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Why I am No longer talking to white people about race (March read)

This book had been longggg anticipated as a read for me. Its cover has been so recognisable, particularly since June 2020 (which she discussed in her afterword) and also after reading the "There's No Justice, Just Us" Chapter as required for one of my post colonial seminars at university.

So concisely written, and I learned even more things that I was not aware of regarding race relations in Britain. It really tackles the issue that is so glaring, but as it showcases itself, is so invisible. Racism as a structural issue, which is evident in its insidiousness. p.x. "I've written before about the ubiquitous politics of race that operates on its inherent invisibility"

"it's like treacle is poured into their ears", "the gulf of emotional disconnect" -- these are expressions which panged a lot from my own discussions with white family members that left me boiling with rage. that feeling of, no matter how much you articulate your point well, or bend it to accommodate to the disconnect, it feels your point does not land, or that by the end, they agree only in an effort for the conversation to end, yet still pertain their own view.

p.xi "I can't have a conversation with them about the details of a problem if they don't even recognise that the problem exists"

p.xii "a lifetime of self-censorship"

concept of white guilt. fear being a strong force, the fear of a black planet chapter. and with this, an accurate analysis of something, and in turn, admitting to carrying out a view that at its core, feels so inhumane to me. the afterword discusses when Eddo-Lodge listened to a podcast episode on Planet Money and NPR's Keith Romer talked about laws that provided a moment where "this economic change starts to feel like it's threatening the social order in this fundamental way"

MORE TO EDIT AND SAY ON THIS !!!

[joysboard]

Open Water Thoughts (Feb read)

so so so beautiful 

i think often why i struggled to get into poetry when i was younger was because it always felt cryptic and pretentious 

every sentiment and word was intentional, meaningful and necessary 

it did remind me of a native land aime cesaire 

it had an aliveness 

the form and tones fluidity matched the fluidity of the meanings and plot 

i loved the fact it was not only a love story but it was how this love was intercepted by wider things and insecurities 

even though the ending was sad, it was beautiful and real, as for a while it all seemed very hunky dory with no issues 

shows how much racism can eat you up inside 

i love how it articulated the not knowing

hit home also because of being able to recognise all the places mentioned 

i loved the way it mentioned music and that was a backbone for a lot of the moments

also felt it was so necessary and beautiful having him a photographer and her an artist 

both creatives and that intercepting how they were with each other and the distinction between looking and really seeing 

it just described that feeling when you really love someone / care for them so perfectly well and accurately 

the phrasing was just so so pleasing 

want to underline all my favourites and defo want to re read 

i loved the parts that were repeated too 

he articulated both the minute feelings and glances and colossal stuff so well  

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Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

Didn’t catch the name of the photographer but super harrowing but necessary stuff. The pain and trials women have to go through is honestly insane. The story of the first woman really haunted me. It also felt interesting with the mention of the European Court of Justice - I’m hearing them mentioned so much in the lectures on law I am doing against my will - so it was interesting to see it come into contact with the things I do enjoy engaging in

theres also something so interesting about the text accompanying the photos. if we saw the photos alone, we would have no idea of the awful experiences that have changed the trajectory of these wonen’s lives. the photos themselves don’t have them posed in a way to suggest what has happened to them - almost clinical and documentation style, as if for a passport photo. perhaps far fetched, but it links to the clinical nature of the abhorrent laws, so unwavering in their strictness, that allowed these awful atrocities to occur to these women regarding abortions

[joysboard]

Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

Images are not all by the same photographer. Hughes and DeCarave book feels like it could be interesting for future diss stuff

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Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

A nice contrast to the portrait photography throughout the exhibition. A reminder of the importance of accessories and other items on our persons, and how much this can suggest, or not suggest about someone

it’s telling but also confining ?

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Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

Really loved this idea - playing with his people who knew him 10 years ago thought he would be doing now. The range just shows how subjective perception of another really can be

[joysboard]

Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

I was really captivated by the slightness in the differences of expression, but that minimal change was still so apparent.

the last image carries so much sadness - like he is cemented by whatever is plaguing him

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Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

The description for this talked about inside everyone there being “the death of the inner child” or something like that

interesting this idea of having lived multiple lives in different stages of your life, so much so your whole demeanour is altered and warped

[joysboard]

Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

Really intrigued by the concept and the raw vulnerability in some of these images. It feels very natural and completely absolved of the male gaze - in the sense of - appearing, whether subconsciously or not, a certain way to the lens

this feels unashamed in what it’s depicting

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Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

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Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

Obsessed with the innocent and very natural moment captured here

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Corps à Corps - Pompidou 3/2/24

Love the contrast between the white tent and it’s dark underneath. The sharp shapes and lines the triangle form makes are so pleasing and are akin to the powerful pose the woman takes on

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good accounts

@the.rendition

@bouncecinema

@weareparable

@nourishment

@ yellowzine

@prophetmagazine

[joysboard]

My Year Of Rest and Relaxation

i loved the almost over-self awareness of the main character 

the tone of the narration was really funny and witty, the use of vocabulary was really precise, intentional and pleasing 

i preferred it more at the beginning, but i began to tire of the stagnancy of the plot. it really does live up to its name, and i guess is true of how the depressed experience of the character would be. but it just made it less interesting to read. it could have been way shorter, as nothing changes at all really 

it becomes more interesting learning about how she’s avoiding thinking of her parents and the end pages are interesting when she’s “reborn” again 

it’s also interesting considering the youtube vid i watched and often the feeling i’ve had in the past of desiring to not exist as opposed to dying altogether 

i think i would have enjoyed it more if i read it much faster 

so overall i was a little bit disappointed because people really raved about this book. but there were many pleasing elements 

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[joysboard]

New Words 

replete - filled well or well supplied with something 

polyphonal - consisting of two or more autonomous vocal lines 

petulance - the quality of being childish, bad tempered, sulking. 

morose/surly - sullen and ill tempered 

mandibles - lower jawbone in mammals/fishes 

promulgate - promote or make widely known 

efflorescence - the action or process of developing and unfolding as if coming into a flower 

Invidiousness - tending to cause discontent, animosity, or envy 2 a : unpleasant, objectionable, or obnoxious b : of a kind to cause harm or resentment.

querulously- habitually complaining, fretful, whining 

lugubrious - looking or sounding sad and dismal 

litany - a tedious recital or repetitive series or a series of petitions for use in church services or processions, usually recited by the clergy and responded to in a recurring formula by the people.

topor - a state of physical or mental inactivity; lethargy 

ambrosial - pertaining to or worthy of the gods, divine  

plangencies - having the character of a loud deep sound, reverbarance etc 

unbridled - uncontrolled or unrestrained 

Precipice - steep cliff 

impervious - unaffected by/impermeable 

Perjured - lying under oath 

Guileless - innocent without deception, artless 

Abettor - aiding someone in doing something wrong 

Eunuch - a man who has been castrated, especially one employed to guard the women’s living areas at an oriental court 

Renegade - betrays an organisation 

Pantisocratic apostle of apostasy - utopian scheme by Coleridge and Southey for an egalitarian community 

Apostasy - rejection of christianity by someone who formerly was a christian 

Posterity - all future generations of people 

Calumny - making defamatory statements 

Convalescence - time spent recovering from an illness or medical treatment; recuperation 

Inveigh - speak or write about something with great hostility 

Anaphora - the use of a word referring back to a word used earlier in a text or conversation, to avoid repetition, for example the pronouns he, she, it, and they and the verb do in I like it and so do they.

Perfidy - the state of being deceitful and untrustworthy.

Polemical - expressing or constituting a strongly critical attack on or controversial opinion about someone or something.

Scrupulous - (of a person or process) careful, thorough, and extremely attentive to details.

Prudent - acting with or showing care and thought for the future.

Lachrymose - acting with or showing care and thought for the future.

Ingenuity - the quality of being clever, original, and inventive. Heideggerean - Heidegger believes that today's metaphysics, in the form of technology and the calculative thinking related to it, has become so pervasive that there is no realm of life that is not subject to its dominance.

Immanent - existing or operating within; inherent.

Collocation - the habitual juxtaposition of a particular word with another word or words with a frequency greater than chance. And the action of placing things side by side or in position. sonority - hierarchal ranking of speech sounds 

venereal - relating to sexual desire or intercourse 

garrulous - verbosity. speech or writing that uses more words than necessary 

conquistador - explorers of spanish / Portuguese empires of 15th/16th centuries  

fumaroles - opening in or near a volcano 

epiglottis - thin flap in the oesophagus. stays open to allow air and breathing 

implacability - unable to be stopped, relentless 

obsequiousness - obedient to an excessive degree

flummery - meaningless or insincere flattery 

Concomitant - naturally accompanying or associated 

mellifluous - (of a sound) pleasingly smooth and musical to hear.

self-effacement - the quality of not claiming attention for oneself 

exegesis - critical explanation or interpretation of a text, especially of scripture 

hermetic - (of a seal or closure) complete and airtight but also Hermeticism or Hermetism is a philosophical and religious system based on the purported teachings of Hermes Trismegistus. These teachings are contained in the various writings attributed to Hermes, which were produced over a period spanning many centuries and may be very different in content and scope.

[joysboard]

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

I have such a big list of films on my watchlist and this one was one there for a long time. I realised the main reason I have not watched so many of the films I want to (besides procrastination), is that my mum always instilled into me that watching movies illegally was very bad.

I am sorry Mum, but I am missing out on so many greats as neither you or I can afford Amazon Prime and Netflix is void of anything good or long lasting.

I really really loved this film. Really up my street. The time jumps were confusing at the beginning, however made sense and were necessary when you understand the synopsis of the film. It just raises such interesting questions about relationships and how you would choose to go about things if you knew how things would play out; the balance between the joy and pain in it all. I thought it was really clever and much more layered when the doctors and colleagues themselves also had a role to play in the memory erasure treatment, as it highlights the reality of these relationships as widespread, rather than a Joel and Clementine issue only.

Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet were undoubtedly amazing. They are so so convincing. I loved the moment when they were in the deconstructing house and rehashing over that moment retrospectively but within the memory and guiding each other through their thought processes. I loved when they dived into Joel's humiliation memory when he was bullied by some other kids and Clementine reassured him through it, and he sweetly audibly wished she could have been with him in the real moment/grown up together. It really made me think about the importance of vulnerability within relationships and how fear is the biggest thing that holds people back in so so many instances, and consequently creates this egotistical guard to slowly built up till you end up saying hurtful things to the other person you might not intend.

This feels all the more intense as I am listening to "The Way We Were / Try To Remember - by Gladys, Knight and The Pips". The lyrics are extremely relevant:

Memories light the corners of my mind Misty water-colored memories of the way we were Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind Smiles we gave to one another for the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then Or has time rewritten every line If we had the chance to do it all again Tell me, would we? Could we?

Memories may be beautiful and yet What's too painful to remember We simply choose to forget So it's the laughter we will remember Whenever we remember The way we were The way we were

As now with a lot of things/films/instances to do with relationships, it makes me think about my parent's "failed" relationship. It makes me want to ask both my mum and dad, and anyone else I know in life who has broken up with a partner, that if they were given the choice, would they choose to erase the memories of the relationship? Of course, there are other factors in play, such that my parents are married with kids for 20+ years, whereas someone else may not have all these other obstacles or as many years tied to their relationship.

In my eyes, it feels like divorce is such a waste of time. Not that it should not happen - it most definitely should if each spouse is no longer happy. But it just makes me think the past however many years spent were a waste. A fail. But maybe, like this film suggests, it wouldn't have been any other way - they would have come to each other again anyway. Who knows.