jordanfairfield

[jordanfairfield]

[jordanfairfield]

// ABOUT.

❄ · · · JORDAN FAIRFIELD has been in Ellingham for ONE year and they look exactly like JENNA MCDOUGALL. Having turned TWENTY TWO years old on their last birthday, they are currently a SUGAR BABY and WISH TO CHANGE THAT. Known as the WOUNDED HEALER, it’s no secret that they’re AFFECTIONATE & INTELLIGENT, but also NEEDY & IMPULSIVE. If you’re to meet them, please remember that they are a CIS WOMAN and use SHE/HER. { GRACE + 20 + SHE/HER + EST/CST }

// BIO.

jordan was born in brooklyn, ny to christine and jason fairfield. she was very much wanted by her parents, after their first daughter, laura, died in infancy in 1993. jordan didn’t know about laura until after her twenty first birthday, as her parents were unsure of how to tell her when she was a child. 

jordan’s childhood was mostly very happy. she was encouraged by her parents to be independent and adventurous. she spent a lot of her time with friends and her beagle, daisy. she often went with her parents and daisy on roadtrips to maine, where they stayed in beachside cottages. she never questioned whether her parents loved her, and never had to suffer any kind of longing for something unattainable. 

things became more complex in her teenage years. she began dating her best friend, jesse, during their freshman year of high school. he was a great boyfriend, always surprising her with gifts and other representations of his love. and when they finally had sex, she had no complaints. yet, there was something about the relationship itself, the romantic part, that made her uneasy. the sweet moments, which she knew she should’ve loved and cherished, seemed wrong. she never had the inclination to reciprocate anything, unless it was sexually. 

at first, she worried that the combination of them together was the issue. but she was definitely attracted to him, and he checked every box she thought she had on a list for an ideal boyfriend: good listener, kind, understanding, dog lover, easy to talk to, funny, smart, etc. it wasn’t until she started clicking around porn sites and am i gay? quizzes on the internet that she started to rethink the problem. 

when jesse stumbled upon her search history while borrowing her phone one day, they decided to end the relationship. she didn’t date anyone else until her senior year, when pepper chase appeared in her high school cafeteria. she was immediately enamored with her: she radiated gay energy, and was just intimidating enough to be... weirdly exciting. at the time, jordan didn’t even realize she had a crush on her, but it didn’t take long for her to catch on.

one afternoon, as they sat in pepper’s room, jordan smoking a joint, pepper a cigarette, jordan asked if she would kiss her. just to see if she liked it. and she did. a lot. shortly after, they started sleeping together. they’d have sleepovers in jordan’s room, trying to keep quiet, as jordan’s parents didn’t know what all their sleepovers entailed. pepper would often become distant after they hooked up, and jordan knew why-- pepper’s ex had died over a year earlier and she still loved her-- but even as she was staring at her spine, wishing she’d turn over and put her face in her neck, she was falling in love with her.

unfortunately for jordan, her feelings weren’t reciprocated. when she accidentally let the words ‘i love you’ slip, pepper couldn’t say them back, and the next morning, an argument over bagels turned into a confession that pepper couldn’t love jordan because she loved hanna, and jordan tried to remind her that hanna wouldn’t want her to suffer, and-- pepper’s grief came out in a flash of anger, and she threw jordan out of her house. only a few days later, pepper was hospitalized.

after jordan graduated from high school, she became a certified medical assistant, and though she knew it was likely a bad idea on multiple levels, she got a job at the in-patient facility pepper was receiving treatment at. she hadn’t been able to get her out of her head, or her heart, and the pain of the fight and the unrequited love and all of it was just-- festering. 

she wanted to be able to get over her, though, to find someone who could give her all the love she so desperately craved. after a few failed work connections, she turned to tinder and quickly fell into its hook up culture once it became clear most of her matches weren’t looking for anything more. or maybe they just weren’t interested in her. 

the romantic rejection grew tiring, and she found herself compromising, figuring casual sex without a deep connection was better than no connection at all. when she wasn’t working, sleeping, or eating, she was usually having sex. a part of her was okay with that-- it felt so fucking good to be wanted, even if it was just for a while. 

she did that for about a year and a half, trying to date seriously every once in a while-- but that always failed. when she still had never heard a woman tell her she loved her by her twenty-first birthday, she decided to take a new approach. 

it was clear that she was difficult to love: clingy, needy, annoying, too emotional, whatever-- but her body was much easier to appreciate. and what if it wasn’t so much the love she was desperate for, but the attention? she entered her first sugar relationship when she was still living in new york, spending a couple nights a week with a woman on the upper east side, picking up shifts at new york presbyterian as a surgical tech on her free days. 

the income from her job and her new mommy was good-- if she kept this up, maybe she could go to college, and later, med school like she should’ve done out of high school. and the relationship, though it wasn’t emotional or spiritual like she’d always pictured, was so much more consistent than anything she’d had in so long. it was comforting to be with the same woman so much, to get to know how she smelled, felt, tasted. 

she gradually allowed herself to trust her, though she hadn’t intended to. she didn’t want to open up too much, and risk being hurt. but the wound didn’t come in the form she expected.

the more time she spent uptown with dana and her wealthy friends, going out and stumbling back into the lavish apartment just to keep the party going, the more she was offered alcohol and cocaine and other drugs, and the more she said yes. 

she had been smoking marijuana for years, and drank occasionally by the time she was nineteen, but had never thought she’d try anything harder. she had never felt she needed to. maybe now, she did. 

and just like every time she met a beautiful woman who called her sweet names and made her feel special, she was hooked. she quit her job at the hospital, not wanting to be exposed in a random drug test, or worse, to somehow harm a patient by showing up even a little bit under the influence. 

she stayed with dana more and more frequently, and eventually moved out of her own apartment completely. 

not wanting her friends, who were becoming curious as to why she had moved uptown, to find out who she had turned into, and afraid to be that person herself, she decided to move to ellingham to attempt to get her grip back. 

she initially got a job at the hospital, again, as a surgical tech. things were going pretty well-- she was medicating as heavily as she could with coffee and caffeine pills and, when she wasn’t on the clock, marijuana, but she missed the real highs, and the attention, and the chaos. 

finally, she went back on the hunt for another sugar relationship. it took longer, considering the size of the town and the fact that there was no wall street, less wealthy new york heiresses, but eventually, she found someone to fill the open position, a late-30s divorcee with a sizable family inheritance and settlement from her ex-husband. 

she splits her time between her own apartment and her girlfriend’s residence, having quit her job-- again-- rather quickly after finding her. she still wants more for herself, a career and real love, but having failed at the latter time and time again, she’s trying desperately to let herself give up and lose control-- the only time she feels okay is when she’s not trying to keep it together.