julieasu-blog

[julieasu-blog]

11/26/19

**I forgot to post these past few reflections on this blog the sunday after class, so I just copied it from canvas now which is why some of the posts are in a strange order

Our group finally had our presentation!

I guess I really didn’t expect the class to get so heated while discussing The Second Sex . I thought the class was not going to participate nearly as much given the topic. I guess that’s why I made sure we had so many extra slides. I was surprised how outspoken the guys of the class were on the topic and how there didn’t seem to be anymore female participation than usual. The idea of asking women specifically for their thoughts on feminist topics is mostly well intentioned, but it never really works. When I’m in being asked it always feels like someone is asking me to speak on behalf of all women across the world, which is daunting. It puts a lot of pressure to not say something that would misrepresent other women. I think I tried to articulate this while presenting but I’m not sure I did it very well. I think Beauvoir also hit the point really well at the beginning of the section by stating that it’s a topic that has been discussed so much and that nothing productive really comes out of these discussions and it’s just upsetting to talk about. I definitely left class upset about how the discussion went and I’m sure many of the other women in class did too.

Someone brought up that there is biological factor that differentiate men and women and that we would see these clearly if we take away societal factors. I agree that there definitely are biological differences that cause men and women to act differently but I don’t think there’s anyway to tell which qualities of women are cause by societal factors or biological factors. It’s pretty strange to think about how my personality would alter if I was a guy. I’d assume I’d be more outspoken. That outspokenness would allow me to ask questions and be more confident in my ideas which would turn into so many opportunities... it’s sad to think about! But I definitely agree with Beauvoir in that women really have to take it upon themselves to solve it. I can’t get mad at men for having a confidence that I don’t. But  it’s pretty engrained in my head just from growing up and it’s a tough cycle to break! I think it was mostly school that influenced me to be less outspoken/confident but maybe it is one of those biological factors. It’s just a quality that creates this huge disparity between the genders. Women’s lack of confidence is what keeps them from going into male dominated fields and keeps them from holding top company positions. It’s this lack of outspokenness that also prevented/s change towards gender equality.

It all reminds me of this funny tweet addressing women that said something along the lines of “Have the confidence of a mediocre white man”, which is surprisingly motivating for me.

After presenting I was kind of upset about how heated it got and also about how I wasn’t super articulate in my points. I’ve always been pretty bad about expressing ideas on the fly, especially in presentation formats when there’s more pressure.

I’m relieved our presentation is done though! I’m curious to see what the groups this Tuesday present on

[julieasu-blog]

11/19/19

I found Sartre more optimistic and pretty refreshing to read. Existence preceding essence seems optimistic to me and also empowering. I can’t imagine anyone being happy that they were predestined and that fate already had their life laid out and the had no free will.

I read somewhere that the bulk of your character is determine by the time you are ten. I think people can change their essence whenever though. You can change a books essence. You can read it then use it for kindling on a fire. I think the same concept could be applied to people. I am 17 and a lot of my qualities are pretty established, but I still have a lot of growth and maturing and all that.

I can definitely understand why freedom and responsibility is the bread and butter of existentialism. I’m not sure I know anyone who takes full responsibility. It’s a good idea to own up to every conscious choice and lack of choice but absolute responsibility? I’m not sure that realistic of people. The whole idea of fill responsibility also takes away the option of being neutral in any matter.

I operate unconsciously pretty often. I’m not sure I’m able to take responsibility over things I do unconsciously. If I did something terrible and I’m called out for it I probably would take responsibility but if no one calls me out on something how can I take responsibility? “there are no accidents” I disagree. I think if you consciously do something and it didn’t have the outcome that is not an accident, you just messed up. But if you unconsciously did something and you had no intent I think I can call that an accident. Similar to his whole war metaphor, if I was ignorant (not by choice) about a war effort, than that war is not my war. If I knew about the war and chose to ignore it than I can see how it is still my war.

I do like Sartre’s point on “why was I born?” being a pretty stupid question. What does it matter? I am here, this is life, I should just get as much out of it as I can. I think it’s the more optimist way to look at life.Its been engrained in me by my parents, mostly my dad, that I should take every opportunity. It is a pretty typical dad quote of “You won’t get it if you don’t ask” or something along those lines. I have an opportunity to ask for something I want, I should take the opportunity and try and benefit. The conclusion on page 255 really reminded me of that.

My group presents next week! We’ve met and talked through the presentation but I’m pretty nervous, mostly about the skit. We don’t have any solid ideas for it yet but I guess we will figure it out

[julieasu-blog]

11/12/19

This class was probably the most uncomfortable for me so far. I thought before I was pretty comfortable with death but I don’t think anyone is really, me probably less than others. I think some people pretend they are completely comfortable with death (particular young healthy people) but I don’t think you can ever prepare for death fully, they’re just denying themselves to think about it.

I’ve never experienced a super personal death so that might be why I’m less comfortable with death. The story one student told about the CA who was so nice and welcoming then had a sudden death hit me pretty hard considering I don’t even know him. I’ve never witnessed a death like that, and I guess I forget that I could lose a close friend or family member whenever even if they are healthy.

The few funerals I’ve been to, I don’t go near the open casket. A dead body is definitely not like a cup of coffee. Objectively it is, but I know that body was once a whole personality full of thoughts just like I am right now and now that person is lifeless and gone who knows where. That whole loss is absolutely terrifying.

Maybe I was just looking to be optimistic because the reading was pretty dark this week, but I did find some optimistic quotes throughout the reading that I liked. The first is “coming-to-an-end implies a mode of being in which the actual Da-sein cannot be represented by someone else” (141).

I know if I died right here right now, parts of my Da-Sein would be represented by close family and friends. They would adopt some of my qualities/ habits just to remind themselves of me. I know I would take up certain hobbies that a close dead friend had just to remind me of them. Sure, I wouldn’t be represented anywhere near their whole da-sein, but every person close to them would represent a little piece and carry it with them and if people do that for me when I die, I think that’s enough. Sure once those close to me pass there would be pretty much nothing signifying I lived but I’m not too bothered by that.

I read online a story of a young, healthy guy who wanted to hike the Appalachian Trial before he died as a bucket list item. He died suddenly and his girlfriend, despite having no interest in hiking it before his death, hiked it just to feel close to him after he was gone. I thinks that’s a really beautiful thing to do in someone’s honor!

I think the worst type of death you can have is dying alone with no one to carry on a piece of your Da-Sein. Of course everyone does have an impact in the world, but having your death impact no one? That’s tragic. It seems a little self-centered but I reaaallly want people to be sad when I die. Or feel any strong emotion.

[julieasu-blog]

10-29-19

Nietzsche is hard to read. The discussion cleared a lot up for me though.The whole idea behind master and slave morality made a lot of sense to me. Most people have heard the phrase “history is written by the winners” or something along that line and Nietzsche’s points seem similar. It’s the powerful who decide what is good and what is wrong and there’s no much to motivate them to change when they have the power and hold onto it so tight. All the injustices against minorities throughout history exemplify this.

To paraphrase a section I found super interesting ‘The noble beings help the unfortunate not from pity but from an excess of power’ (77). This made me think a lot of the billionaires and millionaires like Bezos who I personally think get too much credit for their generosity.

Yes, their money goes towards great things but the amount they donate is pocket change to them, and seems fake to me and just an excuse for publicity. A lot of what they donate is a good tax break so it seems like self interest and common sense to donate and not really because they care so much. We’ve talked about intention of morality before and I’m not convinced billionaires donate because they truly care, but more for their self-image and because they can’t think of anything else to do with their money.

I think the billionaires show that desire to hold on to their power. Bill Gates is worth 106 billion dollars and his wealth increase by 10 billion in the past year. In the past year he donated around 7 billion dollars. It’s a huge donation but he still holding onto so much power and wealth. The concept of having that much money is something I can not even wrap my head around. I don’t think Bill Gates follows the example of the “noble” and “contemptible” where he believes he is above everyone. He waits in lines at coffee shops just like a normal person when its financially not worth his time.

I don’t think that humans can be compared to the lambs vs. birds of prey. The birds of prey scenario was purely biological. You can’t hold birds morally responsible. People you can. I like how the group presenting split us up into the bird side and the prey side to get into the right mindset though.

Its pretty easy to see the injustices throughout history when you look back. Easy because morality has changed and humans I believe are overall more moral than they’ve been. The shift from monarchies to more democratic based system demonstrate this. But I know there are still so many injustices out there that society on the whole fails to recognize.

100 years from today, when looking back, who will be the lambs? Am I even aware of the injustices that the “lambs” of today are facing?

[julieasu-blog]

12/3/19 Final Reflection

I think the last two groups were some of my favorites. They were both quite cheesy but a fun way to end out the semester. I really enjoyed seeing the final opinions of each group during the video game. During discussions I couldn’t really see the whole class opinion, I just heard from the louder voices

When reflecting upon the semester I think I enjoyed Heidegger the most. I like his explanation of the “they” and how powerful of an influence it has on everyone. I found his section on death comforting? I think explaining death and its impact made it less mysterious, I guess. The whole metaphysics topic I didn’t like so much. There are no answers and they’ll never be answers and it just twists my brain too much.

I did really enjoy Beauvoir’s Ethics of Ambiguity, maybe just because I read so many times for my presentation. Picking that goal authentically and being able to adapt when life throw you curves seems like a simple concept, but so many people fall into goals that are inauthentic and convince themselves they’re happy with it. I was bummed that we didn’t get to talk more about the section in our presentation.

The comment that resonated the most about how this semester was impactful was about how this semester made someone more open to other’s opinions. Religion was never something I thought too too hard about, I thought of it just as a way of explaining how everything came about but I get now it means much more to others. Being exposed to other’s stories and struggles also impacted me. It’s easy to become wrapped up in our own world and some of the personal stories people shared made me more aware and more grateful for relationships and my situation in life.

I wasn’t an active participant in the class, but I really enjoyed the personalities in the class and listening to what other’s interpreted from each reading. I didn’t participate in class, but I enjoyed sharing readings with my brother and one of my close friends and digging into each reading in a more one-on-one environment. I mostly didn’t participate because I just wasn’t confident in my understanding of the reading or my ability to eloquently state my thoughts, and I think that just comes from it being a self-guided style of class. There were a lot of great moments in class when it would finally click after hearing someone’s comment.

Part of me wishes I took this as an upperclassman instead of in my freshman year. I think I might’ve been more open and comfortable sharing my opinions. It definitely wasn’t a comfortable class for me and I now understand the warnings, but I still enjoyed the class.

I don’t have any suggestions to make it a better class. A seminar-style class is so well fitting for existentialism. It would get dull if we had to hear from one opinion the entire semester. I’m also glad we got thrown into random readings. I wouldn’t have chosen the reading I was given but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

[julieasu-blog]

10/22/19

500 words - Nietzche Night! 10/22/19

We are back in class after our two week break! I definitely prefer the two presentations per class but that extra week off was great.

This week’s readings really took awhile for me to wrap my head around. I think particularly the whole “We killed God” section. Are people actually morally worse than they were in past decades and centuries? People are more scandalous and technically sin a lot more but murders are also a lot less commonplace than they were. Religion is on the decline but is the world worse because of it? People have more personal freedom without religious pressure but lack of religious beliefs cause more divorces and split families. I’m really not sure which one I prefer.

The first group presented an interesting question about nihilism vs. nihilistic view. I don’t remember the actual question but I liked the concept that you can be a true nihilist and 100% be convinced nothing matters and that life is pointless OR you can just chose to view life nihilistically when things go bad but still enjoy life other times. For me, nihilism is comforting when I’m anxious or upset but when I’m feeling good nihilism is kind of a buzzkill that I don’t like to think about.

There was the question of is life good or not good. I don’t think were meant to suffer in life, I’m not suffering, but obviously I have an extremely limited view of what life is like for humans. I think life was meant to be challenging and part of existing is suffering but not to the extreme where its constant suffering. It brings up the question of who gives life meaning? Is it God or is it every individual’s decision?

I liked the ending segment of the last group, as cheesy as it was with the music. At the beginning I wasn’t fully onboard with the whole “Amor Fati” phrase because I first understood “Love of Fate” to be believing in a predetermined future which I don’t like the idea of. But after explaining that it was more about accepting the past with no regrets, I was pretty onboard.

It reminded me of this interview between Stephen Colbert and Anderson Cooper about grief. Colbert’s perspective of taking situations and acknowledging and appreciating how they change you is very in line with the idea of “Amor Fati”. Its funny to me how Colbert’s perspective is strongly influenced from being Catholic and despite Nietzsche being non-religious they still come to a very similar idea of appreciating your past including the suffering.

It was a unique piece of Nietzsche that that I’m glad the group decided to include.

[julieasu-blog]

9/24/19

500 words - 9/24/19

In class we talked about whether or not boredom is the root of all evil. I do not think boredom always leads to evil and I dont think all evil comes straight from boredom. I think there are crimes all the time that are from blind rages or pure desperation. I think a lot of crimes come from emotions that get away from people and in the moment they do something crazy or someone commits a crime because they really can’t see another way to get by without stealing. I just don’t like the idea of someone being so unbelievably bored that they just went out and murdered someone. If someone is killing out of boredom they are just a psychopath and don’t really follow the ideas of existentialism.

Boredom probably leads to a lot of more minor crimes. People steal from department stores because they get a thrill to ease their boredom. Teens drink/ smoke underage because they are bored. I grew up in a rural area and I see a lot of my childhood friends drinking and smoking over snapchat constantly. I can see why, there’s nothing else for them to occupy themselves with! The schools in the area are crumby and there’s little other extracurriculars to distract themselves with. I think anyone would turn to casual crimes if they were bored enough.

Class also discussed whether all lies lead to the truth. I think in the class discussion people had varied ideas of what “the truth” meant. To me “the truth” is the reason/motive someone is saying something, not the actual truth that they were covering up. Any lie that is told is told for a reason, whether its guilt, shame, denial, etc. The true motive behind a lie could never be discovered, but if you examine a lie it always leads back to the person's motive for lying.

“He who cannot unveil himself cannot love, and he who cannot love is the unhappiest of all” (13). I really liked this quote from the reading. I don’t think people should/can fall in love until they can accept themselves as corny as it is. Kierkegard was definitely the hardest reading for me yet, but there’s a lot of really stand out quotes throughout that kind of pieced it together for me.

I was talking with my brother about the whole “coping with absurdity” from class on the 17th and he brought up that “faith” could be more than just religious faith. People have faith in the kindness of other people, faith in their own abilities, faith it will all just work out, etc. I’m not sure if those counts as dealing with absurdity through faith or just not acknowledging the absurdity.

I still haven’t spoken in class yet, which sucks because I know I can add to the discussion. I get all anxious and struggle to organize my thoughts whenever I even think to raise my hand. I’m not all that nervous about presenting to the class, but I am nervous about contributing to the discussion.

[julieasu-blog]

9/17/19

500 words - 9/17/19

I’m not really sure what group to place myself in how I cope with absurdity. I was raised in a Christmas-Easter church-going family so I’m not very religious, though I do believe in some higher power. I wouldn’t say I live life in “revolt” of absurdism. Revolt implies I’m revolting against something. I don’t revolt, I just so whatever seems best for current and future me and what I think will make me happy. The word “revolt” is too rebellious a word to use to describe my life.

I also don’t really think about the absurdity all that much. I’ve acknowledged it, but really what good is it to think about it? Yeah nothing I do really matters, but I work towards my goals because it will make me feel accomplished and happy in the long run. What else would I do right now? Working towards a degree seems like a solid plan for the long-term. I do dread the 5 days a week 9-5 desk job that I guess is considered absurd, but that model is slowly changing in top companies and I can do my best to avoid being totally desk-bound and have a at least somewhat purposeful job.

I did like the Myth of Sisyphus. I like the idea that Sisyphus found his own meaning. Sisyphus had only one place to find meaning, pushing his boulder up the hill, but I have so many options to find meaning. People find meaning in their friends, families, careers, accomplishments, wherever. There’s meaning for life everywhere, it seems the hard part is finding and committing to it.

The Fall made me pretty irritated just because of the writing style. People rambling and not letting me get a word in is one of my pet peeves so The Fall was me reading a conversation I didn’t really want to be a part of. Second-person narratives only really work for me if they’re the choose-your-own-adventure books because I actually have a “choice” in what happens.

I do like the message of The Fall so far. I’ll admire someone more if they are actually passionate about the outcome of their donation/action, but mostly I accept whatever good deed is done, regardless of intentions. It's important that people educate themselves in the effect of their good deed to make sure it really is a good deed. But if it's more about them feeling good than the charity they donate to, who cares? Let them feel good.

I think the comparison of a donation at the local grocery store/ Panda Express is flawed compared to Clamence’s case. Clamence had this whole reputation based on his generosity. He was lying to everyone about his true character. To me, that’s worse than not doing the good deed. 

What you do while no one is watching is your true character. No one was there when Clamence witnessed the woman drown. The woman didn’t notice him and he walked away and nobody could judge him but himself. If there were witnesses, they would’ve expected Clamence to jump in and save the women. It was that moment when someone really needed his help the most and he failed to deliver.

So in summary: life is worth living and don’t build a whole personality around being a good person if you aren’t a good person when people really need you to be. 

[julieasu-blog]

9-10-19

500 words

So this week’s class was the first proper lecture style class. I think the groups did great! I was surprised how on topic the discussion was and how it was pretty easy to follow the conversation and the points people were trying to make. Now I kind of wish my group’s presentation was earlier just to get it out of the way.

I liked this week’s reading. I was expecting our readings to all be first person non-fiction autobiography type readings but I was surprised by the writing style of The Stranger. The reading left me feeling pretty annoyed or angry at all of the characters.

It was strange at the beginning of the book how Camus emphasized how unfeeling Meursault was by repeatedly bringing up that he did not know the age of his mother when he died. I cringed when I first read the interaction where Meursault realized he didn’t know his mother’s age, then I realized I don’t know the specific age of my mom… I don’t think it's that uncommon for people to not know their mom’s age, but I’ll make sure to find out the next time I see her, because now it makes me feel like a pretty uncaring kid.

It kind of threw me off how Meursault was sometimes acting according to social norms, but other times totally outside. When pressure was placed on him, Meursault would do whatever he thought was the right answer, while still being honest. He agreed to be friends with Raymond out of social pressure, but would not tell Marie he loved her.

Meursault had morals in that he wouldn’t lie. He was brutally honest in the marriage conversation with Marie and then refused to show any fake remorse (that probably would’ve saved him) during his trial. Reminds me of Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec only way more committed.

Another thing that repeatedly nagged me throughout the reading was Meursault’s relationship with Marie. The marriage conversation totally revealed how careless Meursault was towards their relationship and Marie didn’t have any strong reaction, even after Meursault says he would have married any girl who was in her place! I can’t imagine why she would want to stay with him after that conversation, much less through the whole murder trial. Also throughout the whole book Meursault never really described her as a person, just descriptions of her appearance. I think Marie is the real loser in this story. It is pretty obvious that Meursault doesn’t have any real feelings for her, and yet she is still content being with him.

I can relate to Meursault a little bit, I think most people can. I’m very non confrontational and will go along with the flow of my group and am content doing whatever they want to. I guess the difference is I’m more careful with who I hang out with than Meursault. Raymond was scum and is the ultimate reason Meursault has to murder the Arab. If he said no to the whole letter-writing request from Raymond there would have been no murder. 

[julieasu-blog]

9-3-19

500 Words - 9/3/19

I now understand what Botham meant by dense reading. I like reading but it was a bit of a grind to get through the first reading. I’d assume the introduction to our book is probably going to be one of the less dense readings too so it’ll take more mental power for these readings than I expected. It takes a different type of focus that I’m not used to get through dense readings than it does to do calc or chem homework. 

I did not expect as many people to want to be told their (maybe) future. I think I struggle enough enjoying each day at a time that being told that I have to wait years and years to meet my S.O from now would make it more difficult to enjoy life one day at a time. I’m trying to develop this attitude about actually enjoying life one day at a time and knowing all the details of these major life events would just ruin a lot of potential enjoyment. Knowing (not 100% confident but around 90%) I will someday graduate (maybe not in four years and maybe not with a degree in my current major) is already ruining potential enjoyment for me. I’m already thinking about graduating and how grand it’ll be. I should just enjoy my life right now! I’m all about planning ahead but there’s no way I can plan four years (or even a year!) in advance so it's really just a waste of time and energy to think about it.

Going back to the hypothetical: Imagine how you could mess your whole life up if you were were told the incorrect future. Imagine meeting the love of your life but ignoring them because this one lady said you were supposed to meet the real deal later. 

I also don’t really like thinking about death, so why would I want to be told how and when I die? You would think you’re invincible until your given expiry date but then there’s still that 10%. I’d be thinking about that 10% doubt in the prediction a lot if I was told my future so it seems like a better choice for me to say nah.

I do think having her write it down and put it in a box would be kinda fun. After I die someone can go through it and see how right she was. It wouldn’t be a great idea because I’m not sure I have the self control to not look at it. Fun idea but probably not a great idea so I guess I’ll pass.

I like hypothetical questions like that, it's easy self-entertainment that you can think about for a long time, probably too long. This weeks’ reminded me of this SNL skit. These hypothetical class discussions would be pretty strange if it happened anywhere but an existentialism course. 

These reflections are just weird rambles. Grammar and structure of them is awful but it hopefully gets my perspective across.

[julieasu-blog]

8-27-19

500 Words - 8/27/19

Here are some random rambles and thoughts from the first class:

I didn’t get the scary emails because my ASU email wasn’t working for a good amount of time but I think I’ll stay in the class. I was (and still am) a little nervous about discussion of super personal things. I’m a reserved person even around most people and I feel like my personal experiences and such are all kind of boring and bland. Nothing traumatic has (thankfully) happened in my life and I feel I haven’t had any big life-altering experiences.

The whole idea of students teaching the course material and discussion-style classes doesn’t sound all that different from some high school courses I’ve had. These courses have had a variety of outcomes. Some teachers taught that way because they believe students can learn more from others life experiences and perspectives (which is very true!). Even if I didn’t enjoy sharing my perspective, I still enjoyed listening to others. I’m pretty nervous for leading discussions, mostly because they are so unpredictable. 

But there were also the math/chemistry teachers who tried this method of blind teaching the blind. This method frustrated me then. When it comes to math I like to have the pathway to the correct answer laid out clearly in my mind. In math it seems like a waste for me to go through the effort of discovering the methods for myself when the teacher could just tell the class. I like to go into labs knowing what needs to happen so I can get the grade I want. I guess that's not the attitude that led to groundbreaking scientific discoveries but it's that attitude I have towards graded courses.

It is an interesting group of people in our class. It's a mix of philosophy majors/minors and those who need their H credit. I’m in the latter category but there were a whole lot of other options for the H credit and this one seemed the most appealing. Also an interesting variety of ages. I’m a freshman and the gal next to me was 27 and married. It is still weird to me how very different our lives are but we still have the whole being a student thing in common.

In high school I got pretty caught up in my own group of friends with whom I share a lot of common values and general life experiences. I’m trying to avoid that isolation from others and learn more about the people around me instead of getting caught up in my own life. There’s something you can learn from everyone.

My only background in existentialism is from The Good Place. So I count that as no background knowledge. Dr. Botham talks about all the main existentialist philosophers like they are good friends, and I hope I can think of them as friends at the end of the course (as strange as that sounds). I’ve been reading a lot of memoirs and autobiographies lately and I really feel like I know the person intimately by the end of the book, better than I know a lot of my friends!

Not sure how I feel about the 6:00-8:45pm class time slot yet. I do like that this class sets a different pace then all my other classes. Less stressful, more thoughtful.