junkmailinparadise - Tumblr blog

[junkmailinparadise]

Reasons to use Priority Mail

Always has a tracking number.

$50.00 insurance included.

Delivery in 1 - 3 business days, nationwide.

Flat rate boxes and envelopes available.

Flat rate packaging is one price regardless of weight and ZIP code.

Priority packaging is F R E E.

You can have Priority packaging mailed to you at no cost.

If you don't use Priority packaging, and this is the most important one, you get to make a clerk super happy because I get to put stickers on stuff.

[junkmailinparadise]

[junkmailinparadise]

Postage Talk

I want to cover something really important to the average consumer: the guarantee.

When you send something out, be it First Class Parcel, Media Mail, Priority, whatever, you get an estimated delivery date.

The key word is ESTIMATED.

The USPS gives you that estimate based on ideal conditions - no weather problems, no processing facility backups, etc. But it's an estimate. It's a best guess. It's a ballpark, where if it's significantly longer than that, you should check that tracking number.

It is NOT a guarantee.

There is exactly one domestic service that the USPS guarantees, and that's Priority Express, the 1-2 day service.

If you mail Express, the USPS guarantees your own will be delivered by the date you're told, and if it's determined that something we did was the reason it got there late, you get your money back.

That is it.

The only other time you're going to get money back from the post office is if you purchase insurance and it's determined that not only did we mess something up, but you also packed it correctly. Or, for some reason, we packed it. Which we're not supposed to.

Next Postage Talk, well, I dunno!

If there's something you want to learn about the post office, send an ask, the mail slot is always open.

[junkmailinparadise]

Folks, please don't try to scam the post office.

First of all, scamming anyone isn't cool.

Second, you're not that slick. Heard of a scam that worked? Yeah, me, too. It worked because there was someone on the inside making sure it worked.

Now, what's the most common thing that anyone can do? Using Priority stuff and trying to pass it off as First Class. Folks, this don't work.

When you come in and your address label is clearly just a Priority label with the top cut off, it's noticable.

When you slap a prepaid postage label for First Class shipping on a Priority box, it doesn't matter how hard you black out the Priority insignia and barcodes, we know. And if you scot out the door because you don't need a receipt, all you're gonna do is earn your package one of these:

And it's gonna make its merry way back to you.

Look, we don't like having to raise postage prices either. But the USPS hasn't been funded by government money since 1970, and for some reason, it seems to be a fun trend to just dismantle the whole thing.

So please, stop with the scamming attempts, and yes, that's what you're doing when you do stuff like this.

[junkmailinparadise]

Postage Talk

So the Post Office offers a lot of stuff besides “just get it there cheap as possible”, and it’s worth taking a moment to get to know what the heck there is you can add to a piece of mail besides just postage.

Here’s some extra services you might have never heard of (or are familiar with, especially if you’re a business or a lawyer), and what exactly they do for you.  And (at least when this post was written) what they cost to add to your postage.  There’s quite a bit to cover here, so the contents are gonna be below a Keep Reading.

Next Postage Talk, we’ll talk about something a lot of people have a lot of misconceptions about: guarantees.

Certified Mail - $3.75

Gives you a tracking number for your mail

Must be signed for to be received

Use this service when you want to be able to know where your mail is, and also be sure someone you specified got your mail, or if they don’t pick it up, ignored your letter.  Lawyers, bill collectors, and anyone sending important documents are likely candidates for wanting this.

Return Receipt (Physical) - $3.05

Gives you a physical signature of the person that picked up the mail

The signature is mailed back to you and has its own tracking number

Use this service when you want to see that a real person signed something saying “Yup I got your mail.”  This is very commonly used alongside Certified Mail, especially for legal documents.

Return Receipt (Electronic) - $1.85

Gives you a digital signature of the person that picked up the mail

Pretty much the same thing as the above, just no paper.

Signature Confirmation - $3.45

Must be signed for to be received

Use this service when you want an actual person to sign something saying they picked your mail up.  It doesn’t do much besides that, but it can be combined with a Return Receipt.

Certificate of Mailing - $1.65

Gives you documentation that proves you mailed something

If you need to prove you mailed something, and need absolutely nothing else, this is the service for you.  It’s possible to have a CoM for multiple pieces of mail, so it’s handy if you have a whole bunch of people to whom you need to say “No, really, I actually mailed that out.”  Just make sure your mail has postage attached to it already.  However, if you’re just doing this for one piece, and that’s the reason?  Go Certified Mail, honestly. 

Restricted Delivery - $6.00

Requires that your mail is only delivered to/can only be accepted by a specific person, that you specify when sending

Another one that doesn’t (need to) see much use outside of Legal Stuff (tm), Restricted Delivery makes your mail go to only that person, no friends, no neighbors, no kids of, no parents of, none of that.  That person is the person that gets your mail, and everyone else can shove off.

Registered Mail - $13.75

Most secure way to send mail

Mail is sealed against inspection and tampering

Requires a signature to be received

This is the “Don’t you freaking dare look in my mail” service.  This isn’t something that’s really necessary at all... until you send something really valuable.  Then it becomes the best way to make sure nobody messes with your stuff.  And you’ll have a notification that your mail’s been accepted, or that an attempt to deliver it was made.  Nobody comes to get it?  It comes back to you.

Special Handling - Fragile - $12.15

Requires your mail to be handled carefully by everyone that handles it, to the best extent possible

Honestly, writing FRAGILE all over your mail does nothing.  Now, that said, it’s not a bad idea to do that to begin with.  A mail handler, anywhere on the mail stream, is typically going to try to be at least decent with your mail if it’s covered in pls no booli.  So what does this do?  This service requires that your mail be handled carefully.  Because there’s a lot of points at which, even with just normal, not-messing-with-you mail handling, that your mail has stuff stacked on top of it, gets moved around in less-than-delicate manners, etc.  It doesn’t make it get there faster, nor is the truck driver gonna have it in the front seat with him.  But it does require that the people that handle it, do so carefully, to the best of their ability.

[junkmailinparadise]

Things that infuriate me but I know absolutely no one can do anything about whatsoever #329:

Big companies using those stupid window envelopes for bills.

Okay, this one's petty, but hear me out.

Those windows get caught on EVERYTHING they come into contact with. Another piece of mail? SNAG The inside of a mailbox? SNAG The mail handler's glove? SNAG

I understand wanting to simplify your mail stream when you have n thousands of customers, but come ON. The adhesive holding those crummy plastic windows on is not great at all. And it crumples and tears the envelope at the slightest provocation.

[junkmailinparadise]

"Wud u liek 2 mail dis priority 2dae?"

[junkmailinparadise]

I want to make something abundantly clear for everyone not employed by USPS: there are NO job discounts.

There's no discount on mailing given to employees. I pay the same exact rate for that big envelope as every other person stuffing legal documents in a mail drop.

A stamp (Forever stamps, the standards stamp for first class mail) is 58 cents. That's the same price I pay for them.

All that shipping material you see in there lobby? The padded mailers, bubble wrap, and boxes? Those prices you see on the price tags are the same prices I pay.

So if you're a relative or friend of someone who works in the USPS, please don't ask them to do your mailing for you.

Thanks.

[junkmailinparadise]

Reasons you should avoid getting a P.O box:

- You have a weatherproof mailbox with a lock on it attached to a metal pole 6" in diameter that's anchored 5' in the ground.

- You enjoy wet mail.

- You prefer to have your mail or packages stolen.

- You are ethically opposed to locks of any kind.

- You live in a post office.

- You have transcended physical form and are beyond mortal forms of communication.

- You are allergic to anything made out of any kind of metal.

[junkmailinparadise]

Things that infuriate me but I know absolutely no one can do anything about whatsoever #291:

Parts for old/antique P.O. boxes not having part numbers stamped somewhere on them.

Like okay, I get it, they're like 70 years old and everyone uses aluminum doors now, so it's not like I can just go to Ace or something and pick up a few spares. But come ON. Were part numbers not a thing until 1985 or something? Jeeeeeez. Do I have to go on a tool forum to find these things again or something? Cuz all I can find are WHOLE BANKS OF DOORS or like, doors that got turned into mini safes (which, while admittedly really cool, help exactly not at all).

Buuuuuuuuuut I know there's nothing that anyone can do to make that happen, so I just kinda internally scream into the void.

[junkmailinparadise]

A thing that makes me happy: when you pick up your mail from your P.O box.

A thing that makes me sad: when you go so long between picking your mail up from your P.O. box that I have to make a pile of it in a tray because trying to fit it all in there is impossible or would damage your mail and that's just a headache I'm not willing to deal with.

Please pick up your mail. Please. It's not kind to your letters.

[junkmailinparadise]

So hey, I want to talk about mail real quick (which is probably tautology on this blog, but whatever), specifically the dropping off of massive amounts of mail.

Let's talk about Christmas cards. 'Tis the season. I think they're great; it's good business for USPS and it connects families across the globe with just a little bit of postage on an envelope. And that last part is really cool when you take a moment and think about it: just a little bit of postage, probably less than your morning cup of coffee, can move your cheer almost anywhere. What's really NOT cool is when you have like 20, 40, 90, 300, etc. and try to mash them into a drop box or the slot in the building wall. That's not cool. It's not cool for a couple reasons, the first of which is that you mashing your letters in can literally make it so that nobody else can get mail in. And that's not an exaggeration: your letters go into one of those plastic tubs we use to sort mail, not some magical bottomless pit, so your letter flood will make a platform across the top of the bucket, and because physics is dumb, all those letters stack up like a frozen waterfall of Christmas cheer and the next poor soul that has something for the box is just s.o.l. The second reason is that since the letters are just getting dropped into a bucket, your waterfall of cards is going to go all over the interior off that drop box. There's no guidance system after that hatch, just gravity. So not only are you making emptying out the thing at collection time a royal pain for the person tasked to, your mail is gonna be all rubbed up on the dirt and seasonal crud that other people's mittens have dropped in there along with their mail. And mashing them into a wall slot isn't any better because your mail is gonna go flying onto the floor if that collection bin positioned right below it is full (they usually are this time of year, for this very reason, since the clerks are busy as heck taking in the packages people can't fit into the opening), or if you believe that slapping them in nice and hard is going to get them sent faster and just eject them into the office.

So what's the solution? It's deceptively simple: hand them to the clerk all at once. That's it. Boom, instead of spending 5 minutes mashing them through a wall slot 8 at a time or making a drop box almost unusable, all your letters get taken in at once. You gotta have postage on them already, sure, but you make literally everyone's life easier, including your own, by just saying "Here, these all have postage already." and handing the clerk the stack of holiday cheer, and you're done in like 7 seconds. Then they can go place it in a sorting bin without any floor crud or seasonal detritus, and you can be totally sure that they're going out to the processing facility no later than the end of the day.

So please, if you have a chunk of mail thay needs to go out, even after the holiday season is over, just hand the pile to the clerk and mosey on to wherever you are headed next.

[junkmailinparadise]

Things that infuriate me but I know absolutely no one can do anything about whatsoever #142:

When mail comes in all sorted for the P.O. boxes and the largest piece of mail is in the front or middle of the bunch for that box.

Like UGH it's enough that I have to bend the larger stuff just to fit into the dang box, having that piece in the back would make it so much easier. NoOoOoOo it's gotta be like the third piece in and there's like nine for that box today.

Buuuuuuuuuut I know there's nothing that anyone can do to make that happen, so I just kinda internally scream into the void and move it myself.