justamaddream

[justamaddream]

12.30.03

Saw some old friends I hadn't seen in a long time over Xmas break, but the highlight was reconnecting with Doris after so many years. Our paths had taken us to different places, but when we met again, it felt like no time had passed at all. We talked for hours, reminiscing about our childhood adventures and catching up on everything we had missed. It's incredible how some connections never fade, no matter how much time goes by.

During the holidays, I visited my great-grandparents' apartment complex, where Doris had also grown up. She had lived next door to them, and we used to play together whenever I visited as a kid. I was surprised and delighted to see her again, back in the same place where our friendship had begun.

We decided to spend the day together. We met at a ventanita, enjoying the best Cuban coffee. The place had changed a bit, but the smell of freshly brewed coffee and the cozy atmosphere brought back a flood of memories.

We talked and laughed for hours, catching up on each other's lives. It felt like we had never been apart. She told me she was now living in Aventura, working at Kmart, and pursuing her nursing degree at Miami Dade. She has her nose pierced now and I love it.

I shared my own stories: how I had spent the past few months in Germany, DJing in three different cities, and had just graduated with high honors from the University of Miami, majoring in mathematics on a scholarship. Her eyes widened with amazement, and she playfully teased me about my "glamorous" life abroad.

At one point, the conversation took an unexpected turn when we talked about a mutual friend, Alex, who had recently moved away. Doris got visibly upset, her face reddening as she recounted how Alex had borrowed a significant amount of money from her and hadn't repaid it. I was surprised to see that side of her. It reminded me of her mom, who always had a temper, and how Doris was always kind of fiery even as a kid. It was interesting to see how some traits stayed with her over the years.

In the afternoon, Doris suggested we grab a bottle of wine and take it to a small park nearby. Doris offered to drive us to the store. The ride was filled with laughter and music. Once we got to the store, we headed straight to the wine section, browsing through the selection. As we approached the checkout, the cashier asked for ID. Doris reached into her purse"Oh no! I left my ID at home!

I stepped in quickly, handing my ID to the cashier. Doris sighed in relief, but with a mischievous grin, she turned to me and said, "Guess it's a good thing you're here to save the day, Mr. Babyface. I knew there was a reason I kept you around!" She’s actually a couple years older.

We both burst into laughter, paid for the wine, and drove to the park. The weather was perfect, and the park was inviting. We spent the rest of the day there, sipping wine, sitting on a blanket under the trees, and sharing stories.

Doris was full of life. At the park, she teased me for bringing my "fancy" travel stories to our simple old neighborhood. She mockingly rolled her eyes and said, "Mr. World Traveler, what are you doing back in this little corner of the world?" She playfully nudged me, her laughter ringing through the park.

Later, as we recounted childhood memories, she reminded me of my childhood nickname, which I had long forgotten. "Remember when everyone called you 'Einstein' because you were always reading those thick books?" she teased, a mischievous glint in her eye.

While we were chatting, Doris suddenly got up and pulled me towards a nearby playground. She jumped onto a swing and challenged me to see who could swing higher, just like we used to do as kids. Her beautiful long dark hair swaying. Her infectious laughter and playful spirit reminded me of those carefree days, and for a moment, it felt like we had traveled back in time.

We even laughed about that time when we got lost in the apartment complex as kids and ended up at a neighbor's party by accident. The neighbors were kind enough to let us stay and enjoy the festivities until our great-grandparents found us.

As the sun set over the horizon, casting a warm glow over the park, there was a moment when our eyes met, and I wondered if there could be something more between us.

We went to her place in aventura and somehow ended up making out in her bedroom. We did it all: we got naked. Pierced belly button. Titty suck-ing. Rubbing clit. Eating her. “Que rico esa lengua” She talked dirty in English and in Spanish. Licked her asshole. BJ. Nails painted black. Ball sucking. “Mira este pingon, que grande,” well ok. Ass licking. Her on top, on top reversed, spoon, side ways, head down ass up. She came with each position yelling things like “que rico” “ay coñio” “oh fuck yes.” I took off the condom came in her mouth and she spit out the cum but kept rubbing her lips on my dick. I kissed her and we drank more wine.

Never thought we'd end up in that moment. Sex with Doris felt like finding something lost, a spark from our past ignited effortlessly. Her touch was familiar, her kiss charged with intensity.

And i guess this situation was just as unexpected with Emilie. Sex with her was like a bolt of lightning, a reminder that I was still capable of feeling deeply.

After years of bad luck with women, suddenly having these two incredible experiences feels surreal. I can't help but wonder why now? Is it coincidence, or have I changed without realizing it?

[justamaddream]

12.10.03

I caught up with Edwin today at a café near the beach. It had been a while since we last saw each other, and I was eager to share my experiences from Europe. Edwin is an old friend, one of the few people who knows me well, but I wasn’t sure how he’d react to my stories.

We grabbed a couple of sodas and found a quiet corner to sit and talk. The conversation started light, catching up with old friends, but it quickly turned more serious.

"So, you went to Europe to DJ?" Edwin asked, a hint of skepticism in his voice.

"Yeah, it was incredible," I replied, trying to keep the enthusiasm in my voice. "I got to play gigs in Berlin, Munich, and Cologne. Met so many amazing people and learned a lot."

"I didn't know you were planning to become a DJ. What about your math career? Grad school?" He raised an eyebrow, clearly judgmental.

"I needed a break, you know? To explore something different, something I’m passionate about," I said, feeling a bit defensive. "It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

"But what about your future? Your career in math?" Edwin persisted. "You’ve always been so good at it. Weren’t you planning to go to grad school?"

"Edwin, life isn’t just about following a straight path," I sighed. "Sometimes you need to take a detour to find out what you really want. Besides, I’m not giving up on math. I just needed to see what else is out there."

He looked at me for a moment, then shook his head. "I just hope you know what you're doing. It sounds like a lot of fun, but you need to think about the long-term."

"I appreciate your concern, man, but this trip was important to me. It changed me in ways I can’t even begin to explain," I said, feeling a mix of frustration and gratitude. "It’s not like I’ve abandoned my goals. I just... took a different route for a while."

Edwin nodded, though I could see he wasn’t entirely convinced. There was a part of me that understood his perspective – he’s always been the practical one, focused on the future and stability. But I couldn’t ignore the slight twinge of jealousy I sensed from him, like he wished he could have had the same freedom to explore.

As we wrapped up our conversation, I couldn’t help but reflect on Edwin’s judgments. He’s realistic, maybe too much sometimes, but he means well. His concerns are valid, but I know in my heart that this journey was necessary. I’ve seen and felt things that have reshaped my understanding of life and myself.

Heading back to my parents’ new place in Miami Beach, I felt a strange mix of emotions. I’m not entirely sure what comes next, but I do know one thing – I need to save some money and get back to Europe. There’s unfinished business, more music to make, and more adventures to be had.

[justamaddream]

11.30.03

Berlin, Germany

The past few days have been a lot of goodbyes. Leaving Europe is bittersweet, and each farewell feels like closing a chapter. In Cologne, I had to say goodbye to Lena and Max. Despite the tension from the party, we managed to part on good terms. Clara showed up as well, and we shared a long hug, promising to stay in touch.

Before I left Cologne, I sent Zara a text. Saying goodbye to her felt like losing a kindred spirit. Her wisdom and the speed made a big impact on me. She responded with a heartfelt message, wishing me all the best and urging me to stay true to myself.

I also took a moment to say goodbye to Emilie, the Belgian girl I met at the party. Our connection was brief but intense, and we shared a one-night stand that felt special in its own way. Saying goodbye to her was happy and friendly, both of us understanding that what we had was fun but probably over. Still, I felt a great love towards her, recognizing our meeting as a unique and meaningful connection.

Back in Berlin, I met up with Tobias. We shared one last night out, reminiscing about our time together and the adventures we’d had. It felt like old times, just the two of us against the world. Saying goodbye to Sophie was harder. We met at a café, and she gave me a small painting she had made – a piece of Berlin to take with me. Her kindness and warmth will be missed.

The flight from Berlin to Miami was long, giving me plenty of time to reflect. The memories of the past months played like a movie in my mind – the highs, the lows, the lessons learned. There was a sense of closure but also a flicker of anticipation for what’s next.

Landing in Miami, I was greeted by my mom and stepdad. Their smiles and warm embraces were comforting after such a long journey. They’ve moved to a new place in Miami Beach, a cozy home with a room they said I could crash in anytime I needed. Seeing their new place, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of nostalgia for the old house, which is now up for rent.

As I settled into their home, the reality of being back in the States began to sink in. I’m not sure what’s next, but I know I need to save some money and figure out my next steps. One thing is certain – I want to return to Europe. There’s unfinished business, more music to make, and more adventures to be had.

For now, I’ll take it one day at a time, holding onto the memories and the hope that this journey is far from over.

[justamaddream]

11.22.03 Berlin, Germany

The final leg of my journey. Tobias, our friends from Cologne, and I all made the trip back to Berlin together. It felt like a full-circle moment, returning to the city where it all began. The excitement was palpable as we got ready to experience one of Berlin’s legendary underground parties.

We had heard rumors of an epic set by Ricardo Villalobos, and I didn’t wanna miss it. The venue was a hidden warehouse, the type of place that only those in the know could find. As we arrived, the beats were already pulsating through the walls, and the anticipation in the air was electric.

Villalobos’s set was everything we had hoped for and more. The music was hypnotic, a seamless blend of rhythms that kept us dancing for hours. The crowd was a perfect mix of Berlin’s eclectic characters – artists, ravers, and music lovers all lost in the moment. It was one of those nights where time seemed to stand still, and every beat felt like it was echoing through my soul.

After the party, we had the incredible opportunity to hang out with Villalobos himself. He turned out to be incredibly down-to-earth and cool. We found ourselves in a cozy back room, a small group of us sharing stories and laughs. Villalobos was generous with his time, talking about his experiences and offering insights into the world of DJing. It felt surreal to be in the presence of someone I admired so much, and his humility and warmth left a lasting impression on me.

The night took on a life of its own. We wandered through the streets, stumbling upon impromptu street performances and late-night food stalls. At one point, we found ourselves at an after-hours bar, tucked away in a dimly lit alley. The conversations flowed as freely as the drinks, and the connections made felt genuine and profound.

But not everything was perfect. At some point during the night, Tobias and Lena disappeared together, and when they reappeared, it was clear something had happened between them. Max, who had been in high spirits all evening, was visibly upset. When he found out, his anger seemed to turn towards me, as if I were somehow responsible. The tension was a stark contrast to the euphoria of the night, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

As dawn approached, we made our way back to the apartment, the city slowly waking up around us. I couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness and uncertainty. In just a few days, I would be heading back to the USA. The thought of leaving behind the vibrancy of Berlin and the connections I’d made was daunting. But there was also a sense of hope – a feeling that this wasn’t the end, just a temporary farewell.

Reflecting on my journey, I know I’ll be back soon. Berlin, Munich, Cologne – these cities have become a part of me, each leaving an indelible mark on my soul. The experiences, the people, the music – they’ve all shaped me in ways I never expected.

[justamaddream]

11.14.03 Cologne, Germany

Tobias finally arrived in Cologne today. It felt great to see him again, like a piece of Berlin had followed me here. We spent the day catching up, walking around the city, and reminiscing about our adventures back in Berlin. The weather was crisp and clear, perfect for wandering through the old town and along the Rhine River.

We stopped by a few record stores, Tobias eager to see what treasures Cologne had to offer. We even found a little café where we spent a couple of hours, sipping coffee and talking about music, life, and everything in between. It felt like no time had passed at all.

As the day turned into evening, we prepared for a party that Lena and Max had told us about. It was at an old industrial building on the outskirts of the city, a place known for its underground scene and eclectic crowd. The excitement was palpable as we made our way there, the anticipation building with each step.

The party was already in full swing when we arrived. The building had been transformed into a vibrant maze of lights and sound, each room offering a different experience. We met some new characters right off the bat – there was Rolf, a DJ with a penchant for experimental sounds, and Mia, a fashion designer with a flair for the avant-garde. They welcomed us with open arms, eager to show us around.

As we moved through the crowd, the energy was electric. The bass thumped through the walls, and the lights flickered in time with the music. The atmosphere was intoxicating, a perfect blend of chaos and creativity...

Then, I saw her – Emilie. She had short, reddish hair with a blond streak in the front giving her a striking, punkish appearance. She was small and petite, much thinner than the thick girls I usually hooked up with back in Miami. She wore an asymmetrical top that showed off her delicate frame and a jeans skirt that hugged her hips just right.

We started talking about the music, and she mentioned how much she loved the experimental sounds of Rolf's set. "It's like he's painting with sound," she said, her accent a delightful mix of French and Dutch. "Every beat, every note, it's like a brushstroke on a canvas."

I was instantly captivated by her spritelike energy and the way she spoke about music with such passion. There was something about her that drew me in, and I couldn’t help but feel a rush of emotions.

She had a gram of this research chemical i ‘d never heard of, like mix between acid and e. She told me she'd taken it once a week for the past two months.

"It’s a psychedelic where sex is most appealing because it triggers intense concentration," she said. "Unlike acid, it allows you to focus on sexual gratification. And the more you have sex on it, the more you want to have sex, which doesn't happen on any other substance." I'd heard enough. I immediately asked for some. Emilie and I looked at each other and sealed the deal.

We went to the patio where she pulled out these vials of the stuff. In Sex, Drugs and Magick: A Journey Beyond Limits, Robert Anton Wilson wrote, "The future will be much wilder and hairier than the immediate past." With this in mind, I drank the vial of clear liquid and waited for my future to begin.

The taste was terrible. She downed her dose and shuddered violently. We're not off to a good start. A few moments pass while we both stare into space. Emilie says, "Well, at least there haven't been any fatalities reported. As far as we know, anyway." I pop a piece of gum into my mouth and chew like crazy.

Oddly, I begin to feel a tingling flush of warmth between my legs. It's absurd. No one could take a drug and get hot 10 minutes later--life just doesn't work that way. Besides. I'm so busy waiting to puke that I can't pay attention. I brush my hand carelessly across my lap; the response is immediate, electric and sharp.

Right after we take it. we figure we have some time to gather supplies from the store--candles, raspberries, water--before it kicks in. But by the time we make it out the door, we are tripping so hard we find the dull sidewalk overstimulating. "I don't think I can make it," Emilie hails a cab to her place.

She leads me upstairs, I suddenly feel like she’s the incarnation of femininity, but not in a sexpot way; more Botticelli's Venus than Madonna. I saunter up to her and shimmy slowly down her body, and it doesn't feel absurd. Clothes, seem unnecessary, so I shrug them off to the accompaniment of Seventies soul. I tell her i need to take a shower.

The water feels invigoratingly strange on skin. My body is a combination of hot and cold--one second I'm trembling, and the next my thighs are slick with sweat.

I step into the room naked. Emily. In room. Topless with only her panties on. Clit solo on couch. Masturbating. Then she turns her attention to me. I walk over and say, “Why didn’t you wait for me?” And she kind of giggled, “I was just..uh warming up?” Then I couldn’t anticipate what would happen next when she grabbed me by the throat and tackled me onto the couch, then she started kissing and licking my chest. As she licked nearer, she asked if she could suck my cock. I said yes. Then she tossed my salad.

Although the physical sensations are like nothing I've ever felt, I'm mentally unchanged. I can speak clearly. but because of the delicious electrical rivulets running along my tongue. I'd rather kiss Emilie’s lips and the soft nest of her throat. Everything, suddenly, is a sex toy: her skin. Her hair, the bedroom curtains blowing in the breeze across my spit covered ass. She gets nude. Pierced clit. I eat her. 69 her on top.

The sex is searing and endless. Screwing rev cowgirl. Shivering from the subtlest waves of pleasure, I close my eyes as Emilie runs her hands and nouth over me. She stops for a moment and puts on a CD of Algerian raï, a spell of Saharan wailing and drumming. I'm no longer aware of the boundaries of our bodies, only the rhythm they make together.

Now i’m fucking her from behind her. She was getting very aggressive and animalistic spitting at me and slapping me to get me to go harder. She asked me to choke her, and i tried, but i don’t think i was really doing right. Sex on this drug turns my skin inside out. Together, Emilie and I shape-shift into different positions like figures in a Mayan hieroglyph. Screwing on her back and she rubs her clit. I came on her face. Best sex ever.

I smoke one of her rolled cigarette after sex. We lay in bed for an hour filled with weightless intimacy. Some drugs lead to a comedown period of hellish introspection, but not this. I can barely remember my problems, my gripes, the lingering doubts in fact, I'm almost disturbingly serene.

I slept long and hard the next day, and when I woke up I gathered my thoughts. 1 realized that the unique aspect of the drug was the way in which I had remained entirely lucid and coherent throughout the experience, despite the overwhelming physical sensations coursing through my body. I never felt like i was in danger of passing out. I was perfectly capable of conversing with the doorman at the club, and I didn't have weird drug-addled conversations with strangers.

Wow what a night. It was like everything just clicked. She’s stunning, and I couldn’t believe how quickly things escalated. It felt so natural, almost automatic. I keep wondering if she was just that into me or if it was the vibe of the night. Either way, I’m still buzzing from the whole experience.

[justamaddream]

11.08.03

Cologne, Germany

Last night was one for the books. I played a mind-blowing set at an underground party that felt like stepping into another dimension. The night started with my usual ritual of speed, but this time I added a twist – a powerful drop of liquid acid that Lena had given me. The combination was surreal, making the world around me seem almost cartoon-like, with vibrant colors and exaggerated movements.

The party was already in full swing when I arrived, the air thick with anticipation and the thumping bass of techno beats. As I took to the decks, I felt the energy of the crowd wash over me. People were dancing with wild abandon, their bodies moving in sync with the music. The acid added a layer of euphoria, making everything feel heightened and intense.

My set was a hit. The crowd responded to every track. At one point, I looked up and saw a group of people getting naked, their clothes discarded in a pile as they danced freely. It was a delicious blur of music, movement, and raw human connection. One beautiful german girl sat cross-legged meditating wearing only an open shirt, as if her third rye were opening up to swallow up the room. Some moments felt disorienting, the lines between reality and fantasy blurring in the haze of the night.

As the party wound down, I found myself still wide awake, the effects of the speed and acid keeping me alert. Back at Lena and Max’s apartment, I ended up talking to a guy who didn’t speak much English. He was a bit of a weirdo, with wild hair and a manic energy. We communicated through The adrenaline from the gig and the effects of the acid had me buzzing well into the morning. As the city began to wake up, I decided to take a walk, hoping the fresh air would help clear my mind. With a joint in hand, I set off to explore Cologne in the early light.

Everything seemed surreal, almost magical. The city was bathed in a soft glow, and every detail, from the cobblestones underfoot to the graffiti on the walls, felt more vivid and beautiful than ever. The quiet streets, the occasional sound of birds chirping, the smell of fresh bread from a bakery – it was like stepping into a painting.

As I wandered through a small park, I spotted a beautiful girl from afar. She moved with a grace that caught my eye, her presence almost ethereal in the morning light. She was sitting on a bench, lost in thought, her gaze focused on the distance. I watched her for a moment, captivated by her serenity and elegance. There was something about her that made me wonder if I would ever find love, if I would ever have someone to share these moments with.

After a long, much-needed nap, I spent the rest of the day with Max and Lena, unwinding and recovering from the big set. We lounged around their apartment, listening to records and talking about the party. Max rolled a few joints, and we reminisced about the wild moments of the night. Lena cooked up a delicious meal, her laughter filling the room as we shared stories and reflections.

Reflecting on the evening, I felt a deep sense of satisfaction. The gig had been a success, and I was starting to feel more confident in my craft.

Later, I checked my email and saw a message from Tobias. He’s planning to visit in a few days, and the thought of seeing him again brought a smile to my face. It’ll be good to catch up and share these new experiences with an old friend.

But there’s also a bittersweet realization creeping in – my time in Europe is drawing to a close. Soon, I’ll be heading back to the USA. The thought of leaving behind the vibrant energy of Berlin, the warmth of Munich, and the new connections in Cologne is bittersweet. Part of me is excited to see what’s next, but another part is reluctant to leave this incredible journey behind.

The mix of emotions is overwhelming. There’s anticipation for the future, nostalgia for the past, and a sense of gratitude for the present. Each city, each person I’ve met, each gig I’ve played has shaped me in ways I never expected.

As I sit here, writing this entry, I’m ready to face whatever comes next.

[justamaddream]

11.01.03 Cologne, Germany

The train ride from Munich to Cologne was a mix of excitement and nerves. The landscape changed from the Bavarian fields to the industrial backdrop of the Rhineland. Arriving at the station, I was met by Lena and Max, a stoner couple who agreed to let me crash at their place. Their easygoing vibe was a welcome relief after the intensity of the trip.

Their apartment was filled with the sweet smell of incense, and every corner seemed to have a potted plant or a psychedelic poster. They were warm and welcoming, offering me a joint as soon as I walked in. We spent the evening talking about music, their favorite festivals, and Max’s impressive vinyl collection. He showed me some rare records, each with its own story of how he acquired it. Lena, with her gentle laugh and laid-back demeanor, shared tales of their travels to India and the crazy adventures they’d had.

Later, as we hung out in their cozy living room, a friend of theirs named Clara dropped by. She had an infectious smile and an effortless charm. We clicked instantly, talking about our favorite DJs and the gigs we’d been to. There was something captivating about her, but nothing happened beyond friendly conversation. Still, meeting her was a highlight of the evening.

As the night wore on and the laughter faded, I found myself lying awake, thoughts of Munich creeping into my mind. The residency at Harry Klein had been a transformative experience. The highs of performing weekly, the connections I’d made, the lessons learned – it all felt so impactful. I wondered if I had made the right decision leaving so soon. The doubts gnawed at me, questioning if I had made the right choices.

The next morning, the reality of my gig set in. This was a big opportunity, and I couldn’t afford to mess it up. The nerves started building as the day went on. Meeting Alex from Treibstoff was another layer of excitement and anxiety. We met informally at a local café, a casual encounter that turned into a pivotal moment. Alex, with his relaxed demeanor, by the end of our conversation, we were discussing the possibility of releasing a 12" record with Treibstoff. The thought of it was exhilarating, and I couldn’t believe how quickly things were moving.

As the evening approached, my nerves were in overdrive. I snorted speed, hoping for that familiar boost of energy. The venue was buzzing, and as I took to the decks, I felt the weight of the moment. The set started strong, the crowd responding to every beat. The adrenaline surged, and for those few hours, I was lost in the music.

After the gig, I walked through the empty streets of Cologne, the city lights reflecting off the wet pavement. My mind was racing with thoughts of the past and the future, of Munich and the paths not taken. The doubts still lingered, but the night had been a success, and that was something to hold on to.

[justamaddream]

10.25.03

Munich, Germany

Today is a somber day. My residency at Harry Klein has come to an end. It feels strange, almost like the end of a chapter. The highs of performing weekly, the connections I’ve made, and the experiences I’ve had here in Munich – it's hard to say goodbye.

Feeling the weight of it all, I decided to visit Zara in the park. The Englischer Garten is as beautiful as ever, the leaves turning golden and falling gently to the ground. Zara was her usual calm and collected self, offering a comforting presence. We sat on the grass, talking about the end of my residency and what’s next for me.

Zara listened patiently as I vented my feelings of sadness and uncertainty. She reminded me that every ending is just the beginning of something new. For a moment, I felt a sense of peace.

The next stop on my journey is a gig in Cologne. It’s an exciting opportunity, but there’s a part of me that’s anxious about leaving Munich. This city has become a second home, and the thought of starting over again is daunting. Yet, there’s also a spark of excitement for what’s to come.

As the day turned into evening, Zara and I sat in comfortable silence, watching the sunset over the park. It was a bittersweet moment, but also a reminder that life is full of transitions. Each step, each change, brings new opportunities and experiences.

Munich will always hold a special place in my heart, but it’s time to move forward. Here’s to new beginnings and the adventures that await.

[justamaddream]

10.25.03

Munich, Germany

October has been a whirlwind of experiences and connections. I’ve had the chance to meet some truly amazing DJs and music people, each bringing their own unique flavor to the scene. From local legends to international acts passing through, the wealth of talent here is astounding.

One notable gig was at Harry Klein, where I had the honor of sharing the stage with Monika Kruse. Hher set was nothing short of mesmerizing. Watching her work the decks, seamlessly blending tracks and reading the crowd, was a masterclass in DJing. I felt a surge of inspiration and a deeper connection to the music.

After my set, we chatted for a bit, and she offered some invaluable advice on navigating the industry and honing my craft. Meeting someone of her caliber and getting that kind of mentorship was a dream come true.

But it wasn’t all great. I hadn’t slept for two days. It was brutal – my mind racing, unable to shut off, each tick of the clock mocking my sleeplessness. In the dead of night, the silence grew heavy, and I found myself slipping into a strange, almost trance-like state.

I took more of that research chemical when i hot home and I had a vision. It was vivid and surreal, blending elements of my Catholic upbringing with Daoist philosophy. I saw a bright light, enveloping me in warmth and peace. In the vision, I was standing at the foot of a towering tree, its branches reaching out to the heavens. At the base of the tree was a crucifix, intertwined with the Yin-Yang symbol.

As I stood there, I felt a profound sense of unity and balance, a connection between the divine and the earthly. It was as if the vision was telling me that despite the chaos and uncertainty, there’s a deeper harmony to life, a path of balance and purpose.

When I finally emerged from this sleepless fog, the vision lingered in my mind, offering a sense of clarity and peace. It’s a reminder that even in the most challenging times, there’s a deeper meaning to be found, a guiding force that helps us navigate the journey.

[justamaddream]

09.29.03

Munich, Germany

Another crazy gig last night, this time at Woandersclub. The venue was packed, and the energy was palpable from the moment I stepped in. The set started off strong, and the crowd was with me every step of the way. Midway through, I decided to take a risk and play an experimental track I’d been working on. The response was overwhelming – people went wild, and the dance floor erupted.

One unexpected moment: during the peak of my set, the power cut out for a few seconds. The crowd gasped, and there was a moment of silence. But then, almost instantly, they started clapping and chanting, keeping the energy alive. When the power came back on, I jumped right back into the track, and it felt like the roof was about to blow off.

After the gig, I wandered through the city, the early morning chill nipping at my skin. The streets were empty, a stark contrast to the chaos of the club. I couldn’t help but think about how far I’ve come and the people who have been part of this journey.

[justamaddream]

09.22.03

Munich, Germany

Last night I played one of my most mind-blowing sets yet at Harry Klein. Everything just clicked – the tracks, the transitions, the energy. The crowd was incredible, feeding off every beat and giving it right back. It felt like I was in a trance, completely in sync with the music and the people. By the time my set ended, I was buzzing with adrenaline.

After the gig, a group of us decided to head back to Klaus’s place to keep the night going. The apartment was filled with laughter, music, and a haze of hash smoke. We sat around, dissecting the night’s events and sharing stories from past gigs. Klaus pulled out his best Moroccan hash, and we all lit up, the rich, exotic flavor adding to the atmosphere. I was fucked up.

Zara and Finn were there too, and we talked about our dreams and what we hoped to achieve. Zara mentioned wanting to start her own coffee shop someday, blending her love for coffee and music into a unique space. Finn shared his latest sketch, a wild mural concept that blended different languages and street art styles.

As the night wore on, the conversation flowed freely, and I felt a deep sense of camaraderie with these new friends. It was one of those rare nights where everything felt perfect, like we were exactly where we were meant to be.

[justamaddream]

09.15.03

Munich, Germany

These past days have been wild. I’ve gotten into the speed habit, this time along with a a couple of research chemicals that are supposed to be like mdma. It’s a quirky combo that keeps me energized and focused. The sweet, rush from the chemicals mixed with the kick from the speed creates a perfect balance for working on my music. And it’s exactly like that old crumbs song i hadn’t thought of in forever.

I've been spending a lot of time in Klaus's apartment, tweaking tracks and experimenting with new sounds. The energy from the speed fuels my late-night sessions, and I’ve been on a creative high. The more I work, the more I feel like I’m finding my unique sound, something that sets me apart.

Last night, I had another gig at Harry Klein. The crowd was alive, and I felt the buzz of the speed and research chemocals through my veins as I played. My set was well-received, and the energy in the room was electric. It’s nights like these that remind me why I fell in love with music in the first place.

After the gig, I met up with Zara at the Englischer Garten. It was one of those perfect late summer days, warm with a gentle breeze. We sat on the grass, talking about everything from the latest electronic music trends to our favorite books and movies. Zara has a depth to her that I really appreciate, and our conversations are always engaging.

While we were chatting, she introduced me to her friend Finn. Finn is a quirky character with a mop of curly hair and a mischievous grin. He’s originally from Dublin and moved to Munich a year ago to study linguistics. He’s got this eccentric charm about him, always carrying around a sketchbook where he doodles random thoughts and ideas. Finn's passion for language and art is infectious, and it's clear he has a unique perspective on the world.

As we sat there, the three of us shared stories and laughter, enjoying the simplicity of a beautiful day in the park. Finn talked about his love for street art and his plans to create a mural that blends different languages into a cohesive piece. His creativity and enthusiasm were inspiring, and I couldn’t help but feel lucky to have met such interesting people in this city.

Munich is starting to feel like home, and I’m grateful for the connections I’m making here. Each day brings new experiences and friendships, and I’m excited to see where this else it takes

[justamaddream]

09.09.03

Munich, Germany

The past week has been a blur of gigs and preparations. I've developed a little pre-show ritual: taking a hit of speed before hitting the decks. It gives me that extra jolt of energy I need to keep the crowd moving.

Before my last gig, I ran out of powder and needed to get more. I headed to the Englischer Garten, where I met a new friend who sells it. Her name is Zara, a young and sophisticated 18-year-old with an air of maturity that belies her age. She's originally from Nairobi and moved to Munich with her family a few years ago. Her English is impeccable, and we connected immediately over our shared love for electronic music and the underground scene. Zara's resourcefulness in sourcing and selling the speed is impressive; she’s a force of nature, wise beyond her years. We spent hours talking about the latest tracks from our favorite DJs and the vibrant nightlife in cities like Berlin and Nairobi.

With a fresh package in hand, I prepared for my gig at Harry Klein. The speed buzzed through my system, amplifying the adrenaline rush of performing. The crowd was electric, their energy feeding into my set. It was one of those nights where everything clicked – the music, the crowd, the vibe. I felt invincible.

After the gig, I found myself walking alone through the empty morning streets of Munich. The city was quiet, a stark contrast to the pulsating energy of the club. As I walked, my mind drifted to friends and loved ones back home. What's Jon up to these days? How's Domingo handling life? What about Charley, Edwin, Dre? And then there’s Katie, my lost love. Memories of her flooded my mind – our good times, the moments we missed out on. I thought about all the missed chances with other women, the what-ifs and could-have-beens.

The silence of the city gave me space to reflect on my journey so far. Life is unpredictable, full of highs and lows, but every experience shapes who I am. I'm grateful for the opportunity to pursue my passion, to make music and connect with people. Even in moments of solitude, I find clarity and purpose.

Munich is starting to feel like home, and I can't wait to see what the next chapter brings.

[justamaddream]

09.01.03

Berlin to Munich, Germany

Life has taken an exhilarating turn. I’ve secured a string of gigs at Harry Klein in Munich and Woandersclub, which means migrating from Berlin to Munich. This opportunity feels like a dream, a chance to prove myself and grow as an artist.

The journey from Berlin to Munich was both exciting and nerve-wracking. I took the train, and as the landscape whizzed by, my mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. Leaving Berlin, with all its vibrant chaos and familiar faces, was bittersweet. I couldn't help but think about Tobias and Sophie, and how much they've influenced my time here. The uncertainty of what lies ahead in Munich loomed large, but so did the promise of new experiences and opportunities.

When I arrived in Munich, I was greeted by Klaus, the promoter who had helped set this all up. Klaus is a seasoned figure in the Munich music scene, with a passion for discovering and nurturing new talent. He's offered me a place to crash at his apartment, which is a humble but welcoming space filled with records and posters from gigs past.

This residency at Harry Klein is a huge deal for me. Playing weekly means I’ll have a consistent platform to refine my craft and build a following. It’s a chance to immerse myself in the Munich electronic scene and make a name for myself. The gigs at Woandersclub are equally exciting, offering a different vibe and crowd to connect with.

My first gig is in just a few days, on September 4th, and the anticipation is killing me. I’ve been prepping my sets, tweaking my equipment, and mentally rehearsing every track. The pressure is immense – this is a pivotal moment in my path, and I don’t want to mess it up.

After settling in, Klaus and I went out for dinner. We walked through the red-light district, a part of Munich I hadn’t seen before. The area was bustling with life, neon lights casting a surreal glow on the streets. As we passed by, I noticed a plump naked girl behind a glass window, a sight that was both unexpected and eye-opening. Klaus seemed unfazed, excitedly talking about the exotic drugs he gets shipped in from Morocco and other places. I’m very tempted to get down again. His enthusiasm was infectious, and it was clear he had a deep love for the eclectic and the unusual.

As we sat down for dinner, Klaus shared more about the music scene in Munich and what to expect. His insights were invaluable, and his belief in my potential was a huge boost. Despite the nerves, there’s a fire inside me, a burning desire to give it my all. I’m ready to take on this challenge, to push myself and see where this road leads. Munich, here I come.

[justamaddream]

08.27.03 Berlin, Germany

Seeing Robert Hood live in Berlin was nothing short of a revelation. But before that, I spent the day helping Sophie at her job. She's an art student, but she also works part-time at a local art gallery. They were setting up a new exhibition, and she needed an extra pair of hands to help with the setup.

The gallery was a beautiful space, with high ceilings and plenty of natural light. We spent the afternoon hanging paintings, adjusting lighting, and arranging sculptures. It was a fascinating process, and I loved seeing Sophie's passion for art in action. She had a keen eye for detail and knew exactly how to bring out the best in each piece.

As we worked, we talked about everything from our favorite artists to our dreams for the future. There was something incredibly satisfying about working together, side by side, creating something beautiful. By the time we finished, the gallery looked stunning, and Sophie seemed genuinely grateful for my help.

After the setup, we headed back to her place to get ready for the night. The anticipation of seeing Robert Hood live in Berlin added an extra layer of excitement. Hood's set was a masterclass in techno, seamlessly blending tracks and creating an atmosphere that was both intense and hypnotic. The legend. We danced close, sharing smiles and moments that felt almost like a dream.

After the gig, we talked for hours about the music, the energy of the crowd, and what it meant to us. There was no kiss, but the connection between us felt even deeper. Sophie’s wisdom and passion for music inspire me, and I’m finding myself more smitten with her each day. As we walked back to her apartment, the streets of Berlin felt alive and full of possibilities.

When I got back home the next day, I found Tobias sitting on the couch, looking contemplative. I knew we needed to clear the air about the argument. I approached him and started the conversation, acknowledging the tension from the other night. He sighed, and after a moment of silence, he apologized for his outburst. We talked it through, realizing our differences in music taste shouldn’t come between our friendship. It felt good to reconcile and move past it.

[justamaddream]

08.20.03 Berlin, Germany

Last night was intense in more ways than one. It started off at Anja and Sophie's apartment, where we gathered to listen to music and hang out. The vibe was chill, and we were all enjoying the beats, discussing different tracks and artists. Tobias seemed a bit off, maybe drunk or on something – it was hard to tell.

The discussion started as a friendly debate about music, specifically Berlin minimalism versus Detroit. Tobias, a staunch supporter of Berlin minimalism, got increasingly animated as the conversation went on. He started to get defensive, almost as if he was personally invested in proving his point. What began as a lighthearted conversation escalated into Tobias getting visibly angry. Anja tried to diffuse the situation with a joke, but it didn’t help much. Sophie gave me a look that said we should step away, so we left the room to let Tobias cool down.

Sophie and I ended up in her bedroom, talking about what had just happened. She was calm and wise beyond her years, giving me advice on how to handle situations like this. She explained that Tobias could be passionate to a fault and sometimes lost control in debates. Her words were comforting and grounded me. We made plans to see Robert Hood performing next week. The excitement of the plan helped me put the evening’s drama in perspective.

As the night wound down, I ended up staying over at Sophie’s place. She’s a bit older than me, and I’m starting to realize how much I admire her maturity and kindness. We didn’t kiss, but we did share a bed, cuddling slightly. It felt natural and comforting, and I could feel myself falling for her.

[justamaddream]

08.05.03 Berlin, Germany

It's been a crazy few weeks since my last entry. Berlin continues to be a playground of inspiration, and I’ve been lucky enough to play at three different DJ gigs. Each one has been a unique experience, shaping me and pushing my boundaries in ways I never imagined.

The first gig was at a small club called Acud, which has this intimate, underground vibe that's perfect for budding artists like myself. Unfortunately, it didn’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped. I was nervous as hell, and it showed. My transitions were shaky, and I even managed to accidentally hit the wrong button on my equipment, cutting the music abruptly at one point. The crowd was polite but clearly not impressed. They were a mix of locals and a few travelers, all there for the music. By the end, only a handful of people were still dancing. It was a humbling experience and a stark reminder of how much I still have to learn.

The second gig was a little bigger, at a place called Sage Club. It’s known for its eclectic mix of music and vibrant atmosphere. The crowd here was a bit more discerning, but I think they appreciated the experimental elements of my set. During one track, I tried incorporating some live sampling, and it was a hit. The highlight of the night, though, was when a random guy came up to me after the set and handed me a drink, saying, “You’ve got something special, keep it up.” It felt surreal, like I was finally getting somewhere.

The third gig was at an underground warehouse party, the kind that you only hear about through word of mouth. The space was raw and gritty, with makeshift lighting and a DIY sound system that added to the atmosphere. This was the most challenging gig by far. The crowd was tough – they knew their techno and weren’t easily impressed. I had to dig deep and really push to keep them engaged. At one point, I noticed a group at the back who seemed unimpressed. Instead of letting it get to me, I used it as motivation. By the end of the set, even they were nodding along, and a few of them came up to me later to chat about the tracks.

One funny story from that night: right before my set, the DJ before me accidentally played the wrong track, Barbie Girl by Aqua, that had everyone laughing. It was a perfect icebreaker, and the crowd was in good spirits by the time I took over. The night ended with a small group of us sitting on the floor, sharing stories and drinks until the early morning.