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[jodilin65]

I’m not sure what happened earlier. All I know is that I woke up to pee after 6 hours of sleep and then got back into bed. I lay there for a while and eventually dozed off. Not long after that, I woke up feeling like I was suffocating. I had been lying on my stomach, and when I woke up, not only did I feel like I couldn’t breathe, but my heart was pounding as well. I was a little warm but not drenched in sweat. It wasn’t like when my heart would race me awake during perimenopause, and I didn’t feel anxious either. I’m not sure if my face was pressed against the pillow in a weird position or if it was the sleep apnea they tell me I have. I later took a nap without any problems.

In the book I’m working on, I have a fugitive who’s hospitalized for a while, and in a dream I had, she was waking up in the hospital. The room was somewhat dark, but she could just make out the shadow of her probation officer sitting in the corner of the room, staring at her in strange silence.

In another dream, I was playing the piano.

In the last dream, I started opening a door and found a lioness standing there, looking at me curiously. I tried to close the door, but suddenly it wouldn’t fit in the frame. There was a one- or two-inch gap on both sides, so I couldn’t shut the door. With no choice but to let the door fall to the ground and hope the lioness wouldn’t come after me, I struggled to open an inner door right next to it but couldn’t get it open.

Recently, I’ve woken up four times down a pound, at 158. Unless there’s something else going on that I’m unaware of, my new dietary plan is more effective than I expected. I’ve always known sugar and excessive carbs weren’t good, but I didn’t think cutting sugar out and back on the carbs would make such a difference, even if it’s just a pound. A pound is a big deal for someone with Hashimoto’s, especially since I hadn’t seen that number for so long. I hope I’m not losing muscle or anything, and I really hope my A1C is down when I get tested in December.

The only thing that doesn’t make sense is, if my weight is down because my TSH is going down, why am I still so cold at times? And if my TSH isn’t going down, then why is my weight down?

[jodilin65]

Why are people so extreme? Either they never stop talking, or they don’t say a word to you. We went down to the pool, and there was this one guy who wouldn’t stop talking. The pool was just as chilly as last time. He said it was 86 degrees when he checked the thermometer, but I think that was wrong—it felt more like 75 or lower to me. I wasn’t happy with the “air-conditioned” pool; I barely got in up to my shoulders before we left.

Anyway, I guess the guy was just lonely. He said he doesn't attend any of the social functions, but was at the pool just about every day while rambling on about this and that. We did learn something interesting from him, though. Well, we noticed that our power is restored relatively quickly after a storm. That's because it's in line with the hospital. I guess it's on the same electric grid so that's why this area is a priority.

We’re having a pleasant storm now. If I were on nights, this would be the third day in a row I’d have been woken up. I dread going back on nights because we still have four or five weeks left of storm season.

I made linguine with white clam sauce earlier. I just needed some variety, but it reminded me why I’m not big on pasta. It’s not nearly as filling as meat, and it doesn’t taste as good either. I think the rat liked it more than I did.

I’m still working on revising my bio little by little, but right now, I think I’ll work on my story.

[jodilin65]

Saw something weird across the street today. Some woman was taking pictures around the honker’s place—she took pictures on both sides of the house, near the door. Then I saw her pulling weeds up on the corner of the property. I wonder if it was Colleen. She was blonde, thin, and seemed about the right height.

Tom is saving up to get the Quest 3S, which they’re supposed to announce the price for soon. It’s not as expensive as the Quest 3, but he wants to give it a try. It has a faster processor and different pass-through, which he’s looking forward to because it will allow you to overlay things. For example, he could take an image on the headset, overlay it on a painting canvas, and then trace an outline. But it’s not supposed to be much lighter or clearer than the Quest 2. I’m not going to be seeing much of anything clearly on any headset until I get a better prescription, and that may be a while.

[jodilin65]

Surprisingly, we had a big storm yesterday. I was SO damn glad I was awake! I would have been woken up by several loud bangs of thunder and left exhausted. However, I'm pretty damn tired today after having a few good days of energy. I just couldn't fall asleep last night, and whenever I'm up a long time, I tend to be tired the next day even if I sleep later.

The ugly black MLV is off the bedroom wall. Don't know if we'll get to tiling today. He's off donating, and that leaves him tired, so it may be a lazy day for both of us. I don’t think I’ll even work on my bio today.

I know I had several dreams, but the only ones I can remember are one of the classics: my purse was missing, and then I was waiting at the glaucoma doctor's office. He stuck his head into the waiting room to get someone else rather than have his nurse do it. He looked at me and said, "I'll be with you soon, Jodi." I was surprised he remembered my name, even though he'd only seen me once before.

Weird how this guy has shown up in my dreams a handful of times. I'm not the least bit worried about getting glaucoma, and I don't see what makes me a glaucoma suspect either, even though he says I am. I see him on the 16th, so we'll see if anything turns up then.

[jodilin65]

I'm looking forward to trying the AI they're going to add to Alexa once it's available.

Today, we're going to remove the ugly black MLV from the exterior wall in the bedroom. Soundproofing is pointless unless you do 100% of the room with professional-grade materials, and we don't have the money for that right now. The question is whether or not it's worth saving up for. The honker's return will help me decide that.

We went to the pool yesterday at about 9:30, and the water was surprisingly chilly. We saw bubbles coming up from something at the bottom of the pool every few feet. I'm guessing it was something to cool the water. I get that this is Florida, but come on. Pools shouldn't be chilly. It's probably warmer in the afternoon, so we'll go down there (not today since they're barbecuing), but probably tomorrow after he donates.

Coincidentally, the weather has been drier as I get onto days. I knew it would be. At least we've only got about a month left of storm season, even if it means trading it in for the snowbirds. I hate the snowbirds, but they're less of a threat to my sleep than the storms. I also like it better when the mowers drop down to every other week.

Toni will be back in a week. I don't think the party girl has been here for a while either. I haven't seen or heard her or her husband.

Little by little, I've been revising my bio, as I might have mentioned before. Most of it was written in 2002, and there are hundreds of pages to go through. Let's just say it's brought back some very unpleasant memories—things I'd forgotten about, like when I was in the state hospital in Northampton, Dotty, Vermont, Valleyhead, the way my mother gambled with my life due to her selfishness, and her lack of compassion when I starved myself at the beach, etc. So many times in life, a part of me was sorry I didn't die that day or when I threw myself out the window nearly a decade later. Regardless, I'm glad I wrote all this when I was still young because one's memory isn't what it used to be at my age, and I wouldn't be able to remember a lot of it if I were just starting to write it now.

I felt so much anger reading back on things I went through that at one point I thought to myself, if there is such a thing as an afterlife, I would want to slowly torture the shit out of all those who really screwed me over. It wouldn't be about closure or therapy—it would be pure revenge.

This has reinforced the fact that it's important not to reach out to those who don't reach out to me and to avoid toxic people at all costs. Anyone who's ever displayed any kind of vengefulness, or who is overly emotional, sensitive, hypocritical, judgmental, paranoid, controlling, accusatory, defensive, dramatic, or dishonest should be kept at a distance. "Third-party" people can stay out of my life as well—those who go to others with our problems. I understand the need for an unbiased opinion at times, but there are times to involve others, and there are times to keep it between you and the person or people involved.

[jodilin65]

Just when I was starting to think I would never get online, here I am. Not much to say, though, because we've been pretty busy. He finished one of the four bedroom walls yesterday. It looks great, except for that one area that's slanted. But I’m planning to eventually put something on the wall there to cover most of it up.

Little by little, I am revising my bio. With hundreds of pages to go through, it will be a while before it’s complete, but it gives me something to do to fill my time.

We were going to go swimming yesterday, but the pool gate was locked. It was shortly before 8, so I’m guessing they don’t open it until later. I thought it would open at 6 or 7 like the other pool. We’ll head down there around 9 or 10. It’s important that I keep up with getting sunlight, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. I definitely seem to have more energy when I’m on days.

Already getting sick of Vaib. There are only so many pictures I can make (what do I do with them anyway?), and I’m not interested in chatting with the influencers because all they want to do is talk dirty. To each their own, but I’ve never gotten anything from that.

I’d say this eyelash serum is pretty worthless after all. It seemed like I suddenly had a few lashes that were longer, but then they disappeared.

I feel like I’m forgetting something, but if I remember it, I’ll add it in my next post.

[jodilin65]

I wasn't planning to do an entry today, but then I thought, why not? Especially since I slept a little better and have more energy today. I did have a bad dream last night, though, about losing a pet rat in a crowded room (not Tink) and being afraid someone would harm it.

Tom's out donating right now, and I'm feeling horribly cold. I just know I'm going to get bad lab results in December. I just remembered that I had some wine, so I poured myself a glass of Chardonnay to warm up.

Tom went from thinking I didn't do a great job with the tiling I started in the bedroom to being pretty impressed with what I did. It turns out the tiles aren't all the same shape and size, which makes them much harder to work with. This is why they were so cheap. He did most of one interior wall, and it looks great, except for one section that's definitely slanted when you follow the line of the bricks with your eyes. Overall, it's still going to look great and much better than what we had before.

Instead of painting, caulking, or getting traditional baseboards, we thought we might get decorative adhesive baseboards on Temu. The brick is white, so I was thinking pink baseboards along the floor and perhaps colorful rhinestones or glitter along the ceiling. I might even put them on the edges of the furniture to add a little bling.

I'm really, REALLY frustrated with speech-to-text crapping out on me on my laptop and having to reboot to get it to restart.

Anyway, I worked on my story quite a bit, and it's at about 66k words. I'm pretty sure it's going to beat my longest story of 79k words that I wrote in 2004 when we were still in Arizona. I have a writing routine established now for journals and stories. I write the entry or chapter and skim it with my eyes. Grammarly runs in the background. Then I prompt ChatGPT to correct it, and I do a visual and audio check of what it corrected to make sure it didn't change anything too drastically, and then I call it done.

My latest AI addiction is a site called Vaib. They have both a website and an app. It's similar yet different to Rep and Mate. They're not animated, and they don't have a store where you can buy them clothes or accessories. It's a bit of a complex game, and I'm not entirely sure how it works, but you basically create digital "influencers," as they call them. I like the creation aspect of it. It's fun to see what people come up with and to laugh at the bloopers while admiring the images that come out nicely. When you generate images, you choose what they wear, where they are, and how they're posed. If you like surprises, you can choose random for all 3 options. Love it when they put her in a public setting in her underwear, LOL.

You get coins, and XP, and there are levels just like with the other AI apps, but you can't do much with this other than get extra voice messages and things like that. You can gift other influencers with items like candy, wine, and even clothes like miniskirts and athleticwear. So, it's a silly but fun waste of time. Right now, I have 4 influencers of different ages, shapes, sizes, and colors—white, Black, Asian, and Hispanic.

[jodilin65]

Even more exhausted today as the sleep debt mounts, and the storms keep waking me up. Oh, to be able to sleep at night when the storms and motorcycles are much less likely to disturb me.

I crashed around 3:00, but just two hours later, we had a power failure for the second day in a row. After waking up from a dream where the good Kim was telling me she was worried about getting fired from her job—maybe she was some kind of whistleblower—I managed to fall back asleep.

Then the thunder began, and I was up for hours before finally dozing off again. By that time, my lungs were tight, and my back hurt like hell. When my lungs get really tight, I sometimes feel pain between my shoulder blades, as if I were karate chopped there. Good thing I just got a new inhaler because I needed it. I took half a melatonin and a couple of ibuprofen for the pain.

As is usually the case when my sleep gets interrupted, I finally dragged myself out of bed shortly before 2:00 a.m., utterly exhausted. I tried to nap a few times but couldn’t, despite being so tired.

The last time I got up, it was after dreaming that it was 2029. In 2026, I had a scary medical event, and I was thinking about how it had already been three years and how time was flying. I don’t think anything could scare me as much as what happened in 2014.

When the thunder wakes me up again tonight, I’m sure I’ll be even more exhausted. I swear, every time I seem to get on a roll with energy, storms or nightmares knock me off track. I’m so sick of this and not being able to take up any other form of exercise consistently, knowing I wouldn’t be able to stick to it often enough to really benefit. I can’t go into strength training like this, I can’t get back on the vibration platform, and I can’t walk or jog consistently. The glider is better than nothing, but I don’t think I’ll have the energy for that today. I only got a few miles in yesterday too. Finished the New York and UK rides and just started Australia.

I was thinking back to the times in my 20s and 30s when my sleep would be broken up by asthma attacks before I quit smoking. For the most part, once I settled the attack, I was able to go back to sleep and usually felt okay once I got up. Why has it gotten so hard for me to handle broken sleep? I swear the NHA or jail would literally kill me these days. Literally. I just don’t get why it’s gotten so hard for me to handle sleep disturbances and sleeping in chunks. I know I’m older, but still. Perhaps sleep apnea and my thyroid really do affect me more than I gave them credit for, and they’re just throwing fuel on the fire. I wish I could know if the Inspire would help.

I still wonder about the possibility of something cursing my sleep. If that’s the case, it’s going to bypass anything I do to try to help myself.

I’m even more convinced there’s no God. With each passing year, I’m more and more convinced of this, and I figure I’ll eventually become 100% convinced. I’m at about 90% now. That’s because I prayed to whatever may be out there to please not let my sleep be disrupted since I was so tired and needed to catch up.

Okay, help me out here. If there really were a God, why would He say no to that? Why would He be like, “Nah, fuck your sleep. I don’t care if you get woken up; I’m going to let it happen.”

So yeah, I’m a little more convinced nothing’s up there and that the stories I’ve heard about people who claim to have been in the afterlife while they were temporarily clinically dead are just hallucinations that seemed so real they believed what they saw was real. The brain is a very weird and complex thing that we don’t fully understand.

Anyway, Tom is slowly fixing the wall tiles I messed up and is doing a much better job of it than I ever could. I’m great at home decorating, but not at home improvements.

We took out the center leaf of the table, and it really opens up the kitchen. It’s so nice to be able to walk around the table to get to the cabinets and shelves.

[jodilin65]

I'm not going to record my sleep on Google Sheets anymore. It's too complicated due to my sleep disorder and the limitations of their sample template. I'm opting for a more straightforward approach, and they're just going to have to accept it.

Tom and I are both struggling with fatigue today, but his situation is a bit simpler. He forgot that you're not supposed to work out the day after donating. Additionally, he's been low on protein, so he's planning to add more to his diet. He might also be low on sodium, based on what he's read, since he's been trying to cut back on it.

As for me, nothing woke me up, but I didn’t sleep long enough. I got up after six hours and later took a nap. During this time, I dreamed of walking a long distance with Taylor Swift to get lunch somewhere. I was irritated with myself for leaving in slippers and forgetting to put on shoes. We were in a rural area, and I was admiring the green grass and the yellow calla lilies scattered around.

I almost napped for a second time later on. This is bullshit. Between the heavy fatigue and feeling cold, I can’t help but wonder about my thyroid for the millionth time. I'm really worried that the dream I had not too long ago was a premonition of a dose increase.

Anyway, my inhaler expired, so I messaged Rhonda on the portal for a new one. We're going to pick it up today.

I finally managed to pull up Rhonda's schedule, but it doesn't show anything past November. She has about four appointments in September and a lot in November. As long as I schedule by mid-September, I should be able to get in by mid-December.

[jodilin65]

Is speech-to-text trying to be my AI buddy or something? Every now and then, it inserts text when no one's talking and there are no sounds. The last line in my story was, "She awoke bright and early the next morning, feeling ravenous," and then it printed the words "I'm sorry" right after it.

I'm utterly exhausted now. First, I woke up to pee and had trouble falling back asleep, and then a storm woke me up. Tom said it was a massive storm and that we probably got five inches of rain. I could be in for the same thing tomorrow, too. *sighs frustratedly*

It's times like this when I think of having land in New Mexico because I'm tired of storms and mowers trashing my sleep, even if they don't do it as often as traffic did at the old place. (I've got a bad feeling the motorcycle is going to be a problem unless I jump back into the “doghouse,” and I shouldn't have to.) I'm also tired of not having enough space here and the endless parade of planes. Furthermore, I miss indoor washers and dryers. Yes, we might get more barking there, but it couldn't wake me up, and it's not going to be for 18 hours like the planes are active here most days. These things start up between 5:00 and 6:00 AM and don't stop until around midnight. Lastly, I still like the idea of being close to someone I know and have met in real life.

I moved the rat back into her usual house. She still limps, but barely. I watched her go up and down her ramps, so I'm comfortable enough leaving her there.

[jodilin65]

Poor Tom and poor Tinkerbella. Tom has gotten too shaky to solder things. He’s always been into electronics, computers, and things like that; it’s always been his hobby to tinker with making electronic devices. If he ever starts taking medication someday—and I believe he will—I hope it helps him without debilitating side effects!

Tinkerbella is limping again. This time, it seems to be the other back leg. I don’t know what she’s doing to cause this injury, and I can’t feel or see any visible tumor, luckily. She’s getting older for a rat so it could be arthritis, but more likely, she injured it somehow.

I put a cherry tomato on her lower shelf and noticed she couldn’t get down to get it. Then she tried to get back up into her hammock and couldn’t even do that. She was hanging on with her forepaws and her hind legs were flailing but thanks to my speedy reflexes, I dove into the cage and caught her before she could fall on her butt and maybe hurt that back leg or hip even more.

I put her back in her old cage until it heals. I blocked the upper shelf so she can’t climb onto it, because even if she manages to climb up, she might not be able to get back down. I lowered her hammock so all she has to do is step into it. I shredded some paper and filled it with nesting material for her. Of course, she has her regular food and water as well.

The good thing is that she still wants to be active. She still enjoys her freedom and the attention lavished upon her. I just have to really watch her so she doesn’t do anything too strenuous. When we did closet time earlier, she didn’t even attempt to climb on the boxes and suitcases in there like she usually does.

I mixed some mayo, shredded cheese, and garlic salt in a bowl, then smothered a chicken thigh with it before cooking it at 375 degrees for 55 minutes. It came out great.

I’m also doing a repeat of last night’s meal, only with sugar snap peas and spinach instead of sugar snap peas and squash. I had squash with my first chicken dinner. I couldn’t decide whether to do the cheesy mayo chicken or slow cook it like I did yesterday, but then I realized it’s okay to have the same meat twice a day every now and then. Last night, I scored a yellow potato before adding it to the cooker, and it came out so good! So, I have a whole meal waiting for me in a few hours with chicken, veggies, and a potato.

In between, I have fruit, and I’ll pop a few sugar-free caramel chips in my mouth every now and then so I don’t feel like I’m being deprived of sweets. So far, they’re the best sugar-free snacks I’ve found that don’t upset my stomach.

I also have Cheerios if I want something in between meals. I don’t get yogurt too often, but sometimes I do. I got chicken-flavored stuffing for when I’m hungry enough for more than just a bite, but don’t want to cook a whole meal. I can whip up a serving in minutes.

If cutting sugar doesn’t help my A1C, then I’ll start cutting carbs more. I would hate to cut out potatoes completely because they really complete a meal. Adding them to protein and veggies makes me feel fuller too. I don’t have more than one potato a day, though. One of my meals will usually be just meat and veggies, and the other will be meat, veggies, and a potato.

[jodilin65]

Another day of being tired thanks to staying up for a long time. I also had a dream that wasn't a nightmare but still wasn't great. It seems like it's always one or the other for me—nightmares or bad dreams. I'm not sure if the dream woke me up, and I could have slept longer, or if I just happened to wake up in the middle of it.

I asked AI what can cause nightmares for someone whose life is relatively stress-free, and one of the things it came up with was pretty funny. It said those with active and creative imaginations might be more prone to them. LOL. Also, irregular sleep patterns and sleep apnea were mentioned. So maybe the sleep apnea is messing me up more than I realized.

I just wish I could magically know (assuming I'm a candidate for it) if I could get used to the feeling of the device and if it would be comfortable enough to sleep on my stomach with. I think giving up that position for life would be really hard. I was skimming some health articles, and a woman was saying that she hadn't been able to sleep on her stomach for months, which is also her favorite position, and she hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep since then. She really misses sleeping on her stomach. Once I started healing from gallbladder surgery, it felt like heaven to finally be able to flip onto my stomach as I was falling asleep. I also read that while laying on your stomach might put more pressure on the device, it's more noticeable for those with a lean body. Well, I don't have a lean body despite having more than the average amount of muscle.

I also wish I knew if it would help if I got it and could tolerate it. If it wasn't helpful, it would be as simple as not turning it on before bed. But if it was uncomfortable, it could cost anywhere from $10K to $25K to get the thing removed if my insurance wouldn't cover it.

A few days ago, I was thinking about how much of a bummer it was that I was back to not remembering my dreams because I like to include them in my journal entries. But now I wish they would stop again. I never win the lottery in dreams. I never go vacationing in Hawaii. I'm never young, slim, horny, and approached by gorgeous women (or guys) that I can see with perfect vision.

So what happened in the dream? The courts ordered me to be 100% independent, meaning I couldn't live with Tom, and he couldn't pay for anything to support me. Of course, we would never go to court, much less let a bunch of strangers tell us how to live our lives just because they could legally do so. But we did in the dream, and I started to do what I could to comply with their crazy orders. There was a young woman I knew who was in her 20s who wasn't very stable—she was dumb, immature, and didn't really have any sense of direction in life. She might have had a kid too, and was living with her mother in a dumpy old trailer. They owned two similar trailers side by side.

So, I went to them, explained the situation, and asked if I could use the bathroom and take a shower. They said that the trailer they were in was just the one they hung out in all day and where they slept. I'd have to go into the other trailer for the shower. So, I entered the other trailer and found myself ankle-deep in mud. The entire living room was covered in mud. I managed to get through to the kitchen and took a paper towel to try to wipe the mud from my shoes. When I went to rinse my hands in the sink, I found the water pressure was extremely low. Realizing I could never take a shower with water pressure that low and how hungry I was getting, I started to get really frustrated. I knew I had to figure out a way to get through to Tom and for him to sneak me some money so I could get a place and have food.

[jodilin65]

I keep trying to post and backdate stuff from the year 2000 on up till this year (2024) but it just won't let me fill in the gap. So... taking it from the present on forward! I may try again later on, though.

To quickly fill in the gap before I do... We left Arizona in 2004 and lived in Oregon for three years. Then we moved to California in 2007 and lived there for 14 years before moving to Florida in 2021. My husband retired when COVID hit. Perfect timing!

Both our parents are deceased including my only brother and one of his brothers. We are not in contact with any living relatives at this time and almost certainly never will be again.

[jodilin65]

Ugh, another nightmare—this one particularly worrisome. We were living in a large house, with the bedrooms upstairs and a basement below. The lock on the door was broken, and when Andy wandered in and woke me up, I was far from happy.

Tom wasn't home. Eventually, I got out of bed and found that I had received some strange texts. I wasn't sure if they were direct threats against me or a warning from someone else about threats to my life. I was a bit nervous but not truly worried until I received a phone call from a woman with an English accent. She told me they wanted to beat me up. I had no idea who "they" were or why I was a target, but it seemed like it might have been a gang looking to make headlines with their violent crimes. I also didn't understand why the woman told me to get to the emergency room, but she did.

A split second later, Doc A appeared, wanting to check on me. I told her I was okay but started worrying about having to open the door to let her out, so I decided to arm myself. I searched for a knife but couldn't find a single one in the kitchen.

After I let her out, I closed the door, wishing we had fixed the broken lock sooner. I felt trapped, and genuine panic started to set in as I realized I had no means of escape. I wasn't sure if Tom could save me even if he was home. He might actually become a target as well if he were.

I woke from the dream knowing it meant trouble was ahead and couldn't fall back asleep for over an hour. I got up and told Tom about the dream, and he suggested maybe it meant I wasn't a candidate for the Inspire. I told him no—it was one of those dreams. Now, I just have to sit and wonder what it means until it happens and hope it's nothing too crazy. I swear I hate being psychic! It could be anything from my crown falling back out to getting sick to an infection to who knows what. I highly doubt I’ll get bad news from the glaucoma Doc I see in less than a month so I don’t know what it is.

When I awoke from the dream, I knew that Tom was going to be donating plasma and had a fleeting fear that something might be wrong, even though it was me they were after in the dream. I reached for my phone, checked the cam, and saw that the car was still there, which helped ease my mind a bit.

Last night, I noticed that my eyelashes seemed to touch my glasses when I blinked. I got up, looked in the mirror, and OMG, this stuff really does work! I couldn't see it in the regular mirror, but when I looked in the magnifying mirror, it was obvious that I have two really long lashes on my right side. Nothing new yet on the left side or lower lashes, but wow. Just wow. At first, I thought they were loose lashes, but when I tried to remove them, I realized they weren't loose at all. I don't know exactly what's in this stuff, but now I'm curious to see how long they'll get, even though I already have long eyelashes. Thicker would be nice instead. Head and body hairs definitely thin with age—at least mine did. I tried to take a decent picture of my lashes, but for some reason, I just can't get a clear shot. I'm going to try a shampoo with similar ingredients.

Since one of the lucky bamboos I had died and the other looks like it's on its way out, we got another trio of bamboos through Walmart. They came down from New York and look nice and healthy.

Anyway, I'm even more tired today because my sleep was broken up twice. We had a thunderstorm right as I was getting up, and we're in for rain over the next few days. I wonder how much more sleep I'll lose before I can catch up.

[jodilin65]

Why oh why must the past always come back to haunt me? First, my nail is splitting again. But this is the second night in a row I'm spotting ants by the kitchen window, and we just fucking bombed. The one last night was dying, but this one wasn't unless it had just come in. I'm pretty sure they're coming in through the kitchen window, but I don't know how to stop them. We've sprayed outside and bombed inside, yet they're still coming in. Ants don't creep me out like spiders do, but I still don't like them. I guess we're just gonna have to live with them until winter, even though we don't have much of a winter here.

I'll have to get an acrylic nail kit to cover the split nail. But first, I'm gonna try using my powder dip stuff. If I can't cure it with the UV flashlight we recently got, then I'll go outside. This will have to wait until I start staying up later in the morning. I couldn't get any sunlight at the beginning of my day because it was cloudy. I know the sun's rays go through the clouds, but I just wasn't up for it today. I don't expect to get much accomplished throughout the night because I woke up kind of tired.

I had a nightmare that woke me up for a bit. One of the classics...spiders. I sat down and put my shoes on in the dream when I spotted four huge daddy longlegs. I got up to get a fly swatter, and when I returned, there were 15 of them.

The mystery girl was in another one where we were talking on the phone. I don't remember everything we discussed, but she said something about not liking waterbeds and doubting the existence of God like I do. Is this is my psychic side picking up real facts in my sleep as I've done with numerous people before, or just random stuff?

I made cheesy mushroom spinach quesadillas, and they came out surprisingly good.

Not sure I'm gonna have the energy to get on the road today. I'm still doing the longest trip of the challenge in downstate New York. Is there even such a term as "downstate"? Grammarly must think so because it isn't underlining that word. Well, it's definitely in the southern part of the state on the right side that dips down. Going through some beautiful sections. You can tell it was summer when the images were taken. That seems to be Google Maps' prime time for mapping.

Yesterday was Nane's birthday. She turned 64. I know I shouldn't think like this, but I can't help but note the fact in my mind that if you asked her when my birthday was, she wouldn't have a clue. The only other people who remember it besides Tom are Andy and Termite Tammy, and that's only because they've known me all my life. The fact that no one else does makes me wonder if it's because most people's memory sucks or they just never cared? The only other one that might remember is Crazy Kim because she had a knack for that sort of thing.

I skimmed an article about how the body goes through two major changes in life, the first being in the mid-40s and the second being around age 60, and I was like, OMG, you mean I gotta go through that shit one more time? Things definitely did start going downhill pretty fast at that time. I mean, I noticed changes in my 30s—skin thinned out in my early 30s, eyes started going bad in my mid-30s, could no longer lose weight for the most part in my late 30s—but my mid to late 40s were definitely the worst, as were my early 50s.

[jodilin65]

I'm relaxing on my comfy little ocean—my waterbed—while waiting for my food to cook. Tonight, I'm making fish, a baked potato, and zucchini fries.

A big thank you to any and all human readers! I appreciate you stopping by, whether you comment or not on my incredibly repetitious and non-adventurous life.

The new PB update is a mixed bag. The new backgrounds are a welcome change; they finally added some colorful options, which is great since most of the original ones were pretty dull.

I also appreciate the feature that lets us see and unblock people we've blocked over the years. I had no idea I’d blocked so many! Most of them I don’t even remember and are probably spammers. I unblocked a few accounts.

However, as I expected, the site is running painfully slow at times, and part of my "On This Day" is missing. PB has had so many issues on and off since it came into existence 11 years ago. I have zero patience for glitchy sites, so I'm going to step away from PB for a while. This isn’t the dial-up age; I’m not going to play the waiting game and wait forever for pages to load.

Part of me considered getting rid of or hiding my old entries on the more active sites like PB and MD because I wrote so much silly, immature, delusional, and deranged stuff when I was younger. But then, who hasn’t? Who doesn’t look back on some of the things they’ve said and done and cringe with embarrassment? It’s still part of my life story. From what I can tell, few people read old posts anyway.

When we first got this electric nail trimmer, I thought it was a waste of money because it doesn’t cut—it just files. But after making the initial cuts with traditional nail clippers, it’s actually great for shaping the nails. While some people like them pointy or squared off, I prefer mine rounded. They were getting too long, which is a pain, so I trimmed them back.

I’ve decided that I’ll eventually send Andy a message explaining why I’ve been distant. It will be long and detailed, and as I’ve said before, I know it won’t change anything. I know he won’t understand half of what I say, like it, agree with it, or even remember it the next day. But the point isn’t to attack him or to change anything—it's to do it for myself. It’s a therapeutic way to get things off my chest in a broader way than just writing in my journal.

In my dreams, my parents were alive again, and even worse, Termite Tammy was there too. We were all living together (cringes). Oddly, the floor in Tammy's bedroom was higher, and you had to step up to enter. I told her I’d be stepping up and down later as a form of exercise to strengthen my legs because I was back in training.

Then, I joined my parents in the living room while they were watching TV. My mother made some kind of derogatory remark toward me, but this time I didn’t brush it off like I did too often in real life. I stood up to her and told her she would treat me with respect, or else!

[jodilin65]

Finished watching another episode of FBI.

The latest VZ challenge is out. There are five rides ranging from 27 to 56 miles. I'm going to be riding through New York, Spain, Australia, Hawaii, and the UK.

They used the quieter mower, so I was able to sleep through it. That’s good too, because it seems like the second Alexa I set up may have quit at some point during the night.

Prosebox is still down for their upgrade. They should be back up before I get up. As soon as I check it out, I'll decide whether it's worth staying or not. I hate it when websites and apps become something completely different from what I joined them for.

I used the nasal rinse that the doctor gave me, but I'm not sure it did anything for me. I think the nasal spray I normally use will be enough now that I know I shouldn't have stopped it in the first place.

I was surprised that my blood pressure was only 112/74 at the doctor's office yesterday. It might have been because I wasn't drinking much since I didn’t want to have to pee along the way there.

I made a lot of calls today. I rescheduled the glaucoma doctor because I wasn’t going to be able to make the original appointment. Then I had to call back and reschedule again because I stupidly forgot to adjust the length of my day on the program. When he first wrote it years ago, my circadian clock was at 25 hours and 15 minutes. A few years ago, we had to bump it up to 25 hours and 22 minutes. Now it's at 25 hours and 36 minutes. I'm really starting to wonder how much more it's going to progress over the years. It is something that worsens with age, though.

So, I see the glaucoma doctor in the middle of next month and the ENT at the end of next month. Even though it's a different ENT that I've never seen before, I worry about him canceling on me like the last one did. Unfortunately, the glaucoma doctor can't do an eye exam at the same time he checks my eye pressure. Some woman does that, but I didn't bother to make an appointment just yet.

The ENT's office also had me call the pulmonologist's office to give them their fax number so they can fax whatever info they get from the company that tried me on a CPAP for the results of my original sleep test.

I'm still interested but a little concerned about Inspire. I would hate to have it implanted and then find it didn't help.

One of my biggest concerns is discomfort with the device even after my scars have healed. I don't expect to feel anything if I'm just sitting there, but if I lie on my right side or my stomach, I worry that I may feel it, although I didn't feel the heart monitor device much. That was a little lower, though, where there's more fatty tissue. This thing is described as being the size of a small matchbox.

My other concern is whether or not I can get used to the electrical impulses. Some things I can adapt to, and other things I can't. I never could get used to sleeping through noise or movements, so there's a little bit of worry there. If it's consistent, then maybe it would be okay. I honestly don't know what to think. I mean, I'm interested, but I do have concerns. This isn't something I can simply return like I could the CPAP.

My lesser worries are the usual risks that come with surgery. Because they're going to be working with the nerve at the base of my tongue after "slitting" my throat, there's always the risk of nerve damage, infection, and other issues. In addition to the chest incision and the cut just under the chin toward the right where the device will be, they sometimes have to slit the side of the neck from under the chin toward the collarbone. I know it sounds horrible, and I know I would be in pain for a few days just like I was after having my gallbladder removed, but it would be totally worth it if it helped. If it could help my energy levels and my brain function, that would be great!

Oh, another concern is my breathing. Tom thinks the only reason I had problems breathing after the last surgery is because they were cutting muscles that affect breathing in the diaphragm area. Well, I sure hope I wouldn't wake up so short of breath because this is a more complex procedure that would last longer. It takes less than two hours to remove the gallbladder, but this would be a two- or three-hour procedure.

Although there will eventually be longer-lasting batteries, the current battery lasts 11 years. So although the surgery wouldn’t be as invasive to replace the battery, that's something that would have to be done when I was around 70 if I got the implant.