jsvinth34-blog
jsvinth34-blog
Soundtrack to my life
60 posts
Just trying to get through life without too many scars
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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My commitment issues haunt me once again...
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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New Hodgy, good shit
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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This song almost perfectly describes things right now, that and its a freaking awesome song...
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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I love you with all my heart, I really do. And i should have just let things carry on like they have been, but I had to open my big mouth and say something about how im getting hurt.  And now we are here, feeling shitty about every thing that ive ever done, or everything thats ever happened to me.  And i dont have anyone to talk to, to cheer me up like you do.  You are that person, or maybe were that person.  Im hurting all over again and all the bad feelings are returning, and i just wish you could comfort me right now.
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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There is just something about this song that gets me, it is so simple, yet great, its been on repeat for the last hour because its that good
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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I really really wish that I could go back in time and do things differently. I know for a fact I would be at least ten times happier than I am right now. I know that if I could have told the doctors different things or had them not do surgery at all, this could have been avoided. In addition, if I could take back some of the things I said and done, maybe I would still be with this one person...
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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To the girl that has my heart
Im a fucking idiot for what I did to you, it should have never happened and it was the stupidest thing i could have done.  You have cared for me so much and been so great to me but I just decided that day I would throw it all away.  And now im sitting here understanding how bad it hurt you, because you moving on (like you rightfully should have because im honestly a dumbass and didnt realize at the time what i had) is hurting me more than you would think. you were there for me when i was so sick, and that meant (and still means) the world to me.  And ive finally come to terms and admitted that i love you, but you are still with him and seeing you sitting with him yesterday when i got out of class hurt me more than you can believe.  Im so sorry for everything and I really want that second chance but i know i dont deserve it in the least bit.
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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Late night thoughts
Why can't I sleep? This been going on for three days now, I can never fall asleep at night..just tossing and turning. Then our new puppy wakes me up in the early morning because he cries when he is put in his cage for like an hour. And the worst part about tonight and not being able to sleep is the fact that I think back to last year and the hospital, and how I missed out on everything: valentines day (which I don't even like anyways but still), my birthday, st pattys day, 4th of July, etc. I think this valentines day is gonna suck worse than last year, because the person I had plans with broke them to go eat dinner with a guy she doesn't even like. At least last year I had a Valentine, even if I didn't know it because I was on too many drugs. And at the same time she would text me every night saying good night, even though she knew I was too messed up to reply back to her almost every time. That right there means so much to me, that she would take the time to do that. In addition, on my birthday, my best friend from back home skipped his classes to come visit me on my birthday when I was stuck in the hospital. That meant (and still means) more to me than he will ever know. Just thinking about these two people right now is making me cry because they have been so great to me for so long. But at the same time, these thoughts of the hospital keep popping back into my head and they hurt me mentally and emotionally. All I want right now is to be able to sleep for a full night. I don't want to have to rely on a pill to make me sleep.
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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I think I have finally come to the realization that lately things are not going in my favor, or better yet im in this funk right now and I cant do anything right.  I found out this evening that I most likely wont be getting the job that I thought I had the best chance of getting because I have a connection there.  Also, Im still having problems with things from my hospitalizations from last year (granted at least part of these things will probably never get better for me, but still).  Im sitting here at work right now, and it could be because its late and im really sleepy, but I just feel blah about everything, like im sick of how things are right now, but i know im just gonna be too lazy to fix them until they get even worse. I hate thinking like that, but lets be realistic here.  I just wish I didnt have to find another job to make at least some money, I wasnt so bummed with the "current girl situation", and i didnt have to worry about all these medical issues that always haunt me on a daily basis.  I wish I could just escape to a deserted island for a week or month with the girl i really care about, and just recharge my batteries and reset everything.  I feel that is much needed right now
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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This video reminds me of when I was in the hospital.  It doesnt remind me of the bad things from then, but (if there were any) the good.  I remember I would be watching the tv at 2 or 5 in the morning when VH1 would actually play music videos.  I found strange comfort in this song, and more importantly the video.  I think it helped me pass the time while I was waiting for my two hours to be up so I could get some more pain medicine and go to sleep.  Whatever the reasoning, I do really enjoy this song and this video.
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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The past is only the future with the lights on
Baby come on by +44
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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That "L" word
ive never felt this way about someone, its been so hard to say that word to someone (i never have before) but now that i have, the pain hurts even more because they are with someone else.  im sitting here listening to my super sad songs because i might just honestly be depressed.  I know im sad and all, but i might be depressed as well.  I wish it wasnt this painful, i dont want to get over her, i just very much want her back.  And i know they can read this, and im sorry you have to read it (it probably hurts even more and i dont want that to happen at all) but this is where i post things where a majority of the world cant see them, its kind of my little escape.  But i do know that i feel like my heart has just broken, and broken again and i dont know if there is any such thing as picking up the pieces and starting again...i really dont know... 
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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I think spelling bees should have a phone a friend option. "this is for the national spelling bee championship...'id like to phone a friend please'"
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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I hate when you have an epiphany while you are in the shower that essentially questions all your previous thinking on the subject
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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combining two of my favorite things: New Orleans and the San Francisco 49ers :D
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jsvinth34-blog · 12 years ago
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"Wiseman closed his mouth Madman closed his fist"
Wise Man by Frank Ocean
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