joellemiller10-blog

[joellemiller10-blog]

“Mom, I made it!” - NYC Update

The look on people’s faces after I shared my “moving to New York City without a job” plan never got old. Many would smile nervously back at me. The evident looks of “yikes, that sounds slightly foolish” were still visible through the laughter and encouragement I received. There were moments when I had to fight fear thinking about the future, but I genuinely believed God would “go before” me in the step of faith I was taking. After doors closed to stay in Minneapolis after graduation, I decided to take the jump. I sincerely believed God had something good for me in New York City.

Susan sent me this quote on November 1st, 2017:

“When God moves us out of our comfort zones - into places that are way bigger than us, places that are difficult, hard, painful, places that even hurt - this is a gift. We are being given a gift. These hard places give us the gift of intimately knowing God in ways that would never be possible in our comfort zones.”

Why New York City?

That could be an entry of its own. The short answer is: for proximity.

Proximity to the communities that God loves, but that are often forgotten. Proximity to people from many different cultures, religions, languages, races, and ethnicities. The world’s diversity exists in this city. I would be living the most mundane parts of my life rubbing shoulders (literally) and sharing train poles with strangers I wouldn’t normally come in contact with. This, to me, would be beautiful. So, whether it was pursuing the legal field, ministry, or nonprofit work, I wanted to be in New York City and live in that proximity.

Funny enough, in December of 2015, several years prior during my sophomore year of college, Tammy (a lifelong mentor of mine) told me, “You know Joelle, I think you’ll end up in New York City one day.”

I chuckled. “Really? Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know, you love people, you love God. It only makes sense that you’d end up there.”

*High five* Tammy Dunford.

Truthfully, throughout the process of preparing to come, I fought to trust the Lord. Was God going to provide a job? What if the step of faith I was taking would result in failure? What if I went broke and had to fly home? Even though I knew God was good, and he wanted good for me, moments of fear over how he would show his goodness were very real. I prayed for three specific things: wisdom, provision, and that I wouldn’t be afraid. 

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”                                                        1 John 4:18

“I’m emotionally weary. But I’m still choosing to trust the Lord with these next few months. With the loneliness, discouragement, and heartache. He will be with me. And if the point of all of this is for it to fail, so I can experience God in a better way, then okay. Whatever it takes. Lord, give me a heart of willingness for failure and disappointment.” (Journaled on 12/15/17)

“I will be with you on the train. I will be with you on the street. I will be with you in Flatbush, in Cafe Madeline, in the subway station, in church. I will be with you in your tears. In your heartache. In your discouragement. I will be with you.” (Journaled on 12/31/17)

So, after hugging my family goodbye in the Minneapolis airport on January 8th, I got on the plane.

And, nearly eight months later, I sit in awe as I process all that God did. 

The quick update is - God blew my mind. 

Day by day, week by week, month by month, he kept me alive. The first two months were full of job interviews, random dog sitting, trying to make friends, and exploring new churches. During month three, I spent my days working at a Jewish college. Drinking tea every morning with the school’s dean and sharing candy with the Armenian janitor. I had lots of alone time with the Lord as I sat on the floor of a filing room and sorted student records. By the end of month four, I had landed a full-time job as the Associate Director of CSM. My bank account had never hit zero (miraculously). I moved into a new apartment with friends (the third place I had lived since arriving). My legs were finally adjusted to all the walking, and I started teaching ESL as a volunteer to North African Muslims in Brooklyn. 

Dang. God did it.

Kelsey Linnartz sent me a verse in the mail that month:

“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.” Psalm 145:18-19

It’s true that even though God miraculously gave wisdom, offered provision, and took away my fear, I still experienced much loss in this process. Not only in leaving Minnesota to come here, but also since I’ve arrived. In my transition, it was the loss of my home (trading in Minnesota snow for Florida palm trees, ayyeee). Also, loss of proximity with dear friends. Since living here I’ve equally experienced loss of relationships, and loss of the Cru world that I’ve grown to love my whole life.

But oh, how good and faithful God has been these last eight months.

Needless to say, New York City is an adventure every day. In the spring, I found myself shaking hands with Tim Keller as I was having an interview in his office (I definitely didn’t get the job, I was “fan-girling” too much to focus). Just this last weekend, I took a photo for a random tourist, and he turned out to be a famous Brazilian youtuber. We hung out, he took of a video of me listening to Brazilian music, and the video has nearly gone viral (I’ll send you the link if you ask for it, it’s pretty funny actually). I guess I’m famous in Brazil now...? I’ve also had conversations with the president of Black Lives Matter for the Greater New York Area, and I’m getting to know the local Turkish barista in my neighborhood.

Not only has the Lord been so gracious in providing fun experiences here, but he has provided a job in which I can use my giftings and passions. 

What is CSM?

CSM (City Service Missions) is an urban missions organization that seeks to bridge the gap between suburban experiences and the injustices that affect the inner-city. We lead mission trips in New York City for high schoolers who come from out of state with their church youth groups. We connect them with ministries in the city where they can serve, and we teach them about how to see justice through the lens of the gospel. http://www.csm.com/

As the Associate Director, I create and maintain partnerships with other churches, nonprofits, and ministries throughout the city. I mentor our college interns, create the mission trip schedules, and speak to the high schoolers during our weekly “worship nights”. My passion for helping my white brothers and sisters in Christ understand the Biblical basis for racial justice is beautifully fleshed out in this role. Through speaking, writing, training, mentoring, and advocating, my skills are thriving. God knew what he was doing in providing CSM for me.

I also want to give a quick shout-out to my boss and CSM City Director, CJ Quartlbaum. Not only has he been an awesome director to work for, but he’s starting to “make it big” with his speaking and writing. Check out his website: https://www.cjquartlbaum.com/ for his published articles and sermons. (Yo Cru people, if you need someone for a Fall Retreat or Cru Winter Conference speaker, he would be fantastic, just sayin’).

CJ and I have been given a fundraising goal to meet for CSM before the end of the year. We still have $5,000 remaining. I figured this post would be a great way to invite you to partner with us financially (see below). The journey towards racial reconciliation and understanding Biblical unity is pertinent to our lives as followers of Christ. We believe that CSM is making an impact in the lives of students, and they are beginning to see the Biblical call for diversity and justice. They are understanding that the journey of following Jesus includes caring for the orphan, widow, imprisoned, poor, and marginalized. 1 John 4 has become even more real for me in this process...

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because is love ... Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another ... And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother”. 

So, long story short, New York City is one of the biggest “memorial stones” I’ve ever experienced in my walk with God (Joshua 4). I’ve seen his provision, his faithfulness, his kindness. Even if I would’ve gone broke and had to fly home, he still would’ve given provision, shown to be faithful, and expressed his kindness. 

Yet now, some days I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for what the Lord has done that I don’t know how to pray. I’m at a loss for words.

The only things my heart can muster most days is Psalm 13:6 - “I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”

- Joelle 

To give to CSM and help us meet our fundraising goal for the year, go to: http://www.csm.org/donate/

(Be sure to write “New York City - CJ Quartlbaum and Joelle Miller” in the “Additional Information” section. Also, message me and let me know if you give!)