justanothersarcasticteen - Tumblr blog

[justanothersarcasticteen]

Imagine: Humans accidentally insulting aliens using common idioms that don’t make sense when you don’t know they’re figures of speech

—

Human: Penny for your thoughts?

Alien: You taught me about currency, have I forgotten the value of “penny”? Do you really think my thougts are worth so little? I thought you liked conversing with me!

Human: Wait, hold on

—

Human: We can kill two birds with one stone if we-

Alien: I’ve told you time and again my people are primarily pacifists, and herbivorous regardless. Why would you suggest such an activity?

Human: No, wait, it was just a-

Alien: I will have no part of it, and this nonsequitor is irrelevant to our conversation. Please strike birds on your own time.

—

Human: So is there a method to your madness here?

Alien: *offended* Are you questioning my sanity?

Human: I was just-

Alien: Because that’s difficult to take from a being with the IQ of a gleesnork.

Human: I don’t know what that is but fuck you too

—

Human 1: *talking to someone about alien, sees alien approaching* Ah, speak of the devil and he shall appear!

Alien: *hurt* I thought… you liked my company?

Human 2: …what?

Human 1: *realizing* OH WAIT NO I’M SORRY

—

Human: See you later, alligator!

Reptilian alien: How fucking dare you

[justanothersarcasticteen]

Okay look. Stephanie Meyer contributed four (4) cool things to the contemporary fantasy genre, which I shall now list here in the hopes of getting it out of my system. In descending order of importance:

1. Writing a story about a girl who wants something. Plot driven by a woman’s (non-vilified) desire. Truly dreadful execution but still a good idea, sort of a literary incarnation of the “he a little confused but he got the spirit” meme.

2. The fact that when Bella becomes a vampire she can still breathe but “there’s no relief tied to the action” which I remember verbatim because it fucking slapped. The idea of human physical sensations being partially defined by our mortality and the sensations still exist after you become undead but your experience of them is fundamentally different because you no longer need any of it? Extremely cool. The closest Meyer came to taking an interesting stance on vampires being dead.

3. Werewolves are immortal but they can literally stop whenever they want. That shit’s hilarious. Curse of immortality who.

4. The fact that vampires don’t sleep or get tired so their communally-raised baby doesn’t have a crib because she is always in someone’s arms. That was extremely cute and there’s a different, better book contained somewhere in that specific concept.

[justanothersarcasticteen]

Are you a fisherman because I think you’re a reel catch

[justanothersarcasticteen]

[justanothersarcasticteen]

[justanothersarcasticteen]

I don’t get these posts that go like “part of me wants to be a hot girl at the bar and the other part of me wants to read and sip tea in a bookstore”

like you can wear red lipstick and a leather jacket and sip tea and dance in the rain and go to the gym and curl up in bed and get turnt the fuck up and go to church

you can literally have it all sis

the world is yours

[justanothersarcasticteen]

[justanothersarcasticteen]

Facts that adults don’t tell you about bullying

- Communication doesn’t work on bullies. Telling a bully they’re making you feel bad is the wrong way to go. They want to make you feel bad. That’s the point.

- being kind to a bully doesn’t always mean they’ll stop. Sometimes it means they’ll just use your kindness to manipulate you while still continuing to bully you.

- not every bully has a sympathetically tragic home life. Sometimes people are just mean. Sometimes people just get off on hurting others.

- on that note, a tough home life is a reason, not an excuse. You don’t have to put up with bullying because somebody’s life sucks, just like you don’t have to let someone mug you because they’re broke.

- in order to forgive someone, they have to apologize first. If your bully has not apologized to you, you do not owe them anything.

- getting bullied as a kid can still mess you up in adult life. Maybe kids grow out of being bullies, but the marks they left often don’t go away.

- there are ways to get people to stop bullying you, but they almost all involve being mean back.

- as long as parents keep raising shitty bullying kids, there will be bullies. No amount of assemblies and hand-drawn posters will fix the problem. It’s the parents’ fault.

[justanothersarcasticteen]

excuse me officer i would like to report a murder

[justanothersarcasticteen]

alright so it's annual donation drive time over on AO3, and I've already seen the usual "this is ridiculous/this is shady/what are they doing with all that money” so here's your yearly reminder:

servers are fucking expensive

there are no fees or ads and they're not selling your information anywhere, so the only money comes from donations

the budget is always public and the 2019 update is here if you want to see for yourself exactly where the money is going

[justanothersarcasticteen]

I like how everybody is paired off haha

[justanothersarcasticteen]

[justanothersarcasticteen]

Link must be down right terrifying for normal people in Hyrule to encounter.

He’s like a fucking heroic cryptid.

Just imagine it, your village/region/kingdom is under attack by some monster or another and out of the trees this slender little twunk appears and immediately starts acting like he’s gonna help.

And you’re skeptical of course cause look at him.

And then you find out that he’s basically a one man army who just fuckin wrecks the dragon/god/monsters/etc terrorizing your place before he breaks all of the pots in town and disappears again.

Shit must be wild.

[justanothersarcasticteen]

peter retaliating against “baby monitor protocol” by changing the names of Tony’s Iron Man protocols

“hey FRIDAY, zoom in on that building over there”

“Old Man Bifocals protocol activated, Boss”

“what the fuck did you just say to me”

[justanothersarcasticteen]

kids nowadays be like

[justanothersarcasticteen]