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[justineisafailure]

last night i had a horrible headache, it woke me up around 2, rolling around in bed, in pain, i finally had to call my mom to come downstairs because it hurt too bad, i was crying, basically screaming, hitting my head hoping it would stop. she gave me meds and helped me find pressure points to minimize the pain, but she found out i was doing 20:4 fasting, and i think she finally realized the extent of all the eating issues, i think she finally knows i have a problem now, she told me i was "skinny enough" "tiny enough" "there's nothing wrong with curves" but i didn't wanna believe her, she thinks i wasn't getting enough food in my body so she made me have breakfast today, (cherrios and strawberries) and i had to stay home because it hurt too bad and i didn't get enough sleep. probably the worst side effect ive ever had from my eating disorder. pro tip? there's pressure points under your eyebrow bone thing, if you ever get a food related headache thats gonna be your best freind.

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My mom: wow you’ve lost weight lately, I’m so proud of you

Me: I’m basically on a diet of ritalin and soup lmao

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Delete that old version of me in yo head. It expired

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The empty feeling is back

but then I wonder

did it really ever left?

[justineisafailure]

se siente tan bien, no poder comer la cantidad que comia antes, porque me lleno mas rápido<333

no puedo esperar a q mi abdomen este completamente plano

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College girl thinspø

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coffee and nic>

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Re-blog for weight loss!!

✨🍵✨🍵✨🍵✨🍵✨🍵✨🍵✨ This is the weight loss tea! Reblog to lose about 3-7 pounds this weekend!! 🍵✨🍵✨🍵✨🍵✨🍵✨🍵✨🍵

[justineisafailure]

!!TW: Ed

The whole Eugenia Cooney situation is fucking w i l d rn. As someone who used to watch her videos as a kid it really sucks to see what she has become. I’m currently in recovery for anorexia and looking back at old photos, I looked a lot like she does now which is something 13 year old me would have died for. Watching her videos made me want to be skinny and that resulted in years of fighting my mind to be able to have a slice of pizza. 

Having said that, the only way to recover from an ed is having a strong support system. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: you CANNOT. Recover on your own. Even people who do fully recover will alway have a little bit of a struggle. You’ll always remember the number of calories in an apple. You’ll always feel a little self conscious about eating, you’ll never be FULLY confident with 

your body. Eating disorders are a mental illness and they never fully go away.

The makeup box.

If any of you have seen videos regarding Eugenia cooney, you’ve probably heard of it. Basically, during streams on twitch Eugenia would “forget” to move a box that’s always in the way. Every time she does this however, she gets a donation. Of course she originally said it was just a coincidence but continued to move the box and get donations every time. It’s quite a big box, so, being as thin as she is, Eugenia struggles a bit with moving it, and as she does you can she her tendons and everything under her skin as she lifts the box. The main theory is the donations were made by anorexia fetishists who pay Eugenia to show off how small and “weak” she is from starving herself. 

Eugenia has continuously said she does not have an eating disorder and is just “ naturally skinny” as someone who, at my lowest weight, could’ve died at any time, I know when someone is obviously very underweight. You don’t need to be a doctor to see that. More subtly, though, I’ve noticed at lot of behaviors and symptoms that come with an eating disorder including, but not limited to:

*being frequently ill 

* constantly cold

* heart problems

*issues breathing 

Eugenia has complained about these often during her videos and streams. something else I’ve noticed, is in more recent videos, you can actually see the whites of her eyes have been getting yellow.

This is a sign of liver failure. As the body is deprived of food it WILL take nutrients from other things, like your muscles and organs. Eventually the organs deteriorate and the body shuts down. Most anorexics don’t just die of starvation, they die of heart attacks in their 30′s. Even if you do recover some of the effects can still kill you later in life.

That combined with the CONSTANT body checking she does in the view finder makes it extremely unlikely she’s naturally that skinny.

The main problem of her denial is her channel revolves around makeup tutorials, clothing, and cosplays. Her content is mainly directed towards teenage girls as young as 11. When I was that age, seeing her body exposed like that made me wonder why I wasn’t skinnier. The problem isn’t her body, or even her channel, really. It’s the fact that she refuses to take responsibility for her actions or even acknowledge her ed. No content warning, no ““hey you’re Beautiful the way you are” nothing. Her content is based on her body checking and showing off how skinny she is wearing skimpy clothes and saying she’s alright and that being that weight is normal/ healthy.

Then we have our next conflict: the infamous shoe scandal

In one of Eugenias more recent videos, she shows off her shoe collection. Which is fine, great content for young teens. The problem is, she flashes  the camera her underwear. Multiple. Times. She stated many times that was completely accidental, despite looking in the view finder of the camera the entire time. She made sure to match her makeup to her underwear and flashed the audience multiple times while trying on shoes. The shoes in question are shown  in the very bottom of the screen, while her body is the focus, she then edited the video for two hours and posted it. After a multitude of comments she refused to take the video down and claims it didn’t do any harm, it was an accident.  again, the most common theory is she was payed by fetishists. Even before this she had multiple requests to make an onlyfans to “show off cute outfits  and people offering to pay her to wear less. On multiple occasions she was asked to get up during streams and show her outfit (ie. spin and show her collarbones)

Let me tell you, being that underweight is not fun. It’s not cool or sexy to have an ed. You can never be small enough. You start off saying “ i want to be this weight.” And turns into “ i wonder if my ribs are poking out enough” you’ll never be satisfied until the number on the scale reaches 0. And it’s not that you feel fat per se. you feel disgusting. You feel like you should be smaller not that you’re too big. You WANT people to tell you you’re going to die if you keep this up because to an anorexic, that means it’s working. You’re controlled and you’re losing weight. 

Eugenia knows what she looks like and she doesn’t care. She knows who sees her content and how all of her comments recently have been about her weight. She just doesn’t care. Because when you have an ed it takes over your life and all the comments asking if she’s ok make her proud. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, it means she’s sick. She’s sick and the only thing that matters to her are the numbers on the scale. She wears as few clothes as possible on purpose. She wants you to see her bones and tell her she’s dying. That’s every anorexics dream. Not at first, but eventually.

At my lowest weight I couldn’t go up the stairs without feeling like I was going to pass out. Sitting hurts. Standing hurts. Everything is bruised from your bones against your skin. And the worst part is that’s how you know you’ve done well. It’s a horrible euphoria and Eugenia knows it. Nothing you say or do will help at this point, she’s enthralled by her body and wants you to comment. The only thing you can do is stop commenting. Unsubscribe, take the attention away from her so she doesn’t have a chance to feed off of that.

A lot of these things have been said before but I just went on a rant because this is really damaging and I hope eventually she’ll be able to get the help she needs.

Thanks,

Panic

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ive been in a bad place. i feel disgusting, i wish i didn't menstrate at all, i wish my period would go away so i didn't bloat anymore, it gives me horrible body dysmorphia. it was so bad yesterday i relapsed in self harm again. i was clean for months i hate that i fucked it up. it doesn't matter what i eat, all food makes my stomach stick out like crazy. i hate it. i hate my body. this morning i had a mini bagel with cream cheese, probably 170 cals. im having my freind buy me laxatives. i lost 20 pounds from laxatives once. im going all in. i don't care how much i hurt myself. im getting down to 105 in the next week.

[justineisafailure]

"your body is not a problem that needs fixing."

— lessons learned in therapy, the book I will never write