justafoolwithapen

[justafoolwithapen]

No one photographs something they wish to forget, a photograph captures a moment in time when the photographer feels an emotion that they won't ever feel again in the hopes that that photo will spark memories just as strong and vivid as when they were there experiencing it the first time.

Its funny because she hated these two pictures and when I asked why she started going on about all the things she sees wrong with her self and I had to stop her right there. I dont see anything she pointed out, I never have and I mostlikely never will be able to see what she doesn't like and Its been like that from the start, all I see is the face that holds the smile that trips me up everytime it appears, the eyes that cut through me and are able to look deep into me whos depth of blue reminds of heavenly skys, the nose that when she tells stories it wiggles and twitches with excitement and zeal, the ears that look so lovely that she tries to hide with hair most of the time that seem to pick up every word softly analyzing and processing, the moles each unique and beautiful that act as an acutramone to her everyday appearance, lips so full of life that part to release the sweetest voice ever heard, hair so organized and dis-organized at the same time soaked daily by the suns warmth and lastly the soft pale skin thats so inviting and calming.

These are the things I see, the things I never want to forget, the things that now haunt my dreams as the ability to view such beauty in person becomes a rarer and rarer occurrence with each week.

[justafoolwithapen]

Her

Something about her, I love her energy, her focus. I love to see her like in the first photo looking/focusing on something she enjoys. Its wholesomeness in a world of shit, she's a light when there is darkness, a beacon of content and happiness that radiates to those lucky enough to see her for who she is on the inside.

[justafoolwithapen]

The Light In The Dark

I never noticed till today how much you and the sun are alike. A sunrise is one of the most majestic spectacles we can ever witness and we take it for granted. Its beauty is a powerful force, one capable of imprinting its warmth on the most hardened of souls. Like you it inspires, it energizes, it renews, it gives hope. You light up people and cast away the darkness and gloom every morning by just you rising up. You really do live up to the saying "Every sunrise is an invitation for us to arise and brighten someone's day." I hope you wake to have a pleasant morning and a wonderful day. > I look back at some of the things I wrote to her like the above message and cant believe I was so caught up and so open to someone that only pretended and wore disguises to get what she could out of me knowing I would blindly follow her. 

[justafoolwithapen]

The Promise

As I lie here on my couch in a morning haze, I cant help but think about you. With a broad smile plastered on my face, because I feel thankful and lucky to call you a dearest friend. I wont ever be able to promise you the world but I promise to be next to you so you wont face its struggles alone.

>This was written at the beginning of the friendship, has this view changed? Yes, very much so. Will I be there, most likely not, you cant constantly disrespect and think its ok because you up until this point they have doing anything and everything for you at the drop of a hat. People change and sometimes letting go of the rope thats connect you two, the rope that  is wrapped so tightly around your wrist, feels amazing.

[justafoolwithapen]

Little Morning Sky

Beautiful little morning sky with the soft blue and pastel pink hues shining through kinda like us in life, bright pink joy shining through the blues life puts us through from time to time.

[justafoolwithapen]

Art And Emotion

What can I say. Your like a classical sculpted statue from antiquities that comes to life each morning, you are as the saying goes "Art and emotion" meaning where ever you go those lucky enough to lay eyes on the magnificence art that is Kolibri are overwhelmed by pure emotion. Your not sure how or why but you tear up because you've never seen something so astonishing/remarkable and wonderful before.

[justafoolwithapen]

Anthology Of A Heart

See if im really really lucky ill get to see this extremely interesting girl whos mind and thoughts are still boggling to me, every time I think im starting to understand im surprised by something new. See that’s the fascinating part about this girl is we have so many of the same odd likes and stories yet we could spend hours in each others company talking about the same thing or nothing at all and id still be thrilled to the core. She's so enthralling to me that she could repeat the same sentence or ramble for 10hrs  straight and I would take extreme care and detail to every word and emphasis spoken. She's quite extraordinary, I don’t think snap would me write all that I wanted when it came to describing her personality and mind from what ive come to understand in just the few months ive known her, but if I could sit down and put everything to paper and describe everything the way I feel it and understand it, well by god I would have a best selling new York times book on my hands that would be a foot thick. But the shocker for the reader would be when they turn to the last page and see that it is only the first book in an anthology on how I perceive  everything about her not based on looks. Describing her looks would be an entirely different anthology of its own with comparisons to every wonderful object, animal or structure on this plant that people find joy and beauty in. It would describe and counter any all protests she has on things she would consider flaws or imperfections and prove to not only her but the reader how each one of them is beautiful and should be prized and praised.

[justafoolwithapen]

Pillow

I have to say, i'm jealous of your pillow. Think about this, every night your pillow gets to have you all to itself, it gets to have you lay your precious tired head on it and sleep. The time when you unwind, relax and let all your stress go. The point where you have no walls and feel the safest because your comfortable, every time you smile in your sleep or sleep mumble its there to listen and see it. Its seen you at your best and its seen you at your worst, never judging just supporting embracing and caring. Its been there for you after the long days at work and the short moments you leave on the lazy days of sleeping in, its been their for a long time and it will continue to be there foe you for a long time. Your pillow truly is lucky and this part sounds cheesy but i'm actually a little envious of what it gets to see/feel/hear.

[justafoolwithapen]

The Devil You Know

I'm often reminded of this phrase from an old French book: "mieux le diable que tu connais que le diable que tu ne connais pas'' which roughly translate to "" better the devil you know than the devil you don't"" and I think that that is what i'm following because she is my demon. Her words, her actions they all entice and enthrall me to the point I grow weak and cave, always jumping to be there fully knowing nothing will change nor will it ever end good for me.

[justafoolwithapen]

Universal Joy

The universe was so full of noise and confusion but for those few moments, those moments when you were with me brought everything to a stand still. The world I was in, no the world we were in, where nothing distracted us went silent. In this silence I found beauty, I found happiness, I found fascination  and I found joy, but as soon as our time drew to an end all the universe came flooding back in with reality, it brought back everything chaotic distracting and I found nothing to calm it back down but You.

[justafoolwithapen]

The House Of You.

I want a house full of paintings, books, pictures ,sunflowers and whispers all from you. I want to live in a house that reminds me of you because I always thought I should be the one who must end the war inside me but little did I know that until you touched my soul, now you and everything about you puts my mind at peace.

[justafoolwithapen]

Enlightenment

Sometimes things not working out how you want is so beautiful it even breaks your heart - and maybe that’s enough enlightenment for you to embrace change.

[justafoolwithapen]

Truly Naked Truly Loved

Its easy to take off your clothes and fuck, everyone and anyone can do that with someone. Its a primal thing you see, we instinctively  want to spread our genetic makeup and reproduce, like salmon that swims up river to the same spot each year, we are creatures of habit. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them in past your defenses, letting down your walls that have long stood firm. Letting that one person gaze deep into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams…. That takes a blind leap of faith, faith that the person your letting in loves you enough to never hurt you by using this against you, to never judge but only comfort. That is a choice and that is when you truly feel naked.

[justafoolwithapen]

The Weed In The Garden

She grew like an untamed weed in the garden of his mind, no matter where he ventured there she was. Popping up in the corners and in the middle of the fields, she was everywhere, and he loved it. She grew under the light and warmth of his happiest memories and her appearance brought a smile to his face. Accompanying him along every pathway she had survived every storm no matter the severity his head could dream up. Even when he eventually knew it was time to clear her out and detangle his mind, she found a way to survive, always reminding him of times that were and the times that could have been. He was confused and frustrated as he could see how damaging and dangerous she was to be left unattended and able to run free in his head but no amount of poison or pulling could break her loose the grip she had and set him free.

[justafoolwithapen]

Give up, give in

Its hard to wait for something you know might not happen. But its even harder to give up when you know its everything you want.

[justafoolwithapen]

Grass under the sky

With dream filled eyes pointed toward a sullen sky, and grass under his ass, he’ll see, with perfect clarity, how fucking flawed and foolish his dreams really were - The fact he's laying there, so far from home both physically and mentally, is just some grave and god awful misunderstanding and proof.

[justafoolwithapen]

Backwards

Wake up at 4 am with me when it’s still dark out and the world’s still sleeping. Let’s drive nowhere and buy the most flavored coffee we can find. Let’s wake up at 4 am just to watch the world wake up. Let’s take pictures of the red pink and purple sunrise, let’s stay silent with the universe until it’s not. When the world wakes up and the sky goes blue take me home and let’s go back to sleep. Let’s do things backwards. Let’s do things forward, backwards, left and right. Let’s just live and be happy, lets just do it  together.