journaling-4-better-health - Tumblr blog

[journaling-4-better-health]

Me too but I can’t seem to do it!

Anaïs Nin, from Fire: From “A Journal of Love”: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1934–1937.

[journaling-4-better-health]

- Please, love me even tough, I am deeply flawed -

When Sylvia Plath said

It reminds me of

Because we want to be able to relax and stop hiding the worst parts of ourselves and still be loved.

[journaling-4-better-health]

I'm bi,shy and ready to cry

[journaling-4-better-health]

I say prayers for you. Sometimes at night before i sleep sometimes when im in the car and you cross my mind i say my little prayer for you 

[journaling-4-better-health]

Thinking of Emily Dickinson and Sue

Just kinda wanna be braless and eat fruit in peace tbh

[journaling-4-better-health]

Rosalind M. Baker, from Woman Prayers: Prayers by Women; “Breakdown,”

[journaling-4-better-health]

Reminder that great friendships are built and sustained on healthy boundaries. There is no healthy friendship without boundaries.

[journaling-4-better-health]

You break patterns by responding differently.

[journaling-4-better-health]

always check yourself for unnecessary negativity and bitterness

[journaling-4-better-health]

Heal before having children so your children don't have to heal from having you as a parent.

Unknown.

[journaling-4-better-health]

Me giving myself pep talks: You are not uniquely horrible

[journaling-4-better-health]

28th Dec, 2020

Bilkul accha ni lgra hai, Bht rona aara hai!!

Bht hopeless, vulnerable & end of everything wala feels!!

[journaling-4-better-health]

Todd Webb. Paris Traffic, Paris. 1950

[journaling-4-better-health]

In 2006 a high school English teacher asked students to write a famous author and ask for advice. Kurt Vonnegut was the only one to respond - and his response is magnificent: “Dear Xavier High School, and Ms. Lockwood, and Messrs Perin, McFeely, Batten, Maurer and Congiusta:

I thank you for your friendly letters. You sure know how to cheer up a really old geezer (84) in his sunset years. I don’t make public appearances any more because I now resemble nothing so much as an iguana.

What I had to say to you, moreover, would not take long, to wit: Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.

Seriously! I mean starting right now, do art and do it for the rest of your lives. Draw a funny or nice picture of Ms. Lockwood, and give it to her. Dance home after school, and sing in the shower and on and on. Make a face in your mashed potatoes. Pretend you’re Count Dracula.

Here’s an assignment for tonight, and I hope Ms. Lockwood will flunk you if you don’t do it: Write a six line poem, about anything, but rhymed. No fair tennis without a net. Make it as good as you possibly can. But don’t tell anybody what you’re doing. Don’t show it or recite it to anybody, not even your girlfriend or parents or whatever, or Ms. Lockwood. OK?

Tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated trash recepticals. You will find that you have already been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what’s inside you, and you have made your soul grow.

God bless you all!

Kurt Vonnegut

Nimbus Publishing and Vagrant Press Goose Lane Editions Breakwater Books Ltd. The Acorn Press Bouton d'or Acadie Canada Council for the Arts | Conseil des arts du Canada

[journaling-4-better-health]

14th Dec, 2020

Ah fuck! We did it again tonight & I never realities guilt would set in. Mainly, I don’t want her to hate or dislike me. Out of everything, this is what am worried about. Ah fuck damnit. She asked me post that if I think she is a bad person for doing it, I don’t think she is. She is a good person. But this was cheating, there’s no justifying it & fucking fact that I could have stopped this from happening but my head was in the gutter! Ugh stupid lust.

I just want to get away from all of it. I don’t want to be this person who ruins relationships.

Why did you do it? Why? I have been asking myself this since the moment it happned. It was wrong.

Ugh am scared after a few months, I might do it again. I don’t want to. Just fucken have some control.

Am sorry. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, right? It could be another of our little secrets. Lord! Pls let this be a secret. Forever.

What really surprises me is even after everything, knowing & living through everything, I went there again. How could I do this to myself? I should be more concerned.

I finally have a bf, why did I do this?

Forget about it.

[journaling-4-better-health]

12th Dec,2020

I did something. And now it feels like a dumb move considering she was having some feelings, plus it took me so long to finalllyyyy be ok with things. Whatever that may, I don’t want her to hate or dislike me.

I have fallen back into every single thing I got over in Mumbai in these past 2.5 years.

Just gonna try not to overthink or basically think anything around this. I feel like talking to my therapist.

Feeling dumb, stupid & fucked

[journaling-4-better-health]

11th Dec, 2020

Today, anxiety made my heart beat like crazy. Am ok with the idea of being in the field but actually being in the field is full of anxiety, acid reflux, shaking my leg, chapping my lips.

Am also scared about not liking him enough. Ever. I like him & never want to hurt him. He’s one of the good ones. Am just hoping he goes to Ireland soon & I can stop being responsible for this. Yup, there’s a pattern here, isse I see.

Still need my 5 qualities - kind, compassionate, good listener....