joiejose

[joiejose]

Paulit ulit

@joiewrites

Ipipikit mo na lamang ang mga mata mo

Bigla namang takbo ng mga bagay bagay sa isip mo

Bakit ganto, bakit ganyan

Ang hirap makipag sabayan

Kahit pa ipikit mo ng dahan dahan

Maya maya'y luhaan

Sapagkat ang isip mo'y di mapakali

Puro tanong nagbabakasali

Baka sakaling malaman mo ang sagot

Sa buhay mong puno ng hugot

Ilang beses mo mang talikuran

Kalituha'y pilit kang babalikan

Sa dinami rami ng tao sa mundong ito

Bakit nga ba tila ikaw na lang ang pinupuruhan nito

Subukan mo mang maging matatag

Isip at puso mo'y tila nagbababag

Sa isip mo'y pagsubok lamang

Ngunit ang iyong puso'y humahadlang

Tila napagod na sa paulit ulit

Na ibinigay sayo para bang sinusulit

Ung sakit na wala ng mapaglagyan

Para bang sa pakiramdam mo'y walang katapusan

Ikaw na lamang ba ang tao sa mundo

Kaya kahit malayo ka na ay ikaw ang sinusundo

Sabi nila'y "Hindi ibibigay sayo kung di mo kakayanin"

Ngunit sabi ng isip ko'y "Porke ba kinakaya ko'y ako na lamang ang palaging pipiliin?"

At sa bawat araw ay mas gusto ko ng sumuko

Umuusad man pero palaging nakayuko

Marahil ang tadhana'y nanunukso

Tila isang payasong palukso lukso

Ung inakala mong nanahimik

Iyon pala ay may pinaplanong gimik

Ikaw naman itong sa unan ay nakasubsob

Pilit itinatago ang hinanakit sa loob

Pahid dito, pahid doon, marahan na pagiyak

Upang walang makarinig sa boses mong nabibiyak

Patuloy mong nilalabanan

Ang sarili mong kalooban

Sabay sabing "kaya mo yan, ikaw pa ba?"

Wala kang nagawa kundi sarili mo'y paulit ulit isalba.

(pic not mine)

[joiejose]

In times of this pandemic

Wherein our faith is being tested

We should take time and thank Our Creator

That we wake up each day breathing...

We may be lacking of foods and supplies,

But we are still lucky to have foods on our plates.

And that we ate for more than three meals a day.

May we not forget how fortunate we are.

For not having a communicable disease.

Often times we forget how great our God has been working.

Because we are tired of waiting how He would address our prayers.

But God has been working in a mysterious ways.

Ways we could not fanthom.

He is an amazing God.

We just have to believe in Him.

And accpet that He is your God and our Saviour.

Right now we are surrounded by thousands of negativity post.

And it is hard to see the brighter side of each day.

But the moment we wake up having the gift of life,

Is something we should look forward to everyday.

It may be hard to neglect those negativity but you can be one of those people spreading positivity so be one.

Instead of looking for something bad why not divert ypur attention in finding the presence of the Lord thru those people who are helping in this time of crisis.

We may help by praying for those who needed it the most.

Dear God,

I know I am a sinner, and I ask for your forgiveness.

I believe that Jesus died for my sins and rose from the dead by the power of the Father.

I repent of my sins and I trust and follow Jesus as my Lord and Savior. God please guide my life and help me to do your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

[joiejose]

@joiewrites

Bakit parang nagbago na agad lahat?

Bakit parang ang bilis naman magkalamat?

Parang hindi pa nga yata ako nakakapagpasalamat.

Ang tanging hiling ko lang naman ay maging sapat.

Ngunit tila kay bilis naman yata

Di ko mawari itong luha sa'king mga mata

Tila sila'y nagkukusa na lang yata

Katawan ko tulo'y parang nanlalata

Hindi ba siya ganun kadaling limutin?

Kaya mas pinipili mong wag ako ang kulitin?

Mas gusto mo bang oras mo'y sa kanya na sulitin?

Mas masaya kaya kung wala na lang tong sa atin?

Mas matagal, kaya mas minahal?

Kesa sa mabilisang prosesong kala mo'y pagmamahal?

Ang tulad ko ba'y biglang naging sagabal?

Sa naudlot niyong pang habang buhay na pagmamahal?

Ako ba'y nagkamali ng oras ng pagdating?

O minsa'y hinihiling mong sana'y hindi na lang dumating?

Di kaya'y nalungkot ka dahil sa kakahintay mo'y ako pala ang darating.

Na sana'y kung naghintay ka pa siya pala ay dadating.

[joiejose]

Madami akong tanong.

Palaging, bakit ako mabuti naman akong tao?

Okaya madami namang iba bakit ako pa?

Minsan ako na din ang nakakasagot.

Kaya mo kasing lagpasan lahat.

Ibinigay sayo kasi alam Niya na kakayanin mo.

Hindi ko man maunawaan sa ngayon pero salamat.

Dahil alam Niyang pinalalakas Niya ako kaya ko kinakaya.

Sa dinami dami kong napagdaanan kasama ng pamilya ko,

Ngayon pa ba ako susuko?

Sa dinami rami ng taong naniniwala sa akin,

Ngayon ko pa ba ako magiging mahina?

Minsan kinakalabit Niya ako pero patay malisya ako.

Kapag naiisip ko ang bawat araw na gigising ako,

Napakaswerte ko pala (bulong ko sa sarili)

Dahil ako ay malakas at buhay.

Di ko man nakikita ang mas maraming pagpapala

Madami Siyang ginagamit na instrumento para matuklasan ko ito.

Minsan nahihiya na ako sa Kanya.

Nakakahiyang lumapit kasi alam ko na hindi ako karapat dapat pero andiyan pa din Siya.

Palaging nakaalalay, nakasuporta at nakatingin.

May nawawala pero madami Siyang ibinabalik sakin.

Naisip ko tuloy, kailan ba ako huling dumalaw sa Kanya.

Kailan ko ba binisita ang tahanan Niya?

Matagal tagal na din.

Hindi ako karapatdapat na magpatuloy Sayo.

Ngunit alam ko na sa isang salita Mo lamang ay napagaling Mo na ako.

Salamat Panginoon sa patuloy na pagbibigay lakas.

Salamat Panginoon sa mga taong naging instrumento Mo.

Salamat Panginoon sa biyaya ng buhay.

Salamat sa kalakasan na patuloy mong ipinagkakaloob.

Salamat sa pamilya, kaibigan, katrabaho na Iyong ipinagkaloob.

[joiejose]

Four months of happiness with you.

Four months of discovering you.

Four months of being surprised by you.

Four months of knowing you.

Four months of being loved by you.

Four months of having good days with you.

Four months of being accepted by you.

Four months of having you.

Four months of realizing how lucky I am because I have you.

Four months of having the good and the bad days with you.

Four months of sharing good news and bad news with you.

Four months of building future with you.

Four months of having someone who is always there to listen.

Four months of having someone who will never get tired of hearing my rants.

Four months of having coffee buddy, movie date, food trip buddy and travel buddy.

Four months of having someone who will never get tired of fetching me from work.

Four months of having someone who will understand my mood swings.

Four months of having someone who knows all my cravings.

Four months of having someone who believes I am good at everything I do.

Four months of having the best days of my life since you came to my life.

Four months and it still feels like ‘twas yesterday when we first met.

Four months and I can still remember how we stayed up late,

Every weekend at 2 o’clock am at McDonalds parking lot.

Four months and I can still taste the coffee we had the last time we go out at our favorite café.

Four months and I can still remember the first time we met outside McDonalds when it was raining cats and dogs.

Four months and I can still remember how we switch from one topic to another while we sip our coffee.

Four months and I can still remember how you held my hands as we cross the street.

Four months and I can still feel how cold it was when we were still out late at 3am or 2am.

Four months and I can still feel the joy whenever I see Ferris wheel during our date.

Four months and I still remember our first memorable trip at Sagada.

Four months and I still remember how you woke up early that one morning to cook our breakfast.

Four months and I still remember how you introduce me to your mom.

Four months and I still remember how you felt after I introduce you to my whole family.

Everything with you was my first.

Everything I had and would have with you will always be the best.

Everything that you have done for me and for my family was incredible like you love.

You are and will always be the greatest gift I have ever had my entire life.

(well of course aside from my family hehehe)

[joiejose]

Am I filling a void?

@joiewrites

Why do I exist in someones life?

Am I here just to fill the void in their life?

I hate this feeling but how could I neglect this?

Its as if I am torturing myself in situation like this.

I dunno why but I don't like what I am feeling.

I hate it when I self pity, I hate how I lose my self esteem instead of healing.

I was broken, stepped on, betrayed, and used plenty of times because of loving someone.

But here I am giving it a try, hoping that one day I will never be alone.

But the more I give the more I feel useless.

I am not asking for more but when love comes I am speechless.

I don't feel like requiring someone to be someone they are not.

And I don't want to be someone I am not.

[joiejose]

Dahil Sayo

@joiewrites

Sa tuwing ako’y magdududa at magtataka,

Binibigyan mo ako palagi ng dahilan para pagkatiwalaan ka.

Sa tuwing ako’y nawawalan ng pag-asang harapin ang bukas,

Hindi ko alam kung bakit tiwala mo sa akin na malagpasan ang lahat ay wagas.

Di man kita lubos na kilala sa ngayon,

Ngunit alam kong darating din tayo doon.

Ang aking mga ngiti ay dulot mo.

Sa iyong pakitang gilas tila ba ako’y naaakit mo.

Paano na nga ba ang pangako ko sa sariling hindi muna ako iibig.

Sa takot kong ako’y masaktan, tila ba sa pagibig nawala aking hilig.

Madaming salita na akong narinig.

At tila ba nasira na ang aking pandinig.

Mga salitang matatamis tingin ko’y sa una lang.

Di ko alam kung bakit takot ko’y hanggang doon na lamang.

Marahil sa sakit nang nakaraa’y namanhid na lang.

Sa aking alaala’y sakit ay tila ba parang kahapon lamang.

Wala na akong ibang hiling kundi sana ako ay mali.

Sa pagdating mo sana takot ko’y pawiin mo hanggang sa huli.

Ang magsawa sanay hindi mo maisip bandang huli.

Dahil sayo ang magmahal ay aking susubukang muli.

[joiejose]

My Remedy

@joiewrites

It all started with a midnight gaming.

We were getting to know each other.

It was raining cats and dogs when we first met.

I didn’t even know that we would have the same interest.

I wasn’t sure that we’ll get along just fine.

It was so sudden to realize that we actually have the same point of view in life.

I was good at pretending that it was alright to be alone, until you came.

I suddenly crave for your company.

Then one day I woke up and realized that coffee taste better when I’m with you.

I realized that food is delicious when I ate them with you.

I never realized that late night talks were my favorite because of you.

I never realized that checking my phone every second, every minute, and every hour would put a smile on my face.

Each time that we spent together pushes me closer to you.

I wasn’t even paying attention how you would put effort in meeting my family.

I never thought that one day I would bring my favorite person in front of my brother though he was called “gangster”.

I wasn’t even thinking that someone would take risk for me because I was used to being with myself alone.

I was a psycho in this world full of judgmental people.

There was chaos inside my head fighting over and over again.

I’m hearing voices and negative thoughts every time my heart aches.

I’m used to drowning myself into my own darkness before you came.

There you were teaching me to regain self-confidence.

There you were teaching me to believe in myself.

There you were teaching me to love myself so I can also love and be loved.

There you were my sweet escape from this unfair and unjust world.

You were my remedy every time I feel unwell.

You were the only exception I am willing to have.

No matter how half alive I feel you were there.

I could not ask for more other than more Fridays than Mondays.

Thank you for simply being you.

[joiejose]

Midnight Gaming

@joiewrites

I had this conversation with a stranger.

I was able to share something about me without being judged.

It feels good to let all your guards down once in a while,

And just see what happens next.

We started talking at exactly seven o'clock in the evening.

Although we've been planning to meet since last week.

Which never happened for some reasons.

Reasons that I actually have.

Second guessing of what outcome it would be.

I always had this what if's and it scares me everytime.

But someone actually says you should do the things that scares you.

And so I did, I just take the chance and met someone.

We stayed out late until two in the morning hopping from one stall to the other.

We were drinking beverages whenever we get inside a store.

We exchanged stories, about love, life and family.

We smoke our lungs out until there were no air to breathe.

We stayed outside and watched how the rains falls on the ground.

We exchanged glares and stares for nothing.

And then we would just laugh out loud as if we lose our minds about one topic.

Then suddenly, you realized how genuine your laugh was.

'Twas pure and natural.

'twas coming from your mind and soul.

It was the first time after crying so hard about being cheated on and left out.

You were not thinking about anythingelse aside from this tiny happiness you want to hold on to.

Suddenly your mind tells you to slow down a bit.

[joiejose]

Silence

@joiewrites

It has been months since the last day we talked.

Since the last day we held hands.

Since the last day we made love.

Since the last day we said I Love You.

Since the last day we fought.

Since the last day we sleep together.

Since the last day we eat together.

Since the last day we drink a cup of coffee.

Since the last day we smoked our lungs out.

If only I knew how hard it was, I shouldn’t have started it.

I could’ve think twice.

I could’ve protected myself, my soul, my heart, my mind and body.

Now it’s too late.

I was messing my life for nothing.

I was waiting for you to comeback.

I was holding back.

I was wanting you to need me too.

I was wanting you to beg for me.

But all I hear was silence.

[joiejose]

Kindness: Empathy Towards Other People

@joiewrites

I believe that kindness is one of the most important characteristics a human being could have. A simple “thank you”, may change how a person see the day. I have read a quote once that says “It takes more muscle to frown than to smile”, and it made me noticed that just being polite to other people around you could really make a positive atmosphere. There are different scenarios in our everyday life that pushes us to be the better person that we could be. Yesterday, as I was at the grocery store I was at the cashier’s lane and there were a lot of people passing by and an old woman who was carrying a lot of paper bags suddenly dropped her phone on the floor. She was trying too hard not to dropped her bags while she picks her phone up. So I come running to help her and picked her phone, I looked at her and hand over her phone with a smile. She stood up, take her phone and smile back at me and say “thank you”. It was a simple act but it feels good.

According to psychologytoday.com kindness is an interpersonal skill. We’ve heard about survival of the fittest and Darwin believed that we are profoundly social and caring species. Kindness is that act of being considerate and helpful towards other people. For example, whenever you are driving you can show kindness by simply letting other people cross the street if you have a chance. Another scenario is simply fixing your table after eating in a fast food chain in consideration for the waiters. Kindness is the key in changing the perception of people towards other. It also helps people to develop empathy towards other people.

Even God encourages His people to be kind to one another, even enemies. Bible verses allow God to speak to hearts on the importance of kindness which in the end leads to good in the world. According to Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender – hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven. People may be different from one another but each one of us is kind and it is not only important in small community but rather a key that helps us unite different communities.

[joiejose]

In denial

@joiewrites

One fine Sunday afternoon, feet on couch with instrumental music as background makes it perfect.

Suddenly your mobile phone beeps, it was him.

You checked your notifications and found out you have 15 messages and 10 missed calls from him.

Your ignoring everything, he has to say, because you already knew.

Then you decided to block all your connections in social media.

You knew ‘twas a big deal and it would affect him.

And you finally did it, you thought you were so brave that you could ignore him.

Knowing that he’ll suffer whatever consequences will be given to him, he liked it anyway.

He was sorry, of course he was.

He always was, but you did not believe him instead you let him feel whatever it is you felt when he was doing the same thing to you.

Your confused like you always were.

You loved him and he knew all about it.

You were comforting yourself by believing it is fair and just.

He did it first and he will feel whatever pain you felt.

You started to realize that there were other people around you,

After believing that your world was small when you made him your own world.

So you decided to surround yourself with positive people.

But you missed him, you do not want to admit it tho.

It was still him after several months of moving on, you knew you still love him.

Then you started going out with random men you met on a dating app.

It felt good, for the first time you experienced having someone that makes you feel you’re the only one.

And on your thoughts you still hear your own voice saying finally you got yourself together.

Those caress you felt was so good, those small acts of efforts given to you makes you vulnerable again.

But you were scared most of them does not want commitment.

However, after hearing another man tells you that he really cares for you and treats you that way you always wanted. You got scared, you tend to put all your guards in front of you again.

Your confused and curious at the same time.

You wanted that feeling but your so scared to get too attached so easily.

You don’t want other people to see how you let your guards down for them.

You always wanted to feel so alone as if you could do everything all alone.

But everything was just a lie, you were lying to yourself.

You hate that feeling.,

Illustration from nepenthe

[joiejose]

Nothing but dumbness

@joiewrites

I was sitting in a sofa all alone.

With a cup of tea on my hand, and I was thinking.

Actually I was overthinking.

So I started typing, words just came out.

Out of nowhere.

It was just me and my laptop.

Me and my freakin’ thoughts, uh wait?

I wanted to feel something.

I was there that night, thinking about what I’m thinking.

Weird stuff running on my head.

I was broken physically, emotionally, socially, and mentally.

I feel abused, and I let them abused me.

I always wanted to feel that someone might own me.

Someone right.

I don’t like the feeling of being disowned.

Makes me feel dumb.

When I say dumb? Shouldn’t I feel nothing?

Ugh, right. But I do feel everything?

Because I always let them make me feel every single thing.

Am I dumb or just hopeless?

Am I the only one if I’m being honest?

I would say it is OKAY but not OKAY to feel this way.

Well I dunno, maybe I was wrong.

Like I always was since I ever existed right?

Yeah the dumbest thing ever created was me.

[joiejose]

Newness

@joiewrites

Life was changing, and so were you.

You finally realized that it is not always the beginning and the end.

You were witnessed of your own change.

You were looking at yourself in the mirror and you were whispering,

“good job, you did great.”

Sometimes it is not always the newness of something that matters;

But the process of becoming new.

Some may say ‘twas an easy move.

But hell no.

It was hell of a ride.

But at the end you were glad since you became the change you always you want yourself to be.

[joiejose]

Well played

@joiewrites

You almost had me

I was looking at your blank face

And you were staring at me

Then, suddenly I saw you look away…

I wanted to held your hands

Wrap you in my arms

I was hoping this time was different

But the more you ignore the more I realize it was always just a game..

Your messages makes me vulnerable

I knew it from the beginning but still I take the shot

Although I was doing the same thing over and over again

I was hoping for a different result..

And again I was wrong..

I am always wrong..

[joiejose]

Why do we settle for less when all we wanted was more than that?

Why do we let our guards down even after building a strong one?

But to what end? Do we have an option in choosing the right one?

Someone worthy of the pain.

No matter how hard we try, if we come across an unworthy person, everything is useless.

And the more we engaged ourselves into that dead end we will just end up hurting ourselves all over again. It’s more of like a cycle we keep trying to do.

We could always just start all over again and just forget it ever happened.

But thinking about how to stop makes us weak.

The thought of losing that same old person who actually breaks us, is the most hurtful thing to do.

So even after hearing those same old advises from our trusted friends we, still end up with the same person. No matter how hard we try ignoring those text messages, phone calls, direct messages, emails and personal messages, we still end up spending every morning, afternoon, and late nights waiting for them.

It’s the same old scenario but we liked it, well we actually loved it.

We don’t mind waiting as long as we would be together even for just a couple of hours.

We don’t mind receiving late text messages as long as we would have them late at night.

We don’t mind spending it with them after their excuses.

We’re gonna be okay. Right?

@joiewrites

[joiejose]

Huli na...

@joiewrites

Mahirap palang masanay sa lahat nang bagay...

Kasi wala namang permanente sa mundo, tao man o bagay...

Lahat nang meron ka ngayon pupwedeng mawala sayo...

Mararamdaman mo na lang na lahat lumalayo...

Yung dating palaging andyan para sayo...

Ngayon nasa piling na ng iba at nagpakalayo...

Sundan mo man ay hanggang tingin ka na lang...

Mahirap isipin kasi dati alam mong ikaw lang...

Marami kang pinalampas na pagkakataon...

Ngayon para kang nahuhulog hindi ka makatalon...

Ngayon ka manghihinayang sa lahat ng oras...

At hihiling na sana'y kayong dalawa na lang ulit hanggang bukas...

Wala namang nagsisisi sa una...

Sana hindi sarili mo ang iyong inuna...

Sana isinantabi mo muna lahat ng ikakasira ng relasyon niyo...

Ngayon masasambit mo lahat ng sana mo para sa inyo...

Pikit mata kang titingin sa masaya niyang buhay...

Sa lahat ng kanyang narating na naplano niyo ng sabay...

Dati'y kasama ka pa sa lahat ng plano...

Ngayon ay may sumalo na ng lahat ng sana'y sayo nakaplano...

Wala kang ibang masambit...

Iiyak ka lang ng paulit ulit..

Dahan dahan kang lalakad...

Pero bakit tila pabaliktad...

Sa kanya ka pa din pupunta...

Hanggang kailan ka ba matataranta...

Sa bawat mensahe, tawag at kamusta...

Lahat ng sakit ay tila ba bulaklak na nalanta...

Sa una'y walang pagsidlan ang iyong kaligayahan...

Sa araw araw ang ngiti mo'y may makabuluhan...

Ngayo'y halos kasing lawak na ng ilog ang iyong nailuha...

Sa dulo'y ikaw ns lang ang pupunas ng iyong mga luha...