justcantcasey-blog

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My child: Who became President after Obama?

Me:

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full offence but if your son lays awake at night wishing he was dead because you insist that he’s your daughter you have failed as a parent

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Baby Driver dir. Edgar Wright 

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me every day: fuck america

me, on the fourth of july: [holding a sparkler] fuck america

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my UPS store, throwing shade since 1776

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Etta Candy appreciation post (requested by tylerrrrrdun).

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me, crouched down in front of my tomato plants, examining a pattern of insect bites on their lower leaves: i’m going to fucking kill whoever did this. i’m going to kill them for you. don’t worry, babies. I’m going to murder every single son of a bitch who ever got a mouthful of you. they’ll die screaming

my neighbor, who i did not realize was also outside, standing behind the fence: oh! okay. you’re talking to the plants. okay.

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Remember to leave out milk and cookies for Captain America tonight when he comes to leave presents under your flag.

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I wish we had more time.

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that feeling you get when you’re angry

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(Facebook: It’s Okay To Be Childfree)

“Congratulations - you just made a conversation about salad and hamburgers about the struggle of childbirth.”

TBH Parentfriends, I’m probably tired of looking at pictures of your kid every other day, so I just hid you from my Newsfeed, because what’s important to you isn’t all that important to me. Sorry, not sorry, no one’s feelings got hurt.

But if you start mommyjacking my posts, I will 100% make you cry into your keyboard.

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i can’t stop laughing at this