julianlauritzen

[julianlauritzen]

Autumn's words were quiet, barely audible with the wind and the surf, but even with six months and a continent between where they used to be, Jules was attuned to Autumn's voice; he would always be able to pick it out of a crowd. That much had not changed; that much was certain. His gaze settled somewhere just to the side of Autumn's knee as she spoke, and even in that moment, even as he knew that if this was when he was going to tell her something - he couldn't come up with a single word. But he didn't want Autumn to feel like that, like she was just there. He turned his head, resting his forehead against the railing, blinking down at his hands in his lap, searched for words that he knew he couldn't find. And as he did, it seemed that his hands grew further and further away, and Jules closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, held it, and let it out as slowly as possible, exhaling with the ocean, trying hard to quell the panic rising in sharp waves through his chest, into his shoulders, to his fingertips and stomach. He focused on the scratching of Autumn's pencil, on the memory of her arms around him and the scent of her soap, on the sensation of having her here, with him. She was never just there.

The press of her fingers on his chin brought his gaze back to her, wide brown eyes that had been described in a variety of ways, among them warm, soft, and doe-like, snapping up to her face, as he drew his bottom lip between his teeth, shrinking slightly away from her ------ but he still smiled at her, small and sad, apologetic for his instinctual behavior, and let her gently steer his gaze back to the water. He alighted on a sailboat, working her way back to shore, and he focused on the white triangles of her sails as Jules finally released his lip from between his teeth. "I - um. Tried - I. A raspberry lemon coffee cake, but I - I think the icing was too sweet. And cake pops? Which is - they're - they're always - I like making them, and people - people always like them! So - r-red - red velvet and - red velvet and birthday cake, um - we had - we had a birthday order! Not of the cake pops, but for a pie. Peach." This last word came out clipped, quick, as he became suddenly aware of how long he'd been talking, and that Autumn was trying to focus on her drawing. He breathed out an apology, a soft, "Sorry, I'm sorry," and he dropped his eyes again, though stopped short of letting himself fall out of the position Autumn had put him in. 

( just a silhouette )

There it was. The guilt struck her quick and struck her hot. She felt his weight on her shoulders, but shook her head quickly in hopes of getting rid of it. “I know…six months is a long time…which is why you don’t have to tell me what’s going on”, she mumbled, biting down on her bottom lip. Her eyes slipped away from the paper and to his fingers on the inside of her wrist. “You never have to tell me if you won’t ever feel like it, I’ll just be the silent partner. I’ll sit here and be the friend who is just there”, she admitted, letting her eyes finally fall away from his fingers and back to her blank page that only had a few strokes of her pencil.

Autumn finally looked up to Julian with a smile that seemed to be mixed with a soft smirk. “I don’t think there is such thing as too many pictures of Julian Lauritzen”, she admitted leaning over and tilting his chin a certain way. She hummed quietly as her fingers lightly touched his skin, fixing him into a more natural position. “Don’t be rigid, just keep looking out…tell me about the things you made today”, she smiled, picking her pencil back up as she sat back into her place. As she looked over at him, instead of the ocean, gently stroking the pencil again the page. “You’ll always be my model, nothing can change that.”

[julianlauritzen]

Deal. ----- Yes, really, Becca. The very idea of you being hurt makes my stomach turn, and I'd - I'd like to avoid it. All of it, you being hurt, not just - not just me seeing it. ------ I know there are - I feel like I learn something new about you everyday, and it just - it makes you even more incredible than I'd thought the day previous. I don't ever want to stop learning things about you, so - so if - if it's okay, I - I'd like to stick around. However long you want me to. I'm glad you had fun, though! That it was as good as you remembered - and maybe Aaron had a point. You'll get cleaned up and be as good as new for another ride, tomorrow. And yes - I've no doubt that you'll beat him, if not next time, then very soon. --------------- I know, I know, I'm s- I know. Becca, pain is something; I - it always means something, sometimes - sometimes it teaches you something, and other times it's just - other times it just reminds you that you're alive. - Not really? What is not really a helmet? Please wear a helmet, a complete helmet, next time, yeah? Please?

I’m okay. Alright, alright, deal; you don’t apologize and I won’t apologize. Really? Well I’ll try my best to not have it happen too often, Ian. There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Jules; but you’ll learn everything eventually, if you want stick around long enough for it. It was still fun, even after I got hurt; I’d get back on it now, except Aaron would murder me. But yes, it was as fun as I remembered. ———————————— Hey, no apologies, remember? And like I’ve told you before, physical pain is nothing, I don’t mind it. - Not really..

[julianlauritzen]

It's okay. It's okay, you're --- it's fine. If I don't have to apologize, then neither do you, okay? I don't think I want to get used to it ----- and even if I did, it would never stop being awful, you know? I didn't know that you knew how to ride a motorcycle. Was it as fun as you remembered? Before - I mean. Before - before you got hurt? --------------------- Alright, sorry, I'm sorry, it might sting a little bit, I'm sorry, Becca... Were you - um. Were you wearing a helmet, at least?

No need to apologize, Ian. I know, I’m sorry; I really shouldn’t have said that. - If you want to, then I’m going to let you do it —— thank you. —————————— Aaron - we used to do it all the time when we were younger, but I hadn’t been on a bike in a while, and well —— -….. things happen.

[julianlauritzen]

I'm sorry - I just - I know. I'm not. Used to it. I'm sorry, of course - of course you can do it yourself, but you shouldn't have to. I just - I want to? Please? Okay. --------------------- So who - who were you racing?

I’m alright, Ian —— - honestly, I thought you’d be used to seeing me hurt by now. That doesn’t sound alright at all, I’m sorry. - I’m okay, I don’t mind the blood. ——————- You don’t have to help me clean up again. But - okay, okay.

[julianlauritzen]

Oh- oh, Becca, are you - I mean. You're - you're bleeding? Which you know. You know that - are you okay? Apart from the bleeding? ------------ Come here, yeah?

     Shouldn’t have stopped riding motorcycles ———— - - then maybe I would’ve beat him. - Oh well, there’s always next time.

[julianlauritzen]

[julianlauritzen]

( text : ian )

Becca: Stop - I seriously owe you so much for helping me. Thank you, thank you so much for staying up with me, helping me with notes, quizzing me, helping me make food. Just thank you.

Becca: You want glitter? I'll get you glitter, kid.

Becca: You just explained why it was your fault, but no hard feelings at all! It's nice to see that he likes someone so much. You're so sweet to me, stop that. xoxox

Becca: Also - how do you college? I'm kind of nervous now? What do I wear? BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHAT BOOKS DO I TAKE TO READ? Definitely Kerouac ----- I think three books should last through the day.

Ian: Becca, really, I just did the paperwork. Made note cards and stuff. You actually learned the stuff and got the grades and did everything. I mean - of course you're welcome, but I didn't do much at all. But you're welcome.

Ian: No, it's okay! It's okay. I don't need or want anything, it's okay. I just thought glitter was a thing? But it's okay! Don't worry about it. It's your hat, after all! You get to choose whatever you want, and if you don't want glitter, than there won't be any glitter. No worries!

Ian: No, no, I was just pointing out that I bribe him! He loves you, just because. Well, because you're you, but also because you're his mother. He's just a cat! And acts like a cat. But I like him, too. Cats are nice. Never. xoxoxo

Ian: Oh - no, no, don't be nervous! You're so smart, and so ready. It might seem a little daunting, but once you're on your feet and around all of your classmates - you'll be doing wonderfully! Well you - you need to get your book list for your classes, first! I mean - yes, Kerouac is always good, though I know that you always have at least one on your person. But you do have to get all of your textbooks, too! And those will be interesting to read.

[julianlauritzen]

( text : ian )

Becca: No need to thank me xo

Becca: Yas, yas. Wonderful, Ian -- looking forward to it. Yeah, I have everything -- except glitter, but I doubt we'll need it.

Becca: Oh please - I mean, sure I believe it when it comes to Luci, but Draco scratches me so much now ---- it's all your fault, child; but it's more than fine. Yeah? Is that so? You can come take him whenever you want then, I'm sure he'll love you down and won't miss me at all x

Ian: I know. I just. I'm really happy, and I'm so glad and honored that you're letting me be a part of all of this.

Ian: Oh, wow, okay. Me too! It'll be fun, I'm sure it will! Okay. Right. No glitter? I mean, that's fine! Of course it is. I just. No glitter?

Ian: What? How is that my fault? Just because I bribe him with snacks and scratches, that doesn't mean that I turned him against you. No, Becca, honestly - he'd start howling without you! He's just standoffish to your face, I promise. He'd start howling, and I'd have to come and bring him back in the middle of the night and your aunt would think I was a prowler and would call the police. It would be a snowball effect. xoxo

[julianlauritzen]

( text : ian )

Becca: It's okay.

Becca: Shush. You too! No shush, you too; you can come over around noon?

Becca: I'm fine with that. The kiddos already miss you. - I'm sure Draco wants to live with you instead of me now.

Ian: Okay. Thank you.

Ian: Oh, wow, really? Okay! I can do that! I'll be there! Do you have everything? Glue sticks and stuff?

Ian: No, I doubt that very much! They love you most of all. But sleepovers, maybe. Weekends. Draco is always welcome. Just, if you need him looked after at all or anything! But he'd miss you before too long!

[julianlauritzen]

( text : ian )

Becca: You make funny jokes - sometimes.

Becca: Do you want to decorate it now? We can do that before my aunt comes home.

Becca: Perfect! - No fair, you're not to make cupcakes this time, period.

Ian: It's okay, I know I'm not hilarious. Intentionally.

Ian: Sorry? Me, too? Really? I wouldn't want to get in your way!

Ian: Alright, alright. I promise, I won't make any cupcakes this time. Though I do know where we can get some if Lucifer or Draco get into them.

[julianlauritzen]

( text : ian )

Becca: I'm laughing at that one, should I be laughing or is it just because I'm beyond happy about this?

Becca: That too! I'm gonna decorate it, because it's a fucking must. Yeah? Thanks. Thank you, Ian.

Becca: Do it, I'll accept the gift this once! - I'm making the cupcakes this time around, don't argue.

Ian: You should be laughing! You should be so happy you can't hold it all in! Though, to answer your question, I do think that it's because you're just so happy in the first place, because we both know I'm not a particularly funny person.

Ian: You're all set, then! Oh - we weren't allowed to decorate ours. Though I didn't actually go to my graduation, so I don't know for sure whether people did or not. Yeah. You're welcome.

Ian: Consider it done! - Oh, are you? Then I'm making the backup batch.

Ian: Don't argue. (:

[julianlauritzen]

( text : ian )

Becca: Finally! Everything paid off.

Becca: Yes! My Lit teacher took care of everything for me, bless his soul - I definitely need to take him dinner or something when I visit LA.

Becca: Not yet, she's not home! But you can come over tomorrow and we'll surprise her? You need to see it yourself, Ian.

Ian: Of course it did, Becca. I for one never doubted you - the U.S. Postal Service, maybe, but never you.

Ian: The hat, too? I've never seen someone look good in them, but you - I'm sure you'd look beautiful.

Ian: I would like that, Becca. Do you have a frame or matting yet? Can I get you one, if not? For a graduation gift?

[julianlauritzen]

( text : ian )

Becca: it came in the mail!!! ian, it's here. can i cry now?

Becca: i'm going to cry and you're going to cry with me because i can finally sleep.

Ian: Becca!! Finally! That's amazing!

Ian: Did you get a tassel, too?

Ian: No, no crying, only happiness and smiles. God. I'm so happy for you, Becca. Have you told your aunt yet?

[julianlauritzen]

Even from this distance, Julian could taste the salt on his lip as he bit down on it while he listened to her speak. "It's - it's - s-six." He paused, took a deep breath, glancing out at the darkening horizon. They would have a good view of the sunset if they went around to the opposite side, but they wouldn't see the ocean. "Six months is a long time," he finally said, voice soft, words slow and careful, making sure that he didn't stumble over any of the words. He twisted his fingers together again in his lap, trying to think of what else to say - there was a lot he could tell her, if not for the burning, growing lump in his throat. Instead, Jules turned slightly and gently reached over to touch her wrist, just a brush of his fingers against her skin, his eyes downcast. 

Unintentionally doing the complete opposite of what she'd asked him to do, Jules glanced over at her, startled by the sudden change in her tone. Gone was the gentle promise that he didn't have to tell her anything he wasn't ready to, and in its place was the confident direction of an artist talking to their model. He blushed immediately as he saw some of the first lines she'd created ------- it didn't look like him yet, but he knew that under her careful hand, it would. He shook his head. "You don't - it's -" he tapped his fingers on his thigh, an erratic beat, a release of nervous energy. "Don't you ha-have - don't you have - don't - don't you have enough pictures of me?" he finally asked, trying to smile but ending up biting on his lip instead, and turning his head where she had asked him to. 

( just a silhouette )

Autumn was shocked and stunned into a state of surprise as Julian tugged her closer. It was barely any kind of tug, but it was something. It was him drawing her in closer, not her entering his personal space. He was entering hers. Her own hands shook slightly, blue eyes never seeming to part from his warm caramel colored ones. “Being here…that’s enough”, she whispered, taking the chance to lean into his grasp and into his touch. It was just for a second or two that his palm was pressed to her cheek with the help of her own hand. But in that second it was like an electric shock shot down her spine and made every nerve ending come alive. She drew back, but that feeling remained. There was something unnerving about such a feeling, one she didn’t want to admit. Not quiet yet.

The only thing that could distract her from the racing thoughts in her mind was drawing. She had immediately starting to sketch the shoreline, just out of instinct. No thought went into the simple drawing of the shoreline, she was more preoccupied by the stealing glances up at him as he stumbled through his words. “You don’t ever have to tell me you know, if it’s something you’re not ready to talk about just…squeeze my hand or knee or something, and I’ll drop it”, she admitted turning her page in the book. “Look out that way, please”, she asked politely, but it was practically an order as she picked up a different pencil and began to outline once more- only this time it was him.

[julianlauritzen]

Still preoccupied with shaking the towel out, Jules startled a bit when she reached for his pinky, and he looked down at her smaller hand, and was hit with an overwhelming affection and fondness for her. She was his best friend, and he loved her. He knew that he did; so what was he so afraid of? It seemed like the answer was dancing just out of reach, and the more he grabbed for it, the harder it was to catch. He gently tugged at her grip on his finger until she was moving towards him, and he brushed some of her hair back from her face, trembling fingertips barely brushing her skin. Her eyes were reddened, making the blue of her irises and the luminosity of her skin even more pronounced. "I w-wish - I wish I could - I wish I could th-think of something - of something, some - some little thing to say," he told her, glancing down as she led them out onto the observation deck.

She had not held his hand for a particularly long time, but it still felt empty and cool when she let him go, and he tugged the sleeves of his shirt down over his hands. Julian chose his spot carefully, leaving plenty of room for her art supplies and trying hard not to get into the way of her view, inching to the edge of the deck and letting his legs drop through the railing again, just as he had a few minutes ago. This time, however, he had his head turned towards Autumn, watching as she made the initial few marks on the paper. He loved watching her draw, loved the concentration on her face as she worked on getting a tricky line just right, loved watching the lines actually come to life on the paper. The corners of his mouth quirked up in an attempt at a smile as she explained why she was here, but he felt another shock of panic as she asked what he was doing here. He didn't know the answer to that. "Just - I just - um. Though some fr-fresh - some fresh air would be nice?" he tried, glancing down at his hands in his lap, and down past his scuffed sneakers, to the ground, out to the water, back up to Autumn. 

( just a silhouette )

In those moments where the hug spanned longer than a normal hug. Things started to feel like they were falling back into place, his fingers stroke her shoulders back like how she loved.  The only way that ever seemed to truly relax her when she was this upset. Deep down, her Jules and their friendship was breaking through the cement that separate them. It sprung some hope with her, a hope that this wasn’t dead and they really were able to get past all of the things that had wormed in between them. Autumn looked over at him, sniffling back the moment of weakness that had broken free as he pulled out the towel. “You always did think of the little things”, she admitted, reaching down for his finger like she usually would. Autumn lead him back towards the fresh salty air once more. Fresh air would do them both some good, probably even help to heal whatever wounds lay between them.

She took a seat on the laid out towel, only then releasing his hand in order to pull her sketchbook from the bag at her side. She dug through and pulled out her sketch book and charcoal pencils. “I came here just to sketch, get out of the house for a little while”, she admitted, flipping through the many used pages as before coming to a clear one near the end of the book, which only meant it was time to buy a new one. “Why did you come up here?”, she asked carefully, looking out at the water before them with a pencil dangling between her fingers carefully.

[julianlauritzen]

text from ( ✉ ) amelia

Amelia: Hardly.

Jules: I'm sorry.

[julianlauritzen]

text from ( ✉ ) amelia

Amelia: Friends talk.

Jules: We talk! We're talking now, we text a lot!