john-doe-jb

[john-doe-jb]

4-12-19

It’s a day. It’s funny how my last post was about me starting this thing back up again and then I continued not to post for a few weeks. Anyway, the school year is almost over (thank God for that), and I cannot wait to get out of this pit of desperation. It’s so weird to finally type something up and not have it be about engineering or having to follow some type of prompt for an assignment and I really love this. 

Alright, on to my day. I went to all of my classes as usual and understood close to nothing in most of them. Chemistry especially, I don’t even know my grade in that class and I’m still pretty sure that I’ll have to drop it before the end of the year. Math is an absolute joke honestly. We are doing stuff that I remember doing in tenth grade algebra and I KNOW that I aced every single test back then, but watch me get a smooth 70 on this test (even though the content is literally the exact same). I just feel like being here has caused my mental state to suffer a bit. Everything is stressful and I just don’t always connect with my friends. Plus I haven't really payed my violin in months since there are no open practice rooms here and I really miss the feeling of getting through an entire piece and feeling accomplished afterwards. Now I’m just trying to get from test to test without dropping my GPA too much. Like, every now and then I have to just sit down and tell myself that these four years are just temporary and that my entire life won’t be like this and that I should just make the most out of it. I know that this time isn't being wasted. I am working towards a degree and I’m learning some pretty cool skills in the process, even if it is beginning to feel a bit like clockwork. It also doesn't help that the weather here is straight up depressing and that I really don't have time to work on myself since I’m always working on schoolwork (my sense of confidence is practically nonexistent and it’s gotten to a point where I sometimes stop talking for long periods of time because I feel like I don't have anything valuable to say) . AND I really like this dude and I feel like TRASH because we used to talk a lot and we were close but now we’re both always busy and whenever we see each other its extremely awkward and sometimes I feel like he’s avoiding me. But I can’t deny that he still makes me happy every now and then when we talk so that's definitely a positive

Two nights ago I was crying a ton because I was thinking about Nick and about how I miss him and I don't do that that often and I don't know why those thoughts come into my head every now and then. I guess it’s because he’s been a constant source of comfort in my life and he’s getting pretty old and it’s just a matter of time at this point until he isn’t here anymore. 

Just reading over my post reminds me of how much of a pessimist I can be at times. Everything here isn’t bad of course. I like that I live with some pretty cool people that care about my wellbeing to an extent. Also I just got some earbuds online and the battery life is sooo long and the quality is pretty good also. So I’ve been wearing them everywhere. 

[john-doe-jb]

3-5-19

I’m back!! I had a good day. I’ve been thinking about posting again because I’m having a pretty good time in college and I think it’d be nice to write about my experiences here since I did it for an entire year in high school. Anyway, it’s 2am right now and I have a test tomorrow and I just texted a dude goodnight and he didn’t respond. Welp, see ya later I guess. :))

[john-doe-jb]

1-1-17

Ok day I guess. I hate doing these because I never write down what I really care about and I'm not entirely sure why. This account is just a reminder of how I feel confined in my own mind because no one really has time to know a person and I know that I don't really care for people that much. I don't even know why I started this account but it's gotten boring for me to write summaries of my days and a bunch of stuff that means almost nothing to me. Anyways, christmas went well last month and my family members and my best friend, aka my dog, is still alive so all is well. I got into midstate since my last post and that's just a new opportunity to meet a bunch of people that I don't really want to know and play some music that I like. Music really makes everything worthwhile for me even if I'm not the best player and when practicing is so frustrating that I want to throw my bow out of my window.

[john-doe-jb]

10-22-16

Ok day. I spent most of my day going around town looking for decorations for my altar for spanish class.

I took the act today and I know I did better on the reading section than I usually do but the math section was really hard after the first 40 problems so I’m paranoid about that. My essay was four paragraphs and I made a bunch of claims without any real evidence so it was mediocre at best. I completely forgot how appositives worked during the english portion so thats like 3 questions in the trash and I was just lazy when I got to the science portion. I just don’t want the same score again.

[john-doe-jb]

10-15-16

heh 15-16. Meh day. I feel asleep three times throughout the day so it took forever for me to sleep at night. Anyways, this morning I went to an ACT prep class with Latino achievers and we went through everything except for the writing portion which was really the only thing I wanted. I did great on all the practice tests but I know that won’t happen once I take the actual test since nothing is ever that simple. The volunteers always bring these disgusting animal crackers that taste like flour and sugar but rarely anyone ever finishes a bag so a lot of them are wasted. On the way home I bumped into something that made me feel insecure about myself so I tried to make myself feel better with music and other stuff. I made the mistake of going on tumblr since everything I looked up was directed only at women and that didn’t help, a few posts even said that it was men’s fault but I ignored those and eventually came across one that wasn’t so specific and that one post made me feel somewhat better. After this happened I took my second nap of the day.

Once I woke up again I practiced my violin a bit and chose a solo and ensemble piece to start practicing for april auditions. I practiced three octave scales too for midstate but that went horribly. Then a friend of mine texted me something that really stressed me out and that just made me feel worse. And another friend suddenly stopped messaging me like last week and idk why since they usually do it on the daily.

I have no idea what we’re doing in my math class but it has something to do with circles and radians and I remember that from last year so I think I’m good. I got a 7- on my language rhetorical analysis essay and it was on the one that I finished like 15 minutes before most people. Also I managed to keep most of my grades above an A last quarter so that’s good. I failed my physics test but the curve brought me up to a C.

I fell asleep listening to Christmas music.

[john-doe-jb]

10-8-16 I can finally stop making daily posts and still feel complete knowing that I have used this tumblr as a watered down diary for an entire year. Nearly 1/16 of my entire life has been posted here and now I can throw it all in the garbage because less than half of the entries were actually detailed. 365 days yay. Adiós. I’ll still post when I want to.

[john-doe-jb]

10-7-16

Ok day. There was no latino achievers today so i stayed home and did home stuff.

[john-doe-jb]

10-6-16

Fine day. I will have reached one year on this site in approximately 2 days and then I won't be compelled to make these posts about my daily activities. Latino achievers had a day dedicated to finance today and it's basically the exact same thing as my personal finance class except with teachers that actually care about kids. Came home and slept.

[john-doe-jb]

10-5-16

Fine day. Latino achievers went to pack food and hygiene boxes at Feed the Children today. I spent three hours taping boxes so my right wrist feels pretty weird now. Came home and started my homework.

[john-doe-jb]

10-4-16

Fine day. I stayed home and watched The Wise Kids on netflix and it was pretty good. I'm running out of good gay themed movies with teens on netflix. I actually think I did run out. But netflix put Titanic back up so now I can get my daily dose of leo whenever I want. I practiced my violin a lot and actually made a little progress in my mid state piece. I still can't play a simple theee octave scale so that isn't good at all. I have so much homework that I'm not doing.

[john-doe-jb]

10-3-16

Ok day. Latino achievers went to western Kentucky university today but we got there really late so the tour was short. I saw a bird with a leaf stuck to its leg flying into a window and it’s probably dead now. The food sucked because the chefs don’t know what sugar or salt is. The pasta tasted like wet bread, the ice cream like water, and the peach cobbler like jello with burnt bread. It doesn’t seem too hard to get into but the campus was huge so that’s a downside.

When I got home I watched The Imitation Game on netflix just because Benedict Cumberbatch was in it. Turns out there is a background plot about two young gay lovers which was a great surprise really. The ending was really sad but I didn’t really expect anything else.

I had a conversation on snapchat with a friend who reminded me of an older friend I had in elementary scool. He was my friend because he was really nice and we pretended to be boyfriends for a day so i had some cool memories with him and all. Well anyways I looked him up on instagram so I could follow him and figured out that he’s now friends with the one kids I dislike the most at my school. I literally cried for like 30 minutes because this made me so sad and bitter and dysfunctional. That pretty much ruined the rest of my day.

I listened to some sad music and fell asleep without doing any homework which made me stress.

[john-doe-jb]

10-2-16

Fine day. I probably watched a movie but I honestly forgot.

[john-doe-jb]

10-1-16

Fine day. I woke up and watched Assult on Wall Street on netflix. I began watching Matt Shepard is. Friend of Mine but I decided to watch that later. I practiced my violin a lot and played with my dog. My brother’s girlfriend has been at our house for two days now and she should be leaving tomorrow. It's finally October so soon it will have been an entire year of me typing these posts. Only then will I feel complete.

[john-doe-jb]

9-30-16

Fine day. I’m completely lost in my science class. I have no Idea what he’s doing anymore and so I’m just gonna read the textbook when I have time. Math test didn’t go so well but it’s fine. We made cubes today in spanish class. Orchestra was ok, the concert master wasn’t feeling well and the teacher comforted him because he’s her favorite and the rest of us are just peasants. The TSA club teacher made me the community service organizer so I gotta do that.

I came home and plugged in my tv for the first time in almost two weeks and watched London Has Fallen on netflix and it was a pretty good movie.

I can’t see my any of my final grades for some reason so that sucks.

[john-doe-jb]

9-29-16

Ok day. There was a college fair at school so i got to talk to a bunch of adults thag had no interests in me. The rest of the day was pretty stressful.

[john-doe-jb]

9-28-16

Meh day. I met a mew person today at a TSA meeting and he's really cool. Came home and slept.

[john-doe-jb]

9-27-16

Fine day. My spanish project test went great and science class is getting confusing. Came home and practiced my violin and did homework.