junietuesday

[junietuesday]

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

[junietuesday]

in my deathbed doing phone time for a bit before im ready

[junietuesday]

i need to [remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health] go nuclear and delete my whole ao3 [remembers that deleting my ao3 wont actually make me feel better and if anything will only make my problem worse by erasing what little engagement i Have actually received] escape to the fresh seaside air

[junietuesday]

This blog is one several-year-long conversation with myself and you are all just along for the ride

[junietuesday]

why do monogamous people think it's appropriate to constantly at every moment bring up how they could never ever do polyamory? why do you think i give a shit or want to hear about it? and why on earth do you think it's appropriate to talk about how magical and spiritual and special monogamy is (in contrast to polyamory). why do you think i give a shit

[junietuesday]

we all have that one mutual with Information

[junietuesday]

i just like her.

[junietuesday]

HELLO SIFFRIN NO MIDDLE NAME NO LAST NAMEEE

[junietuesday]

i love that isafrin can be the most straightforwardly romancey, wholesome pairing on a surface level and then you go one (1) level deeper and run into siffrin’s seething guilt and convoluted feelings around touch and intimacy and the extent to which they want or don’t want those things in a specifically romantic way or if he was trying to seek connection and love in any way he could once he knew that Isabeau wanted those things from him in that context, and the combined power trip/self disgust at “manipulating” Isabeau’s desires without his knowledge to make themself feel wanted and in control. and then you keep going and there’s also Isabeau’s own warped self image (still, in spite of all his changes, fearing that he’s someone that would be shameful to know), his “emotionally stable pillar” role and self-taught therapy talk masking his deep fears of real confrontation (struggling loop after loop to confess, not wanting Odile to confront Siffrin about their weird behavior in the sus quest bathroom talk) and how Siffrin’s fear of vulnerability and Isabeau’s fear of Pushing Too Hard allow both of their issues to fester unspoken long after it’s clear that the problems exist.

all this to say. duality of isafrin. makes my heart full and warm and happy to see the sweet, fluffy, silly love and connection between them (mutually romantic or otherwise). and then also. the delicious, delicious complications. gnawing on them like a dog with a beloved bone

[junietuesday]

Idk if this has been suggested yet but

Odile Isa drinking buddies?

talking about the new party member

[junietuesday]

you ever think about how isat initially introduces bonnie and odile as the iconic child and adult duo -- odile is bonnie's favorite adult, the one they respect and look up to most, the one they look to for guidance, etc...

but that was actually originally siffrin's role and siffrin's dynamic with bonnie. and then siffrin got permanently injured because of bonnie. and it made them so guilty that they couldn't look him in the eye anymore. so they had to find a new favorite adult to latch on to, someone they didn't have complicated feelings towards. and that new adult happened to be odile. you ever think about that

[junietuesday]

Happy Pride, I can't stop thinking about Isabeau

[junietuesday]

(You keep forgetting!!!)

[junietuesday]

I do like in ISAT how through ACTs 1-2 there's such a major emphasis on the trek through the House and the defeat of the King as the culmination of Mirabelle's arc through her fear of failing Vaugarde, her guilt over lying about being blessed by the Change God, her grief over seeing her fellow housemaidens be frozen, the triumph of saving the country, etc. And then some time in ACT 3 it really hits you that you've been skipping through dialogue and avoiding interacting with frozen NPCs so much that the meat of Mirabelle's emotional journey is basically just another inconvenience to be skipped through

[junietuesday]

isabeau doodling

[junietuesday]

The sniff,,

[junietuesday]

what if that final boss fight had a little more fighting and angst :) then what :)