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Miss Congeniality (2000) dir. Donald Petrie

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i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake

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what do you mean i have to go to work today. when i just did it yesterday???

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don’t understand where people get the energy to be an active participant in their own lives. the days just happen to me for real

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university is like a video game. you can pick up sidequests. Youre gonna neglect the main storyline. youre gonna end up in a guild of sorts. i just looted a bush on campus and found a sticker

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you want me to come out of my cage AND be doing just fine?? in this economy???

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if you find me while we’re playing hide and seek I’ll fucking kill you

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do you ever feel like yay!!! .. and yippee!! .. yahoo!!! ..but then you feel urgh ..... urghhhjjhggh ...... uurghghjjjggkghgghhg urghhhh .....

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call him bubonic the way he plagues me

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i love the phrase "which could mean nothing" i think its my favorite thing to come out of the internet ever i love saying it. it could mean nothing but we all know better. we know the truth.

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It's so over (got stranded on Mars) we're so back (I can grow food here) it's so over (we left a guy on Mars) we're so back (we've established communication) it's so over (the airlock exploded and the crops froze) we're so back (we've cut down the launch window for a resupply) it's so over (the probe exploded) we're so back (the space program in China has been working on their own probe that can launch in the correct window to get him supplies) it's so over (we didn't tell the hermes crew about a separate possible mission) we're so back (the hermes crew committed mutiny and are now on the way to save Watney) it's so over (we have to remove the front of his spacecraft to get him into space) we're so back (we can cover the hole with a tarp) it's so over (the tarp ripped off during launch and the distance between the hermes and the mav is too wide) we're so back (we can use remaining thruster fuel to course correct) it's so over (if we do this we'll be going too fast) we're so back (we can build a bomb and blow up part of the station to slow us down) it's so over (there's still too much distance between the Hermes and Watney) we're so back (he poked a hole in his suit and flew to us like iron man)

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they should invent a grief that doesn’t define you in new and strange ways for the rest of your life

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“geliked von vladimir.burlakov” niemand will hörk canon mehr als vladi glaube ich

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Telepathic aliens enjoy that humans will "play music" for hours at a time. When it's too mentally quiet on deck, they just announce the catchiest song titles they know and the humans will start thinking about it automatically.

The humans hate this so, so much.

Zorf: Human Steve, can you please play that song I like, the one with all the females

Steve: what

Zorf: A little bit of Monica in my life

Steve:

Steve: mother fu--

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What no one warned me about when I got into Discworld is that Terry Pratchett would completely ruin all my future footnote experiences. Now, whenever I read a book (even if it is an academic text!!) and see a superscripted number, my monkey brain makes my eyes drop to the bottom of the page asap, expecting a funny, poignant, memorable, and potentially life-altering little treat, and instead I get hit every time with the soul-crushing disappointment of McFarthy, G. et al. (1997)

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My favourite harmless prank I've heard of was done by this girl whose dad was a geologist, and they'd go on day hikes with his geologist friends/co-workers and when she got bored on them she'd habitually pick up a random rock and go ask him what it is, and one of them would explain what kind of a rock that is, how it probably got here, and usually some notions of the more unusual features the rock had, if any.

And she had a friend who had once gone on a tourist trip to Iceland and brought back a volcanic rock. So she borrowed the rock and took it with her on the hike, and after two randomly picked up "hey dad what rock is this", she presented the volcanic rock, in the same fashion as all the others.

3 minutes later there are five middle-aged and older men circled around this mysterious rock, all agreeing on what it is, but not why it is. They keep asking her questions, where did she find it? Were there any other rocks around there that looked like it? Was it like this on the ground? People walking past the group try to stretch their necks to see over the geologists' shoulders to see what's the source of such amazement.

And in the end she couldn't take it anymore, burst into laughter and confessed. The geologists agree that it was pretty clever.