justjake

[justjake]

TEXT📱 JITTY

Kitty: You're joking right?

Jake: No??? Unlike Matt apparently, I don't go around lying about doing stuff with a hot girl???

[justjake]

TEXT📱 JITTY

Kitty: What the hell! You kissed Michaela??? Why???

Jake: Why not?

[justjake]

what's something that nobody seems to know about you?

My Insta handle. 

HONESTY HOUR !!

[justjake]

text 💬 puckerbros

Puck: you clearly don't know my ma

Puck: i'm just lucky she hasn't kicked me out yet tbh

Puck: her letting quinn come stay with us was a miracle

Puck: yeah. i'm familiar with those kind of people, thanks.

Jake: No, but if she'd actually kick you out when you're in trouble then she can't be that great.

Jake: Do you think your kid's gonna feel that way someday? Like you guys abandoned it?

[justjake]

who are your least favorite people in this school?

Stoner Brett sucks, Coach Sylvester’s insane, and Mr. Schue’s a little shady, too. 

HONESTY HOUR !!

[justjake]

TEXT📱 JITTY

Kitty: But I'm not so whatever. Literally no, it didn't? The only thing worth mentioning since I dropped the Glist has been Tina's (-1)half-assed nudes, Matt (-4)and Mickey (11) making out at Blaine's (-10)party, and Raphael (-5) somehow getting enough votes to tie with two other people even though literally everyone hates him. Your Lima Loser of a big brother isn't the center of anyone's universe.

Kitty: You're joking right? Everyone on the squad was talking about how weird it was that you were so low on the Glist. If it wasn't for a few well placed threats and rumors, from yours truly, you probably would've gotten wild amounts of cheerio pity sex

Jake: Seriously? Why the fuck do people keep thinking it was Matt that made out with Michaela? I kissed one of the hottest girls in glee club and everyone's patting that dude on the back for something I did.

Jake: I could get most of them to have sex with me without needing them to feel sorry for me, thanks. Also what kind of rumors are we talking here?

[justjake]

would you ever switch to heelys instead of a razor scooter? and why or why not?

Heelys are stupid, but maybe if it was a gift from my mom. 

HONESTY HOUR !!

[justjake]

TEXT 🤔 JYDER

Ryder: Who would brainwash Madison AND Sugar? I feel like any cult would want one or another, not both of them. And if its Natasha Bedingfield herself doing it, I should be brainwashed too, Ive heard that song a million times. Are we sure Mr. Schue is okay? I feel like everybody knows Cake By The Ocean is about sex...

Jake: Better question: who would be surprised if they were both already brainwashed? They're a little over the top, dude, there could for sure be someone behind the curtain pulling the strings. Same goes for you, it's all starting to make sense. Mr. Schue's never been okay, I don't know why you're acting like him being weird is new.

[justjake]

TEXT📱 JITTY

Kitty: Yes? Because it was his idea, He knows what was said. 🙄 A little chaos is exactly what we needed as a team to make people pay more attention to us! I refuse to live in a world where I'm stuck playing underdog to Santana, Brittany and Quinn in TWO groups. Don't you want to get out of Puck's disgusting shadow?

Jake: Well, the rest of us don't, so kind of makes it seem like you're just full of crap. All it did was make people pay even more attention to the same people they're usually all over, so cool, glad Puck's the center of the universe.

Jake: How is being the bottom of a list he's the top of going to get me out of his shadow? Just seems like you made his shadow even bigger to me.

[justjake]

TEXT 🤔 JYDER

Ryder: Apparently thats a hot take, dude! Madison and Sugar both went off on me for calling it annoying haha. I just figured itd be good to have a song to start off brainstorming so half the work is done. What songs would you do though? Its weirdly harder to think of wholesome songs that I though.

Jake: Are we sure they aren't just like brainwashed? Wasn't there some movie where there were hidden brainwaves in music that made people into mindless followers? Pocketful of Sunshine would have that going on. And I don't know, I'd probably do something that seems wholesome but actually isn't and try to sneak it past Mr. Schue. Like Afternoon Delight but less stupid.

[justjake]

text 💬 puckerbros

Puck: i'm not really sure if that's an option.

Puck: i don't think i can raise a kid all on my own.

Puck: plus... idk. it seems wrong. i don't want to make quinn uncomfortable. if she doesn't want her, i don't think me keeping her would be cool, you know? like if she had to bump into us or something.

Jake: So don't do it on your own. Your mom would help, right? That's her grandkid.

Jake: Better than bumping into the kid when it's out with randos who never want Quinn seeing her again. Although I guess some people are cool with bailing and never looking back, maybe she's one of them.

[justjake]

TEXT📱 OPEN

[Sent in the format of a classic iOS press release]

Kitty: So I know you all have a lot of questions about the Glist and why I made it and why I placed certain people in certain spots and honestly. I gave you the weekend to think about it and if you still don't know, Just ask Roderick. It was all his idea and I don't want most of you people speaking to me.

Xoxo 💋

Kitty

Jake: Wow, blaming the quiet kid, real classy. At least you sent the message where he could read it and defend himself, instead of saying it when he can't hear you over his headphones.

[justjake]

TEXT 🤔 JYDER

Ryder: I don't know about you guys but you can't really get more "songs about togetherness" than doing a mashup, right? Anyone have any ideas about songs that could mash up with Pocketful of Sunshine that make it less annoying maybe?

Jake: The best way to be less annoying is to just can Pocketful of Sunshine all together, dude.

[justjake]

text 💬 puckerbros

Puck: i don't know why you bothered either.

Puck: she doesn't know if she's keeping it yet.

Puck: but if she is, yeah, absolutely.

Jake: Why can't you keep it without her?

Jake: Like, don't you think the kid would still want to be with their dad?

[justjake]

TEXT 💃 MICAKE

Michaela: Maybe! I doubt it, honestly, they've all got too much going on but at least we know.

Michaela: Really? Thanks! I feel the same about you. And of course, here's a link to my Tiktok. It's mostly just goofing off but I like to think there's some moves in there.

Jake: Hey, well. We're not going anywhere, maybe they'll get their heads out of their asses eventually. Hopefully by the time we start picking regionals numbers, at least.

Jake: Yeah, really. You know you're that good, you shouldn't be surprised. Mostly just goofing off, she says, as she puts 90% of the other TikToks I've watched to shame.

[justjake]

TEXT 💅🏻 JITTY

Kitty: And just like that you've gotten a little less hot.

Kitty: Do I look like a girl that shares? or even cares that much?

Kitty: As opposed to wherever it is that the self imposed outcasts hang out? Yes, absolutely. Good, I'm guessing that scooter is your only for of transportation so I'll meet you there at 7pm Sharp. A minute later and I will leave.

Jake: I said they were obvious, not that I was one of the people stupid enough to use them. Damn, Wilde, give me a little credit here.

Jake: Thought Jesus said you HAD to. I'm not into sharing or caring that much either, though, so works for me.

Jake: Wouldn't even know where that is, unless the Lima Bean gets hipster weird on a Friday night. Considering I'm not old enough to have a license yet, yeah. I'm not illegally borrowing any cars for you yet.

[justjake]

breewestbrook​:

You know, maybe whoever made the Glist did so with the entire purpose of pitting you against one another? Keep you focused on berating and pointing fingers at your teammates instead of coming together and prepping for Regionals.

That would be the reason I had done it… If I made it. Which we all know I didn’t, because if I had, you can believe that my list would look a helluva lot different.

But hey, what do I know?

Have you met Mr. Schue? We weren’t gonna work on regionals until the day before regionals anyway, although whatever we were gonna do was hopefully a hell of a lot better than this.

I’d say it probably wasn’t even someone in the club, but like... no one gives a shit about this club unless they’re in it. No way that’s true, so it’s probably just Puck and I don’t get why people are giving him the power to piss them off like that.

What would your list have looked like, though? I know you want someone to ask.