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Devastating to have more evidence that done IS better than perfect

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I’M TIRED OF SMUT, I WANT TOOTH ACHING FLUFF AND HEART SHATTERING ANGST.

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Edgar Allan Poe, from a letter to Mrs. Maria Clemm, July 1849

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Do you remember when I told you,

That I love you, to the bottom of the sea.

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dance with the devil you know or go home!

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They finally made the book 2 *sobs*

And I don't like it :(

Dear Play Choices,

We need Immortal Desires book 2 CAUSE YOU CREAT THIS BAD BOY AND THERE'S NO SEXY TIME WITH HIM ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????????? I WANT HIM TO DEVOUR MEEEEEEEEE

Sincerely, player

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Starting Pesona 5

The game has been out for years and I finally have the chance to try it!!! So far it has been fun and I cannot put down my handheld even though I have a lot of things to do, sigh ...

But music-wise, P4 still rules

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"The Tell-Tale Heart"

Okay so I want to preface this that I have not read much Edgar Allen Poe so I will be missing those layers in my perspective, but anyways something that really struck me in "The Tell-Tale Heart" episode of The Fall of The House of Usher was the moments after Victorine throws the book end at Ali.

Before this, we're presented with this version of Victorine who may be stressed and pressured but ultimately does not actively appear to be amoral. She's just being put in a bad position by her shit father; she wants to do good and develop a life-saving medical device, and she just has to cut corners to stay afloat. It's only Camille who seems convinced Victorine is some awful person.

Then, the bookend. Another cut corner. Instead of talking things out with Ali or being patient, she acts impulsively and immediately to stop the problem. It's just like the first time she dosed the chimpanzee with epinephrine during surgery in a panic when she realized the device wasn't working. She hits Ali in the head and, on realizing the severity of her actions, runs over to her.

Ali is bleeding out on the floor, her body writhing horribly and she lets out these awful choked noises. Victorine goes to her and seems immediately horrified and brokenhearted. Then, the security guard checks in through the door. The guard is concerned over the scuffling noises overheard.

And Victorine fucking says to him, "Have you never heard a woman getting eaten out before?"

Her girlfriend is dying by her hand, and she pretends the sounds of her dying are the noises of sexual pleasure. This to me is the reveal, this is when the audience truly sees that Victorine does not have and never had a heart. The love she's shown, for her passion, her girlfriend, her device, is nothing more than mistaken greed. It's a mechanical heartbeat, it sounds almost like a heartbeat, but it's a pale imitation to anyone who pays attention. And like with Ali's corpse, the mechanical heart of Victorine is just keeping a soulless body alive.

The Fall of the House of Usher structurally represents the family itself: it begins with the announcement of the deaths of all the children. The children are dead from the beginning of the show. And as Annabel points out, the children in the story were dead from the start, killed by greed and wealth. And then we learn that they were literally dead, as Roderick and Madeline had already sold their lives for wealth before they were even born. We're not seeing the family die, we're seeing the final moments of corpses decomposing. We're seeing the dilapidated house finally collapse. The Fall of the House of Usher is not about death, it's about the walking dead, like the visions of Roderick. A family kept alive with a mechanical device just going through the motions.

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Carla Gugino can play have anyone she wants

Bonus:

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You are the moon of my night.

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Three years later, I'm listening to this song while packing my belongings into my luggage. Ready to have a long flight.

It's okay now, this song helped me through 🥰

[2020.01.03] half past one

I was feeling hopeful and suddenly feel upset again. The only thing that help me feel better is literally Long Flight - by Taeyong. It has been on shuffle for hours now.

It has magic that make me feel floating along while listening to it. Thank you for writing this song, Taeyong. I feel inspired from adoring this man. I really love the fact that he is so confident and humble at the same time. How do I reach that level? I really hope his confidence and kindness rubbed on me. But honestly, I've been nothing but a bitch tonight.

At the end of the night, I really hope I can make it. I will look at this post again someday in the future and think, "My heart was broken that night. Everything was in a rut. However, it's okay now and this song helped me through."

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Angry Confessions

"I love you! I have always loved you. It's not fair to deny my love for you now."

"You make me so angry I want to scream, and I love you so much it almost tears me apart."

"I cannot change my feelings for you, believe me I fucking tried."

"How can you not understand how much I love you?"

"I am so angry right now, I could almost forget my love for you."

"I can't do this anymore. I love you. But it's not enough."

"Don't mock me by acting so surprised. You had to know about my feelings for you."

"You make me so angry sometimes. And you make me love you all the time."

"I need to know that you're safe. Because I care about you. I love you."

"You knew how I feel about you. You have to have known."

"Can you not see that I love you? That I've always loved you?"

"I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?"

"It's not a secret that I love you. Don't act like it is."

"My love for you will truly become my downfall, I just know it."

"I fucking love you, okay?! I don't want to, but I do."

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Sputnik Sweetheart

On Sunday afternoon in Starbucks, a friend of mine said she was interested in reading Haruki Murakami's Sputnik Sweetheart because of its opening sentence. When I saw it, I too was sold by its first sentence.

Not only a great first sentence but also an interesting first paragraph. What made it more interesting, this Sumire's love interest is a woman. An older, married woman. Murakami, you did it with this one.

There's that magical, strange feeling every time you read Murakami. As much as I hate some unnecessary description (I think) he did, can't lie I've fallen in love with the way he told stories.

This one also did it to me. I love how the characters are relatable to me. Sumire is relatable to me. I saw myself in Sumire. I was her when I had a crush, I was her when I questioned a lot of things in my life, I was her when I fell in love.

Sputnik Sweetheart, and the back story of why is it called Sputnik Sweetheart is something I love too (I'm an easily impressed person).

And one couldn't read Murakami without discussing and diving deeper into it once they finished reading. Since my reading buddy doesn't wanna talk to me for *looking at the calendar* three years now, I have no one to talk to about it, and to Reddit I go.

I always have the funniest feeling when I read a book and it relates quite a lot to me since not only do I relate to the characters, but the whole theme also hit quite close to home?

Couldn't word it better myself but this was a perfect interpretation of the whole book.

Oh, the book is just hauntingly beautiful. I haven't quite moved on from this, even though I have started reading a new one. Might do a re-read somewhere in the future. I used to recommend people to read Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage if they want to start reading Murakami's works. However now, it's this one. And it easily became my top favorite too.