justutterlyplaintrash - Tumblr blog

[justutterlyplaintrash]

Jhope birthday live:

Army: what did you get as a present from other members?  JHope: I mean just their existence alone is a present.

IM-

Cr tr twt SPOTLIGHTBTS

[justutterlyplaintrash]

my hope, my angel 

[justutterlyplaintrash]

The first gummy smile of the year 😃

[justutterlyplaintrash]

~ anything bts related always manages to put a smile on my face ~

[justutterlyplaintrash]

all the other artists walk in normal, then there’s bts walking in like they own the stage … . which they do

[justutterlyplaintrash]

yoongi’s cute lil laugh just added 10 more years to my life

[justutterlyplaintrash]

so this is new...

I normally don’t share, normally I repost. But I wrote something I thought I’d share. 

I’ve always loved writing. Making my own original characters or writing fanfic, and I was starting out with a new one, and I accidentally wrote down my thoughts I haven’t been able to communicate, not even to myself. So, I thought I’d share it with you guys since I really do wanna share it with people, but I can’t yet with the people close to me.

(btw, don’t worry about me, I’ve been diagnosed and I get the proper help that I need)

  “You know, there is a moment before waking up where you aren’t sure if your awake or not. You feel all groggy and like your floating in a heavier liquid. But then you feel it. You feel your weighty heart tying you to your bed. You feel the crushing guilt, that you have no idea where came from. You remember all the things you have to do. And it’s all too overwhelming, you just wanna go back to sleep. Escape your reality.

  But you know, you know you can’t hide under your duvet the rest of your life. You just gotta do it. Push the duvet of your body, sit up and plant your feet on the ground, stand up, go to the bathroom, use the toilet, wash your hands and face, go to the kitchen, start making coffee, go to your room, tone and moisturize your face, apply primer, foundation, concealer, mascara, lip balm and draw on your eyebrows, go to the kitchen, pour your self some coffee, ad some milk, put toast in the toaster, go back to your room, find a pair of fresh underwear, put on the new underwear, a bra, a pair of socks, jeans, a t-shirt and a sweater, pack your bag for the day, go to the kitchen, put some butter on the toast, drink the coffee, eat the toast, go put on your jacket, shoos, double check you packed all you need in the bag, and then go leave and meet the oh so lovely world.

  I sometimes can categorize my mornings in very few steps, that’s the days I make it outside the comfort of my bed. But other times I see every single step I take, every single movement I make, those are the days I just can’t get up.

   During the day I’ll get a random thought. I’d be minding my own business, doing whatever task I have to do. And then the thought would strike. It would make my stomach twist, my heart sink and the tears will threaten to burst. I would have to stop whatever I’m doing and just focus on breathing. Trying to force my thoughts away from the crippling spiral.

   I’m always tired but I can’t sleep. I have a routine that is supposed to help you sleep easier, but it doesn’t work. It doesn’t shut up my intrusive thoughts that won’t leave me alone, telling me all the things I didn’t get done, all the things I should have done better and simply that I’m not enough. It’s a voice that I can’t shut out. When it starts getting close to 1.30 am I don’t wanna exist anymore. It’s not like I want to kill myself, I just don’t wanna be born. I don’t wanna feel the weight of having to breathe, feeling my own disappointment and fear the disappointment of the people I care about, even though I know they aren’t.

  When I finally fall asleep, I wake up every 45 minutes to an hour from nightmares. Nightmares about my mom sitting me down at the dinner table and telling me, as if she’s going through a list, about all I should have done and all the things I could have done better. Nightmares about my dad scolding me, yelling at me, making my stomach twist. Nightmares about my friends, families, all the people I care about, telling me I’m worthless and that their lives wouldn’t change even for a second, even if I stopped existing.”

[justutterlyplaintrash]

BTS’ DANCE LINE (-V) X G.C.F

[justutterlyplaintrash]

OH  GOD … HOW MANY YOONGI STAN SURVIVED THIS? | 1013ths

[justutterlyplaintrash]

steve understands us … they are indeed magical

[justutterlyplaintrash]

DO YALL RECALL JIMIN’S IMPRESSIVE TRIPE KICK | Full HERE | windy01266101

[justutterlyplaintrash]

[justutterlyplaintrash]

I’m watching that documentary “Before Stonewall” about gay history pre-1969, and uncovered something which I think is interesting.

The documentary includes a brief clip of a 1954 televised newscast about the rise of homosexuality. The host of the program interviewed psychologists, a police officer, and one “known homosexual”. The “known homosexual” is 22 years old. He identifies himself as Curtis White, which is a pseudonym; his name is actually Dale Olson.

So I tracked down the newscast. According to what I can find, Dale Olson may have been the first gay man to appear openly on television and defend his sexual orientation. He explains that there’s nothing wrong with him mentally and he’s never been arrested. When asked whether he’d take a cure if it existed, he says no. When asked whether his family knows he’s gay, he says that they didn’t up until tonight, but he guesses they’re going to find out, and he’ll probably be fired from his job as well. So of course the host is like …why are you doing this interview then? and Dale Olson, cool as cucumber pie, says “I think that this way I can be a little useful to someone besides myself.”

1954. 22 years old. Balls of pure titanium.

Despite the pseudonym, Dale’s boss did indeed recognize him from the TV program, and he was promptly fired the next day. He wrote into ONE magazine six months later to reassure readers that he had gotten a new job at a higher salary.

Curious about what became of him, I looked into his life a little further. It turns out that he ultimately became a very successful publicity agent. He promoted the Rocky movies and Superman. Not only that, but get this: Dale represented Rock Hudson, and he was the person who convinced him to disclose that he had AIDS! He wrote the statement Rock read. And as we know, Rock Hudson’s disclosure had a very significant effect on the national conversation about AIDS in the U.S.

It appears that no one has made the connection between Dale Olson the publicity agent instrumental in the AIDS debate and Dale Olson the 22-year-old first openly gay man on TV. So I thought I’d make it. For Pride month, an unsung gay hero.

[justutterlyplaintrash]

undefined

I AM DEVASTATED | gclsdf

[justutterlyplaintrash]

[justutterlyplaintrash]

where’s my fucking wig. i’ll tell you where it’s at. bangtan sonyeondan snatched me bald

[justutterlyplaintrash]

So what’d she find that made her pick you? Well, you know, nothing, other than I’m smart.