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[joeysfactory]

This Way

I know, I  know, I ain’t been here in a while

Truth is I ain’t been me in a while

Been…holding court and putting all of my life decisions on trial

Stacked all my woes and threw them to the corner in a pile

Then retreated to a self-imposed kind of exile

Where I was banished to contemplate on whether anything I’ve ever achieved has been worthwhile

Meanwhile

It’s really the guilt that brought me back this time

The feeling that my anxiety might lead me to commit a crime

A crime against myself

Against all of the thoughts that I have during my downtime

The ones that ravage my brain cells at bedtime

And torture my every move during the daytime

So I…said a little prayer yesterday

As I sat and sipped some tea in a little café around midday

I asked for direction; for someone or something to be able to convey

Whether I’ll ever be on the right side of the railway

And I no longer have to feel this way

[joeysfactory]

These And Other Questions

Where has the year gone? How are we still in a pandemic? Did I just waste this whole year waiting for normalcy to return? What does normal even mean anymore?

These and other questions have been plaguing my mind lately, as I’m sure they have been yours. And in questioning, I have uncovered a few hard truths:

1.      If you don’t value your small day-to-day wins, you’ll always feel stuck

2.      Looking back at what you feel you ‘lost’ will only prevent you from appreciating what you have left.

3.      Start to build from what you have left. It’s more than enough

4.      No time is ever wasted if you learn from the richness of your experiences and use that going forward

5.      It’s all in your head. When you finally get to the point of being tired of your own b.s, you’ll make the decision to change course...and no one will have to convince you that it’s time. 

[joeysfactory]

Anywhere But Here

I allowed myself to dream for 36 seconds today

Allowed my brain to play tricks on me in the most beautiful way

Sighed heavily as I closed my eyes and inhaled all of life’s present misgivings

Then momentarily imagined what it would be like if I were living

Anywhere but here.

 Anywhere but in my current physical, emotional, and mental state

Somewhere where I could start over on a completely blank slate

Where I didn’t feel like all I ever did was sit around and wait

For some kind of divine intervention

Or ambiguous life-altering revelation

That will somehow relieve me of all of this frustration

Of existing in an excruciatingly painful and never-ending period of gestation

How joyful I would be if I could just find that location

 As I exhaled I wearily opened my eyes and returned back into this dreadful existence

Turns out Utopia is a fleeting destination unattainable in just 36 seconds

So I’ll try my best to scatter those flashes of escapism into the atmosphere

Because all I really want is to be anywhere but here

[joeysfactory]

“I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.”

— Lora Mathis, If There’s A Way Out I’ll Take It (via thoughtkick)

[joeysfactory]

‘You can’t calm the storm...stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself, the storm will pass,’

[joeysfactory]

“No matter what happens, no matter how far you seem to be away from where you want to be, never stop believing that you will somehow make it. Have an unrelenting belief that things will work out, that the long road has a purpose, that the things that you desire may not happen today, but they will happen. Continue to persist and persevere.”

— Brad Gast

[joeysfactory]

The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…

Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight (via thoughtkick)

[joeysfactory]

Stay Safe

Trying to survive through a global pandemic, some important messaging has become second nature to our way of life. Stay safe they say. So we wash our hands constantly, wear masks, social distance etc. But what does the term ‘Stay Safe’ actually mean in the broader sense of things? Last night I found myself debating how this applies to our mental and emotional state and the phrase that kept coming to mind was…’Make Better Choices’

Because when you really think about it, the day-to-day choices we’ve been making during these Covid times are just as important as those CDC guidelines. Think about the decisions you’ve made not just about your health, but about your finances, your career, your mental health, the company you keep, your virtues, your morals, what you will and will not do to stay afloat. All decisions coupled with heightened consequences given the state of the world.  

This led me to think about the sacrifices we’ve all had to make and whether there could be lesson here for the future. Many of us have found ourselves living lives that are polar opposites of what we had hoped for in 2020/2021. Just doing what we felt we had to do to get by. So as the message of staying safe continues to be drilled into us on a daily basis, perhaps we can take a little time to figure out how we can make better choices to protect our peace of mind going forward.

Personally I know of a couple choices I’ve made that have utterly devastated my well-being. But at the end of the day when I’m tossing and turning in my bed at night, insomnia consuming my mind…I realize that it’s just me and my thoughts left to fend for ourselves. In those moments all I can hold on to is hope for that I might re-discover what peace of mind and a good nights sleep feel like. Hope that maybe when I begin to feel like myself again, I’ll have made better choices, protected my mind, body, and soul…and stayed safe.

[joeysfactory]

“Do you still perform autopsies on conversations you had lives ago?”

— Donte Collins, "Thirteen Ways of Looking at Thirteen” (after Patricia Smith)“ (via buttonpoetry)

[joeysfactory]

There's a crown Covered in glitter and gold I'm gonna wear it Whether you like it or not

[joeysfactory]

Used To Be

Occasionally I’ll catch glimpses of a strange version of what appears to be my former self

An optimistic, hopeful, wide-eyed dreamer self

One with standards, limits, and a deep understanding of self

I try as hard as I can to sit with her in silence

Quietly examining her like a specimen I’ve just discovered

Or like a part of me I’ve momentarily recovered

She amuses me

But also amazes me

That at some point in my life she was the embodiment of me

A person who could look at themselves in the mirror and appreciate what they see

Not afraid to dream, unwilling to settle for their current reality

If I could go back in time and meet her once again I would love to be her friend

I’d love to learn from her ideals, of how she thought this story would end

But just like that, something always snaps me back into the present

Where her dreams came to die and she was transformed into a soul-less block of ice

Deteriorating each day and forgetting her original price

If I could sit with her for a day…I wonder what she would tell me in terms of advice?

[joeysfactory]

I lived, but only through the words I bled......

[joeysfactory]

Rain

It rained last night

But to me the rain felt a little light

I was lying in bed with my eyes wide open

Waiting, hoping

For much more rain and a little bit of thunder

Because the drizzle only makes me wonder

Where the real storm is hiding

See, I like to dance in the rain

I like how it seems to wash away the pain

And make me feel a little less insane

I like how lightning sends the earth such a chilling shock wave

Taking back everything the soil ever gave

In a thunderous beam of light

Slashing through the atmosphere with such power and might

It all just makes me feel a little better

About life, and its ongoing vendetta

To make me accountable for each sin

Counteracting each win

With regret, and the tiresome binding nature of misery

Repeated time and time again, like history

I guess rain just make sense to me

#Poetry #Rain

[joeysfactory]

Don't fall in love with a writer

Unless you'd like to find yourself stained between lines on a page somewhere,

Stuck in a book,

An inkblot of your previous self,

A written version that she created.

Be careful how you treat her,

You'll live long after she's gone.

S.a

[joeysfactory]

Forget You

I want to read with my eyes closed. In pitch darkness with my body posed. Fetal position with my toes pointing west. Cradling myself with no thoughts other than beautiful words. Cascading across my eyelids and blocking out everything else. I want to take in the sound of my breath and existence. I want to feel asleep and awake at the same time. So when I close my eyes I’m no longer tortured by all the demons that life has sent my way. All the anger and the pain that plagues me night and day. I really want to forget you both. But maybe I should listen to what my momma often says...always remember to pray. 

[joeysfactory]

When you feel like giving up sometimes, the universe connects like a dot-to-dot puzzle. You let out that sigh and a breeze carries it to the sky, whispering secretly to the clouds, but the sun listens and suddenly, the whole world is shining upon you.

Ekta Somera  (via wnq-writers)

[joeysfactory]

The world will pull out all the stops to make you feel like your sensitivity is a sin

While you’re silently trying to explain how some days you feel like a helium balloon being teased by a sewing pin

They’ll say only the tough survive and win

But you know that there were no errors made in the creation of your sensitive skin

It’s who you are

You happen to have the capacity to feel a little stronger than most

Your aptitude for empathy could span an entire coast

And sometimes your pain levels could drown an entire sea

But that’s the only way you really know how to be

“Well then, just don’t take your sensitivity out on me”, they say

Except that most days you don’t have much of an option

Although they’ll never understand that you were born with this condition

They want you to constantly tramp around majestically

Not knowing that even lions occasionally lie down to regain their energy

So enough with belittling my sensitivity

I was created with degenerating human skin

And I’m doing the best I can considering the elements of all the places I’ve been