justsadge

[justsadge]

It's been a while and things aren't better nothing much changed I'm still alone unloved and a fucking loser. I just wanted you to care about me and for a bit you had me believing you did. It's been over a year since I heard your voice and I still remember it I miss it so much I miss you so much. Here's to another year of being lonely sad and unlovable who would even want me I'm just a waste of space destined to be alone Till I end it all myself I know I'm gonna die alone who would want me anyway 💔

[justsadge]

I miss him. I can't say his name anymore it just makes my throat swell up

I guess life must go on no matter how bad I want it to stop

[justsadge]

It's been several months since I posted here, and nothing has improved in fact its all worse.

The only thing I have to keep me going is a trip with some friends and after that idk how I'm going to keep on living

I miss him. I can't wait to die alone and unloved👌

[justsadge]

Why does it feel like he doesn't want anything to do with me?

I guess that's what I get for thinking he actually ment when he said that he loved me.

Like anyone would ever love me, can't wait to be gone. Like anyone will miss me anyway.

What did I do wrong?

[justsadge]

It's been a while since I posted. I've gone through some things and instead of him checking on me and seeing how I'm doing, he's just isolated himself from well mostly me I guess. He says he doesn't want to talk to anyone but he's in vc with other people he says he isn't really talking much but I don't believe that, why would you be in vc if you aren't talking? Why won't you talk to me? I'm so worried about you, I miss hearing from you, I miss your voice, your laugh, your little noises that you make. I miss it all. I understand you want alone time or time away from me but it's crushing me it's making me lose my fucking mind and I'm tired of it. I just want to be loved before I die, but it looks like that isn't going to happen huh.

[justsadge]

Im gonna be gone soon

A few updates.

he told me he loved me he said it and truly i believed him i really thought he meant it I really thought he was finally going to give m e a chance but once again i'm wrong like always. once again i get my hopes up for nothing, once again i try and try and try but nothing comes of it nothing will ever come of it i've never wanted to just disappear, im sitting here playing games with him in vc listening to him type to other people more than hes talking to me i feel like trash i feel like im nothing but a waste of space.

I dont want to be alive i dont want to watch someone else give him the love that i want to give him i dont want to hear about who he thinks is hot i dont want to hear about all the people that flirt with him and try to get him i just dont want to hear it anymore i cant take it i cant take it i cant take it i cant take it i wont take it anymore i cant take it i cant deal with it anymore im gonna be gone soon im gonna leave this place and never come back im going to say my final goodbyes and be gone forever who would miss me for longer than a week why do I ever think things will change why why why why why why why why. i can hear him typing to someone that is filrting with him i can hear him typing with full gusto i know this person is probably better looking and smarter has more money has a better job has everything that i dont have. like why did i ever think id be given a chance at any kind of love no ones ever loved me. we sit in call together and he just talks to other people that are always more interesting than me they always know how to flirt they know how to do these things that i cant that ill never be able to do and its killing me it hurts it hurts so so much and i just cant deal with it anymore i cant do it I CANT FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE MAN I CANT KEEP PRETENDING IT DOESNT HURT ME I CANT TONIUBEDIOENBNOIUBTVDEFNOIBGFDBEFDNTIMONOIMBGDFBFDNMOIODLIOIOPINDFOINDOFINBDOIFNBODIFNBODIFNBODFINBOINOINJIONVDFLKJNNMVNVNVNVNJFJFJFJJFJFJFJFJF

[justsadge]

I hadn't posted here in a while cause I thought that he would give me a chance but like always nothing good ever happens to me I'm probably not going to be around for a whole lot longer, I'd say life was good but I'd only be lying through my teeth. Hope its better for everyone else out there

[justsadge]

I fear that I'll never know love.

I'm scared that love isn't something that people feel towards me.

I know people say they love me, but not the kind of love I so desperately want.

No matter how many times or how hard I try, nothing.

The people around me tell me that "you'll find someone I know it" yet here I am 27 longs years on this fucking rock alone.

What about me do they not like, my looks, my height, my personality, my voice, my everything?

Why why why why why why why...

Am I just unlovable, every time I thought someone was even remotely interested in me in any capacity I'm just wrong. I'm always the friend I'm never even an option to anyone I'm just worthless undeserving of love of affection of feeling what it's like to be someone's person.

Whatever is wrong with me I wish I could fix it.

[justsadge]

whatever

Life continues to be miserable I continue to have nothing to look forward to in life. My day to day routine used to be talk to my favorite person and dream that they might develop even a small amount of the feelings i have for them towards me but i knew that was never going to happen and now i for a fact know that nothing will change he has a partner and apparently has had one for a while so the whole time i was just fucking delusional thinking i ever had a chance. sorry im not someone else sorry im just me sorry ill never be good enough sorry i have nothing to provide sorry sorry sorry sorry. ill be gone soon anyway so it doesnt matter anymore maybe after im gone he'll still think about me, i doubt it tho ill just be forgotten and left behind like usual.

[justsadge]

It was over before it even started

So I guess he got a partner and never told me. He said i could shoot my shot but never told me that id be shooting at nothing. What's the point anymore man, the one person i thought I ever had a chance with now I know i have no chance ill never have a chance cause no one sees me as someone worth being romantically involved with, never have and honestly at this point never will. 27 years and ive been on one date and it was when i was a freshmen in highschool and even then they just wanted to be friends after that. why doesnt anyone want to love me why am i not worth peoples love what is wrong with me. he said im not ugly people say im nice to be around that im a good person and that i deserve love and that "I'll find the one for me" well as the data shows they are looking me in the face and lying to me trying to make me feel better with lies and im fucking sick of it im done, im tired, im sad, im mad, i want to end it all i want to stop existing. my life has been a joke for TWENTY SEVEN FUCKING YEARS and i dont want to go another ive tried waiting for good things to happen, ive tried making good things happen and nothing good ever happens for me nothing ever ever ever ever ever ever happens for me i cry in my room everyday i have to go to work everyday and pretend like nothing is wrong i walk around my house and smile and joke with my roommates but its all a lie i havent been happy since i can remember and honestly i think i wont be happy before i kick the bucket. I love him i want him to have a good life and to be happy and healthy and loved but i really wanted it to be me that did those things for him I knew i never had a chance looking and being like i am cause lets face it im so fucking worthless i cant drive, im bald, im fat, covered in acne and acne scars, out of shape, stupid, no hobbies, no interests, i dont want to do anything in life no asperations no big goals nothing, why would anyone want to to love someone like me? what could i possibly ever contribute to a relationship? I knew he wouldnt want me i knew even if i tried and tried and tired to be as good to him and be there for him that he would just turn me down and move on from me. all im good for is being used being left behind, im used to it its fine its whatever ill just get over it or something i guess.

[justsadge]

I'm sad and the one person I want to talk about it with is the person that is causing me to feel this way. He's going to leave me behind like everyone always does, I want to beg him not to I want to plead with him to please please please don't leave me like the rest of them have please I can't do it again I can't...

[justsadge]

Life has continued to give me zero reason to keep going. No one has or ever will love me the way I want and desire to be loved. Every time EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN TIME. It's fine(it's not) I'll get over it(no I wont) I'm worth existing(no I'm not). Why won't he love me? What's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? It's cause I'm unlovable isn't it? I'm never seen as someone worth loving in a romantic way and that kills me on the inside more than I think anyone can imagine. I don't think I can keep going honestly i don't think I even want to keep going, my life is a joke everything about me is a joke. I'll just end up dying alone never having been loved never having known what it's like to be someone's person, never knowing what it's like to be loved in any capacity.

[justsadge]

eh

Whyd i ever think he would love me back, why did i ever think some one anyone would love me back. im so worthless and unlovable, im ugly, stupid, fat, poor, never been in a relationship and never will be in one cause who the fuck is ever going to love me?

no one no one will ever love me will ever want to be with me. Its starting to be hard to keep going its hard to keep trying not to quit but i dont think i can go on much longer.

[justsadge]

Id like just a chance

Imagine if he would just give me a chance, just let me try, maybe id work maybe it wouldnt but all im asking for is a chance, i know i could make him happy i know i could love him i know i could make him feel safe and loved and comfy. my whole life has been a joke ive never loved anyone the way i love him and im so fucking stupid for even thinking that hed feel even a bit of the way i feel. life is meaningless its all bad nothing makes it better it just all gets worse and worse. i only want to talk to him i only want to be with him i dont want to talk to anyone else. i just want him.

[justsadge]

idk

Whats the point anymore man. what do i have to keep me going?

good friends? someone that will never love me back someone that i love and care about and that i thought might feel the same way towards me, but of course they didnt feel that way to me why would they. why would anyone want to love me, I provide no value. i have tried and tried and tried but nothing i ever do is good enough i guess ill never be anything but the best friend or just an after thought ill never have someone love me

i dont deserve love im worthless and useless so what do i keep going for? cause its not myself anymore it hasnt been for a long long time.

[justsadge]

o

All i can do is think of him. all i think about is that hes with another person that isnt me and it hurts. how could the other person come along and be worse then me and get all his time, why am i like this why wont i ever have the love i crave and desire why why why why why why why i just want to love him and to have him love me back. nothing is good its all bad idk how long i can keep going like this man

[justsadge]

L

While hes with someone else not thinking about me at all im here alone in my room only able to think about him. ive got nothing to live for anymore man, no reason to keep going other than to keep the people around me from being sad. if i cant be with him then i just dont care, i try to be the person he needs but all id does is hurt me more and more and more and more. im just done with it i think

i dont think ill keep trying i think im done.