jojojojonat

[jojojojonat]

Daily journal entry (06/25/25)

Today was great! God really have better plans for me. Started early but ultimately found myself sleeping back again and decided to prepare by 9:30, i ate breakfast and everything. When I reached there around 11, we were set for assessment and interview as thats the process for being shifted into another account . Instead of autoloan, its now more of technical account, mainly google I think? I think I should be fine by then, just sucks to undergo same procedure and the interview was only up by 1pm huhuhu lit waited there for like an hour, thankfully theres someone thats also on the same account as well, her name was ate red? Thats what she mentioned in our interview cuz we were handled at the same time, it ended up on my benefits as she was the first one to get about the question, giving my ample time to think thru about my answers and confidently and logically share my answers without much of a problem. And honestly, the pay got raised to 19,500? Only with a 1 week setback meaning it starts by 15 of july. Will def do my best to be one of the best agents too! That aside, I was tasked to get postal ID cuz they really need valid ones huhuhuhu. This is good tho since its now not and never gonne be my kolorum days BWHAHAHAA finally getting myself some valid IDs here and there now. When i got home around 3, I exercised a bit and then went out for a long walk by 4, got home by 6. It was therapeutic. But when i got home felt really exhausted, tried learning but brain is fried so I just watched some entertaining vids instead. Then yeah, I also invited rovie to be there by the 30th, paperworks are currently problem so we'll bypass that by letting myself in via taxi BWHSAHAH just to attend Gawad Ilusstrado event. And yes, I also worked on the sonnet, I modified it based on the feedbacks I got from friends, it looks like this now!

For once I yearn to wander and be lost,

To peruse the quiet library of your thoughts,

To marvel at the gallery you post,

Where beauty breaks me in gentle onslaught.

Could you be, Clare, a celestial star?

Or Christein, born of flame, the sovereign sun,

So close in light, yet ever set afar,

Then let me chase your warmth and never shun.

The bar is high, yet I still make my plea,

I'll meet you where you are, and ought to be.

And honestly, I think it sound much natural and better. Proud of the work! Still problem with the first whatchuchu but ill get it done surely.

[jojojojonat]

Task needed to be done later:

Photocopy NBI, Birth certificate, Phil health

Laminate Phil health

Get 1x1 and 2x2 picture

Print maya/ub bank statements

Fill out form both digitally and written for Postal

[jojojojonat]

Daily journal entry (06/24/25)

Today was a mixed of everything. Woke up with a bit of bad news, I may not be able to be there at GAWAD Ilusstrado as theres some paperwork needed to be filed beforehand. I could technically ask for a favor to Trisha about it, i just dont have the confidence to ask one. But ill still be there maybe after the GAWAD Ilusstrado event. If nothing changes with regards to my work schedule. I mean, currently it already got cancelled, I think the account pulled out and I may be needed to be reprofiled within this week. Ill go tom. And yes, I actually woke up early with bad news so slept with it. Decided to also try to write around 10, but yeah, fell asleep again. Finally got my feet up to work my ass by 1, cleaned up whatever possible that I can. I also then have lunch afterwards and slack off as I wait maybe around 3? Before I decided to prepare myself to meet and chika with renee. Went out by 3:35 and got there by 3:50 on foot. And honestly, the chikas we had were quite nice! She was amazed how much ive grown and glow in just a month period. Cuz really, i glow up a ton if I compare myself. I also told her im one month clean! Out of the woods! She so happy and proud of me hehehe. Then we also talked about their now broken friendship with Rebecca, cuz as of now, they're kind of in a situation where it seems like its really the end of their friendship that was once so great. Like lit, they bestied so hard back then it got me jealous how they both are so close in our trio BWHAHAHA not in a bad way tho, more of I adore them sm being super besties! And yeah, Renee atm is still relapsing about their prime friendship. Cuz they actually tried to rekindle their friendship one time but ultimately failed in a way Renee doesnt have an answer, she got slowly cut off by Rebecca. Im not taking sides in their fights as now I stand as mediator since Im still friends with both. Maybe sometime soon ill ask about Rebecca's side, cuz if she still wishes to be with Renee despite the years of no contact, then ill surely do something about it! And yes BWHAHAHAHA i also told her about you my crushieclare. And yes, I think she knows you in person BWHAHAHAHA tho currently shes worried about me venturing beyond just the happy crush label that I name it now. Which is yes highly likely but im now more of in control with my feelings. Besides, im still nowhere near your level, i still have a life to catch up! Lots and lots of things I wish and long to do! Academic comeback is one of them! And yes, fair to say she got impressed with the sonnet I wrote. Creative as ever BWHAAHAHAH super flowery flower. We also talked about his soon to be boyfie! I really think he is a good man, and based on her stories, dude is a grounded person, grow up from a healthy household and more of a practical type as we call it. Gonna make sure to spot them at SMX! gotta need to skip both classes and work on that day lmao. And yes I also took the long way home pauwi, cuz idk, i just felt like it. When i got home, got myself watching random whatevers, grab myself dinner and yes, I wrote the 2nd quatrain. Not sure or confident with how it works out cuz its more of with trochaic which kinda breaks but also makes it natural? BWHSHAHAHA fuck whatever im doing but here it is the current draft as I wrap my day away.

O Clare, fair child of Aphrodite,

Or shall I say Christein, in stars arrayed?

I wonder: are you dream or deity?

Would you descend and be my serenade?

For once I yearn to wander and be lost,

To peruse the quiet library of your thoughts,

To marvel at the gallery you post,

Where beauty breaks me in gentle onslaught.

The bar is high, yet still I make my plea,

I'll meet you where you are, and ought to be.

[jojojojonat]

Psychology 📒 (06/23/25)

[jojojojonat]

Had an awesome Psychology journal today! Will be posting it tom!

[jojojojonat]

Sucks to be awake in the middle of the night where everyone is asleep. I need a proofreader BWHAHAHAHA cant believe I have balls to post this up

[jojojojonat]

Must need to learn and master!!!

Solo's Taxonomy

School Management

[jojojojonat]

"What do you call someone who does not do anything? What do we call someone who doesn't act? — Patient"

– Dr. Alok Kanojia (Dr. K)

[jojojojonat]

Here comes another tearjerking experience

This was informative at its core. But what really struck me the most is the part where Dr. K ask "what do you call a person who does nothing?" Chat says "Bum, lazy, slacker" which is lit same thing I have thought of. Them Dr. K dropped the nuke "Patient" thats all that you really need to do in changing your life. Or at least one of them, change doesnt happen overnight, it ever slowly seeps on you, crawls in your skin through your nervous system and unto your brain. I have always been blaming myself for not doing anything in the last year, have always thought I wasted time, that all i did was just slack the heck of as I live my days away. I was just being patient, I was just waiting for this change to come inside of me. Change surely didnt happen on that one night where I said to myself "Fuck this, im done being a douchebag" it wasnt also the day I reconnected my friends or started journalling. Change has already happened long before then, im just now enjoying the fruits of my hard toiled patience. This wouldnt have all happened if I wasn't delayed, if i wasnt shortstopped, none of this could ever exist. I would still be the same douchebag, low self-esteem and low confidence always lowballing the shit in life. Whatever I have endured and suffered has led me to this point in life. Sure it still isnt great, it still isnt the life I wanna live for eternity. But im so much better in comparison to all the years summed up. Im at my prime! This is my prime!

[jojojojonat]

I had delays in my life yet it doesn't seem like I got left behind.

This could probably be in my journal honestly but this is something more than just as a day. Honestly, as I saw my people show of their PSD and gradwaiting status, i couldnt help but be happy for them! Super proud that they were able to breakthrough. Yet also, I felt a sharp fiery anger inside of me. It was an explosion of resentment and anger towards myself. My head couldnt think of anything but blame myself for my short comings, for missing the train. And yes, I have grown. If i were the same me from last year, i surely wouldve either succumb to depression or blow out of anger, lashing myself and whatever. But this time I did not, it cost me honestly nothing to feel okay. When I know I was about to explode, i took a quick cold shower and fucking force myself outside of the house. Played Tøp all throughout. And honestly, it was therapeutic. I did not ever force myself to undo the anger, I never hurted myself for being behind in life. Or maybe I did by fast walking the shit out of me BWHAHAHAAH that lit hurt a whole lot cuz my shin and ankles felt like theyre bout to explode too huhuhu probably from the constant exercise but I took a rest in some bench and have figured it all out. Sure I couldve rode the same train as they all were riding now, sure I couldve celebrate with all the feels with everyone. But as I think about it, our bond only got much closer as I got delayed in life, it was an eye opener for me as everytime they see me somewhere somehow, its always stories of missing me, on how much i have actually helped and contributed back then. I wasnt just some working cog nor a water wheel as I thought that I am, I am not only a working piece that kept everyone afloat, I was one of its core pieces. And I couldnt help but be proud and happy to all of them. Like genuinely, no hint of anger or jealousy bout it, cuz they for sure work hard and deserved it. Whats even captivating honestly that led me to the title of this entry, is that whenever I greet someone, its always gonna be their response that I should be catching up with them soon. And that always fills my heart full. Never I have ever experienced to be loved and welcomed like this. I have found my tribe. Yes they are now aboarding the train unto the next stop in life. Yes I am alone as I got delayed in life. But never I have ever thought id be alone nor left behind. They may be far and ahead but they still continue to shine and wait for someone like me. I love them all! I will be there at SMX no questions asked!!! I dont care if ill be absent that day BWHAHAHA

[jojojojonat]

This sounds stupid as it is but its the dreams like this that I love BWHAHAHAHAH

It doesnt make sense but in that dream I still have PE classes, although class already have ended cuz ofc its already June, but I received an email inviting me into some class, weirdly enough its for english majors. I didnt join in right away but when I did, it immediately went in with an open cam BWHAHAHAHAA so I immediately leave as soon as I saw my face being broadcasted HWHAHAHAHAAH but just a minute after I left, crushieclare just resent the link thru private message BWHAHAHAHAAHAHA and I fuckingly joined back in, confident with brimming smile. Felt so lucky and lucky that crushieclare did the first move. Clearly delulu moments but dreams are dreams BWHAHAHAAHAH

[jojojojonat]

And I should rest now as its getting late! Might or might not have plans tom cuz my dadi Gilbert actually mentioned earlier that the owner of the land we are buying might be there by friday, but today is Friday BWHAHAHAHAHAHA so yes. I hope its the next one cuz I wanna write tom!!! Im not sure also if I wrote this one on the journal but I redo the sonnet in the version it is originally about and that i also exercised today!

[jojojojonat]

This is random yap about the importance of perspective.

Currently right now im in the midst of watching a video about treating or destroying depression. And yes, I dont really think I am depressed anymore but still, I need to tend to my human brain needs of learning more and more about my past and the future of whatever there is cuz its fun! And this is one of the times where I find it most fascinating cuz I never really expected to figure it out before watching the video itself. Life is really all about perspective. Like theres this one instance last week where I miserably failed at getting my Philhealth cuz I went too late, like around 10am where the line is beyond comprehension. Didnt have enough time to finish it by 1pm where I have a scheduled doctors appointment for medical chuchu when i was applying. When i decided to dip and leave by 1pm that day, what runs through my mind was a thought of, this sucks yes but at least I get to know the importance of being there early. And honestly, despite the fact that it kinda lagged me behind, i didnt felt remorseful or sad about it. I took that moment as a lesson. And as I look back in life, if this were to happen on last year me, first thing he'll ever say surely is nothing ever is coming together in his life, that its all failure, that everything just sucks, itll even contaminate other good things that might happen on the said day. And as I ponder more and more about my past, I really was blindsided by the most of it. I mean, look, it was only until last month where I felt valued and appreciated by my friends, batchmates and alike for all the deeds ive did before, evidence of that is ofc the certificate they even gave to me. Back then, I may be thankful for short amount of time about it, or like for a moment then go back again to being dumpstered by my own thoughts. Like, all i could remember what I think back then is that im being taken advantage of, or if not then im not doing enough work and effort to help everyone keep afloat, like yeah. Not that im blaming myself tho cuz it was depression's fault, like its the main components why it is hard to beat. Its like youre always blinded by this negative perspective of yourself. Same reason why my confidence and self esteem were all time low lmao. But look at me now! Never would I ever thought to myself that im pogi BHWHAHAHAH ofc its only when i ayos that I can say that, ive been looking forward to things, the setbacks I have were now being turned as a lessons instead of taking it personally. And yes, I am proud to say im growing!!!! Still have lots to fix but I also fixed a lot already hehehe. Happy for me!!!!

[jojojojonat]

Mga ateccoooooo! my daily tracker is bit messed uphuhuhuhu need to relearn how to make it again. Ill probably do it on some other day WHHAHHHAHA

[jojojojonat]

Alright, everything is all set now and back on track! Cant really believe just simple walks can actually be a reset button to be refreshed, to remember what I was and what I wanna become. Will tell more later in the journal!

[jojojojonat]

Lingering Trauma | LIES OF SATAN

Something I need to do in the future

[jojojojonat]

Heeeeeeeelp i feel like my heart is gonna explode due to anxiousness huhuhu

.Why now of all time we talked about what to do BWHAHAHAHA i mean, angel asked about progress on the sonnet and what my plans were. Honestly, it all sound like nothing but a douchebag bag where I just give you the letter and run to the end of the earth BWHAHAHAHAH angel somehow think of a better plan which is to ask aa in helping us out which I am not even sure of if she agrees. But yes meet up with aa, catch up and things, and by the time where we go our separate ways, thats when ill give you the gift and admit my feelings BWHAHAHAHA I mean im not expecting anything in return but it hurts thinking about me getting rejected by you 😭😭😭😭😭 I can take it tho, id still surely write about you even after such. I just want a chance 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but I dont even deserve one at this point huhuhuhuhu but also, as of the moment its not the right time to pursue you as you still have boards to take, so you really dont have to respond in anyway at all huhuhuhu. And as I write all of this down. My mind is just everywhere, anywhere huhuhuhu my heart is beating so fast, i kept thinking about tons and tons of things that might and might not happen aaaaaaaaaaa shy must I feel this way 😭😭😭 the calm and composed me was just gone in a sec BWHAHAHAHAH tabang mananabang. But as I write this down. I realized that I dont need to make the perfect sonnet. I just need to convey what I wanna tell you. I might rewrite what i consider to be strong foundations already. I might even break iambic pentameter. Ill just be authentic and true. Next one surely would be a perfect mastery for sure!!! Still anxious and worried! Hellloppp