joowonjustin-blog

[joowonjustin-blog]

To: Moonjae Kwon <muda.malam@gmail.com> From: Justin Kim <justinjkim@gmail.com> Subject: RE: Discussion during Free Period

Dear Moonjae,

First of all, I’m hoping that you’ll get this. If the autobot tells me your email can’t be found, you can be rest assured I won’t be emailing you again. But then again, if you’re reading this, I suppose there were no problems. I’m not sure why you’d make your email so confusing and so detached from you (it can’t be good for work applications; I’m assuming you have a separate one), but anyway. I’m waffling. 

Second of all, it took me a bit of time to consider your request. Economics isn’t like history or anything, where I could sit you down and tell you a story. You must already know that it’s more complicated than that---or, I suppose, you would’ve attempted to learn it yourself. I’m not a qualified teacher, however, and that’s what concerned me. There’s still a lot that I don’t know, and a lot I will be learning for years to come. While your assumption was well-made, and I probably do know more than most in the economics class, what I do know is very limited.

But economics is important to me. Personally, it should be important to more people, and I’m surprised that you’re interested in it if I’m being honest. But it’s still refreshing. And since it’s a personal interest of both of ours and you really don’t have any other choice, I’ve decided to help you out of the goodness of my own heart. I won’t even charge you.

In any case, we need to arrange a meeting for our “lessons” to begin. I’m in the band and in choir, on Wednesday and Thursday afternoons (sometimes Saturday, but I don’t imagine you’d want to learn about economics on the weekend), so please don’t try to book a time then.

If you want to ask me more questions, even just to get to know me better, I’ll suppose I’ll do my best to answer them, as long as they’re not too invasive or wild. I’ll try to give you some food for thought, too. Anyway, I’m genuinely glad you decided to come to me for help. It’s both flattering and a privilege. 

Regards, Justin

[joowonjustin-blog]

Justin snorted before smiling. “Whatever you say, Tegan.” He didn’t doubt she was right though--anyone that inquisitive about anything probably had a very high intelligence. No one could ask that many questions and get away with it if they weren’t smart. Shrugging, Justin said, “There are plenty of pretty faces around--we just tend not to be distracted by them. I think that says more about our self-control than the school aesthetics.” 

“Everything is more straightforward than poetry is,” Justin said with a sigh. “But it sounds pretty. Kind of like a song, except a super complicated one.” He began packing away his empty lunch container. “It would make sense though. You’d need a special kind of thinking to understand poems.” Enjoying them was one thing; understanding them was another.

He couldn’t help but adjust his glasses and run a hand through his hair. “I don’t think they’ve talked to her since they kicked her out,” he admitted. “My mother doesn’t like to mention them--but that’s how I understand it to be like.” With a sigh, he added, “It’s meant to be my culture too, but it’s not like I get it either. It’s not a good thing... but there are still families who relent and support their daughters and grandchildren. My family just isn’t the type, I guess.” As much as he hated to admit it, he could understand that. It was like cutting off the bad branches of a tree in order to help it grow. 

Justin waved her off. “You can try, but it’ll all be in Korean--I’ll paraphrase for you later.” Hesitantly, he pulled the phone out of his pocket. He stared at it for a few moments before he looked up at the blonde. “Should I?”

Tegan rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him. “I meant besides myself. We both know I’m pretty much a prodigy.” She couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “You know maybe it helps that we don’t have any distraction by the pretty faces around us. Lucky us.” ”Poetry is actually my least favorite part about English class, you know? I just can’t get into it as much as I can get into reading into logic in books and everything like that.” She took a long sip of her tea and clicked her tongue in thought before shrugging. “It’s entirely possible that that is exactly the case.” The blonde pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose. “Of course. But they talk to your mom even less don’t they? I can’t imagine never talking to your kid again no matter what they did especially if it’s because of some sort of disrespect to the family thing. Seems selfish to me. I mean but it’s not my culture so maybe I just don’t get it.” She clenched her jaw and gritted her teeth. “I mean call them now if you want. I can write down things they say if you want? That way you can tell your mom if they say anything super important?”

[joowonjustin-blog]

Dropping his fork, he patted her shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m sure you’d be the smartest if you applied yourself.” He couldn’t help but smile a little before adding, “Also very true. Unfortunately, not everyone has self-control like we do. But you know--I generally aim to impress.”

He nodded slowly. “No I understand that--it’s too complicated for me after a period of time, as well. It requires too much thought. Unless you’re passionate about it or you have the time, it’s hard to decipher.” Looking over at her he couldn’t help but ask, “Do you think we’re too logical for things like poems?”

He shook his head. “Like I said, it’s not like I talk to them often.” They’d first contacted him on his sixteenth birthday; even today, Justin and his mom had no idea how they’d gotten their number. They shouldn’t have known where they’d gone. It had been a polite “Happy sixteenth birthday, Joowon-ah, best wishes,” and an inquiry into his studies. He told them he was doing well--of course--and he watched his mom preparing herself to talk to them as they wished him good health before hanging up. They had never offered him anything to work with, or given him any incentive to learn more about them. 

He looked at his watch, trying to figure out the time difference. “It’s practically morning in Korea,” he said. “Do you think I should call them now? Maybe you’ll be able to write about this instead of your prison experience.” 

She shrugs her shoulders. “You’re just the smartest person I know and we both know that are friends, while not complete idiots, have their moments of stupidity. Some more than others.” She smiled at him and patted his shoulder from across the table. “Exactly. You don’t let me down!” Tegan couldn’t help but roll her eyes a little as he shoved food in his mouth, but she nodded in response. “Poetry might even be too complicated for me, you know? Poetry is a lot of rhyming and you have to go a lot into hidden meanings and everything. I like to think I’m more straight-forward.” She knew for a fact she wouldn’t be able to spend more than 5 minutes thinking of a deeper meaning for a poem so why even try. “You don’t even know if they speak English? Jesus Christ….” Tegan snorted “Very true so I might be safe. But if I go to prison I can write a book like that lady who wrote Orange is the New Black you know?”

[joowonjustin-blog]

“I never said I wasn’t one of the smartest in our friendship group, Tegan,” Justin said with a raised eyebrow, “Just that I wasn’t the smartest person in the entire world. Does this mean you’re acknowledging the fact our friends aren’t as smart as they think they are?” He had an inkling of what she was trying to do, and he appreciated it. “I never let the peasants win. Who do you think I am?”

He nodded, taking the opportunity to shovel down more food as he did. “I suppose. Poetry’s complicated, isn’t it? Normally I’m a person of few words, but poetry is entirely another level.” Poetry was very much an occasional thing for him. It was beautiful, yes; but Justin often couldn’t handle the vagueness and the different meanings embedded into such a limited amount of words. Give him something straightforward any day. “It’s all genetics,” he said with a nod. 

“It’s not like I know if they speak English or not,” he pointed out with a shrug. “So it’s possible that they won’t because they can’t.” It was possible they knew a little bit, but it would probably be polite words at best. Still, he had no idea--but that was a common theme when Justin was thinking about his family. “But anyway. It’s probably best to stay out of jail. They don’t like you selling your story while you’re still there.” 

“You obviously don’t know the people that we’re friends with very well then.” She snorted and shook her head, “you’re resourceful and smart as a whip. Don’t devalue yourself. You do that and the peasants win.” Tegan didn’t want her friend to feel any more shitty than he probably already did. He was one of the few people that she couldn’t tolerate seeing sad. ”Poems are a bit short for me, but my grandma had a different gift I guess.” It was true. Her grandma didn’t have the patience that Tegan and her mother did when it came to writing. “I mean, I can get into obscure meanings when I read things but when I write, I’m more into exposing things. I guess I get that more from my mom than anything.” She raised an eyebrow. “You think they wouldn’t? Wow that’s kinda rude isn’t it?” She clicked her tongue and managed a small smile before she reached across the table and patted his hand. “Eh, shit happens.”

[joowonjustin-blog]

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[joowonjustin-blog]

Justin couldn’t help but snort. “I don’t think I’m the smartest,” he admitted, his tone blunt, “But I don’t think it would be a stretch to call myself an extremely hard-worker. I’m also pretty resourceful.” And lucky--luck had a lot to do with all the connections he had in the business world, and for the circumstances he found himself in. Of course, he’d worked hard too, but it was a lot more important than he liked to give it credit for.

One look at his best friend’s face made him feel guilty. It must’ve been obvious that he had been daydreaming. He didn’t want her to feel bad about it. The insight had been interesting and important for him to hear. He couldn’t go around believing that all grandparents were terrible just because his were. “Poems? Seems a bit... short for you,” he said with a chuckle. “You’re more into exposes than obscure meanings, aren’t you?”

He ran a hand through his hair as his mind wandered again--it seemed to be something that happened often when he was in periods of distress--conjuring up the image of the two of them solved crimes as private investigators. He couldn’t help but snort. “I doubt we would be taken seriously, and we’d have to move into a place smaller than where I already live. No thanks.”

“They probably wouldn’t even address you.” He punctuated his statement with an eye roll. He regretted it when he heard what she had to say next, and he could feel his features soften into a small smile. “The fact that you would commit arson for me is truly touching,” he said, hoping she could hear the sincerity in his tone. “But I have a feeling all the interesting gossip in prison may also lead you into doing something that reckless.” 

Tegan couldn’t help but feel concerned for her friend even though he was showing no signs that caused for her to be concerned in an outright way.But the two of them were alike in so many ways that it was easier for her to tell when things were going wrong. “You really don’t have anything to be ashamed of. You’re a great guy and you’re the smartest guy I know..probably.” She felt bad talking about  how good it was growing up with a grandmother who loved her when it was something her best friend didn’t have. It wasn’t like she wanted him to feel left out or sad about it in any way, but it seemed to be the effect it was having on him, ”My grandmother is pretty great. She used to write poems! So I guess it all sort of runs in the family huh?” She lets out a laugh and slaps a hand down on the table, “well, if either of us fails at our chosen careers I know our fallback! Join together to be a sick detective agency. Who needs college when you can do that?”  She rolled her eyes and raised her hands above her head. “Well, it wouldn’t be completely my fault if they said something to upset me!” Tegan smiled at him, “listen. I would burn a house down for you if I had to, okay?”

[joowonjustin-blog]

It wasn’t true that he wouldn’t ever feel like a failure, but Tegan was right. He’d would never feel bad for being successful, especially considering the circumstances he had come from. His grandparents would have to just accept that he had done something productive with his life. “I know I should be,” he said, as soon as his mouth was devoid of spaghetti. “I don’t have anything to be ashamed or disappointed about.”

He wiped his mouth as he listened attentively. It wasn’t something Justin liked to do, but he couldn’t help but think about what his life would’ve been like if they’d had that support from his grandparents. He thought about what it would’ve been like, to come home from school and stay with his grandmother and wait until his mom was finished with work. His grandfather would tell him to study hard. He’d--

Justin shook his head. Thinking like that was stupid. Besides, work was almost impossible to find for single mothers back in Korea, and there was no way his entire family would uproot themselves and move to the United States for his future. Something like that would never happen. It had never happened. “Your grandmother sounds like a nice woman,” was all Justin could say on the topic. He forced a small smile, adding, “You could’ve been a good lawyer or a detective. But you’d be a shady one--you’d be the one going through trashcans looking for evidence.”

“Technically, it would be your fault,” he pointed out, raising an eyebrow. “But I don’t think I’d blame you for that. I wouldn’t mind if you offended them on my behalf.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes I know that! There’s no way you would feel like a failure. You’re too proud of your success. Which you very well should be, my friend.” Taking another sip of her tea, Tegan flashed him a tiny smile before she swallowed her tea. “You’re welcome.” Tegan nodded her head. She knew it was an entirely different situation from what Justin was used to, so any questions he asked were expected from him. “Yeah, she was. I mean my mom was super busy a lot when i started to get a little older so my gram would watch me a lot.” She beamed at him and laughed. “I know, right? Can you imagine me doing something else? I can’t. I don’t think I’d be happy with myself if I picked anything else to do with my life.”  She shrugged her shoulders because it was true. She actually cared about him and she knew it wasn’t right to assume that maybe they didn’t care at all, but it didn’t seem that way at the moment. “If I offend them, then it’s not really my fault, you know?”

[joowonjustin-blog]

He couldn’t help but smile at his friend’s concern. “Don’t worry,” he assured her. “There’s no reason for me to feel like a failure for being a success.” He reached over to pat her shoulder a few times. “But thank you for the compliment. I try not to be disappointing.” 

Justin mulled that over that for a few moments, pursing his lips. “Your grandmother?” Despite the mess going on between him and his grandparents, he was interested. What was it like to have grandparents who truly cared for you? “Was the she one who looked after you when your mother was busy?” He couldn’t help but add, “Well it’s lucky your mother got you into journalism. It’s hard trying to see you do anything else.” It was almost like she was born for it. The same could be said of him, of course, but he remembered all the comments people had made about how musically talented he was, and how he should pursue a career in music. But such a career wasn’t stable, nor practical. He wasn’t that great anyway. He took another bite of his lunch, before adding, “I definitely agree with you.”

“Yeah, you are, but you’re not my grandparents,” he said with a little sigh. “It’s the proper way to deal with it. But I’ll appreciate the moral support.” He couldn’t help but chuckle a little when he added, “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

She smiled at him reassuringly, “Yeah they are. You’re the least disappointing person I’ve ever met and you know I’ve met a lot of people!” Tegan stopped and just pouted at him, “I hope it’s the reason too. But I don’t want you to end up more hurt because you met them. You know what I mean? I don’t want anyone to make you feel like a failure!”

“Good thing too. Always good to have a role model like that.” Tegan nodded her head slowly. It was entirely true about her mom because from the first time that her mom had given her a notepad and let her sit on her lap while she was writing an article, Tegan had been fascinated with the idea of being like her mother. “Yeah, but my grandma helped her out a lot. But I guess that means we have a couple of kick ass moms.” Tegan nodded slowly and watched as he finally started eating, which was something she’d been aiming for. “Well I think it was the best thing your mom could’ve done.”

Tegan shrugs. “Well, I’m pretty much always about earning my respect before I actually give it out to people. But you know what, call them whenever you want. I’ll make sure to be quiet as a mouse unless you need my advice while you’re on the phone.” She actually let out a snort of laughter. “Are you afraid I’ll offend them or something?”

[joowonjustin-blog]

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[joowonjustin-blog]

Justin couldn’t help but snort at the comment. “Well they’re in for bitter disappointment, then,” he said with a bit of a smirk. He patted her shoulder as she started to backtrack. “Don’t be sorry. Now I’m hoping that is the reason. It honestly makes more sense to me than we’re just in the area.”

"She’s an inspiration to me, that’s for sure,” he said with a nod. He shifted a bit, moving so he could face Tegan properly. “But you have a single mom too, don’t you? She must be an inspiration to you too. She must’ve been, because you want to be a journalist like her. I guess it’s the same way I want to go into business--I’ve been surrounded by it my whole life because of my mom.” Watching Tegan drink her tea was beginning to make him hungry again, so he opened his container of spaghetti again and shovelled in a mouthful as she talked, chewing thoughtfully as he mulled over a response. “Maybe, I guess. I doubt they would’ve helped her. I think Mom knew that. Otherwise maybe she would’ve gone back.” His mother was nowhere near as proud as he was.

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course, it’s such a privilege.” With a nod, he added, “I understand respecting your elders and all, but I don’t think I can give respect out so blindly. So I have no qualms in asking them. I’m considering calling them sooner rather than later,” he promised. “While their number’s still fresh on my call log. I’ll make sure you’re around when I do call them.”

Justin took a moment to picture the scene--his grandparents, who would be elderly now, probably grey hair and wrinkles, standing in his dorm room talking about how shameful he and his mother was while Tegan sat on his bed cursing them out in English. It was bizarre. “Maybe you should wait next door.”  

“There could be many reasons they want to meet you. Maybe they want to see if you turned out to be a disgrace to the family like they think your mom is.” It was meant as a joke but the second she said it, Tegan realized that it sounded a little harsh. “Shit I’m sorry. I mean, it’s probably not something that extreme. I mean maybe their angle really is that they just want to meet you. It’s not that far fetched, right?” Tegan knew it was hard being raised by a single mom, but her own mother had worked mainly from home her whole life. Writing for various newspapers and magazines while taking care of a daughter was different than what Justin and his mom had been through, but she found it easy enough to empathize with him about certain things because of it. “Your mom is one hell of an inspiration, you know. Blazing her own trail or whatever you call it.” Tegan took another sip of her tea and shrugged her shoulders. She knew it was entirely possible that was the reason, but she didn’t want to say it outright. “That’s a pretty shitty possibility. But it is a real possibility. Maybe they were so ready to see her fail and come crawling back to them so they could say ‘I told you so’ that the fact she’s successful is like a real slap in the face!” She resisted the urge to reach out and ruffle his hair, settling instead on patting his hand. “I’m one of the very lucky few it would seem.” She couldn’t stop the smile from growing on her face, “Now there’s the Justin I know! Don’t take their shit even if they are your grandparents. Guilt them into seeing your mom if you have to. I have some really good strategies for it.” Tegan smiled right back at him and let out a little laugh, “I might end up offending them if they tick me off. But hey, it’s the least I can do to offer my services as your best friend.”

[joowonjustin-blog]

There was relief in knowing that someone else found the situation just as odd as he did. Nodding, he said, “I understand completely. It seems like a nice sentiment, but it doesn’t make sense. I can’t help but think they have some sort of agenda.” He wasn’t sure what, though. He wasn’t good at reading people--especially people he barely knew. It was probably what was bothering him the most. “I don’t know what angle they’re going to take here.” 

Justin couldn’t help but smile at his best friend for that comment. His mother didn’t dwell on her story, and neither did he; the Kims were happy dwelling in the present and working hard for a successful future. There was no point in going back to the past. But his mom had been willing to share her story with Tegan; it was nice to know that it was appreciated. “She did do it. And it was no thanks to them.” After a pause, he asked, rather tentatively, “Do you think they don’t want to see her because she succeeded? I mean, she was a disgrace. They didn’t expect much of her. And now she’s made a life for herself here. Maybe it’s a slap in the face to them, that she did it on her own, without ever begging for their help.” 

“Lucky there aren’t many people who know me,” he said with a shrug. “People might think this is me on a good day.” After a pause, he added, “Forget suggesting, I’m going to ask them outright. I’ll tell them it will dishonour my mother.” He couldn’t help but snort. “If I say that that way they can’t suggest I have no respect for my ancestors.” 

Justin looked up at Tegan, smiling a little. “Thanks for the offer,” he said. “I think I’d appreciate it if you’re in the area somewhere so I don’t totally say something that will completely offend my grandparents.”

She pursed her lips and nodded, the disapproval in her expression barely hidden. “If that’s the case, then it would make sense that they want to visit you. I mean they’ve never met you and it could be that they just want to but it just sounds fishy to me, you know?” She couldn’t imagine being in that situation. It was weird enough going months without seeing the grandmother that had helped raise her, but not seeing someone for your whole life then having them want to meet you was a whole different story. ”Your mom is one hell of an inspiration and I’m not even her kid…or related to her, for that matter.” Tegan took a sip of her tea as she nodded her head slowly. She loved a good success story more than anyone she knew back home. Hearing about women making it on their own was a big thing for her, but it still made her sad. “But she did it, you know? Good on her.” Tegan was itching to ask him the question again, which was the one bad thing about her. She would bug and pester for answers until she got them. “I could tell you’re angry. It’s no real secret, I’m pretty sure anyone who knows you could tell you’re angry right now.” She nodded and chewed on her bottom lip as she thought it over. “Maybe you should call them and drop a hint that they should visit your mom? But you’re right. She deserves to know. And I mean, if you want me to go with you when you meet them, I will.”

[joowonjustin-blog]

“I don’t know if they’re intending to stay. They didn’t tell me how long they were in the country for. I got the feeling that they’re only coming to visit and then they’re going back to Korea." At least, that’s what he hoped would happen. Although the States was a large country, the thought of his grandparents no longer being oceans away from them was something that made him tense. It was harder to excuse them not keeping in contact with them, or not visiting.

Justin couldn’t help but sigh again. “Yeah, I know.” It still baffled him. “But it only serves to remind me that my mother is the strongest person I know. She always tells me that baby or no baby, she would’ve probably always made it here. To America,” He shook his head, before adding, “But if it hadn’t been for me, it wouldn’t have been so difficult. They would’ve supported her. And yet she’s so successful now. And she did it without them.” 

Justin could very clearly hear the words he didn’t say: We don’t need them.

But it still didn’t answer Tegan’s question. And frankly, he still wasn’t sure what he wanted to do about it himself. “I’ve been thinking about it all day,” he said finally. “But every time I do it makes me angry.” He ran a hand through his hair, frowning as he tried to explain what he thought he should do. “I want to call my grandparents and ask them if they are going to visit my mother. I want to hear what they say. And then I’ll call my mom, and I’ll tell her what’s happening. She deserves to know. Then they’ll come visit me; once old people make their minds up it can’t be changed. But that’s okay. It doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.”

Tegan pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. “I can’t even imagine that happening….it’s really messed up, dude.” The family image was something she understood more than anything. It was something her mom wrote a lot about when she was writing for a celebrity gossip magazine but in cases like this it really made her realize how strange it was. ”Ah yeah. I can see why your mom would be mad about that, but still. Are you going to actually meet them after all the shit they put your mom through? I love your mom.” She nodded in agreement, “it’s almost hypocritical. They don’t want to see your mom because she caused them dishonor by having you, but they want to meet you. It’s strange to say the least. Do you think they have another motive than just wanting to meet you?”

[joowonjustin-blog]

Justin nodded. “Strange, isn’t it? They told me they were in Chicago.” He had no idea what they were doing there, but it wasn’t like he was close enough to them to ask. “It’s a bit far for a day trip, unless they’re heading to LA or something.” 

He pursed his lips. “Truthfully? I think so.” He rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh. “I don’t really understand it all too well--my mother never went into it into much detail, obviously--but it’s some sort of dishonour to have children out of wedlock. You have a broken family structure. No father. Ruins the family image, I guess.” 

Despite his foul mood, he couldn’t help but smile wryly at Tegan. “It’s not as simple as that,” he said. “If my mom found out that I had pretty much told my grandparents to fuck off, as you so eloquently put it, she’d be angry. It’s disrespectful. They’re my elders, after all. Besides, she’s always wanted me to have a connection to them, I guess... to my heritage. But...” How could he possibly be okay with telling his mom that his grandparents were in the country and they had no intention to see her?

“It’s stupid, I think,” he said, with a little shrug, “That they can hold this massive grudge against my mother, but they’re willing to make peace with me. Haven’t they forgotten that I am physical evidence of her so-called dishonour?”  

Tegan couldn’t help but grow more concerned as each second passed. She didn’t get worried about people a lot, she would be the first to admit it, but she knew that family was a sensitive subject for Justin to begin with and this seemed to have really struck a cord. ”Wait, they’re coming here?” Her wide eyes grew even wider as a little bit of shock settled in. It seemed odd that they would do something like that, especially since they were so far on the opposite coast. It would be like Tegan going to visit her mother in Fairbanks and not going to visit her friends in the next city over. She frowned and tapped her fingers on the table. “do you think they’re still mad at your mom for having you? If they are, that’s really fucked up. I mean, I know your culture is different from mine but….she’s their daughter.” It was almost impossible for her to imagine being pretty much disowned for something like that. “Are you going to see them? Or are you going to tell them to fuck off?”

[joowonjustin-blog]

Justin sighed, playing with the hem on his coat, and looked up at the sky. A part of him thought he was being irrational, but something about the call had put him out of sorts. It wasn’t just the shock either. There was just an implication that he didn’t appreciate at all.

“They said they were going to meet me at my dorm. They’d be here for a day or two while moving somewhere else and they thought they’d pop in and see me, because they’ve never met me before. And yes, that sounds like a good thing, and I understand that...” Another pause. This time Justin frowned, mulling over the previous night’s conversation. “They’re not going to DC. They know that’s where I’m from. Where Mom lives. They’re not going to visit her.” 

Maybe it doesn’t fit into their travel itinerary, he could almost hear Tegan say, and that was the reason why he automatically responded, not thinking about how he’d never told anyone what he was about to say. In the heat of the moment, he didn’t even think about he’d never given anyone the opportunity to understand how complicated his family dynamics really were. “They’ve never asked to talk to my mom when they call me, Tegan. Never. They don’t ask about her. The fact they’re not going to see her isn’t coincidental. But they want to see me.” 

She wrinkled her nose as she sipped her tea and waited for him to answer her. It could be a lot worse than she thought, or maybe not. It was hard for her to understand, being raised by her mother and her grandmother. Not being in contact with her grandmother was hard to imagine but she knew it was something that Justin experienced more than she did. She nodded slowly, squinting slightly as he answered her. “Yeah, you’ve told me before.” It was true, he’d told her that once or twice. But she’d never seen him in such a mood after talking to them before. Tegan was in the middle of taking another sip of tea when he said what, undoubtedly, had caused his mood and she nearly choked. “Holy…,” she cleared her throat and patted her chest before continuing. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

[joowonjustin-blog]

It was hard to answer her question. Was it really a bad thing to have his grandparents call him? It had been surprising, definitely. But bad? A lot of people wouldn’t have thought so. In fact, they would be thrilled. Old people weren’t so open minded or forgiving. The fact that they were willing to build bridges now was a big thing. 

But was that what they were actually doing? Trying to make peace with the past? Justin doubted it. “I’ve only spoken to my grandparents on a handful of occasions,” he said, putting his container away. “Maybe once a year since I was about fifteen. About four times, give or take, until this call.”

He paused again, taking the opportunity to look at Tegan, wondering if she’d understand. She probably wouldn’t--not if he didn’t explain himself. He couldn’t help but sigh. Was he ready to talk about something this big? He wasn’t entirely sure. It seemed inevitable at this point, however, so after a few moments of silence, he added, “They want to see me. They want to come here, to the States.” 

Tegan wasn’t a person that would consider herself overly concerned with events in other’s lives, but she made an exception for her friends. As her best friend, Justin was pretty much the main exception to the rule. And she didn’t plan on backing down until she could figure out someway to help him with whatever was going on. She wrinkled her nose when she finally heard what was wrong. She didn’t know exactly his entire story with his grandparents, but she knew enough to know that it was not a good thing that they’d called. Even though she felt bad pressing the topic, she really wanted to know how she could help him. “…What did they say to you? Was is bad?” She ripped open a sugar packet and poured it into the little cup of tea she had with her. She had a feeling she would need it.

[joowonjustin-blog]

Even if Tegan wasn’t his closest friend, there was no doubt that she would be the one to find him. It was Tegan, who took her future career in journalism very seriously. He wasn’t surprised if she kept tabs on everyone--but Tegan probably would’ve kept tabs on him especially because of how odd he was.

He wasn’t entirely sure if it was something he wanted to talk about, but he could see her sit down across from him and he knew she wasn’t going anywhere until she had a decent explanation. It was just the way she was. Justin knew he could only draw it out for so long. But the topic at hand wasn’t exactly something he did like talking about. No one even knew it was an issue.

“I got a call last night.” He looked up at her, trying to gauge her reaction. “My grandparents, actually. I don’t even know how they got my number.” He looked back down, finding his pasta no longer appetising, putting the lid back on the container. “What do you want to know?”

Tegan wouldn’t exactly consider herself to be the most social person in the world. Sure, she liked interacting with people, but some found her constant curiosity to be an annoyance rather than endearing. That being the case, she sometimes chose to stick closely to a few very close friends. Being a journalist in training, Tegan prided herself in knowing many things about the people around her. It was easier to know certain things about her friends than anyone else. She considered herself very trustworthy and it was easy for her to notice, even in passing, that something was very wrong with her best friend. There was no telling what exactly was wrong with him, but anything that caused Justin to not pay attention in any class was enough to worry Tegan. So when she spotted him slipping off with his lunch, she knew exactly where he was going. Gathering her own small lunch up and shoving it in her bookbag, she shuffled off after him. Her sneakers kicking up bits of dirt and grass as she went. Flicking her hair over her shoulder, she rolled her eyes and sat down across from him. “No, I’m here because I’m worried about you. What’s wrong. You’re way grumpier than usual.”

[joowonjustin-blog]

Justin was never the type of person who was always constantly cheerful. In fact, he was the complete opposite--gloomy and apathetic, blankly staring at people until they left him alone, even on a normal day. 

But anyone who knew Justin well--which was a very select few--would’ve been able to tell that this was bad even for someone like him. He was more quiet than usual, his attention not with his teachers or the work at hand, but rather glowering down at his desk or looking out the window. His teachers had tried to get his attention throughout the day to no avail, and he had even walked past his friends with a dark expression without acknowledging their existence. 

His break hadn’t come soon enough. Instead of using the time productively to look over his notes and do some readings, he all but shoved his books into his bag and sat down with his lunch. Was 1pm too early for alcohol? He really did feel like some beer. 

He had gone out of his way not be found by anyone that he cared about--a feat that was quite easy in a campus as large as this one. But Justin always forgot that there was at least one person who knew where he would be when he wasn’t in the mood, and that they’d be the only one him to get him to talk about what was wrong.

When he heard footsteps approach, he merely looked down at his container of pasta with a glare before saying, “Did the group send you to find out why I’m being more of an asshole than usual?”