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Mikoto: Totsuka and I are having a baby. Yata: That's gre- Mikoto, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

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Munakata: Lieutenant Awashima, would you mind-

Awashima: I would die for you.

Munakata: I’m sorry, what-- That... is not necessary-- Miss Awashima, that was rather intense...

Izumo: Should I... be jealous right now?

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Munakata: tommorrow's garbage day.

Fushimi: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

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Totsuka: He’s so handsome, isn’t he?

Chitose: Why, thank you mother

The rest of Homra: Mother!?

Chitose, hiding away at the mistake:

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Chitose: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Izumo: Wasn’t he with you? *points at Dewa*

Masaomi: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.  

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Munakata: You seem like a decent fellow, I’d hate to kill you

Shiro: You seem like a decent fellow, I’d hate to die

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Fushimi: You guys said you were gonna eat me!

Totsuka: That was being funny!

Fushimi: Not to me!

Izumo: You guys have issues.

Fushimi: Well, of course I have issues *points at Niki* that’s my freakin’ father!

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Seri: Wow the stars beautiful tonight.

Izumo: Yea they are.

Seri: You know who else is beautiful?

Izumo: *blushes* Who?

Seri: Reishi.

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Anna: Why are your boobs so big?

Mikoto: looks down at his pecs .......They're not boobs.

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Izumo: Alright, who broke it?

 Everyone:

Izumo: I'm not mad, I just wanna know

Everyone:

 Totsuka: I did it, I broke it-

 Izumo: No, no you didn't. Yata?

 Yata:  Don't look at me, look at Rikio.

Kamamoto: What? I didn't break it

 Yata: huh, that's weird. How'd you know it's even broken?

Kamamoto: Because it's sitting right in front of us, and it's broken.

Yata: Suspicious

Kamamoto: No, it's not!

 Chitose: If,,, if it matters, Fushimi was the last one to use it

Saruhiko: dramatic sigh Liar, I don't even drink that crap!

Chitose: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the stove earlier-

Saruhiko: I was using the sink by it to wash my hands, CHITOSE

Totsuka: Okay let's not fight! I broke it let me pay for it-

 Izumo: No, who broke it?

 Kamamoto: ...Kusanagi-san.. Masaomi has been awfully quiet.

Masaomi: REALLY

everyone starts arguing while Totsuka is panicking

Mikoto, in the distance: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I bet in ten minutes they're all gonna be at eachother's throats.. Good.

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Izumo, to Homra: Alright, listen up, you little shits!

Izumo: Not you, Anna. You’re an angel and we’re glad to have you here.

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Izumo @ Awashima: you're so strong that you could kill me. I like that in a woman.

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Totsuka: Tell me your wildest fantasy.

Mikoto: I’m on Wheel of Fortune and I spin it so hard it lights on fire.

Totsuka: I meant like—

Mikoto: Everyone claps.

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Izumo: You ever wake up in a coffin six feet under?

Mikoto: No.

Izumo: Then you don't get to complain, hotshot.

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Awashima: Is there such a thing as a justified crime?

Kusanagi: Yeah? Stealing from the rich, punching bigots, punching rapists, rent dodging, you know, the usual.

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Munakata: Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Mikoto: When you die I’m gonna dance on your fucking grave.

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Kuroh: Three people watched you jump off of a roof. What are you going to say when you show up alive tomorrow?!

Shiro: ... Ta da?