joshuadiazzz

[joshuadiazzz]

life update, where i've been, thoughts ⋆｡°✩

hey!!!! it's me again. you probably have been wondering what i have been doing the past couple of months (and if u haven't, why haven't you? jk jk jk). well...

as many of you know, i dropped my EP/project that embodied where i have been the past couple of years while in college. this being the 7-song project, 'figuring it out'. you probably saw a brand new post every single day (regarding the project) leading up to it's release. however, when release day came, i really didn't know what the fuck to do up until that point. i want to be transparent with you. i was completely clueless. having to promote my projects that i've worked hard on gives me the ick because i feel cringy doing it and genuinely don't want to bombard anyone with the same songs over n over n over again. i feel like I'm selling out (which is the whole point... u have to). i know you have to do it to gain exposure n all but its a skill i wished i possessed and want to possess. wanna know what i did instead AS SOON as 'figuring it out' came out? i went hermit mode. i stayed off social media for over A MONTH after it's release. i suppose my thoughts that i have when i overthink got the best of me since this project was one my manager (i still feel so cool saying that) and i spent months planning but i allowed fear and non-existent defeat take over. most of all, i hate letting people down. i hate letting myself down. wow. i needed to get that off my chest BADLY! regardless, i don't want to let go of 'figuring it out' just yet. after all, i barely started. ;)

the next thing i want to touch upon was how this past school year was incredibly draining. while during my 1 month hiatus (now everyone say it with me... OOOOOOH) i did a lot of reflecting on how i handled and reacted to a specific situation that really made me...question a LOT. most importantly, to make a long story short, i wish i had set boundaries w/ people and was able to speak up for myself and said "hey, i didn't appreciate how you handled this". however another side of me says, "why the fuck would you give them more of your time and energy in forming an explanation w/ how you felt if they didn't care about your feelings in the first place?" what pissed me off the most was how to this one individual, I felt as if they wanted to use me for the creative skills (which i have been working hard on for the past several years via learning experiences, mistakes, accomplishments) i possess. and what sucks the most was that i wanted to see them as a friend but their true intentions got in the way. i don't know. its weird. my whole mentality going into my 3rd year of college was to befriend more people, socialize more and get out of my self-confinement bubble. most importantly, this was also a promise i had set to my friend Val who was my right hand during the first two years of college. oh how i wish she wouldve stayed longer to join me in this little popstar journey of mine... anyways going back to my convo. so once my initial game plan for myself got bursted, my whole demeanor changed. this experience led to me isolating myself and immediately turning cold from people that genuinely wanted to be around me. if you were one of these people, i'm sorry. it wasn't my intention. i felt pushed aside so brought it upon myself to purposefully exclude myself to the MAX. I’ve spoken to several of my friends, my dad and a professor (who i miss dearly) have all reassured me that just because one person ruined my perception, doesn’t mean it has to completely affect everything i do. I shouldn’t and shouldn’t have given any of my precious time or energy to someone or something not worth it, AT ALL.

another point I want to bring up to get off my chest on this journal entry is that of jealousy. it’s a normal feeling. we all feel it. to all my creatives out there, you all relate (don’t lie). you see a friend or a mutual on your feed accomplishing something you wish you would have done. you see someone on the path you wish you were embarking on. you see someone making the precises steps to something you had been planning for MONTHS or even YEARS but because you overthink a lot and don’t set deadlines for yourself, they are now 3 steps ahead of you. the feeling of jealousy and how I approach it is something I am currently working on. I’m learning to accept the feeling of it. Allowing myself to feel it but not dwell on it. I have experienced a great sense of jealousy when I first came to art school because my peers and I all have the same goals for ourselves. I was speaking to my dad earlier about how I’ve been feeling and while yes, he did scold me during the car ride home but he assured me how, ‘the sun shines for everyone’. just because there is someone doing the exact same thing as you, doesn’t mean that you can’t do it as well (in your own way, of course) it’s all about believing in yourself. I’m on that path of believing that I can and I will accomplish everything I set my mind to. Wow… Vulnerability is hard. But it’s okay. I know someone out there probably needs to hear this too.

Okay onto the positive stuff, I recently went out w/ Nicole to the mall (it was one of those ‘wherever the wind takes us’ kind of hang outs… personally my favorite). We got to see Maya at her job which is so cool. We love a girlboss. I also went to Kacie’s place and cooked spaghetti for her (because she was lending me her place and I owed her a hang out for the LONGEST TIME). also cooking is one of my love languages and one my favorite things to do. i love my friends. i enjoy their presence. their laughter. just them being there is enough for me.

Also here’s an outtake of me during the Wynk 4/20 photoshoot that was shot by the lovely Ambercita 🎀✨ (that’s if you stayed this long and read this ‘journal entry’)

okay i love u. see you soon. st✮y tuned. take care. wear sunscreen. hydrate. stay hot, smart, sexy and talented.

love u tons

-josh

⋆.˚𖦹⋆✮⋆.˚

[joshuadiazzz]

'figuring it out' thank you's

First and foremost, I want to say that I am extremely excited to get to write these “thank you’s” down. I remember as a kid, looking through the CD booklets of my favorite albums and being fascinated by all the people that contributed to the record or just helping the artist along the way. So let’s get these credits going.

Special thanks to

Gerald Bailey, Max Davis, Martina Cohran, Rosy Aguilar, Amy (The Social Worker at the Lutz Building), Ms. Coller (for being one of the most encouraging vocal teacher ever), Ms. Lattimore, Paige Kizer, Megan Esther (Paige and Megan being the two best music tutors that genuinely helped me and were rooting for me during every tutoring session), Mr. David Grant, Mr. Harvey, Mr. Crawford.

To the people who helped me bring this little EP to life and have put in their “granito de arena”:

Nikki Pacheco, thank you so much for being the best manager I could ever ask for. I absolutely appreciate every single thing you have done to help me over the past couple of months. I have never worked with a manager before so for you to be the first, I was absolutely ecstatic!!! Thank you for believing in me. Here’s to our future growth and achievements!!!

Edson Marca, for literally opening your doors to your house the entire month of July 2022 and giving me a space to just create.

Jordan Siwek, for the lovely chord progression I stumbled upon in the fall of 2021 that later contributed to the base for “a love that never was”. 

Val Morales, for being the best human and person who accompanied me during the first two (very formative) years of college. Your friendship and your wisdom is something I continue to carry with me to this day. Thank you!

Khalif, for stepping inside that one studio session I had with Val for “good enough for u” during its early stages of conception. Despite not having met you prior to that encounter, I was extremely fascinated by your ear when it came to harmonies, and for you have added some “ooh’s’  (alongside Val) underneath my song’s chorus?!? mind-blowing in the best way possible. 

Ivy-Jolie Camacho, IVY!!!! Prior to “outta the blue”, the number of times we would talk about songwriting together was insane. I’m so glad that we got to create something that one very special Friday and how working with you, took me out of my comfort zone as a songwriter (in the best way possible). 

Abdiel Diaz, for being the missing puzzle piece to “good enough for u”. Having the song fully written and produced back in the winter of 2022, I was in search of a guitarist for the LONGEST TIME but was too afraid to ask anyone since they were all busy or unavailable. So for you to add your guitar-playing skills and add that missing element (because I do in fact sing, “How do you manage to strum each string on my heart, like when you play your guitar”), made it feel complete. So thank you.  

Ambercita, for shooting the amazing cover art and the headshots that form what is the “figuring it out” aesthetic. Being able to work with a photographer for the first time was such a great experience but also being able to step into your world and see the behind-the-scenes process and see you in your element, is truly inspiring. 

Additionally…

To my band, Sumar Suliman, Daniel Rovinsky, Nate Freedman & Stephen Ryan. Thank you for bringing my songs to life on stage, especially ‘good enough for u’. I sound like a broken record whenever I say this but I am truly grateful for each and every one of you that was willing to help me, rehearse with me, and as I said previously, bring my songs to life. You truly don’t understand how meaningful it is for you guys to be the first instrumentalists I got to form a band with. 

To Nicole Nicolalde, for showing me what a true performer looks like on stage. I knew I had it in me but seeing you perform gave me reassurance that I too can display my performer self on stage (no longer a bedroom-my-hairbrush-as-a-mic performer). Also for sharing so much wisdom with me about what it takes to do so. Te quiero. 

To both Kacie and Maggie for giving me so much advice regarding forming my own band. It was something that I wanted for a really long time and wanted to be a part of one so so badly. But receiving so much insight from you both absolutely helped me when the day came that I had my people, my band, with me. 

and to Avi Nathan, for performing with Abdiel and me at the open mic back in February on such short notice. The way I gave you the rhythm chart just HOURS before the open mic happened… insanity. Thank you for helping me out and taking the time to do that with me.

To you, the listener. Thank you for giving my music a chance to be heard by you. I hope that you continue to follow me along on this journey of mine and get to witness my continuous growth. I promise it’ll be worth it.

and to Britney Spears, Ariana Grande, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Brandy, Whitney Houston, Kehlani, Selena Quintanilla-Pérez, Lady Gaga, Janet Jackson, and Omar Apollo for all inspiring me as a songwriting, vocalist, producer, and performer <3 (because why not)

and to all my friends that I’ve made along the way and have supported and believed in me. To all the friends that were willing to collaborate on songs with me and step into each other's worlds, I value you and I am grateful for you.

[joshuadiazzz]

[joshuadiazzz]

‘personal therapy’ photoshoot outtakes… shot by my cousin lia (who was 9 at the time)

[joshuadiazzz]

personal therapy era gallery dump pt 1.

[joshuadiazzz]

‘personal therapy’ cover + tracklist

[joshuadiazzz]

as many of you know, i’m gearing up to release what is going to be my project, ‘figuring it out’. however, i’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and meditating and felt like i could not put it out unless i did something… that something being the mixtape i got to create back in high school titled, ‘personal therapy’. a pretty wild period of my life but also one where i got to experience what it was like to create original music. i also had the pleasure of working alongside some really talented human beings that helped bring several of the songs (that i would write in between classes and that documented some of the experiences i was going through as a teen) to life. the past several years i have second-guessed the worth of my work and whether or not it sounded ‘complete’. if i didn’t put this project out then, it was because of fear and feeling like i was not capable or prepared. if i don’t put this out now, it would be a complete disservice to my younger self and not acknowledge where i started as a musician. in terms of post-release, i don’t plan to promote much of ‘personal therapy’ simply because that project doesn’t represent where i am now. i decided that for several of the songs that weren’t released prior to this announcement, to remain intact to help display the skill level i was at, at the time of creating them. all explanations aside, ‘personal therapy’ has held a special place in my heart ever since i decided i wanted to create a mixtape of sorts. but, i’m glad that something i held on for so long, will finally be out for you all to hear (on soundcloud only ;)

[joshuadiazzz]

never knew you could add SoundCloud tracks like that omg

[joshuadiazzz]

i was so close to complaining having to work in the cold but then i reminded myself that i had to film a music video outside in the snow so… OUT HERE BEING A TROOPER 🫡

[joshuadiazzz]

‘yes, and?’ is too good! ariana grande, the woman that you are. 💋

[joshuadiazzz]

i have patience and faith that everything will work out for me.

[joshuadiazzz]

hey instagram pupils !!! welcome !!! . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

[joshuadiazzz]

fetus joshua, you will always be famous

[joshuadiazzz]

welcome !!!

step inside my brain, as i'm trying to figure everything out.

feel free to skim through several thoughts i've had and will continue to have.

[joshuadiazzz]

i'm really excited about everything in store this year. i've never been so excited for a year before and the literal excitement is seeping out of my body. may all the plans planned lead to success and more ! :]

[joshuadiazzz]

i am the fame, the fame is in me

[joshuadiazzz]

allowing myself to process my emotions is so difficult because i am so used to suppressing it all. like yeah i might cry at a movie scene or an emotional tiktok, but when it comes to me dealing with my emotions i tend to brush it under the rug