jokesimakemyself

[jokesimakemyself]

-"Fatty"

           ~ "ohh she just called you fat"

-"well if the pants don't fit"

[jokesimakemyself]

my sis: she thinks since I have 50 makeup brushes I won't notice one missing

"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?" Matthew 18:14

[jokesimakemyself]

Roses are red Violets are blue Candy is on sale the day after Valentine's Day Cash me ouside how bow dah

[jokesimakemyself]

Cubicles were made for pillow forts

[jokesimakemyself]

[jokesimakemyself]

Cute boy: You have beautiful eyes. Let me see that cute face. Wanna cuddle?

Me to me: Yeah he just wants to be friends I have to accept that

[jokesimakemyself]

Me: joins a dating app to get them boys

Bois: wanna meet?

Me: I'm free three weeks from wednesday from 2-3pm

[jokesimakemyself]

I dont know which is worst

reading memes and uncontrollably choking out loud ugly laugher in a silent office at work

or in a bathroom stall

[jokesimakemyself]

AND UP NEXT

GIVE IT UP FOR *reads notecard* KAYLA AND 4 GUYS SHE MATCHED WITH ON TINDER 

[jokesimakemyself]

Solve world hunger: when eating a taco, hold it over another taco so when the taco debris fall, they fill up the next taco, thus creating never-ending taco energy. Bam! next problem. 

[jokesimakemyself]

my sis: leave my presence

me: I didn’t get you any presents

[jokesimakemyself]

Online dating guy: I recognize you, youre the girl from walmart at midnight in an eeyore hoodie buying just a jar of taco sauce. 

me: yeah it was taco tuesday

[jokesimakemyself]

As a single girl looking for love, it’s important to always keep a noodle in my purse in case a boy wants to kiss and bam pull it out and lady and the tramp 

[jokesimakemyself]

My sister: can i have a bite of your hotdog

Me: THATS WHAT SHE SAID