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[justanotheruser20]

Don`t call me old fashioned, because I want real love.

[justanotheruser20]

I`m not her

I`m wondering how long before we break up. It`s so obvious that it`s going to happen at some point, that i`m not lying myself if it`s going to happen, but rather when and how. At first I was so exited, he was just everything i wanted - funny, inteligent, cute, caring. With every text i got, every word he said i was falling more and more in love with him. All the doubts I had began to disappear. I was starting to believe that it might happen, finally meeting someone who cares genuinely for you and who likes you for who you are. I knew from the beginning that I`m not like the girls he liked - the self-confident, not so bright, but good looking woman. I was just me - talking too much, being goofy, moody and insecure. But with time i felt more confident being myself around him, I thought he even liked it. 

I don`t know when everything changed. Maybe when he saw that I`m not one of those women, he`s always been admiring, but pretending to not. Some might laugh now, but i felt it in the texts he was sending, like I could see that even if he was sending the same emojis it was not the same anymore. I was mortal again. He was beginning to see my flaws, like his eyes opened for the first time. The moment I started to feel safe I was reminded why I was so resistent doing it in the first place. It`s kinda sad, because so similar and yet so different. We share same opinions for the important stuff in life, but seems like this is not enough. Why would you prefer being with someone like her. Will you feel better sleeping next to her just because she`s pretty. Won`t it bother you that she won`t love you as much as I do. Or is it more important to show off to your friends, to satisfy your ego? I know they say “men love with the eyes and women with their ears”, but I don`t wanna hear lies. If you are not 100% sure if you want to spend your life with me I don`t want this mediocre thing, that can`t be called love. I`m not old fashioned, real love cannot be old fashioned. I don`t want hearing i really like you because you know I want to hear it. I want you to write me in the middle of the day when you are busy and not at night, when you have nothing better to do or just have time then. I don`t want to have he feeling everytime when you are talking to another woman that you like talking to her more. I don`t want to hear about her sad love life or what she did at work. I want you to ask me how my day was, what i think about something, why am I feeling happy or sad. I want you to see the small things in my life, not about her.  

Maybe I`m overthinking, maybe it`s not like that at all like everyone is saying me, even he. But girls deep down we know that the moment you start doubting something it`s already too late. And no matter how many times he says it`s like before and I`m being irational I know I`m right. And i don`t blame you. You were thinking that you might go for the safe option, that will love and cherish you just to find out, that you still want the blond one.