just-me-15-blog1 - Tumblr blog

just-me-15-blog1 · 6 years ago

Text

I got this image from #pintrest and it spoke to me. I thought.. "hey, maybe if I share my journey I can enlighten other". Well, here I am. Hoping to shed some light on a topic of conversation that hopefully will turn into a habit.

I became a minimalist (thank you partner) about 5-6 years ago. The transition from being a compulsive shopper to only buying things I really need was difficult. Breaking apart that code in my head felt like I was swimming against the stream. I felt all the feels.. feeling some sort of anxiety of having to have the latest #aldoshoes or #jessicasimpson lingerie or the newest #coachbag .

I wanted it all!! At any cost. Even if that meant being short on rent, groceries, bills.. I was freaking out like the #gif above LoL

As time went by I noticed the anxiety cooling off, no longer felt the need to buy random unnecessary stuff. No longer felt anger towards my partner for "denying" me those things. Slowly letting go of an old me.

That first year was intense. Year number two I was still holding onto buying things. But the things I wanted to keep in buying was clothes. I would get mad.. how can you not buy clothes? How is that possible? You need clothes! Oh yes, you do need clothes. But not new clothes every week, two weeks or month. Clothes should be essential but with control. Buy new clothes and in six months reevaluate your closet make a pile of "keepers" and "give away".

Taking baby steps began to make me feel relief! Like a huge load of stress was being lifted. It felt like.. yes, this feels great!.. did the same thing with shoes, bras, bathing suits and even socks. Continuing the process didn't feel so difficult. Didn't feel overwhelming. Didn't feel anxiety anymore. Let me write about that anxiety.. that anxiety of having to be the first of my group of friends to have the newest/ lastest is what I mean when I write about anxiety. Not feeling that way went in hand with not giving a fuck what anyone else thought of me. It was then when I learned a lot about myself. My own seal of approval. My validation of me.

Before I knew I had a very "fuck everyone" mentality and went as far as being a loner. No friends. The only person in my circle was my partner. And that's how I pretty much preferred it for the next few years to come. Reason why, it is because I filtered out the noise. People who didn't feel anything positive in my life. And, I took myself out of people's life because I was not feeding anything positive in their lives. I was able to focus on me. I was able to decide what type of people I wanted around me. Most importantly I was able to evolve. Grow. Learn. Having able to grow has positioned me today of the type of future I want.

Becoming a minimalist has taken its time. Having a minimalist mentality has taken time. Becoming who I am today has taken time. I know who I am and what I want for the next decade. Everyday is growth. Everyday it's a new opportunity to be a better version of you. Becoming a minimalist has cancelled out a lot of society noise. And for that I am thankful!

Thanks for reading me 🕊️💜

Much 💜&✨,

Just-Me-15

2 notes · View notes

just-me-15-blog1 · 6 years ago

Text

Today I spent a great deal with an accountant sorting out our finances. Although it was necessary I must say that at some point I felt frustration. Towards me really.. mostly because to some extent I allowed for this mess to happen. However, I am not 100% responsible for it. But, I do feel the need to fix it for the sake of my children!

I will find the strength I need to get through this.

I will find the right steps to get through this.

Once I remove us from this financial hole we will begin to actually heal.

Healing will help us in the future to not make the same mistakes.

We cannot afford more mistakes!

The financial rut we are in is a long story.. it's a story that begins in late 2017.. but before that we had a small financial rut in 2016.. I could begin with our little rut..

December 2016 my partner injures himself while playing the our son. He tears 3 ligaments! 😵 He slowly begins to turn blue.. I help him regain his "color" and help him with breathing techniques. He slowly returns to reality but is in severe pain... I get us a taxi to take us to the nearest clinic, hospital, red Cross.. whatever and whoever is available to see us. That night I'm making all the moves to help him so he doesn't put much "stress" on his ankle.. While he's at the local clinic I'm on my way to #walmart for some crutches. I'm making my way around town in public transportation on a hot winter night. Mind you, we live in a place where it's summer year round.. anyway, I'm sweating from every pore of my body.. I rush back to him and we go back home. The next day we pay a visit to the red Cross.. he gets treated and is put on rest for the next 12 weeks! That's three months btw.. in these three months work is flowing but not like before.. he can't do any work.. all he can do is answer messages, email and phone calls. Because he isn't physical able to work we hire a freelancer.. work is literally cut in half.

Half of the work is coming in

That half if the work is being distributed by 50%

Which means that the income that is coming in isn't all ours.. which means that our bills aren't getting covered.. which means that we have to use our credit cards.. by the time those 12 weeks are up and the Dr gives him the "ok" to return to work, we find ourselves in a financial rut!!! (Goes to mention that in those 12 weeks my partner does not say one word to me. He's angry at the world thus taking it out on me and our little kid.)

Anywho, I see that we are in a rut and here I go wanting to fix it! I feel it's my responsibility to fix it. Although I did not do anything to be in this position, I feel somewhat responsible for it.

By spring time I managed to get a credit card to help us out of the rut. We're able to pay for the ads, continue new ads and other work related items. Once the adds start going we are back in full business. With business blossoming again we are able to pay off the debts we accumulated in those 12 weeks and we are able to purchase a new car!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💅 From spring onwards things are flowing nicely. Work has a lot of positive energy ✨💫

Fast forward to winter...

By this time I'm almost at my due date.. which means my partner is going to be the sole keeper of the business.. my attention will be with the new baby, my oldest kid and healing from birth.

I don't know what happens but.... But.... Work literally drops like crazy!! We went from booking 2 sessions per day.. to booking that per week 😟 work again begins to decline.. mid January 2018 and we have to dip into our savings... Early February.. work is still slow... Mid February.. dipping some more into the savings.. March all savings are gone and work is super slow!!! 🤔 Once our savings are gone we have no choice but to use one credit card.. then it's two credit cards.. then three.. then a bank loan.. and here we are... We find ourselves in a financial rut yet again. But this time the amount of $$$ we owe has easily doubled!!! We use the bank loan to pay off the credit cards.. we use the majority of the remaining amount to pay back the loan and with the money left we use it to live off of. HUGE MISTAKE I MADE BY LISTENING TO MY PARTNER! HUGE.

And suddenly it's June and we are up to our throats. Goes to mention that by this time my partner makes a decision without my consent. And that decision is to rent out a photography studio in a hotel. The deal was for one month only (March 23- April 26) then he would be giving it back. But no, he thought it would be best to keep renting it.

And of course I'm against it. Well, mostly because I see the numbers and numbers don't lie. If the business isn't being profitable then why be somewhere that it's profit is that of 200 USD after utilities. Anyone with a head on his/ her/ it shoulder knows that 200 USD of profit is not rentable. Period.

Instead of giving back the consession stand to it's rightful owner, my partner thinks and feels that it would be a horrible non loyal thing to do... So instead he continues with it. July- December reflect negative numbers. By December 31 we stupidly find ourselves with another rut of debt. How wonderful!

January 2019 comes along and business is slow. I forgot to mention that in between the months of July- December 2018 we managed to use up all three credit cards again 🙄 therefore we aren't able to use them to buy food or to simply get by. Fast forward to mid May and that's when things begin to pick up again. Our business is having a flow 🍃 our numbers are reflecting nicely but we owe a shit load of $$$...

How in baby Jesus name are we gonna get out of this one? Well, today I sat with an accountant.. she walked me up to the first step of financial healing. We have homework to do by next Monday.. this homework will help us set the record straight in regards to how much $$$ we really owe. How much $$$ we produce. How much $$$ is being spent and lastly making BUDGET!!!

This financial toxic relationship of ours is disgusting. Maybe there are people who are off worse than us.. but I don't care about looking at other people's lane.. I care about mine. And I care about healing from it.

Thank you for reading me 🕊️💜

Much 💜 & ✨,

Just-Me-15

0 notes