julucid

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it's been years I need to update this thing with some new snooze dump🧐

*thinks about how much work that's gonna be*

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The Ottawa Journal, Ontario, May 15, 1929

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I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams

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“Dream” by Woshibai

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Dreaming could be our natural state, and we’re only awake to gather information for dreams.

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everytime i post a log and skim back for typos, i always get punched with a long ass post. i never really realize how much ive been typing til the very end. and even then, i feel like im skipping over so much. details i decided to scrap cause i feel like im not dropping it in too well, or portions i def remember but just feel too lazy to add-- scared that if i do, im wasting my time and the other stuff i really want to jot down will just fade away quickly.

and then when everythings done, i just know that theres more to it and i want to record those parts down but its too personal. nothing embarassing really, just scenes where i felt too much strong emotions that it feels like im cheapening those feelings if i did.

there are strangers ive met in these dreams that i still remember. the feelings ive invested in them during the dreams, what we went through. im still hesistant to put down anywhere-- even my own personal dream journal. i feel like if i did, i would never get to see them again in the dream plane.

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May 21 N33

we were climbing colorful moutains. there were more or less 10 groups doing the same thing. each group had at least 20 people in them. i dont remember all of the people that were in mine. it felt like a harmless competition at first but the further on we climbed, the more i felt something bad was gonna happen.

the mountains were beautiful and hideous at the same time. they were made out of these colorful crystal-pods that could fit in your palm. if you look at them in a certain angle or should light hit it just right, you could see some dust or grains of sand inside. it always creeped me out. everytime i set my hands or feet down on them to climb, i would feel guilty-- as if i was hurting the pods. sometimes when we took a rest, i would lay down to distribute my body weight on the pods better. i would hear some sort of soft sigh of relief. half my mind would tell me the pods were grateful and half would chock it up as a breeze passing by.

i didnt feel cold or hot in the dream, even though most of it passed by with my group going slow and steady near the top. the mountains were pretty high but not high enough to reach the clouds. it wasnt that hard to climb. there were no steep slopes to slow you down or dipping crevices to get stuck in, or jagged rocks to fall on top on. only giant steps. it reminded me of the pyramids in Egypt, except these mountains had no proper order in the way the steps were laid on top of each other. they look as random and as "natural" looking as a bunch of crystal pods could get. you could pretty much keep climbing like you were climbing over cement walls and sleep on the giant steps without worrying about rolling over-- each step could fit about three people side by side. the only thing slowing us down was how much the mountain kept moving. jiggling. thinking about it made my palms sweat. the pods were stuck together and you couldnt take one out and keep it if you wanted. it felt like they were all attracted to one giant magnetic mountain core. but even though you couldnt release them, they would move around freely by themselves. everystep would change between feeling like a waterbed, an airbed, or a loose trampoline. it didnt matter how awkward you looked, maneuvering your body to climb these mountains cause every one else were doing it. there wasnt a proper technique or any way to get us up faster. if you rushed, you would risk slipping and falling all the way down.

you would think that it doesnt sound bad to fall through soft steps. and it doesnt at first-- for a while you forget that you are falling out of a "mountain". you could just close your eyes while your body hits each step as you roll down. there are no pain during the fall, you're pretty much just dealing with jelly. when you finally reach the bottom and settle down there to catch your breath, thats when the pain slowly starts to cover your whole body. you dont have any fractured ribs, torn muslces, or broken bones. but you feel every single sensation of having them. you are paralyzed for a while. if you're lucky, you get to stare at the clouds to pass time while each breath you take hurts less and less as the effects gradually fade. some people would land face down on top of their arm-- with no one else around who could help them up and allow them to breathe, they just slowly die.

our group has never fallen since we started climbing up. during our rests, we have witnessed two groups in the other distant mountains fall like tiny ragdolls. we would hear their faint screams and look away or continue climbing. we all have to. even the people who have already fallen once or twice. theres nothing for us down there-- which is funny cause we never really knew what was waiting for us at the top. the moutains would end at a peak, obviously, but we all had this gut feeling that we had to. i dont know how long weve been there. how many days have passed. we've forgotten to keep track of time. we always just assumed that it didn't matter as long as the end was near. i think when we first started climbing, we knew what we were doing it for. but at this point no one even knows. the longer it took for us to reach the top, the less we knew. the more it just felt like we were doing it to live. the competition now felt like we were doing it to be allowed to live.

there was something or someone who was watching us. from where we dont know. Julia, a girl from my group was convinced that there was someone out there, but someone who is only watching to make sure we were doing all right. everyone else would continue climbing on without a single glance behind their backs. but Julia would always pause and look out. into the ocean where this boat was just chillin, waiting. lingering in the same spot that we saw it last. it was big, like a cruise ship. it never sent us any light signals at night, or made any sounds to try and communicate somehow. I could tell Julia wanted to give up climbing and just figure out a way to get into that ship. i didnt care about what i wanted to do next so i just asked her about it and we split up from the group to make our way back down the mountain. they all laughed at us as if we were wasting our time. without really knowing what we were climbing for, i thought they were doing the exact same fucking thing.

the climb back down was a little easier, but it took what felt like the same speed of time as it did going up. we were always shaking, scared of what the pods will decide to do next. the only thing that was in our minds were, what ifs. the biggest one being, what if our group fell and dragged us down with us. we heard more screams along the way. we would cringe at first, thinking it was coming from above us. but then i remembered how they never seemed to be panicked during the fall, and that scared me even more. i was cautious and tried to always be on the edge. not allowing myself to feel any safer-- in fear of feeling the calmth they all felt falling. it was no different going down, we also lost track of time. most of the time i would also feel guilty with every step down i took. it seemed to be windier down here than it was up there. it didnt sound like a sigh, but an angry hiss. the pods felt hotter to the touch. i almost teared up at how badly i felt everytime i moved. Julia thought i was a psycho. probably regretted bringing me along with her. i just didnt want her to be alone. i had the feeling that if you did anything alone in this world, you would be forgotten. i think she was glad i was there because she started to question her strong desire to go to the ship. no else followed us, and no one else from the other mountains would do the same thing. tiny people on the distance would point at us. and everytime she saw and realized that, there was a look of fear covering her face. i tried to reassure her. at this point, i was just glad i still knew my name. we didnt even notice how far we've already gone. we were only a few steps away fron reaching the bottom. before we knew it we were there, staring back up at the top. there were no trees around us. the sun was setting. one of the mountains hid it, but the crystal pods were shining, colorful light filled the bottom with strange shapes, they were moving. i caught a glimpse of a few and thought i saw heads moving. mouths opening, talking. Julia told me i was just sleep deprived. that we are fine-- that we made it. we were in the water now. i was still thinking about it when i noticed these cement barriers poking out of the waves. Julia noticed them too. she thought it was just a bunch of poles to tie small boats to. the ship wasnt in our sights for some reason. we made sure to go down in a straight way so that we would somehow end up right in front of it. we started swimming around the shore to try and find it. Julia was getting more and more frustrated. i told her we should rest for now. she wanted to see the ship so badly. the cement barries kept us from swimming too far into the ocean. she had this idea to climb them and go from one barrier to the other. idk how that would help us, or why she didnt see that it was a dangerous idea as well, but i was too tired to argue. i decided to let her climb them and "sit back" watch her struggle a little as i float. idk how she did it, but she managed to climb on top of a barrier-- even with all the raging waves hitting against it. the sun was gone now and there were only faint colors in the sky. i felt tired. so tired. she was yelling something at me but she was too far. that confused me since i swore she was just a few feet away. i stopped swaying with the waters and i realized that i was back at the beach. she was just a shadow now. the sky behind her was dark. i felt alone.

i didnt catch myself closing my eyes, but when i opened them again, there were lights in the sky. but they were moving, moving fast. i realized i was staring at the ship, moving towards us. but i didnt know where Julia was. i couldnt call out her name, i just hoped she saw the ship coming over as well. i didnt question it during the dream but i didnt realize how the ship was looming over me, almost covering the sky. it shouldnt have been able to go that far close to the shore.

the dream warped into another scene. i wasnt the same person that i shouldve been earlier. but i felt like it was another perspective that the mountain climbers were unaware of. no one talked during this portion. we were all lined up with a foot or so between us. it was bright, the lights felt sickening. we werent bound by anything, but we couldnt move for some reason. i wasnt aware who the people in front of me. i was focused on the things that were going on around us. a bunch of machines. we were like toys in a factory. i didnt see a person who were controlling the machinery. we kept on moving through an assembly line of some sort. it angled sharply up. now we were moving towards the ceiling. after a moment it stopped. i couldnt move my head to look down. and for some reason i knew was going to happen to us. there was a short moment were i heard this sharp sound building up. like the machine was gathering energy to do it. it was gonna zap us with a huge lazer beam. the platforms beneath our feet would catch the remains. for some reason, we didnt just disappear. my perspective was still the same, except i was just lower-- way lower, like i suddenly had eyes on my feet. expect i didnt have a feet. i didnt seem to have a body. the line moved again and i saw them pour our ashes onto this bin. the bin had a cone bottom that poured into a colorful pod. i watched as the other people before me continued getting poured onto their seperate pods. the line would stop as more people behind me reduced into ashes. it wasnt long until it was finally my turn to go inside a pod. the bright lights were muffled by the crystal walls. it was snug. my color was a mix of deep blue and bright green. i didnt feel anything inside the pod. i felt almost content. but maybe that was just because i knew i didnt have to do anything anymore.

[julucid]

May 9 F17

there was a solar eclipse in the sky. i was walking away from it. the streets were empty and the buildings were colored weird with strangely-shaped shadows. a sudden bunch of birds freaked out and flew past above my head. the motion made me look up and the color of the sky was all shades of red. the solar eclipse grew and almost covered more than half the sky. it was staring down at me.

the view cut to a room without windows. it was a meeting full of war generals. they were looking at a smart board screen and the eclipse was being projected onto it. they were all scrambling through papers and finally the big guy said to get rid of it. and it cut to a fat, green bomb falling UP to the red eye.

there was a wave of bright light followed by hot gas. the pavement was sizzling. people tried to move but their skin were so burnt they were cracking open with every step. i didnt feel anything. i was trying to jump over the lava as it passed through the streets instantaneously. i saw people inside their homes looking down at nothing -- their eyes melting. the sky was gone. it was covered by thick smoke.

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April 25 F16

the long hallway looks like a dark, wet alleyway. the floor had uneven cobblestones so maybe we were in the basement. there were no windows. there were steaming pipes everywhere. theres lightbulbs every few feet or so, hanging down and some of them were flickering cause of the water dripping down on them. the floor is wet, and it smells like a damp subway station.

me and raina were at the very end. idk what we were supposed to be doing, but there was a rack there to hang stuff. we were wearing some sort of butchers clothes, but to me it just looked like farming outfits-- or the stuff beekeepers wear for protection. there was only 3 items on the rack now. a rotting decapitated pig head, a shoulder-blade-up of a mannequin, and a picnic straw hat. we walked down the hallway and at some point went into a room but i forgot what we did.

[julucid]

April 21 F15

i had a tattoo on my left hand. it was a line art on the back and a little bit on my palm as well. the tattoo kept changing though so im not even sure what i wanted to get done on it in the beginning of the dream. at first she said the price was $54 and my dumbass questioned it and joked around, saying she was charging too low. so the final price ended up rising to $263.

i was looking through everything i had to scramble for money. its been a while since i got the tattoo done and im getting more and more paranoid cause i didnt know at the time that i was in a dream. i regretted having it done in a highly visible place and started trying to think up of excuses to say if my parents find out. cause the money thing was my only problem. getting it done when i wasn't even sure i had any. i was thinking about how hard it would be to sign papers without paying attention to my left hand since im so used to having both on the table. the tattoo ended up looking ugly af when i imagined them next to official looking documents. my mom noticed after i counted up half the money. she absent-mindedly asked out loud what it was on my hand. i started shushing so hard that i woke up.

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April 18 N32

it started as my bday party. everyone from back home was there, and everyone ive ever befriended. i was planning my thank you speech while i was being pushed by lola to the front by the cake. i was standing there looking at everyone.

i blacked out. im now laying on a couch with a headache. the tables and party decorations were still there. the living room where the people shouldve been was near empty. only my close family were still there, playing some board games quietly or watching the tv while eating. i asked my mom what happened to the party and apparently they got kicked out hours ago. the neighbors were complaining about all the noise and how we didnt get a license to have such a large house party. i was confused and suspicious since we were barely making any noise and we were just starting the party at the time.

i wanted to see who else stayed behind and went to the rooms upstairs. the house feels like our old apartment in san fernando. the stairs were made out of cement. jastine's family was in the room. hanging out. when i entered the room, it didnt feel like it belonged to our house, it felt like jasty's room instead. i forgot what we were talking about but as time went on, i didnt notice that the room has morphed into a clothing store. we were at the first floor.

something in the store kept following me around. it was tiny like an infant-- maybe even smaller. it looked like a doll to me, but to everyone else it was a tiny person, with a feel of s child. either ways it was alive to everyone. it kept trying to be close to me, so i kept trying to move around. i would go in places where i could hide so when the thing follows me, i could hurt it and no one could see me do that. it wouldnt make a noise since i dont think it could talk. no blood or bruise would come up either so i just kept doing that to keep it away from me. still it kept crawling back to me. the last time i hit it-- think i used something to stab it-- it didnt get back up again. i knew everyone else cared about it so i carried it to them and said something was wrong with it. i wanted to act like i had nothing to do with it so i decided to be the one looking for help.

i went out the store and it looked like we were now inside a huge subway station. people were loitering and sitting by the window displays. i kept yelling for help until this one guy in a blue jacket showed up. he looked like brendan frasier. he said he could help and decided to lead us all to whereever that is. he seemed shady to me, like he had some other motives. everyone else from the store gathered up to join us. they were all girls. raina was there. i think maisa was too. ate jasty and ate jill. and khazhay except she had Rihanna's face lol. they were all wearing winter stuff-- they look like they were about to go skiiing, or moutain hiking cause they all had huge, heavy-looking backpacks. their outfits were all a single color, mostly shades of red and purple, pastels. i forgot who was now carrying the little thing cause i was sure as hell i didnt have it. i didnt want it suddenly moving around my backpack cause i thought it would get something sharp and knife itself through the side that touches my back. and paralyze me that way.

blue jacket dude started running down the entrance stairs to the subway. i followed quickly so we dont end up losing him. he led us through a couple of other stairs after that. sometimes down sometimes up. he didnt tell us where he was heading or stopped and wait, or even looked back to see if we were following. i did an okay job following him but after a while, we ended up on this giant escalator. for some reason we kept tripping on it, hitting our shins 3 times everytime we climbed. we were joking about this damn escalator, not noticing that we were stuck in a loop. constantly climbing it over and over again. thats when i remembered that we were supposed to be following the guy and stopped climbing for a second to look for him. the station was packed. i didnt think about it twice but i realized i could see everything and everyone. i could see all the floors of the station. it took a while looking through faces one by one. but i finally spotted blue jacket man in a terrace across where we were heading. he was just sitting there waiting and waiving at us nonchalant. i knew something was wrong. everyone else knew it too and they looked like they all wanted to give up. at this point we forgot all about the little thing we were supposed to save. or maybe it just didnt exist anymore.

i forgot what we wanted to do next at this point on but we dumped the blue jacket guy cause we all realized he was just trying to lead us around in a pointless chase. we saw this other group of people, all guys. they were wearing casual clothes but all had their own colors like us. shades of blues and greens. we no longer had our backpacks and jackets on. we had this fitting outfit but not too tight so we could run around more freely-- shouldve had that before. they had bucket hats on that matched their outfits and they all had this tan, almost sunburnt. they smelled like theyve been at the beach for hours. they all had swords with them, sometimes they looked like plastic, and sometimes they looked real. i dont know what we wanted out of them. they were supposed to be going to this tournament but didnt tell us. i had a hunch so i asked them about it. they were aiming for the championship rink. i had no idea wtf any of it meant or what they do cause i knew the sword was just part of their aesthetic lmao. i forgot much of what we talked about but i think i was trying to strike up a deal with their leader and convince them to let us join their group. they were threatening us too, in the end we had to leave one person from our group to them. it was a guy, and i didnt even know how tf he got there cause he just showed up out of nowhere. he was jasty and jills bro but he didnt look like him at all. quiet, tall, super skinny-lanky guy. we agreed and his sisters had this grudge on me from there on. the guys point us to an elevator. and i think our main goal was to escape now. maybe it had something to do with the blue jacket dude trying to keep us all in the subway station. it was a huge place. but not once did we actually see train platforms or people riding them-- not even when i had my super vision.

we entered the elevator door and for some reason i wanted to stay at the opening to keep it from closing. but the doors from inside looked different. like it turned from sliding doors to swinging ones. they had a push bar thing that looked like those exit doors. except the "exit" would lead us back towards the subway station. everyone else was already making there way down and i didnt wanna get separated from the group so i let the doors close. i heard a soft click from the lock bolts but i didnt check the door to see if it could open again. the elevator was not an elevator. it began with these large stairs, that had giant steps, so you'd have to jump and drop down from each of them. i dont know how far we were going down. it wasnt hot or cold. the walls and stairs were all painted a bright pastel color like we were in an art museum. i didnt think to look up at the ceiling to see if there was an opening. i lost track of time and everyone werent talking much. or maybe i didnt pay attention to their voices.

we somehow made it to this cylindrical area. it was huge like the ones connected to those power plants. it was kinda tall, like those electric post-towers. we were all the way at the top. there were no railing to keep us from falling so it seemed like they wanted us to go down. there were mannequins hanging from the ceiling. the walls were painted red and they were shined on by a bunch of spot lights we couldnt see. the mannequins were kinda far so i could just ignore them in my peripheral. there were these other things hanging on the wall. they looked like giant versions of those pully-thingies you have on id cards. the ones that coil back up. i didnt notice how the other girls made their way down but i made sure i hooked my finger on the thing and grabbed onto the weaved part of it before i jumped down after them. the thing let me fall a little slower but it felt smooth. my hair was flying around me and i had a little cool air hit my face. by the time i was down they were already climbing up this pole. it was right in the middle of the cylinder. if you looked back up, everything but the hanging mannequins changed. there was an opening now. i could see the sky and some clouds. there were dark shadows in one edge of the circle opening, it was blurry but it moved like a bunch of leaves in the wind. i still have the thing i pulled down with me, and i hooked it on a belt hoop to keep my hands free. the pole was wide-- wide enough around to have all 6or7 of us in our own comfy space side by side. it had these curved metals that you could put your hands and feet on. they were colored the same colors we had. so we all decided to go climb our own metals rungs. everytime we passed some rungs, they would curl back straight onto the pole itself, so there was no going back.

the higher we climbed up, the smaller and smaller the pole got. so we were glad some of us climbed first before the others so they were above us, leaving us enough space if we were lower. we didnt worry about them at first but some people were giving up. i dont know why. maybe they were tired, or just wanted to stop climbing already. i remember 3 people jump. two of them landed on their feet perfectly fine. but the last one jumped and she fell with her back facing the floor, arms stretched out like she was just letting go. she hit the floor and i think one of her leg got stabbed by some piece of metal. she was left alone there on the floor, i dont know where the other two went but they were gone.

we were still climbing up. we were so close now. i dont know what happened to there rest of the girls that were with us climbing still, but it was just me and khazhay now. she was above me and me real close behind. i could tell she was more tired. i saw the shadow up close now, it was a tree, but it had no leaves. it was a bunch of dark thin branches-- they looked like thick ass hair. the ones that would itch and prick you if you pulled at it. the edge of the circle opening was connected to the dirty and grass and moss outside. the pole didnt reach all the way over the top, so we had to find a way to climb out. the opening was kinda close compared to when we were at the bottom. we looked down and it looked like the cylinder was actually shaped like a cone. i looked around and the mannequins were gone. even the girl at the bottom disappeared. it was just empty space, all red.

khazhay was stuck at the top. i think she was too scared to try something. on our right was these metals shaped in angles. they look like they connected to a gate or a fence of some sort, hanging low to touch the edge of the opening. she saw it too, it was the only way up. i told her she's gonna have to be the to do it first cause she's ahead of me. and she snapped back telling me "why dont you go first?" i didnt reply cause i obviously couldnt crawl around her and reach up to the metal poles. i was beginning to feel light and faint. i looked up at the sky and the sun was still up there. the clouds were gone now. the light was getting dim, like the sun was just beginning to set. i was about to make her go again but i didnt see what happened next cause i woke up.

[julucid]

April 16 F14 / Wooden Tower

someone recognized me in the beginning of the dream. i was walking around with a group and it was near the end of a sunset. the streets were kinda dark and only a few street lights were on. the buildings had this yellow glow to them, and the only time i would focus on them is whenever someone would open a door and go inside. it reminds me of this bay ridge hotel for some reason. the guy that recognized me came up and said hi. it was weird cause it was like he was surprised as well. i was minding my own business, fooling around the sidewalk and then he stops and looks back at me like he's trying to figure something out. i forgot his name but i know i met him irl. we made jokes about not expecting to see each other in the dream-- as if he was also aware that we were in a separate plane. but neither of us knew whether it was his dream or mine. i was still walking trying to keep up with my group cause i didnt wanna make them stop just for me. the guy was also with his group of friends. then out of no where i noticed this other guy that walked beside him as if he was a shadow-- more like a double vision of his body. i figured it was his twin but i dont think he was supposed to have one and it made me dumbfounded for a few moments cause i couldnt figure out if he had a twin irl too lmao. but when we were saying bye to each other the twin disappeared. he gave me a card but idk why cause it looked like an id card. i felt sad leaving cause i feel like we never really got to know each other here or there. i was still looking at the card when he tugged at my sleeve. asking me to promise we'll see each other again later before he entered one of the buildings.

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im in a small convencience store, trying to fill my shirt up with as much candy as i can carry. the store is full and way too crowded to move around. idk if i ended up paying but i was disappointed that none of the candy i took showed up again after that.

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me in the group finally made it to the place we were going. its an indoor amusement park/exhibition. idk what kind, but it want to say a sculpture exhibition. i forgot what happened in between but near the end i needed to go to the bathroom really badly. the amusement park is inside a building that's longer than it is wide. it has lots of levels/floors.

we were leaving when i spotted this huge wooden thing. i wandered away from the group without telling them to wait for me. i couldnt tell if it was a ride but if enough people climbed it, it would bend and not break as if it was meant to be climbed like that. i followed the line of people that were trying to climb it like it was an obstacle course. i still had to pee too so every movement i chose to make was awkward and stiff as hell. but i felt so alive, like i had a weird source of energy run through my veins from the moment i started climbing inside it. i was somewhat in the middle of the line, more towards the front.

i forgot if i was slowing people down or doing pretty decent. i think i got tried of being inside it and decided to try my climbing skills outside. while i was still halfway through the obsticle, i tried to crawl my way out through the triangular spaces in between the wooden planks(?). i was wearing rubber soled shoes so they got stuck in between the tighter spots. next thing i know im dangling in air by my foot and i close my eyes trying to focus the rest of my strength in keeping my piss in instead. i didnt know what else to do since the area was full of people. it was like a relentless sea of bodies. if i were to let go, id probably give like 10 people a nice warm golden shower. the people that were still climbing the structure notice i was fucked so they tried to help me. one guy said hold on and that he will shift his weight forward to make the thing tilt lower. everyone started doing the same and it actually bended down far enough for my hair to brush the floor. someone from the crowd pulled me down and for a while the shoe was stubborn and wouldnt give. but i ended up getting free and the rest of the wooden structure released itself back into an upright position.

i was drenched with sweat but only on my head for some reason. no one seemed upset about me causing a small commotion. its like i wasnt the first person to do something dumb like that. no one got hurt. i was just more bummed about not being able to finish the obstacle myself. thats when i spotted the group waving at me a little far away. when i catched up to them they asked what was going on. since everyone seemed to be looking at the spot where i just was. and i was laughing and yelled out WHAT?? cause i thought they wouldve video taped the whole thing from the very beginning even though my dumbass didnt even tell one of them i was gonna try anything. i just pointed at the wooden structure and told them i just climbed it but got stuck. and i heard this random dude and his dad that was just walking by laugh at that and ask how tf did i fuck up my climb that badly. i was in the middle of explaining when i remembered i had to use the bathroom and bolted for the stairs. i was jumping through steps and noticed the dude was doing the same. i was like wtf but was too busy to care and running out of muscle control fast. he followed me all the way to the ladies' and the dream just ended with me forcing myself to wake up immediately after i had the satisfying release cause it brought me back to my childhood bed-pissing traumas lmao.

[julucid]

April 7 / F13 *really blurry now

i was dreaming about a show that doesnt exist. i was recommending it to someone and i was a bit upset that they werent investing themselves enough to it so i ended up doing gravity defying parkour and started running on the sharp gravelly walls of these tall aparment buildings. one detail that stood out to me the most about them was that the windows were barred with rusted metal. at some point in the dream i was sitting on the edge of a theater stage. the floor was wooden and wax was fading. i could kinda see the curtains pulling in and tied to the sides. there was a boy. i couldnt tell what was so different about him. he seemed like a magician to me. he had one of those swords that are only sharp at the point, and the neck is just round-- a long pinky-sized-circumference weapon.

[julucid]

April 5 / F12 / Quick Frags / Pendant

im in a wide staircase, as big as those grand ones that theaters have. connected to the room next to it is an elementary school cafeteria. i was trying to walk up the stairs when this middle school-age looking boy was walking up to me. he gave me annoying ass vibes so i moved to the side to let him pass but he didnt. i panicked last minute so i pushed him off with his chest. he toppled over the railing and wouldve fallen out the stairs' "balcony" if he didnt start doing flips. idk how to explain it, or what it's called. it looked like those bar flips that gymnasts do. idk how he was able to do that without hitting his body on the stairs cause the railings he was holding on to wasnt hanging in mid air. he kept flipping back and forth, switching railings, following wherever i went. he was trying to hit me in the head with his swinging legs. i didnt go further up the stairs, i was stuck in the middle turn going side to side cause he was too fast. and then two more guys that looked about his age showed up and started doing the same thing. i felt trapped and i was getting tired of going in circles now. i looked at the opening to the cafeteria and was glad that someone kept the door open to it. it was loud in there, even though i dont remember elementary kids being that rowdy. i tried to scream out for help and at first my throat felt weird. i tried again and got scared cause a little girl's scream came out. and then a couple of staff members showed up really fast and saw what the 3 boys were doing and idk what happened next, the dream warped to the next one

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we were all in a van. it's dark out. i forgot most of what happened before this. i was gathering the trash in the van and checking their weight. idk why i had to be the one to get rid of them this time, i think i didnt have to but i had a random sense of bravery at the time lmao. i was weighing the plastic bags in my hand, throwing them up slightly to see if they would make a loud noise if i just threw them from beside the van. everyone else werent paying attention to me, i think they were planning their next destination. some people were missing, i forgot what they were doing. i think the driver easnt there either. i opened the sliding door quietly and asked the young girl next to me if she sees any zombies from either side. it was cold out like it had just rained. and i could see the pile of trash to my far left. i looked side to side and saw a couple of them walking slowly on the right. they werent even close but i panicked and threw the bags i was holding onto the pile. they missed by a feet or so and made a clanging noise.

i went back inside the car and slid the door as fast as i could. and i realized then that i did everything wrong since i shouldve brought the girl with me to stand guard and knife them in the head while i do my thing. idk why the younger girl was the one doing the slashing in this dream lol. i forgot what happened a few moments later but there were these two little girls that showed up last minute. the zombies were already around us. everyone else in the car seemed frozen or just didnt notice what was going on. the girl next to me wanted to help the little girls outside but it was too late they wouldve been bitten the moment we opened the door far enough. she did it anyways and i didnt see how it happened but her hand got bit in the process and the other two girls were almost halfway done getting eaten. cause of that i wasnt paying attention to the back seats and i turned to look at everyone else and saw the back door open. the baby was in the carrier and a zombie was busy over it. before the dream moved on to another i just sat in the car blaming myself.

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i was stuck inside a pantry/clutter-closet. it had a slanted ceiling that made me think it was a storage area under a stair. it was wide and long enough to be a room. there was a small triangular window on one side that was slightly open so it didnt feel too stuffy inside. i woke up in the middle of the dream not knowing how i got there. there were other survivors with me and they were telling me how ive been passed out for 2 months. someone else told me they dragged me in here cause my belly was too heavy to risk dropping me. then i looked down and i was pregnant, couldnt tell how far off but it was pretty big. someone was commenting on how it looks like ill be having twins.

the rest of the dream was them talking to me about what ive missed and that's when i figured out that it's still zombie related. but im not sure if it's directly connected to the last one.

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im in a classroom, it's almost empty. there were no class going on. everyone else is quiet, they look tired and defeated. i dont know what im doing there or what the back story is so i spent the rest of the dream exploring the school. i did lots of climbing stairs since the school had a constantly changing structure. but for some reason, the room was always a constant-- it was never too far away from me. the hallways and rooms around it would change but i would always find my way back to it. i think someone was keeping tabs on me. no one followed me but everyone else kept looking and not talking to me. i got a note and a text message warning me about this but i cant remember the words anymore. Yifan showed up in the classroom and i didnt want anything to do with him so i left and never came back to the room again. everytime i left the staircase, i would see him sitting outside the room, his head on his arms over his knees like he was waiting. once i went pass not looking back to see if he picked his head up.

i wasnt thinking about where i was going and i found myself in a room connected to the building that didnt have other floors below it. the room was square shaped and made out of rusted metal. everytime you stepped it would bounce slightly like it was only connected to a couple of points. in the middle was a rectangle cut out but outside it was patched up lazily with another piece of metal. the cool wind was seeping through it and some sunlight was showing through. there werent any windows but it was still well lit since the cieling were one of those zigzag metal pieces, so the sunlight was coming through in lots of half circular spaces. 3 girls showed up in the opening to the room and i hopped off as fast as possible cause i didnt want them to fuck me over by stepping in with me. i shoved pass them before they had a good chance to try and push me into the room with them.

i found myself out of breath with my heart beating like crazy and i didnt notice ive been crying. i saw him look up, still sitting on the floor so i joined him and sat there looking at the room i just came out of. the girls were already inside and the room was bouncing up and down. i was about to put my head down when i heard an ugly metal screeching sound and the room fell. i felt calmer then and just enjoyed the cool wind coming in from the opening. the sky was bright blue and there were fat clouds in the distance. i spent the rest of the dream silent and just trying to make out shapes out of the clouds passing by.

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the fam from back home was all here, we were in the living room. they were watching some sort of tv show and some were eating in the kitchen. i forgot most of what happened since i was trying to write down as much of the earlier dreams as fast as i could. ive been half awake for about 10 minutes or so before i took my phone to start logging-- trying to replay the dreams in my head as much as possible to see if ive left some details in my sleep. i remember two large pendants. they looked like watch mechanisms mixed in with a music box, all wrapped by a golden cage, hanging on a golden chain. before these pendants showed up, ApoApo was telling me ive got 2 months left to live. nobody else was really questioning him, if they did, they didnt wanna say it out loud. as if awknowledging it would make it serious, since they probably thought it was one of his dark-priest humor. something in the way he said it made me believe him even thought he was talking in his usual mocking voice. there was a calendar in the room for some reason, even though we havent used calendars for over 10 years. there were lots of clocks all over the room too. i tried not to look at them. in the middle of the dream i found myself thinking about what happened in the other dreams. this usually happens when im close to waking up or if i already woke up but im still lucid and trying to keep my dreaming stage going.

i thought about my unborn twins, the baby and the young girl that got eaten. and then last bits i remember from this dream was the pendant. everyone kinda knew what they were for. i think me and Glenn were the ones that were messing around with them. trying to figure out how it worked. there were two demons trapped inside. idk how they got there or if we had anything to do with them but the whole time, i kept thinking they were related to the two souls being lost in both of those earlier dreams. there were keys for both of the pendants. we were locking them up by winding the music box inside. they were talking to us in our heads. not really saying anything malicious, just talking to us. then at a different point in the dream, i wasnt sure if it were demons locked up inside or a family memeber cause i saw a little card in my hand. it was tearing at the edges and it was miscolored by age, wrinkled by all the ways it's been folded. there were a bunch of writing in it about the pendants and the only thing that popped out to me was that you could switch the soul trapped inside one pendant for yourself. then somehow Glenn was half here and half inside the pendant, and i was considering switching places with him. i was trying to do it discretely since i didnt want anyone in there stopping me. but i remembered the thing about me dying in 2 months so i just made up my mind that i was gonna do it. idk if i managed to cause i woke up and rest are hazy now.

[julucid]

April 4 / N31 / Half-Pipe

it's nighttime, there's a huge moon out and everything is bathing in moonlight. im in a church's backyard of some sort with Irene and another girl. it looked like a mix of cemetary, statue garden, and museum. the stairs down to the yard wasnt stairs, but makeshift with a bunch of shaved-edge- boulders. they werent all the same size so some were small rectangles jutting out in places you dont need, to go down. they are also not placed in consistent heights so the climb down wouldve taken forever just to make sure you dont trip up on yourself. we didnt try to go down cause you couldnt tell how far each step was from the next-- we couldnt explore either ways cause this old lady came out of nowhere and yelled at us for trespassing. we ran away and the dream warped into a crossway-street in a brooklyn-looking neighborhood, probably near sunset park. its past noon now.

we were still trying to get away even though im sure we were far enough from that church-- maybe even a whole different other neighborhood- away. Irene shared a board with the other girl, i already forgot her face. it looked kinda awkward the way they were riding the skateboard from my perspective lol. Irene would waddle on left and right steps over the rear-end of the board while the girl at the front would push off to go forward. Irene then would jump in with one foot on in, trying to balance whenever they swerved around. they were way ahead of me cause i started to slow down even thought i didnt feel tired. at this point i got distracted by something. i wanted to go explore the neighborhood some more cause it looked like China was dumped in the middle of Sunset Park streets. i ended up not straying away cause i was worried id never see them again if the dream would warp again.

i followed them to what looks like an emptied-out, giant halfpipe-cave. its about 2 miles long and when you go all the way inside to the end, the last part of it extends from the shape of the halfpipe mouth, to an empty underground swimming pool. there was a concert going on. the more you got closer to the inside end, the more densely packed the people were. at least they were all sitting down chilling or else everyone would get pushed awkwardly to the curved walls. i kept walking forward not really looking at the people's faces, forgetting i was supposed to meet up with Irene and her. i figured they were somewhere near the front end since they got inside way before me. i ended up finding myself walking into an incline on the right side of the halfpipe, it didnt have any railings so some people were sitting in the edge of the higher parts, dangling their legs out over the band. it was an indie-rock band, i didnt hear any of their music at first, then it would fluctuate to me hearing it to not again--but i felt it all the same for some reason.

it was dark the farther you got inside the halfpipe, but they lit it up with some sort of low light, maybe blacklights. mostly purple shades. the pool at the end was lit with dim blue lights. i didnt wanna look at it for too long cause it made me feel uneasy. like no sound reached that area. it looked so eerie and still, and it seemed like it would be cold when you go there. it was pretty warm inside the halfpipe though, almost borderline stuffy cause there werent any windows. i liked the feel of sweating from trying to maneuver my body, stepping over the people. there were so much thick, black wires on the floor for the band, i semi tripped on a couple and i ended up pulling one plug off with my foot but it didnt affect the concert much and no one yelled at me but just fixed it. i lingered on the area where the band was actually standing since i felt awkward being the only one moving back and forth. they were at the end of the halfpipe and i thought i saw Irene waving at me.

my eyesight is always perfect in dreams but for some reason she was blurry in this one. she was far but my eyesight was still slightly better than it is irl. this time, i made sure i looked at everyones faces going back towards the exit. it took forever to reach the place where i thought i saw them sitting in. it was awkward looking at strangers faces-- i thought i would get pass that, being in a dream and all but i still got anxious since they didnt know i was looking for someone like that sht mattered lmao. i saw the two girls that i thought was them. they were wearing wigs that looked like they were trying to imitate their hairstyles, and even wearing similar styled clothes. their sillouhete wouldve been a good match from the distance but upfront it was two strangers that i didnt know. it was weird and suspicious--i didnt chalk it up as coincidence cause they didnt look at me at all. even though i was blocking their view. they would move their heads and gazes around but not once did they look at my eyes. they had beady shiny eyes, and they had a slight smile. after that i realized Irene and the other one was taken by the people in charge of this halfpipe gig. i still didnt know who they were but i wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

a couple of yards away from the opening, i was stopped by a tall, balding guy that looked like a priest. there was a room all of a sudden, we were still in the halfpipe but there were stairs going down and a room right next to it. everything looked polished and white, like a hospital but to me it felt like a church. the man was chasing after this thin ass girl, she looked so bony and her hair was falling out of her scalp. she looked so weak that she couldnt even talk or do anything other than slowly walk her way out. she couldnt, her dress was stuck on something. she didnt even notice that it was and kept moving as if she was still going forward. the priest was yelling something at me and i looked down and my foot was on her dress. i somehow ended up holding the girl by her thin arms keeping her in front of me to shield myself from the tall man. he looked like he was in his 60s. it didnt matter that i held the girl, i didnt know what that wouldve done for me, but i fucked her over cause the man simply walked up to us and bit on her neck. he started sucking up her blood and did a shit job on it, making a big mess on his white shirt cause i kept shaking the girl back and forth to try and pry her away from his mouth. i didnt want to rip her neck either so i didnt get to use much force. i shouldve just kicked him off her but i didnt get to think much of it before the dream warped to another dream

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i was with my family and LenLen's family. we were supposed to be ready and packed, we had an Rv outside, big enough for all of us--4 in my fam and 7 in their fam. there were other people in the house on top of that too but idk if there were gonna join us in the trip as well. something was weird, i never really knew what it was. we were all huddled up in the living room upstairs, the house now had our current house's layout. downstairs was all dark, like we were supposed to go there. i couldnt tell what time it is cause for some reason i couldnt see outside the windows in the dream. but we lit the living room area with a bunch of candles i couldnt see. i wanted to get a bag downstairs in my room but i knew id get in trouble. idk why we were being cautious i was half confused, half just bored cause we've been there for days apparently just waiting for something half of us dont even know about. LenLen and the next oldest sister went to follow me. i got to my room somehow without any lights and when i stepped in, it lit up like it was a bright sunset outside. i was in the middle of unpacking the bag i wanna switch out to the new one to match my fit when they walked in. they were gonna walk back out cause someone called for them and i was sad and disappointed cause i thought they werent going to talk to me. but they went back in and i didnt get to see if they did talk in the end cause i woke up.

its been years since we last saw each other and im probably just subconsciously over-excited to meet with them in texas this summer.

[julucid]

F11

this was a while back but its bothering me cause it still feels so vivid and real. wasnt gonna log it since theres really not much for me to go for or say. but i kept thinking about it lately so tt.

i was flying through the streets. it looked like an overhang highway. the buildings i passed had lots of colorful graffiti art on them- not just random ass tagging. i wasnt moving too fast, it felt like looking out a windown when you're in a bus trip, except you're just alone. i didnt see people in the streets, or cars. it was maybe around noon, the sun doesnt look too bright --i didnt feel the heat.

the dream went by pretty fast (or maybe it was just a feeling since i was the one moving fast) before it moved onto another one.

ive never astral projected before, or at least i think so. sometimes i cant even tell if some of my dreams are too lucid to be simple dreams. ive tried but i was never sure im even doing things right. it always seemed like it was "too late" or "too early" -- idk how that mind relaxation sht works.