ju1c3machine - Tumblr blog

[ju1c3machine]

Imagine a vampire sucked your blood and they didn't even pop a boner. not even half hard. fully flaccid the entire time they sucked your blood. I'd be so humiliated.

[ju1c3machine]

WHO is gonna enter a toxic unstable codependent blood marriage with me

[ju1c3machine]

I know how it feels to suck. Your bed is not made, you are eating two days old fast food leftovers, you haven't moved your body for fun in weeks or years, you don't open a book to read or study unless you have no option, if you have a instrument it's probably rotting in the loft. I understand. I have been there and when you reflect on it, it sucks. We suck sometimes and it's not fine but it's normal. The thing with adulting is that you exactly get to decide where your life should go to wherever you may be led. So starting with a ten minute walk everyday is better than a four hour gym session once a week, reading a page a day is better than scrolling on instagram, drinking a smoothie is better than the chocolate milkshake. Life is too short to keep cutting out the good things. We can focus on adding on and swapping out while learning to live and love. We can binge on the good things and be better than the rest. It's true although, that sometimes we might suck.

[ju1c3machine]

my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called "korea, 1950" 😳 you'll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude i swear we've been here for 11 years.

my buddy hawkeye, pacing: who's responsible?

[ju1c3machine]

I dreamed I was alive one time before the world began

[ju1c3machine]

[ju1c3machine]

"I'm glad you're okay" but said by someone who has just had the shit beaten out of them, to someone who is not hurt at all, is a brilliant trope and I lose my mind every time.

[ju1c3machine]

starting a collection

[ju1c3machine]

“oh no, my audience has begun to guess the big twists of my story and are accurately predicting what will happen!”

incorrect response: write the rest of the story to be as twisty, shocking and counter to expectations as possible, regardless of whether this is a logical or satisfying way for the plot to go

correct response:

[ju1c3machine]

me irl

[ju1c3machine]

Every time i purchase a moderately expensive item the Karl Marx on my shoulder is like "For shame... you purchase yet another pair of jeans when you have 5 already at home, you despicable commodity fetishist? In my time, a man with five outfits would consider himself blessed beyond measure, and yet you want for more, while there are children starving in the world??" to which the second Karl Marx on my other shoulder says "Objection! Those 5 pairs of jeans all wildly uncomfortable or have holes in the ass, due to the decline of clothing quality driven by the fast fashion industry, unfortunately making this purchase a necessity... Plus, by purchasing a slightly more expensive pair of jeans from an independent brand, seeking quality over 'brand recognition', they are deliberately trying to avoid engaging in conspicuous consumption!" to which the third Karl Marx clinging to my back like that beetle from Doctor Who says "Remember, my friend; the less you eat, drink, buy books, go to the theatre or to balls, or to the pub, and the less you think, love, theorize, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you will be able to save and the greater will become your treasure which neither moth nor rust will corrupt — your capital. Buy the jeans," to which I say "I don't know if any of you have actually read Karl Marx"

[ju1c3machine]

talking to a queer person you just met and slowly beginning to realize they're a category 10 normie is honestly horror movie material you're just saying your funny words seeing the recognition-as-human slowly drain from their eyes feeling the violins in the score swell as it dawns on you that this person has never even interacted with an armpit in a sexual context

[ju1c3machine]

he makes me so happy and so profoundly sad at the same time

[ju1c3machine]

[ju1c3machine]

im so burnout i can only offer mediocre doodles lmfao.

anyways, here ´s pookie again. i feel asleep listening to that one sound so the song was stuck to my head and yah

[ju1c3machine]

Some commissions!

Actually, my commission arts are open, and you can find all the information in my boosty: https://boosty.to/neavgust

If you have any questions or want to buy, you can message me here!

[ju1c3machine]

guy who is definitely not about to fall into a surprise midday nap with an aftermath worse than a hangover: it seems like a really good idea to lay in bed and get cozy under the blanket as part of my plan not to fall asleep. I do not know why.