out of the shop, another takeaway cup of coffee in his hand as he looked up and down the street. odd jobs weren’t the steadiest of jobs, but they were enough to keep him living comfortably. he moved to turn around the corner, and immediately bumped into someone, narrowly avoiding spilling hot coffee on them. “crap, sorry. not watching where i’m going.”

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“Guilty Pleasures?” Jemma sighs and tries to dig past her logic for such a thing. “I would enjoy owning a  Vombatidae.” She pursed her lips as her mind switched gears. “It would have been fascinating to encounter a Diprotodon. Did you know the largest specimen believed to have weighed in at  2790 kilograms?” Jemma blinks slowly starting at the other. Was that the answer he were looking for?

“LOOK, you can’t tell me that you don’t have any guilty pleasures. Everyone does, I have at least one that I can think of off the top of my head. C’mon, secret for a secret ?”

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[ ELIZABETH HENSTRIDGE, CISFEMALE , MARVEL ‘AOS' ] looks like we have a new THIRTY year old in town. the only thing they remember is that they’re called JEMMA ANNE SIMMONS. I’ve been observing them, they seem pretty INCISIVE & ALOOF. recently, NONE of their memories have been returning. they’re bound to cause some trouble.

OG Background:

Jemma’s early childhood was spent mainly bedridden with Scoliosis, but that didn’t stop her from receiving multiple PHD’s before she turned 17 paving the way for her career as a Biochemist. She was one of the youngest pupils at S.H.I.E.L.D Academy of Science and Technology, and that’s where she would meet her best friend Leopold Fitz. They both graduated three years early from the program and were placed on a team with Phil Coulson.

Jemma and Fitz would end up becoming married after many times the cosmos tried to keep them apart. From Fitz suffering brain damage to Fitz trying to kill her in an alternate universe. To the death of Fitz himself, at least... that’s what she thought. 

Anville Memories:

Jemma remembers her practical and logical side. Retaining her schooling and intelligence, but lacking the memories to connect the dots. Jemma remembers Fitz when they were in school together, but past that she has no recollection. She works as a doctor at a clinic, unsure of when she chose the occupation or why. She’s been caught a few times doing experiments with chemicals, but when asked about it she usually murmurs something about the science being sound. 

The mist:

The mist will eventually murder her heart when she remembers Fitz fully. The times he saved her and she saved him. Their entire selfless love, and the way he died. It will crush her entirely. 

She will remember Daisy and the rest of her team, and that she used to be an undercover informant for HYDRA at one point in time. 

Personality:

Jemma is an optimistic and has a bright outlook on life. However, when you speak to her she often responds awkwardly or out of touch with reality. She’s the friend that knows random facts, and will text a person randomly at 2 in the morning because she can’t sleep. 

She’s somewhat of a work-a-holic always at the clinic. As long as she keeps herself busy she doesn’t have to ponder why there are large gaps in her memories. 

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