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things you will see on a road trip across america

-so much desert that you will get scared 

-seriously from california to new mexico is terrifying like it’s eight straight hours of pale red desert and the sky is so large that everything, even your car, even your hands, looks like a tenuously small and fragile diorama placed on an endless pale red table and left there to dissolve. 

-a gas station that for some reason has large dinosaurs made out of scrap metal. they are 1000% awesome. sometimes they move. take a million pictures.

-a fruit stand that sells the best fruit you have ever eaten. later you won’t quite remember which fruit. strawberries, maybe? peaches?

-small black birds, subtly different in every state. some have gold eyes and some are a little iridescent and some are black from beak to toes. the sparrows they compete with for crumbs look exactly the same wherever you go. 

-a completely empty rest stop. no one eats at the concrete tables. no one plays in the tiny strip of grass or gravel. you will find a small and beautiful stone. 

-a hawaii license plate, somewhere around ohio. i still don’t know how they get the cars across the ocean. i don’t know why anyone would leave hawaii for ohio. i don’t know why anyone lives in ohio. 

-an incredibly weird duck. you had no idea ducks could look so incredibly weird, and you wish you were still ignorant of how incredibly weird ducks can, apparently, look. 

-a small folksy roadside waystation that sells fudge and incredibly tacky statues of eagles and wolves and cowboys. if you like fudge, eat the fudge from here. 

-a lizard doing pushups. if you are particularly fortunate: many lizards doing pushups.

-approximately one gajillion starbucks shops. don’t bother counting them. it will make you angry. 

-a storm somewhere around oklahoma, if you’re lucky. the clouds tower up in fantastic fluffy castles miles and miles into the air and are painted pink and gold and purple and the sky turns a dozen impossible shades of blue and when the rain comes down over your car it sounds like the world is ending. 

-weird burrs will stick to your legs. you’ll flick them out of the car eighty or eight hundred miles from where their parent plant was grown, and not be sure whether you should wish the little hitchikers well or not. 

-a dog wearing sunglasses with his head hanging out of a car window. this will be the high point of the trip. 

-the world’s most depressing restaurant. you will know it when you wind up there and have to eat the terrible food, and listen to the terrible music, and look at all the listless waiters and want to tell them get in my car, for god’s sake get in, i’ll take you out of whatever crapsack little town this is that you can’t get out of on your own. but you won’t say that because it’s rude. maybe they have family here. maybe they even like it here.

-a painting of a sailboat in a motel located at least a hundred miles from any significant body of water. 

-several genuinely hilarious postcards. buy them.

-a cat that will not let you pet it. this will be the low point of the trip. 

-corn. so much corn you will get scared. who the fuck is going to eat all this corn? 

-a small stream in some small woods and the light will come down perfectly and the water will be beautiful and the grass will be beautiful and there will be flowers maybe or the leaves of the trees are starting to turn gold and there are birds chirping and it will be so perfect you will want to stand there and stay forever and live in this little magical painting off the side of the highway and be some kind of highway druid. but instead, you’ll get bored after a while, and get back in the car. 

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#dedicated to the gram

bonus, the result:

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Okay so apparently Freddie Mercury was an actual person and not a God

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Do you ever hear someone say something about your field of interest that is wrong and you have to stop yourself from physically cringing but you gotta stay strong and cool cause you don’t wanna be ‘That NerdTM’?

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your anxiety when you accidentally make one (1) person minorly unhappy

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ill never forgive the public education system

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Anti wolf heck collar

“The purpose of the collar is to protect the dog wearing it when it has to fight the wolves. The collar base protects the dog’s throat and carotid arteries, while the spikes are intended to deter bites to the neck or even injure wolves trying to do so.”

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after carefully analyzing mac and dennis’s apartment for like 3 fuckin hours to make a duplicate of it on the sims, i can safely tell you the following:

there’s apparently only one bathroom, in dennis’s room. this both makes it hilarious that it’s a “demand” in suburbs that they have 2bed2bath and also REALLY adds to the whole “mac’s bed is never made and they definitely sleep together” thing. as if dennis reynolds would want to be woken in the night because of mac barging in having to pee??

they frequently move furniture around!! they move the kitchen table around and add more chairs when they have their friends over, and they’ve bought new couches/chairs when their old ones wear out :)

for some reason, the entire apartment is lit exclusively with natural light and….an abundance of lamps

they have a lot of paintings on all the walls (except in mac’s room👀) which means they really went out to shop for art that they liked together!!! 20something year old mac and dennis at the christmas tree shop or some shit fighting over which terrible art they should hang around their new home….please

they have little games everywhere

they both have 1 random, broken down chair in their rooms angled next to their beds, for which i have NO explanation. maybe it’s for the other to sit up with them when they’re sick or something???

they have like 3 bookcases (one in the living room and one in each of their rooms) which is adorable because i’m pretty sure neither of them have ever read a day in their LIFE except when they’re using a book for dramatic effect

i’m kind of terrible at spacial awareness but i’m FAIRLY sure nobody on the sunny team is keeping a close eye on architecture because mac’s room and the kitchen seem to move around a lot lmao

seriously their whole apartment is lit with windows and lamps i’m so fucking disturbed by it. invest in overhead lighting you dumbasses what’s with the constant moodlighting

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The internet is losing its collective mind over these adorable new cat paw cups that have been released by Starbucks China. The cups feature double walls so that the inner shape looks like a cat’s paw dipping into the cup, as well as a cute cherry blossom design on the outer glass.

The cups were only just released on Tuesday, but there have already been reports of arguments and even fistfights in various Starbucks locations across China as collectors try to score one for themselves. These adorable cups are also available online for a limited time, get yours HERE.

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Fat Bottomed Girls is the fancier rock analogue of Baby Got Back

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sext: “hey, I listened to that playlist you sent me…”

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All of the incredibles represent a disorder: Violet - anxiety Dash - ADHD Mr Incredible - too strong Mother Incredible - ??? Baby - exploding child