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K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Finale!!

Hello all! Sorry for not posting Yesterday, I... forgot. That's really all there is to it, I forgot and lost track of time before I had to go to work, and was too tired to post when I got back. So, to make up for it, I'm posting the ENTIRE Finale review, Parts 1 and 2, today! I hope you all enjoy.

Okay, cards on the table: This finale was crap. I'm pretty sure I tackle most of the issues inherent to it in the main review that I'll be posting below, but at it's core? This 2-Parter is just a crappy attempt to try and recreate the success of Heroes' Day, and it does it BADLY. The Miraculized is an honestly interesting concept, I think, in that it shows that Gabe and Tomoe have essentially jailbroken the power of the Kwami into something capable of mass production... which is presented as a bad thing. But on its own, it is genuinely impressive; if it weren't for the lazy and honestly nonsensical brainwashing plot with the "Perfect Alliance" app, it could've been interesting to see them gather and recruit genuinely willing agents to fight for them, acting on their behalf without dealing with the idiosyncrasies of Akumas in favor of totally loyal professionals.

But, what really kills the first part of this 2-Parter is that they keep hyping up these nightmares as being this super-traumatic thing... but aside from Adrien's, which doesn't make much sense, and Alya's, which her reaction is just stupidly exaggerated in regards to, they all just come off as ridiculous and stupid rather then traumatizing. I just can't take them seriously. The fact that they go out of their way to detail the specifics of their nightmares hurts it more because it exposes just HOW ridiculous they are, rather then keeping it vague but still giving the audience an idea of WHY they are so traumatized by it.

Not to mention that, despite Felix having SPELLED OUT that "Gabriel is Hawkmoth/Shadow Moth/Monarch" it seemed to have never actually clicked to Marinette until now that "oh crap, Gabriel is Hawkmoth!!" Which makes the prior play Felix put on all the more stupid since it ultimately did nothing to give Marinette more information if that's true, and instead focused entirely on making Marinette believe Felix's excuses for his bad deeds. So... what? I just don't get this continuity at all.

But what I think the biggest case of wasted potential in this finale, for all that it's a lazy Heroes' Day clone, is how it squanders the idea of their being more heroes, non-Miraculous connected ones, out in the world to help her... and instantly ignores how the Miraculized are able to TRACK the Ladybug and Black Cat's powers. When Marinette unified them, they should've INSTANTLY started swarming her all over again, like they did the first time she transformed. THAT would've made for an actual good reason for all the heroes around the world to appear; because they are tracking the movements of the army and are stopping them from mobbing Marinette while she's duking it out with Hawkmoth.

And just... Hawkmoth. Gabriel. How can a show just drop the ball so completely on such an awful character? I mean, I get how, they have been priming this for several seasons by having everyone around Gabe insist "he used to be better," but every thing they dredge up as evidence of this ultimately amounts to either scenes without context or detail, or someone claiming he used to be different but has now changed, without any word or detail on HOW he has changed. It expects the audience to just... take their word for it. To see Marinette showing him compassion, despite the fact that she should know damn well by now that Gabe has always put what HE wants for Adrien over what actually makes Adrien happy, every single time. And the way it insists upon itself by calling Gabe's actions "Madness." No, being deluded is not the same thing as being insane; Gabe knew full and well what he was doing, what the consequences would be, and ultimately decided "I don't CARE."

His delusions stopped and ended at his egotistical insistence that he's the one in the right; he didn't become a supervillain because of "Madness." He didn't decide to keep his son isolated from everyone around him for YEARS, long before his wife died, because of "Madness." He didn't cultivate plans specifically meant to isolate and hurt others so as to make them vulnerable to his powers because of "Madness." Everything Gabe has done, he has done because at his core, he is a selfish, egotistical failure of a father who refuses to accept that he's the bad guy. It's like if The Owl House had Belos, after literally driving himself to the brink of death in his obsession with wiping out all Witches, be given sympathy by the heroes because "it's not his fault he's so awful, he was raised to be that way" and had his demise be because he "let" himself be killed after somehow destroying all magic but leaving the inhabitants of the Islands unharmed. It's excusing the actions of a man whose deeds are inexcusable.

And you want to know what makes all this worse? Adrien never once gains closure. For the entire finale, he's stuck hiding in his room, against his will. Despite his father tormenting him and isolating him from all his friends, despite his last fight against Hawkmoth as Nighttormentor involving him verbally ripping his dad a new one for how much of an utterly awful parent and human being he is... after the world is erased and rebuilt, his clone is basically told "oh no, your abusive father was actually a good man, you should want to be like him." It's a slap in the face of anyone and EVERYONE who has had an abusive parental figure, who has dealt with someone they are supposed to be able to look up to but who instead abused their authority to hurt and control them. Never in my life have I been so contemptful of people who try and deflect criticism of this show because "I don't work in the industry;" anyone who thinks THIS is acceptable, who excuses the writers who felt PROUD of putting together this abomination, screw you. It would be one thing, however low of a bar it would be, if the writers really COULDN'T present Gabe as being the bad guy in the end... but that's not the case. They were proud of it. This was "always the plan." I have no further words for how messed up that is.

Onto the main review. As always, warning for any profanity on my part... and there's a bit of a doozy of that today.

Episode 25: Finale Part 1 - Conformation

Alright, opening things up, and we immediately jump to the first day of Summer Break, and apparently the hot topic is the election, and the tourist scene... and for some reason, Nadja feels the need to call attention to Adrien's arrival in London, alongside Kagami.

Also, "arrived yesterday"?!? Just, what the HELL!? Again, how the fuck is all this time zone BS going on!? For fuck's sake, it's showing their arrival like it happened when it was bright and early, but there's no way the flight should've been that long! Paris is not that far from fucking LONDON of all places!! I'm also confused on why Adrien's personal life is important enough to warrant this kind of news; he's a teen model, not some kind of billionaire playboy or whatever. I'm thinking that Gabe might be astroturfing things by paying news groups to give attention to the little "arrangement" he and Tomoe are trying to set-up, to control the narrative. It would fit with his speech to Marinette about controlling what people want and aspire to obtain.

Yup, Gabe's manipulating things. It's not directly stated, but given that the news report mentioned a direct report from the Gabriel brand on this, I'd say it's likely. Also, regarding Kagami, WHAT "SUCCESSFUL MODELING CAREER!?" SHE HAS NEVER BEEN A FUCKING MODEL IN HER ENTIRE LIFE!! HECK, HER BEING ON THE ALLIANCE RING AT ALL WAS BECAUSE HER MOM USED HER IMAGE AND VOICE WITHOUT HER CONSENT!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!

Also, yeah, creepy insistence on "Perfection" again. Seriously, the obsession this show has with the concept of "perfection" is disturbing, and I don't mean it in the sense of villains using it, like Gabe and Tomoe do, but even the HEROES use it way too much. It gets thrown around so much, I can't even begin.

Oh, and I got my answer on where the "successful modeling career" for Kagami came from; from my point of view, Tomoe is allowing Gabe to appropriate Kagami's image to make ads, all designed to sell the idea that she and Adrien are a couple. And Kagami chucks something at the screen playing the ad for "Perfection, the Drink that hydrates to Perfection." Again, they are using "perfection" too much without seeming to get what it means.

And apparently Gabe's spying on Kagami and Adrien trapped in their creepy white rooms. Just, just, WHY!? Why the fucking ROOMS!? These things are just utterly disturbing, why the absolute FUCK do Tomoe and Gabe think they need to use "WHITE TORTURE ROOMS" for their kids!? Are they insane or just fucking stupid!?

And Gabe references this "Perfect Alliance" thing, which I just know I'm gonna fucking hate. Just, just why the HELL does he think they need to be in LONDON to be safe from whatever it is!? Is it a death laser? A bomb? WHAT!? For fuck's sake, GABE HAS LITERALLY ALLOWED CITY DESTROYING AKUMAS LOOSE BEFORE WITHOUT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT THE DANGER THEY POSE TO ADRIEN, AND IF TOMOE HAS ALWAYS BEEN HER PARTNER THEN SHE HASN'T SHOWN ANY MORE REGARD WHEN IT COMES TO KAGAMI, THEY COULD LITERALLY JUST USE BUNKERS IN PARIS AND ACHIEVE THE SAME RESULTS!!!!

Honestly, that's what makes this so stupid to me; they are framing this scene as if Tomoe and Gabe are isolating their kids to "keep them safe," yet Gabe hasn't even TRIED to stop Akumas capable of wiping out Paris while knowing full well Adrien is there, so why is this time different? That same line of reasoning goes for Tomoe regarding Kagami; if she's always been Gabe's secret partner, and Kagami means this much to her, where were her complaints regarding incidents like Syren, when the literal city was FLOODED by the Akuma? What THEN!?

For fuck's sake, they are like overgrown children!!

"One day they'll understand that we did this all for their own good" NO THE FUCK YOU DIDN'T TOMOE!! YOU DID THIS TO SATISFY WHATEVER WEIRD AGENDA BETWEEN YOU AND GABE THAT YOU HAVEN'T ELABORATED ON!! YOU ARE ARBITRARILY TRYING TO DICTATE THEIR LIVES EVEN THOUGH YOU SHOULD FUCKING KNOW THAT YOU ARE MAKING THE MISERABLE!!!

...These two are abusive. Like, no duh, that's obvious, but this is LITERALLY the kind of reasoning you see in abusive parents; it's the coldblooded rationalization that they are in the right for how they treat their children, and that it's everyone else who says differently that is wrong. Now Tomoe mentions something about a "poison" and a "remedy" which I can't begin to make heads or tails of but is probably super fucking stupid.

Yup, it's fucking stupid; I still don't know what the overall "plan" is, but Gabe just reakumatized himself into Nighttormentor (for some fucking reason), is loading up on the powers of the Mouse, Horse, and Rooster Miraculous... okay, it's apparently some fucking stupid plot to give the whole world nightmares, probably in some dumb as hell rehash of the Scarlet Akuma plot.

"The nightmare has finally begun." "And our wish to bring our child together can finally come true." I just... what? What the fuck does ANY OF THIS relate to getting Kagami and Adrien together?? Like, literally NOTHING about this scene or this plot have anything to do with them beyond Gabe spying on them while they sleep! (Which is creepy as fuck, by the way) It's just the writers shoving in relationship BS when it doesn't even relate to what these idiots are doing.

Alright, now we get an utterly stupid as hell scene of Marinette dressed up in a Ladybug-themed suit of armor like a knight while riding a red motorcycle... this is her nightmare, and it's literally doing the entire "flipped fairy tale" BS of swapping the gender stereotypes but otherwise leaving them totally unchanged, isn't it? And it's gonna end in disaster since, well, it's a NIGHTMARE.

...Yup, this is stupid. In addition to this honestly giving the vibes of a pretty sexist "role reversal" of the stereotypical "knight saves the princess," it involves Marinette "slaying the dragon holding the prince(ess) hostage" with said dragon being revealed to be Gabe, and accidentally "killing" Gabe by... lightly brushing him with her sword on the arm? And Adrien asking "why did you do that, Marinette?" I just... I cannot even FOLLOW whatever shit this is trying to BE!! It's like they are trying to say "Marinette/Ladybug would KILL Hawkmoth and break Adrien's heart!!" which already doesn't make any sense since yes, he's dying, because OF HIS OWN FUCKING STUPIDITY!!! Marinette's Lucky Charm isn't even directly harmful; the only way she could kill someone would be if she was actively TRYING to do so, and she's not the type. Why the FUCK are they trying to frame this as an actual concern she could EVER EVEN HAVE ABOUT THIS SITUATION!?

...Given I already know how this finale is gonna play out, my best guess is that this idiocy is them trying to foreshadow Marinette's "big moment" at the end, but it falls apart because it is utterly fucking contrived by implanting a fear that, like the bullshit dream sequence of a nightmare that Chat Noir was subjected to despite lacking any reason to even CONSIDER IT A CONCERN, has no real basis for. It just EXISTS to generate conflict and drama. And I'm not gonna get into how "dreams are irrational" and all that, because yes, they are; but for things like nightmares, they have to be based on things a person would already be afraid of or be having concerns over. Neither Chat nor Marinette have ANY reason to have had those particular nightmares at all!!

"I have to free him from the dragon- I mean, from his father!" Marinette... no. Shut up. Shut the absolute FUCK UP. This? This entire fucking mess is not something you need to "save" Adrien from; yes, he needs to be gotten out from Gabe's thumb, but the primary fucking REASON he still IS under Gabe's thumb is because he's been sitting on his ass and avoiding actually confronting his problems, AND YOU HAVE BEEN ENABLING HIM ALL THIS TIME!!! For fuck's sake, it's the stupidity with you trying to defend to Adrien that Gabe has "Changed" despite him threatening your career and making it clear he's never going to let you be with his son if he has any kind of a say in it, ACTIVELY CONTRIBUTED TO THIS BS. You don't get to freak out about "saving him" when you can't even woman up enough to be genuinely honest with him and let him face tough times on his own instead of constantly trying to spare his fucking feelings!!

And apparently the stupid nightmare power thing causes people physical pain as well as emotional distress, because why the fuck not!? And Marinette ends up seeing one of Gabe's new ads (still doing that stupid as fuck "Perfection" thing) with the images of Adrien and Kagami. Who thinks she'll take this the wrong way? (Raises hand)

"His father won't tell you a thing, will he?" Oh, I dunno Tikki, I think the man who has kept Adrien socially isolated from everyone for nearly his entire life, actively has fought to keep him out of public school and people his own age, is secretly a terrorist (SOMETHING YOU TWO SHOULD KNOW AFTER THAT LITTLE FIASCO WITH FELIX AND KAGAMI YESTERDAY!!!), and has micromanaged every aspect of his life down to the minute would absolutely share information on where his son is with the girlfriend he doesn't approve of! /s

"Maybe he won't, but maybe his assistant Nathalie will!" Why? Why would you have ANY FUCKING REASON TO THINK THAT? This isn't even a matter of Nathalie being trustworthy or not, point to a SINGLE MOMENT where Marinette and Nathalie have interacted positively or Nathalie has indicated any willingness to go against Gabe's BS in front of Marinette that would support her having any fucking reason TO THINK THIS!!!

"Adrien told me that she was always kind to him." Why the fuck would you believe that? Seriously, this is the same guy who spoke up for Chloe (which this season went out of its way to tear apart) and let Lila run wild by "taking the high road," why the FUCK would you think he has any fucking clue what he's talking about? He speaks well of his own father half the time despite the man transparently being a complete and utter piece of shit, Adrien isn't exactly a sparkling judge of character!!

Marinette immediately runs off to find Nathalie (why the hell would she even think Nathalie's in Paris, and where the fuck would she even find her?), but is blocked by her dad. Also, something confusing occurred to me; that stupid as hell play that Felix and Kagami put on happened the same night that Adrien left (SOMEHOW), and Marinette woke up in an abandoned classroom the next morning. How wasn't she locked in? Why weren't her parents worried about where she went and why she didn't come home last night without telling them where she was? It's the BS of the show trying to pretend ANY OF THIS MAKES ANY KIND OF SENSE WHEN IT DOESN'T.

Apparently Tom is worried about his daughter running off without eating breakfast first; to be honest, that's a healthy concern to have as skipping a meal can seriously affect your energy, and it's not like taking a few more minutes is gonna make Nathalie suddenly disappear. Ooh, and then Marinette gets hit with the conveniently awful headache that stupid as fuck Nightmare power causes! Why do I call it stupid as fuck? Because currently, we aren't seeing anyone else exhibit that symptom, despite Gabe having apparently spread his nightmare power across the globe... for SOME FUCKING REASON. Seriously, why the FUCK would he bother spreading his power like that when all his efforts have been focused on PARIS!? All he's doing is making it more likely that the international community is going to come for his fucking head.

"This has nothing to do with Adrien!" No, Marinette, it has everything to do with him (unfortunately) and you saying it doesn't is, if anything, MORE of a red flag for them. Plus, your mom was ON YOUR SIDE, so you trying to shut down her reasoning to get your dad to calm down just makes things worse. Okay, NOW we see someone else get hit with the stupid as hell headache; and again, Marinette, just be HONEST WITH YOUR PARENTS, idiot!!

Apparently Tom's nightmare was about how Marinette ended up starving herself over being upset over Adrien leaving. For fuck's sake, HAVE NONE OF THESE PEOPLE HEARD OF A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP!?!? Like, him just being worried about Marinette starving is a perfectly valid fear all its own, you don't have to tack on Love Square BS into the mix!! Also, his nightmare was stupid in that he thought Marinette not eating would make her physically shrink until a mouse could eat her, instead of, you know, her just plain DYING from hunger.

Sabine's nightmare was about how TOM ended up Akumatized over his worries for Marinette. Apparently something something "trapped her in a giant brioche with an army of croissants to protect her." Like, this entire stupid scene would be less idiotic if they just left their nightmares at the most surface level explanation; getting the details just makes them sound corny and stupid, not something to actually be worried about, and makes the fact that they are still fretting over them obnoxious and hard to take seriously rather then concerning. It's hard to give a shit about people having had bad dreams when they are unironically being concerned about their kids shrinking from not eating to the point of getting eaten by a mouse, etc.

And Marinette immediately bumps into Alya, who is freaking out and convinced that Monarch is gonna find her and she'll blab the secret. See, THIS is a genuine fear to be worried about, as it actually has something resembling a basis in reality. It's still fucking stupid as Monarch DOES NOT KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS, but it's more reasonable a fear then what Marinette's parents were going through.

"We can't be seen together!" Alya, ONCE AGAIN, no one knows that YOU know Ladybug's secret (you would've had to leave like Luka and Alix did, idiot), so no, no one is going to connect you to Ladybug's secret identity, grow the FUCK up already!!

Seriously, WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE STILL DEALING WITH THESE STUPID AS FUCK HEADACHES!? We have NEVER had it indicated that the powers of an Akuma persist after they are de-Akumatized!! And no, Stoneheart's minions don't count because they were the result of the original Akuma multiplying. They are trying to artificially generate drama by making everyone on edge and freaked out, but it just does not work when everything is so utterly stupid about it!!

And after Marinette drives off, we now get a look at Adrien still dealing with that stupid as hell nightmare. What makes this nightmare stupid as fucking hell is the fact that, once again, THERE IS NO BASIS FOR IT!! Heck, the ONE THING that could be used as a basis for it, his hitting Monarch with a Cataclysm and setting up the idea that using his powers on other people utterly terrifies him, is shot to pieces by the fact that he has DELIBERATELY tried to Cataclysm TWO other people, ones who are a lot less fucking irredeemable compared to Monarch, for no good reason. This drama BS is annoying as hell. Seriously, why the hell is Adrien so torn up over a non-existent Akumatization based off of another Akumatization that neither he nor Monarch have any knowledge of!?

Adrien snaps awake with a gasp, and here we are. Adrien panting and gasping just doesn't work because the tone doesn't FEEL like something to be worried about; it's literally just a kid having a nonsensical bad dream. He then tries to demand the door be opened; wow, what a great time to gain a spine to stand up for yourself with!

Okay, and it's revealed that this entire fucking BS with the nightmares is to try and make people dependent on a self-help app designed to give people advice on relaxing activities to "help with their negative emotions." ...Why? WHY!? WHY THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DID THEY JUST NOT INCLUDE THAT STUPID APP AS A NON-OPTIONAL UPDATE TO THEIR STUPID AS HELL RINGS!? FOR FUCK'S SAKE, IT ISN'T THAT BIG OF A FUCKING CONCERN!!! YOU DID NOT NEED TO GO THROUGH THIS ENTIRE SHITHOLE OF A PLAN JUST TO DISTRIBUTE THIS THING!! HECK, IF YOU WANTED ADRIEN TO USE AN ALLIANCE RING SO BAD, YOU COULD'VE JUST FORCED HIM TO DO SO!!

"This is insane! My father is out of control!" NOW you realize that!? What, did the pure white room he's locked you into didn't give it away? Also, I'm more shocked that he's only saying that in relation to the ring being presented to him after having a bad dream. Honestly; it's so contrived that THIS is his breaking point.

And then we get a scene of Plagg FINALLY trying to talk Adrien into running away (by transforming into Chat Noir), and so far, Adrien's limiting his objections to the fact that there are cameras that would see him transform... when Plagg can just phase into the systems and break them. Honestly, Adrien blinding and drowning out the SECOND Camera by using the Alliance Ring's inability to stop asking people to ask for the "Perfect Alliance" is pretty clever... and then they have Adrien intending to give up the Ring and going full damsel.

"I'm too angry. at myself for falling short of Marinette's love, at my father for sending me here in London, at this stupid app and rings that use my image, it makes me sick. This nightmare gives me the horrible feeling that, if I transform, I'll get Akumatized and destroy everything with my Cataclysm! Marinette, Ladybug." And he took off the ring, which somehow didn't cause Plagg to get sucked into it. It's almost funny; if it weren't for the fact that his dream is entirely BS and he's angsting over LITERALLY NOTHING, as well as the fact that HE KNOWS REJECTING AN AKUMA IS POSSIBLE AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO NOT BE ANGRY TO DO SO, this would be an honestly heartfelt scene. As it is, the fact that this season has been wall-to-wall "random people reject the Akuma's influence" just makes this scene stupid as fuck; it's BS like THIS that should make it so you don't throw around "rejecting the mind-controlling villain's influence" so willy-nilly. It took what little believable tension this scene had, and shot it in the fucking foot. Good job! (Deliberately ignoring the Love Square shilling and too-little-too-late efforts of showing Adrien having a spine)

What's so obnoxious is that ALL OF THIS is too little, too late. It's trying to act as if this is some kind of tipping point for Adrien, like this is something that he had no reason to see coming, yet all of this? He's known it's been coming FOR WEEKS, more even, or it's just a rehash of abuses Gabe has already put him through. It's genuinely hard to care about what he's going through when he's been doing nothing, his character has been at a fucking STAND STILL, for the entire show.

"If I ask her for help, I'd have to give her information that would jeopardize my secret identity." NO!! YOU WOULDN'T!!! YOU COULD LITERALLY JUST HAVE PLAGG SHARE THAT SOMETHING MESSED UP IS GOING ON AND YOU HAD TO HAVE HIM INFORM LADYBUG THAT SHE NEEDS TO RESCUE YOU IN "CHAT NOIR'S" PLACE!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!! They are digging for any and every possible excuse to delay having Adrien do something smarter. Is his secret ID really that big of a fucking deal if it means finally being free!? Heck, NOW, of ALL TIMES, is the best possible moment to have her find out the truth!!

And thus Adrien's journey from "independent spirit chafing at his father's control" to "gender-flipped damsel in distress" is now complete! God this is fucking pathetic. Oh, and rather than maintain his efforts to not give in to his father's control, he puts on the ring, conveniently forgetting that he's not the only person in the world capable of having a bad day.

"Adrien, focus on the thing you like the most; the soothing sound of the foils brushing against one another." ...That's it? The big 'reveal' surrounding the "Perfect Alliance" is "basic advice on how to not think about something upsetting you by thinking about something else"? THAT'S ALL THE FUCK IT IS!? Also, the fact that this response is both A) wrong, Fencing is not the thing he likes the most, and B) rather blatantly tailored to Adrien by his parents, makes it pretty fucking obvious that this is an engineered scenario to push more forced shipping BS on the part of Gabe and Tomoe.

"The stimuli that Adrien is receiving on his ring are relaxing his nervous system; the images he's watching are now associated with the feeling of well-being. He's forgetting all about the nightmares he'd previously been obsessing about. Soon he'll calm down and later, fall sound asleep." ...I cannot for the life of me make heads or tails of whatever this fiasco of a plot is even supposed to be about. For starters, Adrien wasn't watching the images at all, he was just listening to the Ring's advice. And forming those kinds of mental associations take a lot stronger emotions then what amounts to a kid being a little stressed over a nonsensical bad dream, and given that these dreams are apparently targeting (really dumb) TRAUMA, then NO, they are not going to "forget all about the nightmares," it's distracting them from them only. And how in the FUCK would they have any impact over superpowers-derived NIGHTMARES!?

Seriously, you cannot make a set-up be all about how the nightmares are a supernatural phenomenon and then introduce a technological "solution" to them. It doesn't work because just getting BASIC FUCKING ADVICE on how to handle stress is not gonna change the fact that all those people are still under the influence of Monarch's power.

"Perfect Alliance is a success, Tsurugi-san." HOW!? You haven't even made whatever point it's supposed to be about!!

Oh, now Marinette FINALLY arrives at the Agreste Manor in Paris, and is intending to break into it to find Nathalie. Tikki tries to warn her off using her powers to break in, on the basis that using them for personal gain has never turned out well for her, which is a good point! Too bad she's not gonna listen.

She counters that it isn't personal this time, it's for Adrien. ...Marinette, how the absolute FUCK have you forgotten that even if it's for Adrien, you aren't doing it for him, YOU ARE DOING IT FOR YOURSELF!! You literally once broke into his room to sniff his stuff AS LADYBUG. You don't get to claim a moral high ground on this.

Oh, and now we are in Nathalie's nightmare, which is a disjointed weirdness of her being bothered by giant ads for the "Perfect Alliance" and "Monarch making his Wish." What the fuck is even happening, I couldn't say. Oh, she's making a video diary for Adrien "for when she's no longer here" and bringing up Emilie... and she couldn't even finish it, due to another ad for the "Perfect Alliance," and tries to grab her old hunting gear despite being extremely infirm. Hmm, it's almost as if she's been wasting MONTHS AND WEEKS of time that she could've used to get the proper authorities or just flatout TELL THE HEROES WHO MONARCH IS, and is now on death's door when Monarch's "brilliant plan" is right around the corner.

Oh, and apparently, instead of trying to find Nathalie, Ladybug was just snooping in Adrien's room! Of course. She only even NOTICES Nathalie trying to leave because her tech-brace is loud.

Brief look of Plagg flying to Paris with the Ring, I wonder how long that'll take him?

And now we get a look of Tom using the Alliance Ring to relax. Him and Sabine are literally too relaxed in this scene; is the Perfect Alliance some kind of brainwashing device? BECAUSE THIS IS NOT HOW RELAXATION WORKS AND THE NIGHTMARES ARE STILL A SUPERNATURAL PHENOMENON!!!

""Adrien and Kagami really form a Perfect Alliance."" Okay, yeah, I'm pretty sure this is meant to be a brainwashing thing. EXCEPT THIS IS NOT HOW BRAINWASHING WORKS YOU FUCKING IDIOT WRITERS!!!

"If I'd known it'd take so long, I'd have made myself a cheese sandwich!" I feel like the writers having Plagg state this is them trying to justify the time zone fuckery, which really doesn't work since Plagg can both A) avoid having to go by Land Routes, and B) Planes fly much higher and much faster than Plagg does skimming just above the water.

Okay, and it looks like, rather than TALK TO NATHALIE like she said she would, Marinette/Ladybug has instead decided to break into her room and snoop through her stuff! Nope, nothing morally or ethically questionable about that! Oh, and she spots a pic of Nathalie, Emilie, and Gabe in safari gear and "makes the connection" that the third woman in the picture is Nathalie wearing the outfit she's right next to. Marinette, why the fuck are you shocked by this? What is there even to be SHOCKED OVER!?

And Plagg FINALLY makes it to Paris!! And is somehow surprised to find that Marinette doesn't spend all of her time at her house. After snooping in her room a bit, he spots a picture that has Marinette and her female friends on it; I wonder where he's going with this...

Okay, now we get a scene of Tsurugi in front of a monitor screen! ...She's supposed to be blind, right? So why the hell is she always presented as not being visually impaired at all, staring at monitors and screens and other forms of visual input without any way to bridge the sensory gap?

Okay, apparently the "big plan" is them having set up this entire convoluted BS is all to facilitate making people dependent on their stupid as fuck brainwashing app, and then take it away from everyone... okay, I just, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NEED AN AKUMA FOR THIS!? You literally could've played the long game, revealed the "Perfect Alliance" MONTHS AGO, and just gradually waited for the numbers to build up before yanking it away!! For fuck's sake, this is dumb.

I also don't get what Tomoe means by them going to the "next phase of the plan" not having a great enough shock with only 80% of all Alliance Users having downloaded the app. Like, again, you could've gotten a much bigger shock if you had played the long game, lady.

Now Plagg's at Anarka's ship and all of Marinette's friends are doing nothing but lounge around with the Alliance Ring. STILL NOT HOW BRAINWASHING AND DEPENDENCY WORKS, ASTRUC.

Oh look, here's Mylene, the "no-tech" member of their friend group whose hyper-aversion to all non-recyclable technology was shoved in out of nowhere probably just to set-up this stupid as fuck scene that's coming!

...Wow, her nightmare is honestly the dumbest one yet. Like, no joke, "all the trees uprooted by extraterrestrials." I just... what even is that supposed to mean!? Why the fuck does she think that was a "prophetic dream"? Did they seriously turn her into a full-on "New-Age Hippy" oh who the hell am I kidding, OF COURSE THEY DID.

"Put this on, Mylene. You'll feel better." ...I really, REALLY fucking hope that having Nino, the guy who looks like he's of African descent, say something like you'd expect from a drug dealer is just a mistake, because THAT LOOKS AND SOUNDS FUCKED UP.

"I refuse to touch an object that was made without respect for the Earth's resources!" Then how the fuck do you even make it outside, Mylene? HOW!? Also, yup, new-age hippy.

Yeah, this whole thing feels like it's combining internet addiction with drug addiction, and it falls flat on its face because NONE OF THIS IS HOW DEPENDENCE WORKS, and making MYLENE of all people the one pushing back against this stupidity is kinda the worst way to use her. It's reducing her to just "environmentalism" in the worst possible way. Yeah... they are just gonna keep trucking along with this, aren't they? I'm probably gonna just vibe on through this point, since nothing else of substance is happening.

Oh look, something happened with Emilie's weird as hell coffin thing that we still don't know what it does. And back to the good old "Gabriel monologuing to his wife's corpse" scene! Been awhile. Yadda yadda yadda, "I've given up my ambitions (lies), my morality (true, VERY true), but I've never given up on you," and all it cost you was your son's love and respect, not that you had it before given you haven't changed how much of a toxic control freak you are in the slightest.

"I only have a few hours left now," HMM I WONDER WHY!? SURELY ALL THE TIMES YOU HAVE WASTED ON LOOPING THROUGH TIME HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!

And after nearly, FINALLY admitting Emilie is dead while monologuing about bringing her back, Nathalie finally bursts onto the scene with her crossbow... she's not even remotely a threat, she is a fucking moron, and this "act of defiance” is utterly fucking stupid. She had her chance, and she fucking blew it. She's gonna die here, and it's all her own fault.

"If you make the wish to bring her back, someone will have to go in her place." Yeah... you are the last person to say that, given what you've been doing.

"Emilie would never have agreed to this!" Again, last person to be saying this. You could've stopped him at any time, this is entirely your own damn fault.

"Do you think I'd be monstrous enough to sacrifice a human being!?" Oh, I dunno, you haven't given any kind of fucks about enabling others to do just that (Pharaoh), when you aren't also enabling villains capable of rendering the entire city devoid of life (Syren). So... yes, she has every reason to believe you would do just that.

"Do you really think that I'm a monster?" YES!! DUDE, YES YOU ARE A FUCKING MONSTER!!!

And he knocks her out cold. Big surprise there.

Now we're back to Marinette snooping in Nathalie's room! Hmm, it's almost as if she's totally forgotten the reason she broke into this place entirely! Hey, she found Fu's stolen tablet. It's almost as if she hadn't learned that Gabriel Agreste is Monarch a day or two ago!

"It can't be!" Marinette... YOU LEARNED ALL THIS LESS THEN TWO DAYS AGO FROM FELIX AND KAGAMI!! Then again, given that Felix hyper-fixated on his "play" being all about making Marinette feel sorry for him in spite of his crimes, it's possible it just slipped to the back of her mind. But no, you should ALREADY KNOW THIS BY NOW.

Oh, and Monarch entered while carrying Nathalie into the room.

And Gabe begins monologuing about how he knew she would betray him and had been prepared... the FUCK YOU DID!! Seriously, she hasn't done anything to act against you all this time, even when she actively said she was betraying you she did nothing to try and stop you, and even after she DID interfere with your attempts to control Adrien, you STILL let her keep the means of doing so!!! Oh, and Marinette's trying to inform Chat Noir in the background.

"You will be loyal to me until the end, after all." So, either he intends to sacrifice HER to bring back his wife, or something like that, because otherwise, this is all just BS posturing on his part. I'm honestly surprised he isn't planning on, I dunno, sacrificing Marinette or something so that she'll cease to be a diversion to his goals of keeping Adrien and Kagami together.

I would hardly call being locked up in a stark white room, the kind used for White Torture, is "safe."

"Monarch is going to send all of human kind after you and Chat Noir." ...HOW DOES THAT RELATE IN ANY WAY TO THIS BULLSHIT PLAN!? For fuck's sake this is dumb.

Them having this weird filter thing going on with Marinette at the moment is dumb. It just looks out of place, and using it over and over again is just distracting from the tension of the scene.

Oh, now I get it, they are intending to have all their brainwashed minions be conditioned to hate Chat Noir and Ladybug by having them interfere with their images on the ring. Once again, this is not how brainwashing or dependence work, so this is just BS. Seriously, how can people who are using the Ring in the same room fall for this? Why the fuck would ANYONE fall for this!?

...And this is where it all falls apart. They are literally having people think that "Adrien" and "Kagami" were kidnapped by "Chat Noir" and "Ladybug." Instead of, you know, some asshole hacking the Perfect Alliance APP!? How fucking stupid ARE THESE IDIOTS!?

Seriously, how the hell have these idiots forgotten that what's shown on the Alliance IS JUST AN AI IMAGE!! IT IS NOT THE REAL PEOPLE!!! For fuck's sake, some of them were literally having totally different "relaxation programs" running while in the same room, they should KNOW that it's not possible for two people to be doing multiple different activities simultaneously! Oh what am I talking about, this is just stupid.

Oh, apparently Monarch found a way to weaponize his Cataclysm wound. That'd almost be clever if it weren't something he absolutely hadn't planned ahead of time and amounts to a BS asspull to artificially increase the stakes.

Seriously "Miraculize me?" ...Honestly, it isn't the worst phrase ever. I might even like it. If it weren't part of the most bullshit asspullery this season has had to date; how the absolute FUCK does this make any sense!? How were they able to, I dunno, recreate the power of transformation that all Miraculouses possess in those Rings? Probably via however the hell the Transfer system works, admittedly, but COME THE FUCK ON THIS IS LITERALLY JUST A CHEAP RIP OFF OF HEROES DAY!!!

What makes this stupidity even worse is that it's deliberately presenting this as those who have "Miraculized" being fully aware of their actions. Ugghhh...

Seriously, Alya, JUST TAKE THE FUCKING RING!! You getting Akumatized really isn't a risk since, you know, you can just RESIST IT LIKE YOU HAVE ALL THE OTHER TIMES.

Also, how everyone who is "Miraculized" doesn't realize that they are using the stolen Miraculous powers makes no sense to me. This is stupid. Then again, I'm getting the feeling that this is some new spin on Akumatization.

And with that, we get the debut of... sigh... "Bug Noir." Lame name aside, not the worst costume ever. This is just stupid... And with THAT, this episode is DONE!

Episode 26: Finale Part 2 - Re-Creation

Opening with a creepy room with, oh look, Tomoe's missing laptop, so this is obviously Lila's current base. For some stupid reason, we have Alec's new "empowering" show playing in the background, instead of something like, you know, the news so she could stay up to date on what her nemeses are doing!?

And she's apparently smirking over seeing Alec having a meltdown because of that stupid as hell Nightmare power. Seriously, there is NO TENSION here. I'm not even sure what this scene is supposed to convey; is she just being sadistic and getting a kick out of his nightmare? I don't know what this is supposed to mean. Nothing of progress is happening here.

Oh look, a breaking news story in the middle of Alec's breakdown. Apparently Nadja, who was the one to spread the very obvious lie that Adrien and Kagami had been kidnapped by Chat Noir and Adrien, is now reporting on the Miraculized villains. Kinda funny how everyone apparently recognizes that they are villains when, by all accounts, the transformation is AN INTENDED EFFECT OF THE RINGS THAT GABE JUST MADE PUBLIC!!! I wonder if that'll be relevant at all going forward? I doubt it.

And with a quick costume change, Lila hops on her bike and takes off to do... something.

Now back to our regularly scheduled fight between Monarch and Marinette, with Monarch realizing that he should've known Marinette was Ladybug; how? Dude, you fucking KNOW that the Transformations obscure the wielder's identity, you wouldn't have gone to the utterly idiotic amount of trouble of making a step counter in the Alliance Rings that would alert you if someone wearing one performed superhuman feats! There's no reason you should've "known" she was Ladybug, unless you are counting that one time you attempted to Akumatize her in Derision that failed to take hold and didn't result in you somehow realizing who she is like you realized Luka KNEW WHO SHE AND CHAT NOIR ARE!! (Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit~!)

He comments on how many times he's nearly Akumatized her, with Marinette emphasizes the "nearly" aspect of it, which is a fun way to tweak the edgy drama king's nose. He remarks that that's only because of her outrageous luck... which is spot on. Marinette averting Akumatization so often boils down to either dumb luck or deus ex machina on the part of the writers.

"Luck is something you make." Got to admit, a line like that right after her dropping a piano on him is actually a good line. If only it weren't ruined by the fact that this scene involves Marinette completely and utterly stealing any and all of the spotlight from Adrien because "reasons."

Okay, it looks like the show is abandoning the pretense that the Miraculized need to consent to it, given that two random people on the bridge just transformed without any sign they asked for it to happen. Oh, and Rose shows off a surprising degree of athleticism by shoulder-checking Ivan so that their friends can take his ring off; and after smashing it, he turns back to normal. I don't know why they'd need to smash it, but at least it shows that the Miraculized are exactly what I said they are... a lazy ripoff of the Scarlet Akumas during Heroes Day. Heck, they are WORSE than the Scarlet Akumas, since they are apparently weak enough that random civilians can pin them in place, and they have nothing but the same pool of powers to tap. You know, this nonsense could've been slightly interesting if they had made it so that the Miraculized being able to channel all the powers of Monarch's Rings was harming them, since people aren't MEANT to be able to have so many of those things active at once... but we all know the show isn't gonna mention that.

And apparently the Miraculized are still stuck under the bullshit Nightmare Akuma powers, going by Ivan getting a group hug.

Now we get a scene of the Miraculized attacking Marinette's uncle for some dumb as fuck reason. I say "dumb as fuck" because whatever coolness would be had at seeing Wang be badass is completely undermined by the fact that THE MIRACULIZED HAVE NO REASON TO GO AFTER HIM!! Seriously, they can TRACK CHAT NOIR AND LADYBUG!! Why the hell would they have any reason to think the two of them are currently in a Chinese Restaurant?!

Oh look, it's Fei, the living example that Gabe has already caused permanent casualties in his obsession with bringing Emilie back and thus the permanent rebuke of him being "redeemable" since her adoptive father is dead as an explicit result of Gabe's actions! Apparently she's also suffering the bullshit nightmare power for some reason. Apparently she's been staying with... Wang for some reason? Which, I guess it'd make for an interesting plot, Fei being like an adopted cousin for Marinette, if only something like THAT was being given focus instead of the utterly pointlessness of them being harassed by the Miraculized.

...Okay, I call bullshit. When the absolute FUCK was it ever hinted at that Penny and Jagged were getting training by Su-Han? WHEN!? Hint, IT WASN'T EVER HINTED!! And once again, the Miraculized really have no reason to be attacking them in the first fucking place!!! Oh, and Luka too; him, admittedly, I could actually see getting training, if it weren't, I cannot reiterate this enough, NEVER ONCE HAVING BEEN HINTED AT OR ALLUDED TOO!!!

Oh wow, we are getting all the bullshit today. Bunnyx pops in just to let them know that they'd be more useful in Paris. This is in spite of the fact that, despite retransforming and even UNIFYING the Black Cat and Ladybug Miraculouses while fighting Monarch, Marinette hasn't seen a hint of the Miraculized since throwing them off her fucking trail!!

Oh, now we're in New York, and guess who's the first hero we see getting harassed by the Miraculized? Not Aeon, not Liberty, not anyone like that... no, it's a guy themed around Hot Dogs of all things, and who gets his powers from... I am not even kidding... Magic. Hot Dogs. They, they really aren't even TRYING, are they? Okay, now Majestia is on the scene, and... I'll be blunt, she looks kinda weird. I just... do not like her design. And for fuck's sake, why are the Miraculized showing up like this to attack NON-Ladybug heroes? Seriously, THEY CAN TRACK HER!!! Also, wow, Majestia's nightmare is basically "I'm not perfect enough" wangsting.

Now Knight Owl's on the scene and is apparently no longer disguising her gender. I'm genuinely baffled on WHY, since I can't recall her ever alluding to needing to make a change.

Oh look, it's Eagle, the very on-the-nose Superheroine who looks like an incredibly racist Native American stereotype, wondering what the heck is causing all the Miraculized to have shown up. Aeon shows up, I refuse to call her "Uncanny Valley," and remarks that she can detect the Quantum Imprint of Miraculous Powers, which I'm sincerely confused by since her only prior experience with Miraculous Powers are the Butterfly, Eagle, Black Cat, and Ladybug; I guess this is either confirmation that the Miraculization transformation is based on the Butterfly's Akumatization, or the others having the characters say things as a hand-wave to move the plot along.

"Something must have occurred in Paris!" ...Yeah, no fucking DUH. Leaving to the side why Gabe would even HAVE Alliance Rings outside of Paris, given that it's not as if Hawkmoth has a habit of showing up anywhere but there, all the Miraculized ranting about needing to find and demanding to know where Ladybug and Chat Noir are SHOULD HAVE BEEN A VARIOUS OBVIOUS CLUE that something had happened in Paris. Also, the fact that they don't know already REALLY makes the Media in London's focus on Bustier's running for Mayor bizarre.

Now, back to the fight against Monarch! Ladybug cuffed them together, and declares she'll take back all of the Miraculouses. That would be more impactful if she hadn't squandered TWO key opportunities to get them all, or at least a solid majority, back prior to this. Apparently she's gonna just try and yank them off mid-fight... yes, that is something utterly stupid to do, why do you ask? Doubly so because they are HANDCUFFED TOGETHER meaning she's got one less hand to grab with and defend herself with.

Seriously, she'd have much better luck just defeating him THEN grabbing the Rings. It is not that alien of a thought, is it!?

Hawkmoth makes a good point that, between the two of them, she's honestly the more foolish of them in how she came right into his lair wearing the Miraculouses he needs. Ladybug counters that he always loses. Which would be a weak comeback if it weren't true; Hawkmoth has routinely squandered every advantage he has possessed, failed to leverage his powers for maximum effectiveness, and has largely gotten as far as he has off of dumb luck and other people grabbing the idiot ball. Neither of them come off as particularly competent here, so I'm not really engaged with the fight. The fact that Marinette thought it was a good idea to Handcuff herself to the villain currently wielding a paralysis power kinda highlights that.

The fact that she keeps insisting on trying to Cataclysm the Shell-ter he puts up around his fist instead of, you know, hitting him unconscious with her staff, really highlights how her priorities in this fight are both dumb and actively harmful.

"The Kwami are my prisoners, pathetic little beasts in cages! There are people content with following the rules, and people who bend the world to their wishes!" This really evil rant would honestly be pretty badass if he weren't collapsed on the ground, coughing up ashes. Seriously, WHY IS LADYBUG NOT YANKING OFF THE REST OF HIS RINGS WHILE HE CAN'T MOVE!?!? It's the same exact shit the last two time, she's got him right where she wants him, and is doing NOTHING to actually try and fucking stop him!!

"You played Guardian of the Miraculous, I reinvented their magic!" Again, this would be a lot more threatening if he wasn't monologuing while struggling to pick himself off the ground while Ladybug just stands there and listens to him. Also, he's kinda right; horrific abuse of the Kwamis aside, he actually figured out a way to fuse their magic with advanced technology and made their powers into something anyone can access.

And after one last threat at Ladybug, he manages to escape using Voyage, once again showing off why Ladybug not doing all she can to disarm him when she KNOWS he's in no shape to stop her is SUPER FUCKING STUPID!!!

I'd say that his making the portal open up above her to perform a superman landing directly on her head (or attempted to at least) WOULD be cool if he hadn't been struggling just to MOVE right before he did so. She used her Lucky Charm to create some kind of... giant flyswatter I guess? Instead of, you know, attacking using the staff she still has access to. Big brain move right there.

Also, never mind, it's a giant hammer.

After blasting Hawkmoth through a wall, we return to the Miraculized wandering through Paris, with one being followed by boxes shuffling around. Hmm, I wonder who this could be- It's obviously Nino and the rest of Marinette's friends. For fuck's sake, why the HELL haven't the Miraculized realized she's still in the Agreste Manor!? They are tracking her by the signature of her FUCKING SUPERPOWERS, and she has both the Ladybug AND Black Cat active, they should be right on top of her all over again!! This would be the perfect time for a badass moment of all the Miraculized attempting to swarm her again, only for all of Marinette's friends and allies from around the world to be holding them off so she can focus on Monarch, but because they SOMEHOW haven't realized where she is, we get THIS SHIT instead!!

And apparently they went to all the trouble of de-Miraculizing... Principal Damocles. WHY!? Then the superheroes of New York show up and De-Miraculize Nora; which is... kinda dumb that they wasted time not immediately rushing her, taking her down, and then moving on to the POTENTIALLY MILLIONS OF OTHER MIRACULIZED IN THE FUCKING CITY!! Seriously, They have someone with superspeed on their side, AND someone who can undo the Nightmare Power (again, WHY is it still in fucking effect!?), so... I'm not sure why they emphasized taking Nora down so much.

Back to the fight against Hawkmoth, and Ladybug revealing she knows who he is... and all this fucking does is highlight how absolute BULLSHIT IT IS THAT CHAT NOIR ISN'T THERE!! For fuck's sake, we literally got TEASED with how much he's itching on the inside to tear his dad a new one for all the shit he's caused and put his son through just two episodes ago, so this reveal is just such an absolute fucking WASTE!! What makes it even worse is that both A) Monarch himself now knows who Ladybug is yet still is unaware of his son's alter ego and B) that he didn't seem to realize that monologuing about how Ladybug had "walked into the Monarch's Den" would BE A MASSIVE FUCKING SIGN TO WHO THE FUCK HE REALLY IS!!!

And, once again, we get someone capable of using Cataclysm using it on a person. For fuck's sake, we literally had Marinette have a fucking NIGHTMARE over this exact set-up, harming Gabe and Adrien hating her for killing her dad, why the FUCK would she think that using Cataclysm on him is a FUCKING GOOD IDEA!? Not even mentioning that she FUCKING KNOWS HE HAS THE OX, WHY IS THE FACT HE'S ONLY NOW USING IT TO BLOCK CATACLYSM IS SUCH A BRILLIANT IDEA!?!?

Also, why did she call it the Power of the Buffalo...? For once, I'm just gonna go with "that was a genuine mistake" and not the Writers being fucking morons.

Oh, and NOW the fact that she's under that Nightmare Power makes itself known, after the ENTIRE FUCKING FIGHT UP UNTIL NOW hasn't had it negatively effect her at all.

Seriously, we once AGAIN FUCK THIS SHIT TO HELL have a case where Ladybug essentially wasting her time and not taking the initiative in the fight to disarm Hawkmoth biting her in the ass. Since, you know, she literally had the perfect chance to strip him down of his stolen Miraculouses, and did NOTHING with the opportunity!!

And after a brief moment of Ladybug having "Resistance, Voyage, and Venom" highlighted with her "Buggy Vision," she ends up Cataclysming the floor.

After which, we immediately swap over to the "Resistance" getting chased around by the Miraculized... FOR SOME REASON. Like, WHY!? That is my root issue with this, WHY are the Miraculized going after anyone who isn't Ladybug or Chat Noir!? They are explicitly hunting them, and are equipped with tech that lets them TRACK them, so why in the world would they give a crap about random civilians that aren't their targets!?

Seriously, whatever tension could be found here is completely undercut by the fact that THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON FOR THEM TO BE GOING AFTER MARINETTE'S FRIENDS!!!

Now we get Su-Han and his "students" arriving to help fight, with Su-Han shouting "Storm of Justice!" Like... why? Just WHY!? It sounds like something out of a cringy, badly dubbed Chinese film. Even ignoring the vaguely racist-sounding quotes from Su-Han, the fight is... bad. Like, no joke; the moves are stilted, low-energy, and look more like something you'd see at a Martial Arts demonstration, and those typically aren't happening at the speed of an actual fight.

Then we get Juleka and Luka reuniting. Oh look, her "stutter" is completely gone, what a surprise. She's also curious on where Luka learned his moves, something I'm curious about as well. And of FUCKING COURSE it gets brushed aside with "That's a long story." Yeah, almost like it's a more interesting plot then this shoddy knock-off of Heroes' Day. Because more and more, that's what this is; there is no reasonable explanation behind the Miraculized going after random folks who aren't also Miraculized, especially not when they have tech designed to facilitate their ACTUAL GOAL, they are just copying Heroes' Day's "all hands on deck" set-up.

Okay, and now the "United Heroez" (really cringe name, Astruc) have shown up to bail the Guardians out. Which kinda reminds me of Marinette's angry rant to Socqueline during her debut; the show has a strong vibe of "you need superpowers, or tech advanced enough that it makes no difference, to be a hero" vibe to it. Also, I'm genuinely confused on how Su-Han is effected by the Nightmare; for fuck's sake, this is the guy who no-selled being Akumatized BY SLAPPING IT, he should absolutely have some mystic technique thing that lets him resist mental influences that aren't possession-based.

Knight Owl going "I am the nightmare" does not feel impressive, Astruc, it feels dumb. It's just a lame knock-off of Batman's routine, and it doesn't work when said during broad daylight in a costume that uses soft shades of violet to color it; it makes her look dumber more than anything. Oh, and it adds nothing to the scene since it explains NOTHING on how she can actually resist what is a literal magical curse on people.

Oh, now we got Ladydragon on the scene in Dragon Form. I'm sincerely confused on how in the WORLD she could target a literal blast of lightning so that it only damages the Alliance Rings. They... really aren't even pretending to give this fight real stakes, are they? It also highlights the issue with Fei's Dragon Form, in that she's so overwhelmingly powerful while using it that she can no-sell all but the most OP of enemies in the Miraculous-verse.

Hey, one of the Miraculized actually gave a reason why they are being targeted "They are Ladybug and Chat Noir's accomplices!" Which makes sense NOW that they are actually making progress in stopping the Miraculized... but doesn't explain WHY THE HELL THEY WERE TARGETING THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE UP UNTIL NOW!!!

Seriously, this entire fucking FIGHT is utterly stupid since, as I will keep repeating, THESE IDIOT VILLAINS CAN TRACK THE MIRACULOUSES!!! Or rather, they can track the power they generate while in-use. Hmm, didn't Orikko say Hawkmoth couldn't ask for a power that would do exactly that since it would "be a wish"? Not looking like much of a wish right now.

"Ladybug, what are you doing?" Alya, think for a second and consider what in the world could make Ladybug not intervene with a situation like this. Like, I dunno, maybe the fact that whenever a "big scheme" like this is set off, the culprit is always Hawkmoth and he always directly confronts the heroes, so she's probably off fighting Hawkmoth directly. That, or she's getting FUCKING SWARMED BY THE LITERAL ARMY OF SUPER POWERED BRAINWASHED MINIONS!!!

She isn't, but the fact that Alya hasn't thought of this is eye-roll inducing.

And now we are back to the fight between Hawkmoth and Ladybug!! Hawkmoth demands Ladybug hand over the Miraculouses so he can make his wish... instead of, you know, attacking her while she's scrambling for a weapon in the dirt and yanking them off her. Why is he so fixated on the idea of someone GIVING him the Miraculouses rather than sincerely getting his hands dirty in nabbing them?

Oh hey, he finally actually attacks her when she leaves herself open! That happens so rarely these days that it is genuinely noteworthy.

"Are you so sure that no Wish is worth that price, Marinette?!" Dude... YES!! You have crossed so many fucking lines in your obsessive pursuit over obtaining it that it really makes you and you alone the bad guy in this instance. Even if you WON, you have utterly failed as a father, disrespected your wife's wishes, are implied to be planning to KILL your old friend in the pursuit of disrespecting said wishes, and have been tormenting the city for nearly a fucking YEAR with massive risks of lost lives!! You are not the only person in the world who is hurting! You are not the only one whose feelings and opinions FUCKING MATTER!!! You are a monster, and all this BS is just you trying to ensure that you control everything!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

"No, this is impossible!" She says as she sees Emilie's corpse in a glass coffin. HOW is it impossible!? You KNEW Emilie was "gone," and as much as the show dances the hell around the topic of death to the point of stupidity, why the FUCK is the reveal that Hawkmoth is such an obsessed maniac that he's preserved his wife's corpse so fucking impossible you idiot!?

Hawkmoth now going on a ridiculously obnoxious rant on how Emilie being back will allow Kagami and Adrien to become the eternal "perfect icons of this world, and we will be here to witness their absolute triumph!" Note how all of this involves this lunatic utterly ignoring how he is ignoring what LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE INVOLVED WANTS except for himself; this is not about bringing back his wife for his son or their family, this is all for HIMSELF. He is doing all this FOR HIMSELF. Always has, always will; he STILL refuses to accept that Adrien is unhappy with his controlling and toxic BS, and probably hates him by this point for him being an abusive piece of shit, because doing so means admitting that he doesn't actually CARE about Adrien's happiness, just his own, just how HE gets to make everything fit into neat little boxes.

"How many lives are you going to ruin in the name of your crazy dreams!?" YES!! For the first time in this fucking season, MARINETTE IS TALKING SENSE!? Also, still annoyed that she's not trying to keep fighting him since he is LITERALLY JUST STANDING THERE WITH HIS ARMS SPREAD AND NO LONGER HAS THE TURTLE RING TO SHIELD HIS RINGS FROM BEING STOLEN BY HER!!!

And here we get the part where Hawkmoth spells out that he knows full and well the consequences of the Wish, that it'll mean forcing his suffering of the Cataclysm onto someone else as well as killing someone to bring back Emilie, and basically asks why Marinette isn't willing to suffer for "Adrien's happiness" all while conveniently ignoring that HE has been sabotaging Adrien's happiness for YEARS because it wasn't the "happiness" Gabe decided he should have.

Now we get Marinette calling Gabe out on him putting his own butthurt feelings over Adrien's wellbeing and thus being a total failure as a father, and Gabe, being the projecting asshole that he is, claims that Adrien would CLEARLY do the same thing, despite the fact that Adrien's prior episodes that involve the lost of Emilie have all basically spelled out that he's made peace with it and MOVED THE FUCK ON!!! Something Gabe refuses to do because doing so would mean admitting he can't control this situation.

It's kinda hilarious in a bad way how Marinette says to Gabe "Adrien means nothing to you anymore," implying that he ever meant anything as a son to him at all, despite the fact that Adrien has basically been a prisoner in his own house SINCE LITERAL CHILDHOOD. Gabe stopped giving a damn about what Adrien wanted a long time ago, well before Emilie got hurt or sick. The fact that the show glosses over the fact that Adrien's isolation predates Emilie's death is one of the most sickening aspects of this show, as it shows how committed they are to ignoring the truth they've crafted in favor of their own BS narrative.

Oh, and we get a short clip of Lila using the stolen laptop to open Gabe's security system and entering the manor.

"All I want is for him to be happy" He says after having forced Adrien to leave his entire life behind, forced him into a fake relationship with a girl he isn't in love with, actively tried to sabotage any chance of Adrien getting together with Marinette despite her, on paper, making a far better partner in terms of optics compared to Kagami, who is utterly out of place in the Gabriel brand and the fashion/modeling industry altogether. Dude, pull the other one, YOU DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIS HAPPINESS.

And after a needlessly complicated rube goldberg device to disarm Hawkmoth (ignoring how she literally has had MULTIPLE CHANCES TO DISARM HIM BY JUST YANKING THE STUPID THINGS OFF OF HIM!!!) that also brings down a support column/elevator down onto the general direction of Emilie's coffin, Marinette has finally bested Hawkmoth, yanking off the Butterfly Miraculous and rendering him powerless! Now all that's left is for her to bring him to the police, expose him to the world, and who the fuck am I kidding there's no chance the writers will let that happen.

Okay, and now the Butterfly Miraculous has fallen into the water!! With Hawkmoth now ordering Nooroo to bring his brooch back; funny how we get scenes like this when the end of S3 had the Kwamis deliberately ignore Chloe even while she actually WAS wearing the Miraculouses.

Now Ladybug is hauling him away from the edge... slowly. And says... this:

"I'm still the Guardian, and the Guardian just took the Miraculous of the Butterfly back from you!" ...No. NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'T. YOU KNOCKED IT OFF HIM AND ALLOWED IT TO FALL INTO THE RANCID WATERS BENEATH THIS WEIRD-ASS SECRET BASE GABE HAS BENEATH HIS FUCKING HOUSE. They are seriously fucking trying to use "the rules" to defang Gabe, instead of, you know, having had her YANK THE FUCKING THING OFF WHEN HE WAS HELPLESS, and citing some unexplained magical BS as the reason this works instead of, again, JUST YANKING THE THING OFF OF HIM.

Seriously, they are just acting as if Marinette knocking the thing into the water is this magic "cure all" that just... prevents Nooroo from being compelled to obey Gabe. What the hell is this even supposed to be based on!? It's not as if any Guardian picked Gabe in the first place!!

"Someone that I'll be choosing!" ...Marinette, literally the ENTIRE FUCKING REASON you were even chosen in the first place was to take the Butterfly Miraculous out and off the playing field, because the Miraculouses are meant to be used SPARINGLY. How the fuck do you even know if you'll even be ALIVE by the time a new wielder would even be NEEDED!?

Then Gabe tries to use Venom, despite the fact he isn't transformed anymore and has already been disarmed of his rings by this point. Really clutching the idiot ball hard.

"I can just say the word, and the rings will be destroyed." ...WHEN THE FUCK WAS THAT EVER ESTABLISHED YOU FUCKING IDIOT!? WHEN!? WHEN WAS THIS STATED!? "You'll be powerless." HE IS ALREADY POWERLESS!! YOU HAVE WON!!! JUST KNOCK HIM OUT AND HAND HIM OVER TO THE FUCKING COPS ALREADY!!! Also, the WAY she is saying this sounds like something a villain would say; just saying.

Seriously, even when she is phrasing her actions as good, you know freeing the Kwamis, undoing the harm Gabe has caused with the Ladybug Miraculous, and getting Plagg back to Chat Noir, the way she is talking right now, that is villain talk. The style of speech is just EERIE. Call me petty, but it just sounds disturbing the way she's monologuing; seriously, why the fuck are you wasting your words on this guy who has already established he is willing to burn down the world for his fucking selfishness.

"Everything will be back to normal." ...Somehow I doubt it.

And again, I must reiterate, WHY IS SHE WASTING HER WORDS ON HIM!?

"Except you will only have a few hours left to live." Yes, yes he will, BECAUSE OF HIS OWN FUCKING STUPIDITY. He WILLINGLY forced Chat Noir to hit him with a fatal attack, despite him having the perfect means of defending himself at the time; there is NO ONE BUT HIMSELF TO BLAME FOR HIS OWN DEATH.

"So does Nathalie, a victim of your madness." NO!! NO SHE IS NOT!!! SHE WAS HIS WILLING ACCOMPLICE FOR HER OWN SELFISHNESS, JUST LIKE HE WAS!!! NO ONE FORCED HER TO USE THE FUCKING BROKEN PEACOCK!! SHE CHOSE TO USE IT DESPITE KNOWING WHAT IT WOULD DO TO HER!!! GABE EVEN WARNED HER AGAINST USING IT!!!

And all while she is trying to "reach out to him" he's just staring at the fact that she's holding his hand with the one that has the Black Cat Miraculous on it. Nothing she is saying is effecting him at all, he is just waiting for her to give him a fucking opening. You can TELL he doesn't give a damn about what she's saying.

"And Adrien will be miserable." I mean, he'll have learned that his father, who has been abusing him emotionally for literal years, is a terrorist. Like, YOU are the fucking one who went out of her way to call out Gabe on clinging to the past while Adrien has moved on with his life; YES he is going to be upset that his dad is gone, NOTHING YOU DO CAN CHANGE THAT YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!! Bad things happen, and Gabe is a terrible father who Adrien probably despises by now. THIS is why Chat having been taken out by those stupid fucking "nightmares" is so obnoxious; Marinette is arbitrarily speaking on his behalf to his father, without any regard for what HE would want!! It's just like when she tried to talk up how much Gabe has "changed" when all that has "changed" was that he swapped one form of exploitation for another and he has even LESS free time now then he did back when he was a model, all by Gabe's design. Gabe is a terrible person; yes, Adrien would be sad at the loss of his father, because he's not a psycho, but NOTHING Gabe could say or do would make Adrien change his feelings about how Gabe has hurt him without any regret or restraint.

And what makes this all such a fucking joke is that they are describing Gabe's actions as "Madness," as if he wasn't fully aware of the consequences of his actions and choices. Because no; Gabe is fully, fucking sane. He is just a spiteful, petty, selfish asshole who doesn't give a shit who he hurts if he can get what he wants, even his own son. You don't need to be crazy to do shit like that, so trying to rationalize his selfishness as him being "insane" is an insult to the mentally ill. Grow the fuck up.

"If you meant what you said earlier, then we both want the same thing." Marinette, shut the fuck up; this is the guy who explicitly threatened your future, your CAREER, because HE can't stand the idea of anyone but HIMSELF choosing who Adrien will spend his life with. Heck, it was apparently something PRE-PLANNED. He NEVER gave a shit if Adrien would actually even LIKE Kagami that way, or if she would reciprocate; all it was was two awful older folks being awful.

Trying to appeal to his wife's memory isn't liable to work given that this entire fiasco was based on him IGNORING her wishes for his own selfish obsession, and he has kept Adrien alone and isolated long before she passed away. Why the hell are you giving this asshole the benefit of the doubt? Why the hell should you when he spelled out that he was fully intending to kill someone just to bring back his wife, and curse another person with THEIR eventual death in exchange for his own life, all while having trampled upon his son's autonomy? WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR WORDS ARE GONNA REACH THE GUY WHO HAS MADE FINDING A NEW LOW TO SINK TO HIS MISSION IN LIFE!?

(Inhales angrily) Put. The fucking. VIDEO. OF EMILIE. AWAY!!! IT WAS LITERALLY ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT GABE HAS ALREADY SEEN THEM AND CHOSE TO IGNORE THEM!!

Also, her describing creating her own son as a "mistake" is super classy. /s

And once again the video diaries pretending Nathalie wasn't fully complicit in keeping Adrien under his father's thumb and that she was never portrayed as close to Adrien EVER. And them acting like him "having his father" is such a big benefit despite the fact that Gabe has kept Adrien miserable LONG BEFORE EMILIE DIED. STOP TRYING TO PRETEND GABE WASN'T A SHIT FATHER LONG BEFORE HIS WIFE PASSED AWAY!!! FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHE DIED LITERALLY LAST YEAR!!!

STOP CALLING WHAT GABE IS DOING MADNESS!!! MADNESS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU "GIVE UP!!" HE FULLY KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING, HE JUST DOESN'T CARE SO LONG AS HE GETS WHAT HE WANTS!!! It's telling that they are insisting that what Gabe is doing is an anomaly despite so much of the entire series going "no, this is how he's always been" and trying to act like him doing monstrous things is because he "isn't in his right mind," whereas when it's Chloe doing awful things "it's because she's a brat, nothing more." Funny, isn't it? /s

NO HE WOULD NOT!!! HOW COULD HE BE HAPPY BEING LOCKED UP INSIDE A HOUSE WITH NO FRIENDS TO TALK TO OR ANY CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE LIFE ON HIS OWN FUCKING TERMS!? YOU ARE BASICALLY SAYING THAT HE SHOULD BE KEPT IN A GILDED CAGE!!!

"Adrien has learned to live, and build his own happiness." Yeah, because he kept trying to escape the cage Emilie and Gabe BOTH PUT HIM IN. Losing someone is not this absolute, insurmountable obstacle in life; plenty of people lose loved ones every single fucking day, Gabe has long crossed the point where grief could explain his actions, and it does NOTHING to absolve him of literal YEARS of forcibly isolating Adrien from everyone around him. Seriously, him going to your class was HIS FIRST EVER DAY OF PUBLIC SCHOOL, OR ANY KIND OF SCHOOL OUTSIDE HIS OWN HOME. He "learned to live" by getting out from Gabe's thumb and escaping a prison he's been in for years by this point; Gabe's abuse is nothing new. His toxicity is nothing new. Emilie is not an explanation for his behavior; he has always been this monster before you.

"While cherishing the memory of his mother." He never even mentions her.

"I just can't live without her." Cool motive, still an abusive piece of garbage; if you actually cared about your son or your wife's legacy, you'd turn yourself over to the police for however long you have left.

"I loved her so much." Yet you apparently never gave much of a shit about your son, given that he's been kept trapped in your house for basically his entire life without any friends besides a girl he used to know when he was a small child, and forced to be a model, and exploited his image anyway even when he said he didn't want to be one.

The sketch-drawings of Adrien's childhood is kinda contrasted by the fact that you LOCKED HIM IN YOUR HOUSE HIS ENTIRE CHILDHOOD. Seriously, STOP GLOSSING OVER THE FACT THAT YOU BOTH KEPT HIM ALONE AND WITHOUT FRIENDS HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

"Adrien was not alone, he had Nathalie and me." No, he was still extremely alone since the two of you are adults who have jobs to do, yet you never once let him go out and have friends or live his own life.

I CANNOT REITERATE HOW FUCKING OBNOXIOUS THEM GLOSSING OVER ADRIEN'S FORCED ISOLATION IS.

There is a vast difference between not being very outgoing and thus not having a large circle of friends, and being deliberately KEPT from having ANY FRIENDS AT ALL. I am speaking from personal experience on this; seeing how the show is trying to romanticize Gabe's toxic as fuck behavior and ignoring how he has been abusing and neglecting Adrien long before Emilie died is fucking annoying. It is telling in all the worst ways that the only images we get of Adrien this scene are of his very early childhood, yet Emilie only passed away around a year ago.

"I've ruined everything." Yeah, who knew that grabbing the idiot ball in ways that are now costing you your life, alongside your accomplice doing similar, would have consequences?

"Adrien will have no one left!" He has. A fucking. GIRLFRIEND. One that YOU have gone out of your way to try and keep him from to forcibly pair him with someone he isn't into. That's hardly 'no one left.' Not even getting into all his other friends, all of which he made AFTER breaking out of the cage you shoved him in.

"I'm sure we can figure out a solution." THERE IS NO SOLUTION!!! YOU SAID AS MUCH YOURSELF, HE IS DYING!!! For FUCK'S SAKE, if "closure" means so much to you, just use Voyage to go to where Adrien is and have him apologize to his son for being such a bad father so that he can at least do SOMETHING in his final moments that means something!!!

Also, it's "funny" how utterly superfluous to the plot Tomoe is at this point; it's almost as if she was only brought in to give a reason for Gabe to try and shove Adrien in the direction of someone who isn't Marinette!

Marinette, he has barely a few hours left, and you just watched as part of his finger crumbled to dust. There is nothing that can be done in this situation; STOP BABYING THE TERRORIST.

SEE!? THIS IS MY EXACT POINT!! Even after she TRIED trying to talk him down, his first solution is have HER make the Wish!! He refuses to accept that there isn't something that can be done and that Emilie will probably NEVER FORGIVE HIM for what he's done up until now, or that no matter what 'impossible solution' she comes up with, someone ELSE will still have to suffer for it. The idea that HE HAS LOST refuses to click to him. He's beyond help.

I'm just gonna tune out what's being said until the inevitable betrayal occurs, otherwise I'm gonna blow a gasket. This is such bullshit.

Yup, she turned back to normal and, right after Plagg and Tikki warn her not to trust him (LISTEN TO THEM!!) he immediately Venoms her... somehow. Despite not actually being transformed and thus the Rings shouldn't work (how the fuck DO they work anyway!?).

After taking the Miraculouses, he orders Tikki and Plagg to "reveal themselves." Also, them being forced to obey him once again contradicting Marinette's claims THIS EPISODE about how as the Guardian SHE decides if someone can use a given Miraculous (apparently!!) or can just order the Miraculouses to break (APPARENTLY!!), and once again insisting that Kwami HAVE to obey their wielder ("Miracle Queen" says "Am I a joke to you?"). Fucking BULLSHIT!!!

And now... ugghh... the reveal of "Gimmi." Absolutely stupid as fuck name and color scheme aside, I've got nothing to say past my unshackled anger and loathing at this petty as fuck jackass getting away with his evil plans.

Once again the show proves unable to not try and make a bad joke out of what is supposed to be a serious situation. Seriously, we didn't need Gimmi to demonstrate the idea of a Wish requiring Balance by having them describe "garden peas to turn red, Strawberries would turn green."

"Marinette, make sure Adrien never learns about the villain that I was, and that instead, that he remembers the times I tried to be a good father." NO NO NO FUCKING FUCK NO!! FUCK THAT BULLSHIT!!! YOU HAVE NEVER TRIED TO BE A GOOD FATHER!!! YOU HAVE BEEN THE ABSOLUTE WORST FATHER IN THIS FUCKING SHOW TO DATE!! YOU HAVE ISOLATED HIM!! ABUSED HIM!! LIED TO HIM!!! TRIED TO DICTATE EVERY ACTION HE TOOK IN LIFE SO THAT IT WOULD FIT YOUR DISGUSTING NEED TO CONTROL EVERYTHING AROUND YOU!!! GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF AND DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND MAKE THE GIRL YOU HAVE THREATENED THE LIFE AND SAFETY AND HAPPINESS OF ACT AS YOUR PERSONAL STOOGE SO THAT YOU CAN ONCE AGAIN ESCAPE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!

"What do you wish for?" "Read my heart." "What do you sacrifice?" "Read my soul." ...[CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED] WITH A FUCKING [CENSORED] WHILE [CENSORED]!!! GET THIS SHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO FUCKING PUSSYFOOT AROUND HIS WISH, NOT AFTER FUCKING YANKING OUR CHAINS ALL THIS FUCKING TIME YOU ROTTEN BASTARDS!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO DO THAT!! YOU ESPECIALLY DO NOT GET TO ACT AS IF THE SACRIFICE IS SOMETHING PEOPLE CAN PICK AND CHOOSE, SINCE NOTHING THE SERIES HAS DONE HAS INDICATED THAT THAT IS POSSIBLE!! Oh yeah, AND WE ALREADY HAVE IT ESTABLISHED THAT MAKING THE WISH ERASES THE UNIVERSE AND MAKES UP A NEW ONE!!!!

DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING LOVE HOW THE FACT THAT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE BEING REBOOTED IS JUST GLOSSED OVER AND TREATED LIKE IT IS THIS HUNKY DORY GOOD TIME FEELING!? I DON'T!! I HATE IT!!! I HATE ALL OF THIS ENTITLED, SELF-SERVING BULLSHIT WHERE A FUCKING TERRORIST GOT AWAY SCOTT FREE FOR ALL HIS BS!!! I HATE EVERY SECOND OF IT!!!!

Oh, now here we are in the new reality with Marinette's clone kissing Adrien's clone awake! WRITERS THE STUPID AS HELL FAIRY TALE SYMBOLISM IS NOT FUCKING CUTE YOU ASSHOLES!!!

Then we get an infuriating scene of everyone acting like it's all a happy fun time, as if reality wasn't undone and remade at its seams. Then we get the start of a broadcast featuring Alec who looks... really different; and I don't just mean the hair. He's interviewing Miss Bustier, who SOMEHOW won the position to be Mayor. HOW!? She's apparently "completely changed Paris." Oh boy…

She describes her getting her position as a "revolution by the people of Paris that forced the Bourgeois' out of power." THAT IS NOT HOW RUNNING FOR MAYOR FUCKING WORKS!!! NOTHING WAS STOPPING PEOPLE FOR VOTING FOR A DIFFERENT MAYOR!!!

"The Eco Rule; It consists of very simple principles. Don't take more from the Earth then what it can give us, distribute its riches equitably, and don't pollute more than it can recycle." ...HOW THE ABSOLUTE FUCK IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO FUCKING WORK!?!? ON WHAT STANDARDS IS "MORE THAN IT CAN GIVE US" DETERMINED!? HOW ARE THEY BEING DISTRIBUTED AND WHAT DETERMINES THAT DISTRIBUTION!? AND MAYBE JUST DON'T POLLUTE AT ALL AND PROVIDE SERVICES MEANT TO FIGHT POLLUTION INSTEAD!!! FOR FUCK'S SAKE IT IS JUST AUTO-ASSUMING THAT THIS "UTOPIA" IS JUST GOING TO FUCKING WORK WITH NO BUSINESSES FIGHTING IT OR OPPOSING IT ON ANY LEVEL!!!

"We've reorganized everything to remove the need for cars, wrappers, and it's been working great!" HOW!? HOW THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DOES ANY OF THAT WORK!?!? HERE IS A NEWS FLASH, MOST PEOPLE LIKE OWNING CARS AND TREAT IT AS A STATUS SYMBOL, SO EVEN IF YOU INCREASED PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION PLENTY OF PEOPLE WOULD DRIVE THEIR OWN CARS ANYWAY BECAUSE RELYING ON A FIXED TRANSIT IS NOT PRACTICAL!! I SHOULD KNOW AS I AM RELIANT ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION TO GET TO AND FROM WORK, AND I HAVE TO CUSTOM SCHEDULE RIDES BECAUSE IT ISN'T POSSIBLE TO USE THE NORMAL RUNS!!! AND GETTING RID OF WRAPPERS ISN'T PRACTICAL AS DOING SO WOULD MEAN GETTING RID OF NINETY PERCENT OF GOODS THAT WOULD OTHERWISE GO BAD IN THE OPEN AIR, OR GET PEOPLE SICK!!! IT WOULD BE MORE FEASIBLE TO SWITCH OUT WRAPPERS FOR MORE BIODEGRADABLE MATERIALS INSTEAD!!! FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!

"All the Alliance Rings that were Hijacked by Monarch have been recycled to design the statue in honor of the great Gabriel Agreste." GET THIS FUCKING SHIT OUT OF MY HEAD!!! HE WAS MONARCH ALL ALONG!! WHY DID YOU FUCKING COVER FOR HIM, MARINETTE!? WHY DID YOU LIE TO THE CITY, LETTING THEM BELIEVE THE MAN WHO HAS BEEN TORMENTING THEM FOR OVER A FUCKING YEAR FOR HIS OWN SELFISH STUPIDITY WAS SOME KIND OF FUCKING HERO!?? WHY!?!?

"Beyond a visionary entrepreneur, and a genius creator, it's the hero who we celebrate today." OH LOOK IT'S TOMOE, BITCH MOTHER OF THE YEAR RUNNER-UP AND MONARCH'S ACCOMPLICE!!! I know that Marinette SOMEHOW never found out Tomoe was Gabe's accomplice, but for FUCK'S SAKE WE NEVER EVEN LEARNED WHAT SHE EVEN WANTED FROM THE WISH IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! AND SHE IS ENABLING GABE BEING GLORIFIED AS A HERO!!! FUCK YOU BITCH!!!

"And tomorrow it's his legacy that I will continue on." WELL NOW ISN'T THAT AN OMINOUS AS FUCK STATEMENT FROM SOMEONE WHO FUCKING EMOTIONALLY ABUSES HER DAUGHTER!! Seriously, now would be the PERFECT moment to show Kagami cringing back and being comforted by her friends at the facade of compassion her mother is putting up to the world. TOO FUCKING BAD WE GET THIS SHIT INSTEAD!!!

"Why don't you tell us about this new school you've imagined?" "Oh, it isn't my school, but the result of a collaborative effort; in this new school, there will be no classes, or struggling to get good grades. Children of all ages will be able to intermix and freely access all kinds of activities. They'll be able to try their hands at everything, learn at their own pace, and help each other until they've figured out what they want to do later in life. This school will be their second home. Children are our future. If we want it to be bright, we must help each child to shine."

(Breathes in deep) To keep from screaming and possibly breaking a wall, I'm gonna break down this BS as fast as I can:

"No Classes" is a terrible fucking idea. The entire POINT of classes is that unless LITERALLY THE ENTIRE SCHOOL is self-motivated to learn, NO ONE IS GOING TO LEARN because you NEED to ensure that kids show up and are actually trying to learn.

"No grades" THAT is slightly more reasonable, as that is something that is done in some schools IRL, but I don't know the details, and all it does is compound the idiotic design of this place.

"All Age Groups intermix" THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA!!! Kids of different age groups typically have radically different interests and emotional experiences, having no set boundaries is a time bomb waiting to go off.

"All can freely access all kinds of activities." This is a mildly good idea, as many electives correlate to skills that can be genuinely valuable in life, or just plain a relaxing break... but it's the kind of thing you would still need an overall standard plan on what you are going to teach kids, not just "kids do whatever when they feel like it."

"They'll be able to try their hands at everything" This statement means nothing. It's literally just a platitude.

"They'll learn at their own pace." That is literally how learning works; the issue IRL is that schools follow curriculums that are designed to keep moving forward because stopping and making personal deviations for people who either can't keep up or are going too fast is impractical and doomed to make everything crawl to a stop; it's better just to have free and round the clock tutoring services designed to help kids approach lessons from a variety of different avenues until they find a way to learn that works best for themselves.

"They'll help each other until they figure out what they want to do later in life." I've said it once, I'll say it again THIS IS NOT SOME REVOLUTIONARY CONCEPT. This is LITERALLY how education basically already works and anyone who thinks that what they want to do in life NOW is what they are always going to want to do is an idiot, and that what they want to do may not even be possible due to the constraints surrounding it, it's just throwing meaningless shade at a nonexistent problem of schools 'forcing kids to choose early on in life.'

And the rest is just empty air. Fuck that.

"Ladybug gave it to me, she told me how my father helped her to defeat Monarch, at the cost of his life. I don't know if I'll ever manage to be like him." YOU SHOULD NOT WANT TO BE LIKE HIM!! HE WAS AN ABUSIVE PIECE OF FILTH WHO TREATED YOU LIKE SHIT AND KEPT YOU LOCKED UP IN YOUR OWN HOUSE FOR YEARS, INTERFERED WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE, AND LATER SUBJECTED YOU TO WHITE TORTURE!! MARINETTE, YOU HAVE GASLIT YOUR BOYFRIEND INTO IDOLIZING THE MONSTER WHO MADE HIS LIFE A LIVING HELL!!! FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR BULLSHIT PROMISE!!!!

"You don't need to be like him, just be yourself." That would be more touching if you weren't ACTIVELY LYING TO HIM ABOUT HIS FATHER'S IDENTITY AND RETROACTIVELY ENABLING THE ABUSE HE WENT THROUGH!!!

"You're the only one who can decide what to make of your life." Yeah, something his father DID NOT BELIEVE AS HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO CONTROL EVERY ASPECT OF HIS LIFE!!! SERIOUSLY WHY IS ADRIEN NOT MORE CONFLICTED OVER THIS!? HE KNOWS HIS FATHER WAS A FAILURE AS A PARENT AND A PIECE OF HUMAN TRASH, HIM "LEARNING" THAT HIS DAD APPARENTLY HAD A MORAL LINE HE WOULDN'T CROSS DOESN'T INVALIDATE ALL THE ABUSE HE PUT HIM THROUGH!!!

"You always find the right words, Marinette." NO SHE DOESN'T!! OFTEN HER WORDS JUST MAKE SHIT WORSE!!!

"When I'm with you, I feel so... free!" SINCE FUCKING WHEN!? IT IS REALLY IRONIC TO SAY THAT GIVEN THAT SHE IS TRAPPING YOU IN A CAGE OF LIES!!!

The whole "kiss scene" going on is ruined by the fact that Marinette is lying to Adrien and that Adrien never once was allowed proper closure for how much of a failure of a parent and an abusive piece of crap his dad is. This is a toxic shitstorm of gaslighting and mutually enabling toxic behaviors between the two of them.

Oh look, a news report where that scientist lady who created the Pigeon Dinos is on the screen, I wonder why she's the special guest being called up to talk about how crazy things have been, given that she's apparently someone who works with DNA.

Apparently Marinette SOMEHOW remodeled the Rings back into their original forms. I'm genuinely BAFFLED as to HOW, and I honestly think it could've been more interesting if they'd been kept as Rings with the heroes having to work out how to use them in their new configurations while Marinette has to research a way to get them back to normal in the next season... all except 2 1.

"Still no sign of the Miraculous of the Butterfly?" Hmm, given that the last ANYONE saw of it involved it falling into what I can only imagine is water that leads to the sewers after getting knocked off of Gabe's chest, I wonder WHY it's gone missing again!!!

Her saying that now all the heroes are responsible for their own Kwami is something that should've probably happened AROUND SEASON THREE, NOT SEASON FIVE!!! Also, really annoyed seeing all the Temp Heroes with the awed and overjoyed expressions at being reunited with their Kwami, considering they barely even KNOW the Kwami and didn't really have any emotional attachments to them, last I checked. The fact that fucking ARGOS is counted among the heroes is something I will NEVER forgive.

Damocles is sorting Paperwork and just got a voice message from a "mysterious new student" who is clearly Lila as she didn't even BOTHER DISGUISING HER VOICE. For fuck's sake, here we go again. SOMEHOW Lila got the Butterfly; Don't even FUCKING START WITH ANY "but she showed up at the Agreste Manor" BS!! She showed up to find a GIANT GAPING HOLE SEVERAL STORIES DEEP and there was a massive battle raging in Hawkmoth's lair and Marinette took out the Elevator, there IS NO POSSIBLE WAY SHE COULD'VE GOTTEN DOWN THERE AND GOTTEN THE MIRACULOUS AFTER IT FUCKING FELL INTO THE WATER!! IF SHE HAD MADE A DIVE FOR IT, THEY WOULD'VE HEARD HER!!! And it ends with some kind of energy portal opening up behind her. Why do I hate where that stupid cliffhanger is leaving off...?

And with that, I am FINALLY FUCKING DONE WITH THIS SEASON!!!

#miraculous ladybug #mlb season 5 salt #mlb season 5 spoilers #mlb writing critical #mlb writing salt

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k7l4d4 · 1 year ago

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K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 24

Hello all! Here we are, just two episodes before this fiasco of a season finishes, and if I'm being honest? This review is one I've been looking forward to the most.

Now, there is... not much going on this episode. On one hand is a lazy Akuma fight, on the other is a bad and overly dramatic play.

This episode is the one where the writers' go all in on trying to make the audience like and sympathize with Felix. And... it kinda falls flat on its face because it glosses over, retcons, and straight-up ignores all the times Felix has been nothing but a selfish, manipulative weasel whose actions have done nothing but hurt Adrien. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

One of the most prominent things about this episode is that it has Felix and Kagami detail the history of the Agreste family, and one thought was screaming through my mind after seeing all of it... Emilie was a spoiled BRAT.

To explain what I mean, the play basically starts off by implying Emilie and Amilie's parents were tight-fisted and controlling, so Emilie rebelled and forged her own path in life... but that's not what was shown. Beyond a vague comment on 'making' Emilie fall in line, by all accounts the Graham de Vanily's let Emilie run wild as a child and did nothing to curb her tendency to run away from her lessons to do her own thing, and even as an adult, they funded and enabled her desire to study abroad and see the world without a word of complaint. And she was the twin expected to be the family heir; by all rights, Emilie should've been under incredible scrutiny... yet her family let her get away with just about whatever she wanted.

The one time they put their foot down with Emilie? When she met and started dating Gabriel. The narrative likes to paint Gabe as having once been an idealistic young man... but given how he and Emilie apparently always kept Adrien isolated from other people, the way this situation is framed feels more like Emilie's parents finally had enough when she expected them to approve of her rushing to get married to a guy she had apparently barely known... and Emilie's response was to disown them. Not her parents disowning their disobedient daughter, but said DAUGHTER cutting out her parents for the crime of not approving of her boyfriend. Oh, and lets not forget how Emilie essentially stole a family heirloom to use as her and Gabe's wedding rings! Not a word of complaint from her parents then either.

And yet, when Emilie had fertility troubles, and swallowed her pride to come to her family for support, they welcomed her with open arms. We aren't given any word on what rejoining the family entailed or what responsibilities Emilie was expected to maintain, yet, despite not being made to cut off or divorce the husband her parents never approved of and being given all the support she required, the narrative treats Emilie as having made a great sacrifice.

Then... we get to the Amilie side of things. Unlike her sister, who ran wild, Amilie was a more quiet kid, and acted as the dutiful daughter her parents allegedly wanted, doing all she could to meet their expectations. We aren't given any word on how they treated her, but given how she apparently married a weapons manufacturer from the United States at their behest, the implication is that they were controlling... but given how they, I cannot reiterate this enough, did nothing to rein in Emilie doing her own thing all this time and let her get away with stealing a family heirloom, I'm willing to give them the slight benefit of the doubt that if Amilie had stated she didn't want to marry Colt or later asked for a divorce, they wouldn't have been against her doing so.

That brings me to Colt. Colt is presented by the narrative as a cold-blooded, black-hearted businessman who only cares about himself. Yet, prior to Felix being created, his big "crimes" amount to "makes weapons for a living" and "married a woman who didn't love him." Here's where I get to theorizing again; when Amilie and Emilie BOTH started having fertility issues, it was presented as a big problem for both of them, even though while the narrative insists upon how much Emilie wanted a child, and believed her and Gabe's "love" couldn't be complete without one, Amilie never seems to care about having a kid beyond meeting her family's expectations. Yet, when Gabe and Emilie manage to get the Peacock and Emilie uses it to conceive, a furious Colt later comes in and demands to know how they did it.

Gabe's answer? Coyly avoid answering the question by claiming "it's a miracle." Which, at it's core, speaks volumes of Gabe's personality. For a person the narrative treats as a former idealist and artistic soul, the only person who he seemed to ever show that side to was Emilie. To everyone else, even his own brother in law, he comes off as apathetic, sarcastic, and smug. It took Emilie basically demanding Gabe help them for him to do so (I'll give her props for wanting to help out her sister, at least), and even THEN, he refused to do so for free, extorting a promise of a bodyguard from Colt. How in the world is a man who would hold hostage the gift of life over his own family's heads for his own gain supposed to be a good person?

Even when he DOES finally give the Peacock to Colt, temporarily, so as to ensure Amilie can have a child, the closest thing to a warning he gives to Colt is that the Peacock "has a price for its use." This... this is where things get messy for me. See, what this implies is that, before Adrien had even been born, or just shortly after being born, Gabe and Emilie knew full well that the Peacock would have consequences for its use, possibly DEADLY ones. Gabe had YEARS to come to terms with the fact that his wife was most likely going to die, YEARS to prepare himself emotionally... and yet, when it actually happened, he shut down, and immediately started preparing on how to best go about ignoring all of her wishes to selfishly bring her back, for his own happiness. Because in the end, that's the cold hard fact of the matter; for all he tries to frame it as being all for Adrien, given how he had no problems keeping Adrien isolated and alone throughout his whole childhood and repeatedly tried to keep him from attending school with other people his age, it becomes apparent that he's just using Adrien as an excuse to justify his own inability to move on with his life.

And what makes his granting the Peacock to Colt so egregious to me, honestly, is just how vague he's shown to be. He didn't even tell Colt the thing was damaged and that there were risks involved in its use. He said nothing beyond "it has a price." Does Colt seem like the man who is knowledgeable on magical artifacts or lore? To me, he doesn't. So, what this comes off to me as is Gabe essentially deliberately giving Colt unhelpful advice because he knows it won't stop him. To me, it feels like Gabe set Colt up to DIE. It wouldn't be the first time; we know he masterminded the death of Fei's adoptive father in the Shanghai special, after all.

But yeah, that misinformation Gabe spread to Colt feels like it comes into play rather quickly; namely, whereas Gabe eagerly embraced the new child he and Emilie created, having full knowledge of what using the Peacock entailed and what it meant, Colt, who had no real clue as to how it worked beyond Gabe's unhelpful words, was wary and frightened. One could interpret his hesitance to embrace Felix's existence after it was confirmed Amilie was pregnant as his being worried he had somehow hurt his wife... or just plain having jitters about being a father, which is a very normal reaction. Not everyone in life leaps at the knowledge that they are going to be a parent, even those that want to be one.

Then we get into the details of the Fathom family's home life after Felix was born. I'll be blunt; child abuse is NEVER okay, under any circumstances, and how Colt treated Felix is entirely on him. No matter what mind games Gabe might've been playing with him, it was Colt's own choice to take his fears and paranoia and failing health out on his son, someone he was supposed to love and protect unconditionally. Shame that the writers seem to think child abuse only "counts" if it happens to someone the audience is meant to sympathize with...

I'm not gonna go into too much detail regarding Felix's life, since beyond being treated like crap by his dad and nearly dying when Colt accidentally cracks the ring he anchored Felix's existence to in a fit of rage, Felix's life has little to nothing to do with his actions; the show tries to present his arriving at the Agreste Manor as him looking for the Peacock in order to save his own life... yet he never once bothers looking for it, and instead spends his entire time going out of his way to ruin Adrien's social life and later stealing the heirloom rings Emilie had stolen to use as her and Gabe's wedding rings to give to his mother.

There's a LOT I could cover here. I've already covered a ton. So I'm gonna simplify my thoughts; I think that this entire story that Felix told is based on Amilie's perspective of things, and what it tells me is that I think Amilie was jealous of Emilie, or rather, jealous of her life. Whereas Amilie felt forced to do what her parents wanted, despite them letting Emilie run wild, and married a man she didn't love, whereas Emilie chose her own partner, it comes off as Amilie romanticizing and idealizing Emilie's life while ignoring how Emilie's attitude comes off largely as entitled to getting her way and honestly a bit selfish. Amilie wanted what Emilie had, and while she may not have resented her sister for it, that want covers every aspect of the story, in how it glorifies Gabe as this dashing romantic who came from nothing yet degrades her own husband as someone she was forced to be with.

Honestly, Colt comes off as someone who fits the mold of "good husband, bad father." Given how Amilie's parents were willing to let Emilie do just about whatever (side note: the play also glorifies Emilie cutting them out of her life, treating it as a big romantic gesture instead of an act of petty spite at them not being perfectly supportive in all things she chose to do), I wouldn't be surprised if Colt genuinely was interested in Amilie and approached her parents for her hand in marriage because it was what an "old-fashioned gentleman" and someone of high society and old nobility like the Graham de Vanily's are implied to be would be expected to do. It comes off as an infatuated rich man expecting to have a happy life with a woman who is only marrying him out of obligation, and when he learns that his, in his mind, spoiled and ungrateful sister-in-law and her husband managed to overcome her fertility troubles yet didn't share the method with her own sister, got pissed off about it.

I do not think Colt is a good man. But I think that, if the writing were more realistic, the situation would be far more complicated and gray then the show insists it is. In the end, however, we are only going off of what Felix says things were like... and given his track record for lying, I can't say I trust him at all.

Anyway, that's my monologue over, onto the review! As always, warning for my profanity.

Episode 24: Representation

Yadda yadda, normal pretentious intro that blatantly lies that Marinette is a "normal girl with a normal life."

Okay, opening with the news, and it's in Britain we are starting with. Props for them actually showing off the new location, even if I don't really care. Honestly baffled that the opening news story is about Paris' elections. I have to ask, is that any kind of normal?? From my experience, unless it's something genuinely major like the new leader of an entire country, most news organizations are not gonna give a shit about the election of a Mayor, even if that Mayor is for a country's capital.

Aanndd... the news is immediately shit by auto-hyping Ms. Bustier as "going the distance." Which is just... why? She's someone with no experience, no training, no background in ANY KIND OF POLITICS. What makes her seem a choice to "go the distance"? Also, apparently Tomoe and Gabriel have been boosting their PR Game to ensure that their preferred narrative is in control; now if only Gabe could apply that kind of competency towards being a villain, and he wouldn't be such a fucking joke.

"Perfect Love" NOPE NOPE NOPE!!! For fuck's sake, the way this show keeps throwing around "perfect" so much, it's rapidly becoming a berserk button for me. For FUCK'S SAKE, WHY ARE PEOPLE IN-UNIVERSE OBSESSING OVER A TEENAGE COUPLE SO MUCH!? GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!! THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE THEN ROMANCE PEOPLE!!!

Also, why are they describing Britain as "going over seas" for Kagami and Adrien? Granted, I'm shit at geography, but I'm pretty sure they are STILL IN EUROPE. If they'd gone to New York or something, I might've bought it. This, this is just fucking LAZY. Oh, and my obligatory ADRIEN CAN JUST HAVE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH MARINETTE WHY IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD TO UNDERSTAND FOR PEOPLE!?!?

...Okay, someone who looks like Adrien saying "Kagami is the greatest love of my life," yup that's Felix, WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU FUCKING MORON!? FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU ARE ACTIVELY DAMAGING ADRIEN'S REPUTATION ALL OVER AGAIN YOU FUCKING JACKASS!!! Or maybe it is Adrien, and he's letting Gabe push him around because "reasons" again. Seriously, this whole Sentimonster shit is just BULLSHIT!!! Oh, and Plagg once again pointing out how Adrien lets himself get pushed around by his dad is spot on. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOY WHO BROKE OUT OF HIS OWN HOUSE TO GO TO PUBLIC SCHOOL, HUH!?!?

Yup, Kagami gets pissed off about the lies... then the Feathered Fucker shows up. Howdy Argos!! What hypocritical bullshit are you gonna spill today!? Also, for real, I cannot tell if this "interview" is something that Tomoe and Gabe whipped up on a computer and sold to news groups, or if they are literally spineless enough to just meekly go along with their parents' toxic demands, despite actively working to DEFY THEIR PARENTS IS LITERALLY THE ENTIRE CORE OF THEIR CHARACTERS!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

Aanndd Argos drew a heart. Vomit. I am literally feeling sick to my fucking stomach. Nope, NO FUCKING GIGGLING OVER THE ASSHOLE WHO LITERALLY GENOCIDED THE ENTIRE CITY NOT EVEN A MONTH AGO!!! HE IS NOT SOME MISUNDERSTOOD WOOBIE, HE IS A PSYCHO THE NARRATIVE IS TRYING TO PRETEND DID NOTHING FUCKING WRONG!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!

"I can never seem to go against my father," OH, I WONDER WHY THE FUCK NOT!? Also, that is blatantly untrue, since if he couldn't ever go against his father, HE NEVER WOULD'VE MET MARINETTE TO START WITH!!! "I can go see her as often as I want as Astro-Cat!" Or, you could JUST FUCKING VIDEO CHAT WITH HER!!! For fuck's sake, YOU CAN JUST HAVE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP!!! IT IS NOT THAT COMPLICATED!!!

Now, we're back in Paris, and apparently it's still night, I guess? This... what the fuck is this? How the fuck is this even happening!? I'm just totally confused on how the timing is supposed to be working. Marinette's still a weepy mess from the last episode, no sympathy from me because of the rampant character assassination from last episode, fucking deal with it people. I have no care for Marinette's feelings at this point because this series has just butchered her for the sake of dragging out this nonsensical drama FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME!!!

Marinette... shut up. Stop with the "fought so hard for this happy ending" you have done JACK AND SHIT up until relatively recently doing the bare fucking minimum, and have routinely blown every chance to do something meaningful because you are that much of a fucking disaster. Grow the fuck up, and get the fuck over your hurt feelings. If you ever thought convincing Gabe was in the cards, you are fucking delusional. This is the man who explicitly stated that he would ruin you if you kept trying to pursue his son and has kept his son essentially trapped for the vast majority of his life. You are an absolute moron if you thought there would be any other outcome by going for this option.

NO Tikki, she ISN'T brave. She's a fucking coward who has wussed the fuck out on every fucking chance to grow the fuck up and act her fucking age, and acts as if she deserves a fucking medal for "putting on a brave face for her friends" instead of admitting she uses other people to ignore her own problems while also forcing them to DEAL with her problems because she can't get the fuck over herself. What, you think she'll never love again!? BULLSHIT!! THAT IS NOT HOW LOVE WORKS!!! THAT IS NOT HOW PEOPLE WORK!! THIS IS A GUY YOU HAVE DONE THE BARE MINIMUM TO LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT AND HAVE KNOWN FOR LESS THEN A FUCKING YEAR, GROW THE HELL UP!!!

And of course her "friends" made a big spectacle out of her arriving, on the stupid fucking assumption that Adrien would be with her. For fuck's sake, I forget, did Adrien ever tell ANYONE that he was leaving!? Some friend. Some friends. This... this is shit.

Oh, and Argos and Kagami are spying on the dance, and Kagami is spilling Marinette's secret... oh, and the obligatory flashback detailing how she found out just makes her falling for Lila's lies about Marinette not being her "real friend" EVEN FUCKING STUPIDER because she is literally overhearing a damn good reason why Marinette doesn't tell her some things and isn't always able to spend time with her, and yet she falls for Lila's bullshit hook, line, and sinker. Someone get me a fucking drink.

"It's the only possible explanation." Yeah, because overhearing Marinette confessing to have a Miraculous still despite all the Temp Heroes being gone clearly has SO MANY POSSIBILITIES!!! Seriously, the way they try to frame this stupidity as some brilliant deduction instead of something being blatantly obvious is obnoxious.

"Do you think she can be trusted?" Felix, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO SAY THAT WHEN YOU ARE DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR GIVING HAWKMOTH ALL THE MIRACULOUSES BESIDES YOUR OWN, CHAT NOIR's, AND LADYBUG'S!!!

"We don't have a choice." No Kagami, you very much do have a choice, AND IT IS A FUCKING EASY ONE. Since when are you this much of an obnoxious idiot?! Oh yeah, since this season.

"My mother and Gabriel Agreste will never allow us to love each other." For fuck's sake, Kagami, YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW THIS FUCKING PSYCHO, AND YOUR LOVE LIFE IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THIS FUCKING SCENARIO, GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF!!! They really are just trying to make her a re-skin of Marinette.

"Without you, I never would've had the courage to run for mayor!" Yeah, no. Fuck that. She had nothing to do with you running for an office you are entirely unqualified to hold.

Oh, and has anyone else noticed that Argos is still using the same transformation and de-transformation phrases as Mayura? The supervillain who has been enabling Hawkmoth? Huh, almost makes you think HE IS STILL A BAD GUY!!!

It's really fucking stupid how this show is already presenting Caline winning the election as a guarantee, or that she'd even have that much influence. Seriously, this show doesn't even pretend to present the complexities of being an elected official appropriately. The Ghost and Molly McGee presented how being an elected official works better, and it's aimed at the same target audience, so this sloppy presentation has no excuse.

Oh, and Marinette is now rushing at Felix, once more impersonating his cousin, and isn't stopping to question how the FUCK 'Adrien' could even be IN THE CITY when she LITERALLY SAW HIM FLYING OFF ON A PLANE!! Speaking of which, HOW AND WHEN WAS FELIX ABLE TO GET BACK TO PARIS WITH KAGAMI!? ADRIEN APPARENTLY LITERALLY LEFT TODAY, AND FELIX DOESN'T HAVE ANY FAST TRAVEL POWER-UPS LIKE ASTRO-CAT!!! God fucking dammit, they aren't even trying.

NOW her classmates notice that Marinette clearly isn't feeling well, bravo, much surprise. Much skill.

Oh, and Marinette walks in on Nathaniel and Marc holding hands, and they notice she's crying.

I'm just gonna say it, Felix deciding that THIS, essentially gaslighting Marinette with Adrien's image rather then just, you know, WAITING UNTIL SHE'S ALONE AND PULLING HER ASIDE, in order to draw her away from the crowd and talk to her is just plain fucking cruel. Because that's what this is; gaslighting. Also, just hit me that the writers' establishing that Kagami knew Marinette's identity (or at least heavily suspected) but didn't hit her with the "Alix Card" like they did Luka is a fucking blatant double-standard and retcon.

This gaslighting routine Felix has going is just disgusting. This is abusive. I have little to no sympathy regarding Marinette, and even I think that this is a needlessly toxic and cruel way to get her attention. Heck, he literally could've just placed himself somewhere in her line of sight in Argos mode and gestured that he needed to speak with her; this? This is just tormenting her for no goddamn reason. Fuck this asshole.

And now Alya and Nino are there, and they think she's just imagining things. GREAT JOB, FELIX!!!

"What if he's come home?" MARINETTE THAT IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE. HE LEFT LITERALLY THIS NIGHT THERE IS NO WAY (as far as you know) HE COULD'VE MADE THE DISTANCE BACK TO PARIS!!! Goddammit these dumbass writers are almost making me feel bad for her. And all it took was them making the guy they went out of their way to go "no really, he's just misunderstood!" over emotionally torture her with the image of her boyfriend. Also, seriously, HOW DO PEOPLE NOT GET YOU CAN JUST HAVE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP!? IS THAT REALLY SUCH A STRANGE IDEA!?!?

Also, another thing that makes the time zones weird. I literally just looked up how long it takes to get to London from Paris. By car, it would take just a little bit over five hours. It really isn't that far, so why the fuck is Adrien in bright sunshine while the Parisian cast is currently in night time??

Also, I fucking hate how they keep using "ending" to describe things. Like, right after Nino suggests they find a way to go visit him (FUCKING FINALLY THEY HAVE NINO BE A BRO AND IT IS TOO FUCKING LITTLE TOO FUCKING LATE!!!), Alya describes this as "not the ending they expected." Because for FUCKS SAKE this is not the end of the world or even their god awful relationship!! They can call, they can video chat, they can text, heck they could literally just beg their parents to take a roadtrip and surprise him if they wanted it bad enough, WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE ACTING LIKE THIS IS THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD!?!? I can get and even accept that Marinette has a right to be sad, but everyone, and I do mean fucking EVERYONE, is treating this like it's the death of her precious relationship. It's barely a fucking SET BACK if they honestly want to pursue it still.

Oh, now we get Tomoe and Gabe throwing a hissy fit over their dolls children are missing, with Gabe going to look for Nathalie, who is sick in bed. Oh, and also watching those dumb as shit video diaries from Emilie. It'd be easier to by that she "just wants Adrien to be free" when she was complicit in Adrien living in isolation his entire life up until now. And her watching those videos on LOOP doesn't make Nathalie a good person, writers, she has known about them this entire time and STILL was fully complicit in Gabe's efforts to keep Adrien under his thumb. Stop babying her and have her face the consequences of her aiding and abetting a terrorist like a fucking adult.

Also, why the fuck is Gabe assuming Nathalie would know where Adrien is, or why she would even tell him!? Bullshit attempt at making her sympathetic aside, she's very visibly IN NO SHAPE to have helped him, and wouldn't tell Gabe anything. Oh, and Gabe FINALLY seems to FUCKING GET THAT NATHALIE IS NOT ON HIS FUCKING SIDE!!! Little bit late for that, Gabe, considering she once put you in a fucking armlock and called you insane to your face. Are you delusional or just stupid!? ...probably both.

And it's ONLY NOW that he takes the Ring from her. NOW. God fucking DAMMIT, none of this is adding tension. This is literally Gabe just being too fucking stupid in that he's only taking actions to consolidate his power AFTER DOING SO NO LONGER MATTERS. This man is not competent. This man is a rabid DOG that needs to be put down before he gets people killed.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng! I'm sure he went to find her!" Wow, it's as if it's the obvious thing to do after someone forcibly separates you against your will from your girlfriend! Seriously, this is not a big brain moment for Gabe, this is him realizing the fucking obvious way too fucking late, as per usual.

Okay, now we actually get a moment of Gabe using his brain by using an Akuma as a spying tool- Nevermind, he's just Akumatizing himself, AGAIN, to try and scare Adrien out into the open and obeying him, because OBVIOUSLY that won't backfire and doesn't involve him pointlessly putting himself at risk of getting captured and defeated for good!!

One thing that really baffles me about this current stupidity is how Gabe doesn't seem to question how Adrien would even be able to GET to Marinette, you know, considering that even if he left, Adrien would still have to travel from London all the way to Paris, and it's not like he can get on a plane in anything approaching a timely manner!

Now, back to our regularly scheduled instance of Marinette being gaslit by Felix!! Felix leads Marinette away from the party (still wearing Adrien's get-up), and Adrien himself arrives and overhears his "friends" talking about Marinette and Adrien not being there. Heck, Nino even mentions that they would've helped him if he just told him! Which, yeah, they would've, nice going leaving all your friends, not just your girlfriend, in the lurch like that bud. But I'm laughing at Nino going "his dad can't have that much control over him." Do- do the writers not understand how parental rights and guardianship WORK?? Unless they can hire a good lawyer and make a rock-solid case why Gabe shouldn't have guardianship over Adrien anymore, there is jack-shit they could've done... not that I think Adrien was thinking about that in the slightest when he made his decision to keep it all to himself.

Nighttormenter, and WOW that is a crappy name, having the power to make their worst nightmares come to life would be more effective if it wasn't limited to just them having an image appear briefly in their heads. Like, it's a fucking waste; this is a power literally BUILT for emotional torment, and could give insights into the thoughts of his enemies, and it's a fucking let-down because it does nothing other then make people collapse to the ground clutching their heads. Like, we KNOW he could've made it do more, we've literally seen a better version of this power with Sandboy, why the FUCK is this the best he can do!?

And after Nighttormentor runs for the hills to try and find where Marinette is (despite LITERALLY having a power that causes immediate debilitating suffering and Chat Noir right in front of him), Nino decides to get... sigh... "The Resistance" involved. Which I can't even pretend to take seriously.

Marinette rushing after Felix through the streets of Paris... what is the point of all this? Like, for real, he had PLENTY of chances and ways he could've covertly taken her aside and talked with her. All this? This is just torturing her by forcing her to run through the city (is she wearing HEELS!?) in the vain hope she'll see her boyfriend again after watching him be dragged away onto a plane before.

...It's the school. He went to all the freaking trouble of gaslighting her by imitating Adrien, leading her on a goose chase throughout Paris, crying her eyes out while dressed in clothing absolutely inappropriate for running through the streets at night, just to get to the school. (Inhales deeply) FELIX YOU ABSOLUTE MOTHERFUCKING COCKEATING PISS-SOCKET SON OF CANNIBALISTIC WHORE I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR SPINE OUT AND MAKE A BACKSCRATCHER FROM IT YOU PIECE OF UNSANITARY SELF-SERVING SLIME BALL!!!!!

Okay, glad I got that out. That was... a very ugly feeling.

Oh wow, the room he lead her all over Paris to had a picture of her and Adrien and now she's crying over it, way to go Felix, you must feel so proud of yourself! Hey, Kagami, what a catch, right? You must feel so happy your boytoy tormented your alleged friend, don't you? After all, you wouldn't go along with all this nonsense if you didn't approve, right? You wouldn't torture someone you call a friend just because, right? THERE IS SOME DEEPER, HUMANE REASON BEHIND ALL THIS, RIGHT!?!?

"The reason we're doing this Duusu is because we're hoping for a happy ending!" ...How. IN WHAT FUCKING WORLD DOES EMOTIONALLY TORMENTING HER AND MAKING HER CRY HER EYES OUT AFTER MAKING HER THINK HER BOYFRIEND CAME BACK FOR HER EQUATE TO A HAPPY FUCKING ENDING YOU PIECE OF FILTH!?!?

"Then it's wonderful!" Duusu... I'm gonna bitch-slap you.

"Oh Amok, let our thirst for truth take shape! I am giving you life so that you can bring the truth to light." ...Get the fuck out. GET THE FUCK OUT. SHUT THE FUCK UP, GET OUT, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT FUCKING CHICKEN SUIT NOW YOU CONDESCENDING PIECE OF SHIT!!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT BRINGING THE TRUTH TO LIGHT WHEN YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT LIE, MANIPULATE, AND TORMENT EVERYONE YOU CLAIM YOU CARE ABOUT WITHOUT GIVING A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT THE INNOCENTS CAUGHT IN THE FUCKING CROSSFIRE!!

Alright, a reprieve from my burning anger, Nighttormentor is in Marinette's room and throwing a hissy fit over her creepy love shrine to Adrien. It'd be understandable if it weren't for the fact his hatred is because someone HE didn't pick DARES to pursue his "creation." And after briefly subduing Chat Noir, Nighttormentor once again misses a prime opportunity to subdue him and take his Miraculous, because obviously missing out on the perfect chance to accomplish his ultimate goal right here and now is worth being a parasitic control freak towards the poor boy who has the misfortune of being his son.

One dive through Voyage alongside Nighttormentor, and now back to our regularly scheduled bullshit!

...This is really the best he could come up with. Having an Amok put on... a bad play involving him and Kagami acting out roles on screen. Instead of, you know, just TELLING HER THE TRUTH!?

I would face-palm at Marinette automatically assuming she's looking at "Adrien" and Kagami if it weren't for the fact that FELIX HAS BEEN FUCKING GASLIGHTING THE HELL OUT OF HER ALL FUCKING NIGHT!!!

Okay, play begins, and he's... telling her about the backstory of the Graham de Vanily twins (Amilie and Emilie).

Now back to Nighttormentor! Somehow we missed a bunch of steps since Nighttormentor is staring out at fireworks on a rooftop, and Chat Noir is somehow far enough behind him he needs to make a running attack... Seeing how THIS occurred would be more interesting than whatever fever dream Gaslight Piss-stain and the Wind-up Doll that is his Girlfriend cooked up. And NOW the Akuma FINALLY focuses on what Akumas are MEANT to focus on and gives Chat Noir his full attention rather than wasting his time throwing his little hissy fit, and all it took was Chat calling him out on being a shit dad!!

The one thing I'll say about this episode, even discounting the gaps in fight scenes, the current battle between Chat Noir and Nighttormentor is actually entertaining. Like, him timing a Voyage to perfectly dodge Chat Noir's attack, and Chat Noir landing so hard he shatters the ground behind Nighttormentor, while snarling that he's a coward. Why can't we see Adrien LIKE THIS as a civilian, instead of a mopey brat? WHY!?

Back to the shitty play, apparently "Daughter One" was a wild child who went against her parents' wishes to live her own life whenever she could, whereas "Daughter Two" was an indoors kid who wanted her parents' approval. Still no fucking clue why Marinette needs to KNOW ANY OF THIS BULLCRAP. Oh, and apparently Marinette is actually invested in the play. Not sure why, since if I was in her shoes, I'd have been pissed and screaming at the two by this point for dragging her all over town, tormenting her by making her think Adrien was back, and taking her away from her friends... for a FUCKING PLAY.

And apparently Emilie and Amilie's parents were control freaks. No clue if that's true or not, or if it's the biases of Amilie bleeding into Gaslighting Shit-Weasel, who bleeds it into the play. Either way, it fits the "All Rich People are Evil Bastards (unless I say they aren't)" attitude Astruc has going on in the writing.

Okay, "Daughter One" is Emilie, and they described her immediately finding "true love in a humble tailor." Now, to avoid going on a screaming rant again, I'm just gonna summarize what's wrong with this scene: firstly, it once again pins "true love" onto a relationship and idealizes romance without engaging with the toxic elements that can occur, acting as if Emilie and Gabe's relationship HAD to have been pure and wholesome without any issues, because 'that's how romance works' or some shit. Secondly, it carries the common undercurrent of the show demonizing wealth and success by implying that the "Gabe" Emilie fell in love with is practically a different person from Gabriel Agreste, treating Gabe as having once been a kind, loving man... while once again ignoring how Emilie and Gabe both kept Adrien isolated and controlled throughout his entire childhood, and both were complicit in keeping him alone.

Oh, and the fact it had Kagami (As "Emilie") swooning in Felix's arms is fucking disgusting given how many unhealthy undertones there are to their "relationship." Also, Marinette seems to be catching on to who they seem to be talking about.

Second Scene: Apparently Gabe used to be a more altruistic designer whose designs emphasized how he worked to bring out and enhance the natural beauty of the wearer rather than dictate HOW they can be considered beautiful. Again, this scene carries the vibe of the writers side-stepping how much of a toxic control freak Gabe is to push the narrative that "fame and success corrupted him."

Third Scene: Emilie apparently gave up all of her prior connections to her family to live her own life. (Sighs in contempt) Yeah, I was kinda expecting this. It's exactly the same kind of vibe that Astruc pushes online and pushed in the form of how Chloe, Audrey, Zoe, and Andre are written; being wealthy and successful is inherently a "bad thing" and to be a good person you have to "give up your privileges and live humbly." I'm feeling a bit of spiteful glee at the fact that Gabe is really exactly the kind of person her parents would have approved of, going by the vibes I'm getting; a control freak who gained incredible wealth and success in his chosen fields and grinds anyone who goes against his design under his thumb. Also, them once again pushing the "wealth and success are bad!!" narrative falls flat on its face by the fact that their "successful trial run" to "prove" that giving up your wealth and "privileges" makes you happier (Andre) only gave up his office and still owns a ludicrously successful and important Hotel, and never actually made any kind of amends for the harm he caused, he just acted like he got his happy ending when all he did was get rid of a responsibility and leaving it up for grabs.

Fourth Scene: The Wedding Rings apparently used to be a single ring, for some reason, and Emilie apparently is of the belief that 'babies make everything better' in how she (Kagami acting as Emilie) said that "we only require a child for our happiness to be complete." Like, I get wanting a kid, there's nothing wrong with that. But acting as if you absolutely NEED a kid is not a healthy mindset, especially if you have no way of knowing if you are even really fit to RAISE a kid (newsflash, they aren't), and to me it illustrates that, despite claiming she's free and gave up her attachments to her family and their means, Emilie picked up way more from them then she realizes. They idealized having an heir, just as Emilie idealizes having a child of her own.

Pulling back the nostalgia shades that the writers seem to have placed on the scene, this scenario paints Emilie as a spoiled brat to me. It frames her childhood as having a lot of expectations placed on her, only for her to shirk those responsibilities and run wild, doing whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. Even if her parents disapproved, they never sincerely tried to stop her. Heck, when she got older, they literally let her study abroad and get away from them and live her own life. And when they finally put their foot down when she insisted a random tailor she met in Paris was her "one true love" she cut them out of her life in a fit of spite.

Now, I'm not saying she should've been obligated to do whatever her parents wanted, and I think that them insisting on putting the burden of being their heir onto her while apparently neglecting her sister was toxic and unfair... but Emilie, by all accounts, didn't have ANY of the typical burdens the heir to a noble or royal family would have, in the modern era or the past. But the ONE TIME it seems like her parents EVER really were strict with her, she cut them out of her life without a care in the world, and essentially stole a family heirloom to make into her wedding rings in the process. Heck, they might've disapproved of Gabe because they could tell he was secretly really toxic, we don't know! But the vibe this image paints for me is much less optimistic and idealized then the writers intended.

Now, back to Amilie's side of the story, without her sister around, and still eager to please their parents, she agreed to marry a weapons manufacturer (who is portrayed as such an obnoxiously offensive American Stereotype I'd probably be screaming if my rage hadn't reached the point of tranquility) that they introduced her to, Colt Fathom. Apparently her parents and Colt all wanted her to have a kid and were really eager for it. Colt is stated to be "heartless." Amilie is not presented as having wanted a kid herself.

...The reading this comes across to me is that this story is Amilie's perspective of her childhood, with her older sister living an idealized life of freedom and romance with someone she loved, while Amilie resigned herself to misery due to being unable to not please her parents and bow to their wishes. I'd even go so far as to say that the only reason that Emilie's portrayed as good as she is is because Amilie is projecting all her childhood resentment onto her parents and the circumstances they shaped for her, with the irony that Emilie really kind of WAS the heir they wanted in how not only was Emilie the family favorite, she even wanted to have a child, an "heir," just like their parents wanted. Or at least it is at this stage. I feel like I know what's coming up.

Okay, back to Nighttormentor, with him having apparently once again abandoned his focusing on Chat Noir in favor of his temper tantrum in tracking down Adrien. Oh, and Chat Noir basically unloading his problems with his dad through the veil of anonymity by ripping into how shitty Gabe is as a father. Naturally, Gabe doesn't give a damn about someone criticizing his parenting skills, but this scene would honestly be awesome if this was how Adrien acted around Gabe in their civilian lives instead of only having the guts to say it when Gabe is unable to recognize him.

Also, the fact that Gabe is sincerely delusional enough to believe that ADRIEN IS HAPPY with everything he's done is just plain disturbing. Anyone so twisted that they could believe being under another person's thumb like that is a good thing, that someone would be happy being so controlled, is fucked up in the head. This isn't the kind of attitude that comes from nowhere. This is how Gabe has always been, it's just only now that the veil of sanity is coming down. That "Humble Tailor" never existed; he was always a monster, he just used to be better at hiding it.

Okay, back to the play, and we learn that neither Amilie nor Emilie were able to get preggers. Amilie was probably secretly happy, since she apparently wasn't really all that invested in having a kid, whereas Emilie was more sincerely upset. After all their struggles, Emilie apparently swallowed her pride and went back to her parents to ask for help; the fact that they apparently didn't turn her away for defying them, let her keep her life with Gabe without any apparent strings attached, and even helped get her treatments to get pregnant... I'm thinking my "Emilie was actually a spoiled brat whose parents coddled her" theory is spot on. Even after essentially running away from home to be with a guy who would turn out to be awful to their future son, nothing yet indicates that they made her miserable over her choices and just accepted she was home. Heck, they could've demanded she give back the rings she took, but didn't, and unlike when Felix stole them, they would've been in their rights to do so given that the rings legally belonged to them in the first place.

Next we learn that Emilie "was pregnant" with imagery of the Peacock (REAL subtle there, Astruc), and apparently Colt got insanely jealous over it. Which, I can honestly understand to some extent; ignoring the confusion that Emilie and Gabe apparently created a Sentichild INSIDE HER to grow like a regular baby gives me, they apparently never bothered to share with Emilie's sister, who was also struggling to find a way to get pregnant, that they had found a means to overcome their implied infertility. ANYONE who honestly wanted a child and was left out of the loop of a means to do so would probably be pissed off and jealous.

Heck, honestly, his jealousy doesn't even seem to be for himself. He's jealous on behalf of his wife, that SHE deserved to have a child more than the spoiled brat who ran away from home and got hitched to a tailor she met in Paris and married with stolen rings. Even if his attitude his unacceptable, his feelings are somewhat understandable; not only did she run away from home, abandon her family, then come crawling back to get treatment for her infertility, when she FOUND a method to overcome, she couldn't even be bothered to share it with her twin sister? WHO DOES THAT SHIT!?

While his confrontation with Gabe was harsh, the fact that Gabe's response to being confronted was to act coy and essentially snub his stepbrother... yeah. I really do not buy the whole "used to be an idealistic, humble tailor" routine; I'm pretty sure he was totally fine leaving his extended family out to dry so long as his branch of it benefited. One positive point on Emilie's side, she apparently had the good conscience to eventually realize that keeping a means of getting pregnant away from her sister who (she thought) wanted a child herself after she had benefited from it and talked Gabe into talking with Colt about it. I'm honestly baffled on how Gabe knew that the Peacock "would have a price to pay" given that Emilie hadn't shown any signs by this point (since this was apparently shortly after she got pregnant and her "fading" took place over several YEARS), yet never actually bothered to TELL Colt what that price would be.

Also, apparently he was "given" Adrien's bodyguard in exchange for the Miraculous... because just hiring a competent bodyguard normally and giving his stepbrother and stepsister the thing that would allow them to have a child for free as a favor to his wife would be too big of an ask. Yeah, the vibe of "Emilie's parents opposed her marrying Gabe because they could smell the slime on him" is getting stronger with this scene.

And aside from being briefly freaked out over the idea of using magic to create a kid, Colt went along with it. The narration says that it was his jealousy that created the child (Felix) but given this is all second hand via Felix himself, it could've been anything. Similarly, when it shows him hesitating to touch Amilie's pregnant belly, the reasoning could be just about anything. Naturally, the narrative is gonna paint this as him being bigoted against his son, but the root cause is that we simply don't know anything beyond what Felix says, and I don't trust a word he says in the slightest. And the scene ends with the narration having both women give birth "to two boys as similar as their mothers were," which is kinda bizarre as I don't know why that would happen in the slightest, even if "jealousy" were a factor in the equation.

And NOW we get a scene showing off how fucked up Nighttormentor's power is with a fully detailed scene showing Adrien's nightmare. And apparently his nightmare is him getting Akumatized and ending up causing something like Chat Blanc to take place. ...Okay, back the fuck up, WHEN WAS THIS EVER HINTED AT!? Chat doesn't even KNOW about Chat Blanc, how could THIS be his worst fucking nightmare!? You can't say it's because of him being afraid of cataclysming someone, given he was fully willing to fly off the handle and do it to "Dark Humor," yet he's somehow upset he did it to Hawkmoth!? AND AGAIN, HE HAS NO WAY OF EVEN KNOWING WHAT A WORLD IN WHICH HE CATACLYSMED EVERYONE WOULD EVEN LOOK LIKE!! Why would THIS be his worst nightmare!? It's completely unconnected to all of his personal hardships and struggles!!

It'd make more sense (if make me roll my eyes) if his "nightmare" was him acting as Gabe's model son and breaking up with Marinette to be with Kagami... and then Marinette just shrugs, goes "I never loved you anyway, have fun being under your dad's thumb" with all of his friends abandoning him to his fate and laughing at him or something. THAT would fit his character more then having THIS scene crammed in out of nowhere. Oh, and apparently Nighttormmentor can communicate with the people he's put into nightmares? When was THAT implied, ANYWHERE!? If this were a reveal that Nighttormentor can somehow control what nightmares he gives people, it'd be a cool reveal and make for a good explanation as to why Chat's secret wasn't blown wide open. But it's not the case, it's just an excuse to have Chat lose his confidence and act like a weepy baby.

I seriously do not get why Nighttormentor didn't just yank it off of Chat's finger. There's no reason for mind games. His power just works, so obviously he can just take it and Chat's in no shape to stop him. This? All this scene does is neuter the one badass scene Chat has genuinely gotten this season for... dumb shit.

Now, back to the lame play that makes me want to light things on fire!

Alright, we're at the scene where we learn that Colt got sick from using the Peacock Miraculous, and projected his fears onto a young Felix. Fear that later turned to hatred. You know, I feel like this might've been avoided if Gabe had just explained to Colt what he meant by "consequences" especially when Colt was obviously able to puzzle it out himself when the symptoms started. Because Colt was right, he WAS experiencing the consequences, but it's not because he made a kid with Magic (I wouldn't be surprised if Colt thought it was some "equivalent exchange, life for a life" bullshit), but because the thing he used to do it was busted and thus dangerous to use.

(Inhales deeply) Yeah. This pisses me off. We have wasted... basically HALF THIS FUCKING EPISODE devoted to Felix wangsting about his life. Like, yeah, Colt yelling at him and calling him a monster (possibly worse) is incredibly fucked up. But given that prior episodes this season were whitewashing Felix's bad actions, I have a sinking feeling where this is going.

Okay, yup, looks like Colt became a toxic, verbally abusive control freak. Honestly, on the orders thing, given Colt was apparently so ill that the scenery of the play implies he was constantly bed ridden and on monitors for his vitals, I'm not certain how aware he was of all that was going on. Needless to say, Colt was an abusive fuck, but the way the play implies that Gabe was somehow better, when he helped contribute to all this by withholding the truth from Colt, was deliberately vague about the "consequences" his miraculous child would bring about to him, and even using the situation to extort a bodyguard from Colt... yeah, Colt's an abusive fuck. No doubt about it. But the way this play implies Gabe wasn't his own flavor of "monster" is infuriating.

Also, if they are trying to use this to imply why Felix dislikes Sentis being called Monsters, it rings hollow when he has zero fucking problem labeling the rich kids at the Diamond Dance as "monsters" despite none of them calling either him or Marinette monsters. Did they remind him of his father? Who knows? All I know is that the worst they did was act like snobby brats, and he took that as justification to try and murder them with his Sentimonster of a Red Moon.

See, what kills me about this scene is that, if Colt was such an abusive monster, then why in the world would Felix cop an attitude to Adrien during his debut attitude and try to shame Adrien over his father's death? Why did he go out of his way to impersonate Adrien and try to ruin his personal life? Why? Why!? WHY!? The one, ONE, possible redeeming trait regarding his behavior in that episode was him lashing out over his father's passing, but if his father was such a piece of shit, then that flies out the window and he treated ADRIEN like shit just for giggles!! I sincerely fucking doubt Colt ordered Felix before his death to ruin Adrien's life, so all that bad attitude was ALL him. Heck, the episode says he was trying to look for the Peacock; WHEN!? He never did ANYTHING to try and find it, he just spent the entire time harassing Adrien, ruining Adrien's personal life, and acting like a snobby brat (just like those rich kids he criticized/tried to murder) while Amilie tried to bully and emotionally manipulate Gabe into handing over the family rings that Emilie had taken when she ran away from home and eloped with him.

..."He had to steal other magical objects to make an exchange." THE ABSOLUTE FUCK HE DID!! He KNEW Gabe was Hawkmoth, he KNEW Gabe wouldn't recognize him under the influence of a Miraculous, he had the PERFECT Miraculous to steal the Peacock and get away with it, THERE WAS NO FUCKING REASON TO MAKE AN "EXCHANGE!!" He literally only did it because he could, and mocked Ladybug over it. This!? THIS IS BULLSHIT!!! THIS IS UTTER HORSESHIT!!! THIS IS COMPLETE AND UTTER DOGSHIT!!! SHIT!!!!!

"The day I lost the Miraculous!" No, Marinette, the day Felix STOLE THE MIRACULOUS and gave them to Hawkmoth in a pointless deal he could've avoided but didn't because he didn't give a shit if he made the lives of you or the rest of Paris harder in the process.

Now, we get a scene of Nighttormentor oh so carefully reaching to take the Cat Miraculous, when the Resistance shows up, and the best Nino can say is "Why do you have to be so mean to people!?" Wow, much impress. What a great burn.

Oh, and he just stood there and let them throw stuff at him when he's the one with superpowers and literally has the perfect power to incapacitate them with. And whatever badass factor he gained this episode (Negative 1, but he's normally negative 10) just dropped down nine whole points. What a fucking joke.

"And the miraculous boy met a girl like him. They fell in love." No. No you didn't. That is as rotten as you claiming you came to Gabe's house to find the Peacock to try and save your life, while ignoring how you did nothing the entire visit besides steal the rings for your mother and tormented your cousin and damaged his social life. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, right now.

"Just like the curious princess and the tailor before them" KAGAMI JUST STOP! STOP IDEALIZING THAT ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT!! YOU KNOW HE IS AN ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT!!! YOU LITERALLY JUST TOOK PART IN A PLAY DETAILING HOW HE'S AN ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT!!! STOP!! IF YOU REALLY ARE "JUST LIKE THEM" THAT IS A RED FLAG THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS A BAD ONE!! JUST FUCKING STOP ALREADY!!

"They just wanted to be free." Kagami... Felix already WAS free by that point, there's no way Gabe would ever bother undoing him, and you had made a point of already breaking the limitations your mother set for you, AND unlike Gabe and Colt, she actually let you have your Amok, so she never enforced orders on you. You can't pretend that Felix has done ANYTHING to help you be free. He hasn't. He's just put you in a new cage, and made it look nicer.

...This entire stupid as hell play to explain information Marinette never needed when they could've just told her "we're sentimonsters, Gabe is Hawkmoth, PLEASE stop him. Please." Fuck this shit.

And now Felix and Kagami are doing the echoey voice thing that has them talk to Marinette while not even being in the room. Fuck that. Fuck this. Fuck these shitty writers.

Oh, and the writers trying to draw parallels about having "to lie all the time," which in this context I guess is meant to imply that Felix and Kagami are "forced to lie," despite nothing implying that's the case, when Felix has rather gleefully lied and manipulated others in the past, and Kagami is no longer under any threat of being compelled to lie and is just enabling her mother's abusive attitude (I would normally never go there, but the writing is just that bad).

Now it's morning, Gabe was defeated without Ladybug, and all of Felix's attitude about the rights and plights of the Sentis is a load of shit as the utterly meaningless Sentimonster he created was erased as soon as he no longer needed it.

"Will she have the courage to face the father of the boy she loves?" Given that said "father" is an abusive piece of garbage who has threatened her career, her love life, her actual life (as both Ladybug and Marinette), and her friend's lives for MONTHS NOW, I'd say she is fully willing to face him because NOT FACING HIM IS NOT AN OPTION YOU FUCKING MORON.

And Argos and Kagami share a kiss. Please wait a moment while I hurl.

...Oh, and Adrien has a panic attack/PTSD episode when he tries to go tell Marinette the truth. Ah yes, because clearly an artificial and utterly nonsensical nightmare that Gabe crammed in his head with Akuma powers regarding a knock off of an alternate future that technically never happened would totally traumatize him to the point of being unable to confess the truth to his girlfriend and there's no way this isn't the writers forcing more needless drama in place!

...They are seriously fucking going with "Ladybug didn't undo the Akuma's damage, the nightmare's still there!" Dude, if that were the case, YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO EVEN MOVE YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

"You were right Plagg, I can't tell Marinette I'm Chat Noir, and I can't disobey my father either." ...THOSE TWO THINGS HAVE JACK AND SHIT TO DO WITH EACH OTHER YOU FUCKING JOKE OF A SUPERHERO!!! YOU HAVE BEEN DISOBEYING HIM SINCE THE START OF THIS SERIES!!! THIS SERIES ONLY EVEN BEGAN BECAUSE YOU DISOBEYED THAT ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT!!! AND THAT FUCKING NIGHTMARE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH EITHER DISOBEYING YOUR FATHER OR TELLING MARINETTE YOUR SECRET IDENTITY!!! GROW THE FUCK UP!!!

And now that the episode is over, we end on a scene of Kagami and Adrien being put through "White Torture." What WONDERFUL parents they have. What fucking bullshit.

#miraculous ladybug #mlb season 5 salt #mlb season 5 spoilers #mlb writing critical #mlb writing salt

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k7l4d4 · 1 year ago

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K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 23

Hello all, time to see the episode where the writers give up on making their writing believable in favor of cheap, uninspired emotional appeals!

Now, with this episode, I could take my time ripping into the show fixating on this fantasy in its head that Chloe is a genuine threat... but I'm not going to because that topic has been talked to death a hundred and one times. Instead, I'm gonna focus on the moral of this episode... and how it utterly falls apart.

Namely, the episode seems to be pushing the narrative that you can't wait around and rely on people to solve your problems for you, you have to do it yourself... or at the very least just reach out and let others KNOW you need help. Why does this fall apart? Because in addition to the fact that Chloe being a problem at all is forced by the writers blatantly ignoring how she has no real power and the police could just drag her out of office whenever they like... Adrien does literally nothing this entire episode to solve HIS personal problem about his dad forcing him to move.

He never mentions it to any of his friends OR his girlfriend (who he can hold down a long-distance relationship with if it DOES come down to him moving, as his and her video-chatting in the prior episode demonstrates), and the one time he bothers to acknowledge that there's nothing that can be said to his dad to make him change his mind, it comes off more as a lazy excuse on his part not to share how he's feeling. Throughout this entire episode, and all the episodes in which this plot has been leading up to now, Adrien takes the worst decision every time towards opening up and sharing his problems while also doing nothing on a personal level to help himself. He just... stands around, feeling sorry for himself.

How can you push the idea that people need to stand up to injustice themselves when you can't even have one of the two main leads stand up for HIMSELF?

I could add more details... but I think this gets my point across nicely. Thank you, and now, onto the review! As always, warning for any profanity on my part.

Episode 23: Revolution

Okay, and we get the opening scene of "Mayor Chloe" talking to Nadja that she has "Outlawed Chat Noir, Ladybug, and Monarch." Because outlawing someone who is already a terrorist that nobody can find and the only people capable of stopping him is SUCH A GOOD IDEA FOLKS!!! God fucking dammit. I'm not too pissed off yet, but the fact that nobody in law enforcement is dragging her out of that office and calling her out on her BS of being Mayor because her dad was Mayor is utterly stupid. If this is meant to be some kind of jab about "the rich are the new nobility/royalty" or something like that, it fails. Miserably.

Nadja asks if "this will last long" without actually specifying what "this" is, with Chloe having to be fed lines by Lila over an earbud so as to not blow it already. She also fumbles "democratic" TWICE. News flash Astruc, Dumb Blonde jokes have been in bad taste for a few decades by now!! Chloe then ends things while declaring that her new robots will be upholding "her law in Paris," never mind that not only is her position totally illegitimate, Mayors DO NOT HAVE THE POWER TO ARBITRARILY DECIDE WHAT IS OR ISN'T A LAW.

Now, we get to the heroes, with Chat pointing out that they have a moral obligation to stop Chloe, and Ladybug saying that they can't because she's not Akumatized... which is bullshit, as both the specials and incidents like the fight against the flying dinosaurs proved. Yes, they can't attack her... but why the hell would they NEED TO ATTACK HER? Literally just going in, marching her out to the ACTUAL police and having them detain her would accomplish literally the exact same thing. Saying "they'll look like the bad guys" is a completely bullshit non-answer.

Aaannnd... they passed the buck onto "adults, an authority figure" to handle the problem. Because clearly that's a good lesson to teach kids, don't stand up to what you see as a systemic problem in the world or an abuse of power, even if you have the means to oppose it, just leave it to someone else. THAT'S what you should be teaching kids, not that doing what is right, even if it's hard, is important.

Now they head back home, and Marinette is watching videos on the news reporting what's going on and citizen reactions. First up, a pair of ladies who I'm thinking that Astruc had designed to give off the same vibes of "smug, elitist, rich white person" vibes as Chloe is meant to give off, saying it's a good thing that Chloe is in power because she's a "young person, like us, representing us!" Next we get the racist cop who denounces superheroes as pointless due to not stopping Monarch yet, and then publicly airing a conspiracy theory that they are all in on it together. Then we get another adult, who points out how utterly stupid having a teenager declaring herself Mayor is.

Now it's on to Adrien, I wonder how he's doing? Staring at a picture of Marinette on his phone it looks like. And once again all that's going on is that he's angsting over telling his girlfriend that he's moving. After all, it's not as if he can HAVE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, or, I dunno, PRACTICE TELLING HER BY TELLING HIS OTHER FRIENDS!!! Seriously, do Nino, Alya, and the rest of his classmates mean NOTHING to him in terms of telling this info? Does he honestly believe they'd have no advice to share!? What is wrong with this guy!?

His answer on why he's not saying anything? He's hoping he'll be able to convince his dad not to send him... fuck that. Dude, FUCK. THAT!! For absolute FUCK'S SAKE THIS IS THE GUY WHO HAS DONE NOTHING BUT BE AN UTTER BASTARD TO YOU FOR YEARS, YOU AREN'T GONNA CONVINCE HIM!! HECK, HE MADE IT CLEAR HE'S DOING THIS TO SEPARATE YOU FROM MARINETTE!!! JUST RUN AWAY ALREADY!!!!

Okay, now we got Plagg, the guy the show has made repeatedly clear LOATHES and is annoyed by romance, shilling Marinette as "the most amazing girl in the whole universe." Please give me a moment while I hurl; it's not even over how utterly fucking CHEESY this is, it's how unironic they are at shilling the girl who has dropped the ball REPEATEDLY, and has routinely violated Adrien's boundaries without his knowledge. This is disturbing to me. At least he's stating the simple solution of asking someone for help... still fucking pissed that it's all centered around MARINETTE rather then exploring his OTHER FRIENDSHIPS that are a lot closer than whatever tangled mess he has going on with Marinette. You know, like his best friend that the narrative conveniently forgot about as soon as they could?

And upon a call from Marinette, NOW he decides that this is the right time. It's really fucking ironic that all of Adrien's scenes and relevance to the plot this season is all about Marinette, whereas Marinette's scenes actually DO SOMETHING towards expanding upon what's going on around them all. And it is immediately derailed by Marinette asking him to watch the news. So much for her call being "a sign." Now we get more reactions to Chloe's dictatorship, Hooray! First off is a guy saying she can't be worse than her father... yeah, she absolutely can, seeing as her dad was corrupt, but she's corrupt AND a literal teenager with no qualifications. And another guy brushing off any issues since they'll have an election soon. It's really, REALLY fucking stupid how these people are both taking her at her words, and ignoring how A TEENAGER DOES NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO ASSUME POWER AT HER OWN SAY-SO!! SHE IS NOT EVEN AN ELECTED OFFICIAL!!!

"Someone's bound to do something." Nope, no one will, never mind the fact that CHLOE NEVER SHOULD'VE EVEN GOTTEN THIS FAR! Oh and Marinette interrupts Adrien's attempt to explain his situation by calling everyone to do something. Clearly this can't possibly go wrong and will have an actual meaningful impact! Surely it will. /s

Now we get a scene of Chloe playing with her toys testing the incredibly advanced "police robots" Gabe and Tomoe are bribing her with supplied to City Hall, once again having the narrative IGNORE HOW NONE OF THIS IS EVEN REMOTELY LEGAL!!! Oh, and Audrey is present too for some reason. She also fires that one butler that is more prominent than the rest of the staff because she's got robots now... whatever happened to her words at the Diamond Dance, what was it again, something about how the robots aren't as fun because she can't boss them around or something?

Gabe proceeding to layer the flattery on thick with Chloe... wonder how that'll go. Probably terribly. "All the superoffenders have disappeared." BITCH IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A FUCKING WEEK YOU ASSHOLE!!! But that's also the perfect thing to say to Chloe in this scenario, she's too much of a self-centered idiot to spot the obvious fault in her decision. Oh, and it looks like Lila had Chloe recording the meeting.

So far, I'm mostly just banging my head against a wall over how stupid this entire plot is. THERE IS NO SITUATION IN WHICH A TEENAGER IS GOING TO HOLD THE POSITION OF MAYOR. EVER. Tomoe and Gabe proceed to plot about how they are going to use Chloe's incompetence as a Mayor (STILL IGNORING HOW SHE CAN'T LEGALLY HOLD THE POSITION!!!), and at least acknowledge that there isn't a chance in hell Chat and Ladybug are gonna ignore this for good, before Monarch personally visits Chloe... instead of, you know, sending the Butterfly and communicating with her directly, something he is FULLY CAPABLE OF DOING!!! Meaning the guy is deliberately waltzing into the lair of someone who has declared him an outlaw. Not as if she couldn't just have her robots capture him, take his Miraculous for herself, and establish herself as Queen of Paris in truth, but that would require the writers to think these things through and for Chloe to be allowed to have a brain.

Oh look, they actually had Chloe be smart enough to have her robots target Monarch! Now if only he wasn't LITERALLY STUPID ENOUGH TO SHOW UP IN PERSON. And we learn that as the creator of them, Tomoe has an override of the system... how in the world did she even see the screen targeting Monarch? She's supposed to be blind, right?? Can she hear them targeting through the screen or something!? And just as Chloe is about to do the smart thing and refuse Monarch's offer for an alliance (YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE THERE IN PERSON, IDIOT!!!), Lila tells her to accept... ugh...

This, this is just stupid. IT IS IDIOTIC!! IT IS BULLSHIT!!! NOTHING ABOUT THIS MAKES SENSE!! IS CHLOE MENTALLY DISABLED!? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS!? BECAUSE NO ONE CAN POSSIBLY BE THIS STUPID!! SHE IS NOT A THREAT, SHE IS JUST A DUMB KID DANCING TO SOMEONE ELSE'S STRINGS!! HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TAKE HER SERIOUSLY AS THE "WORST OF THE WORST"!? WE CAN'T!!! FUCK THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!

And we learn the specifics of the deal is that Monarch will Akumatize her, yadda yadda yadda, make it look like she's not an Akuma, yadda yadda yadda... NONE OF THIS EXPLAINS WHY HE IS IN THE FUCKING ROOM WHEN HE CAN COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE!!! HECK, HE COULD HAVE GIVEN HIMSELF THE POWER TO COMMUNICATE AT A DISTANCE!!! The obvious answer is that they wanted an excuse to keep Monarch from learning about Lila feeding Chloe lines, but that if anything just shows how weak their efforts in making Lila a threat are. If she's only a threat when they actively keep the antagonist from knowing she's in the know, then she's not a real threat.

Oh, we also get the stupidity of Chloe's robots having multiple powers. Not even gonna get into that bullshit.

Now we are back to the school, and Adrien announcing his determination to tell Marinette everything... because obviously it's only Marinette that deserves to know that his father is forcing him to move to London, and not any of his other friends. (Rolls eyes)

Apparently Marinette, Alya, and Mylene came up with some kind of protest...? Watch and be amazed as it amounts to nothing when Chloe shows up in her "covert Akuma form," with once again NO ONE OBJECTING TO THE FACT THAT A TEENAGE GIRL IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE THE FUCKING MAYOR UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!! Oh, and Chloe also lying to the news about giving limitless freedom to the citizens of Paris... I'll be honest, I could actually see her doing something like that, not out of any kind of goodness of her heart but more due to just being too ignorant to understand the consequences of basically letting everyone do whatever they want, no questions asked, and doing so would make her own life easier as well.

And it turns out the protest is over Miss Bustier... because their fired teacher, who the Mayor NEVER HAD THE AUTHORITY TO AUTHORIZE THE FIRING OF, is the real issue over the fact that one of their classmates is illegally holding a position of power. Also, them calling her "Miss Bustier the Great" is pretty cringe. It's blatantly forced just to make the rhyme work.

And their big protest is... to refuse to go to class. Okay? That... is utterly fucking pointless. Seriously, "REFUSING TO GO BACK TO CLASS" IS THE BEST THESE IDIOTS COULD COME UP WITH!? WHO FUCKING CARES!!! IT'S NOT A COMPELLING THREAT BECAUSE IT'S NOT HURTING ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES AND ISN'T DISRUPTING ANY OTHER PROCESSES OR EVENTS GOING ON!! IT IS ENTIRELY PERFORMATIVE BS THAT AMOUNTS TO JACK AND SHIT!!!

WHY should Chloe CARE that none of you want to go to Class!? SHE DOESN'T!!! Oh, right, Lila is talking in her ear. Also, I don't know why Chloe singled out Zoe for "pretending to be her sister" since I'm pretty sure that isn't exactly public knowledge!? She didn't even CALL YOU her sister, so why are you bringing it up!? Also, them shoe-horning "libertarian" in there; that... amounts to nothing.

...She's seriously calling them willfully sabotaging their own education "holding the school hostage"? This is... this is moronic. That is the only thing I can call it, this is utterly MORONIC. Aside from her blatantly slandering Miss Bustier, her throwing shade at Damocles' obsession with acting like he's a Superhero is spot on as he's shown that he hasn't learned his lesson, and how it negatively impacts his work; her refusing to reinstate him (not that she even COULD) is one of her few smart decisions.

The protesters do point out how she's twisting the situation stupidly, but it falls apart since this ENTIRE FUCKING PLOT is held up by tissues and prayers by writers high off their own farts. Seriously, why is Lila even BOTHERING to try and manipulate Chloe? Chloe can't even keep up an act good enough to last TWO SECONDS when around anyone who doesn't enable her BS, this entire thing is stupid as fuck. What is the point? What is supposed to be going on!?

Okay, the one interesting thing going on is that Chloe tried to burst Marinette's bubble about what Adrien is being made to do... seriously, DO NONE OF THESE IDIOTS REMEMBER THAT A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP IS POSSIBLE!?

Mylene and Ivan disappear after having publicly stood up to Chloe, Hmm, I wonder if there's a connection!? We also see that Chloe SOMEHOW managed to get a gold statue of herself made. HOW!? WHEN!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!? Oh, and Chloe literally having Ms. Mendeleiev prove to be a fucking disaster of a teacher by spoon-feeding her her own propaganda.

Chat and Ladybug doing nothing about the stupid as fuck statue because "Monarch had nothing to do with it," DID THESE IDIOTS LOSE THEIR FUCKING MINDS!? SERIOUSLY, CHLOE'S POSITION IS ILLEGAL!! IT HAS NO BASIS!! NO LEGITIMACY!! YOU COULD LITERALLY DRAG HER OUT "OFFICE" BY HER EAR AND IT WOULD BE JUSTIFIED SINCE THE POSITION OF MAYOR DOESN'T PASS TO THE MAYOR'S CHILD!!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!

Yet another case of Adrien trying to tell Marinette only to clam up when she asks him to talk to his dad to get him to stop Chloe... it's funny how this episode is ignoring that Gabe is a fucking terrible person, ESPECIALLY MARINETTE!! Girl, HE THREATENED YOUR FUTURE IN DESIGNING AND IS A TOXIC CONTROL FREAK!! YOU KNOW THIS!!! WHY THE HELL WOULD HE EVEN CARE ABOUT STOPPING CHLOE EVEN IF HE WASN'T MONARCH!!!

"Talking to my father won't solve anything." That's the most reasonable thing anyone has ever said this episode. And just as he's about to elaborate, Chloe shows up in a helicopter and yells at the Ice Cream Idiot if he got his permit, which he said he doesn't need. THIS is one of the very few good things she did this episode; over dramatic or not, you shouldn't EVER have someone without a permit selling food, especially not out of a fucking pushcart!!!

"No one can ever prevent you from bringing so much happiness!" What happiness? He's an annoying idiot who is hyper-fixated on relationships and throws a temper tantrum bad enough to get AKUMATIZED whenever he's "wrong."

And now Alya's missing!! What could ever be going on- oh for fuck's sake, it's obviously Chloe!! Seriously, how in the world is it that hard to wrap their heads around the idea that Chloe is snatching up and arresting anyone and everyone who she dislikes!? Even without Akuma powers, she could probably get it done by just hiring some shady goons!!!

And apparently Chloe sent the Dupain-Chengs to Detention... whatever the fuck that's supposed to be, for the crime of expecting her to pay like everyone else. Why the fuck is that even a dealbreaker for her!? HER WHOLE DEAL NOW IS THAT SHE'S RICH SO SHE DOESN'T NEED TO WORK OR DO ANYTHING, SO FLAUNTING HER WEALTH SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM FOR HER!! Seriously, I'm pretty sure they only did this to ensure Marinette "got on the right track."

Honestly, I'm genuinely confused on what Chloe's end goal is even supposed to be. She's just getting rid of anyone that annoys her. What is she gonna do when there's no one left to make go away?

Now FINALLY Adrien catches on that something is weird, and it looks like everyone is missing by this point, and when he finally goes to confront Chloe... her big "threat" is just to tell Marinette that Adrien is leaving to go to London at his father's insistence, which, again, even ignoring how she has no way of knowing that Chloe couldn't possibly know that he's been trying to tell Marinette ever since this nonsense started, LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS ARE A THING!! I GUESS that the fact he's been lying to her would put a strain on things, but not THAT big of a fucking strain!!

Also, while it's meant to be mean-spirited mockery, Chloe is basically spot-on that Adrien's been acting like a spineless puppet for who knows how long by this point. Even ignoring the whole "He's a sentimonster" thing, he has been completely spineless and a wet blanket regarding Gabe and refuses to actually stand up to himself for real.

We get a look at what "Detention" looks like, and apparently she even sent Andre there. I can't tell if Chloe deliberately designed the place without an exit, or if she just forgot. She's been made so stupid I wouldn't put either one past her.

"How can Chloe pull this off?" SHE IS AN AKUMA!! SHE LITERALLY TELEPORTED YOU INTO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AREA!! HOW FUCKING THICK CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE!? IT SHOULD BE ABUNDANTLY OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WHO SHE HAS BROUGHT TO "DETENTION" THAT SHE IS AN AKUMA BY THIS FUCKING POINT!!!!

Honestly, it's a bit weird that Chloe would have her screens say "I'll protect you, you can always count on me." Like, it honestly sounds GENUINE when the screens say it. If I didn't know that it's meant to just be a sign of how EEEEVVVIIILLL she is, I'd say that it's a reflection of her own deluded belief that she's the good guy and is in the right for her actions.

Okay, ignoring how Chloe somehow has this weird facility just... IN PARIS for some reason. Not even gonna acknowledge how much of a blatantly stupid cop-out it is. I'm just baffled how no one collapsed from hunger if she's had them literally doing nothing but walking in a huge-ass loop for hours?

I'm sincerely baffled how anyone would buy that Chloe has made "Paris utterly better then how it was before." She's basically done NOTHING, and why the FUCK would Chloe think anyone besides her mom and her mom's cronies would actually BUY THIS!? FOR GOD FUCKS SAKE!!! THIS ENTIRE BULLSHIT IS RUNNING OFF OF EVERYONE IGNORING THAT HER ENTIRE POSITION IS BULLSHIT!! WHY THE FUCK HAS THIS EVEN LASTED THIS LONG!? GET THIS THE FUCK OVER WITH!!!

At this point, I think there won't be anything more of depth to be said, so to spare my blood pressure, I'm just gonna wait for when she's defeated and I can unleash my rage on the ending.

Never mind, already reached my breaking point, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BULLSHIT!? CHLOE LITERALLY JUST ADMITTED TO BEING AKUMATIZED IN PUBLIC!! HOW THE FUCK HAS NO ONE COMPLAINED ABOUT THIS!? WHY THE FUCK DID IT TAKE SEEING THE INVULNERABILITY-ENHANCED SHELTERS BE WHAT TIPPED THEM OFF THAT MONARCH IS INVOLVED, SHE LITERALLY PARALYZED AND TELEPORTED THEM WITH ROBOTS!!! THIS IS UTTER FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!! FUCK THIS ROTTEN NOISE!!! BURN IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND AND DANCE ON THE ASHES!!!!

Oh, and the entire plot of "we can't wait for someone else to solve this problem, WE should've been solving it from the start" doesn't work even remotely because CHLOE NEVER EVEN SHOULD'VE BEEN A FUCKING PROBLEM THIS EPISODE!!!!

OH AND NOW IT APPEARS THEY CAN JUST TELL THEIR DETRANSFORMATION NOT TO HAPPEN BECAUSE FUCK WHATEVER INTERNAL CONSISTENCY EXISTS IN THIS BULLSHIT I GUESS!!!

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY EVEN DOING THIS STUPID SPEECH ABOUT "KEEP FIGHTING WITHOUT US" SUPPOSED TO BE!? WHAT FIGHTING!? THIS ENTIRE PLOT IS UTTER STUPIDITY BASED ON THEM ALWAYS DOING THE STUPIDEST POSSIBLE OPTION!!! FUCK ALL OF THIS!!! FUCK THIS PLOT!! FUCK THIS AKUMATIZATION!!! FUCK ALL THIS STUPID FUCKING NOISE!!!! THIS IS NOT SOME INSPIRATIONAL SCENE!!! IT IS STUPID!!! IT IS NOTHING BUT A WASTE OF FUCKING AIR!!!!

AND NOW GET THE POINT WHERE THEY LITERALLY FORCE THE DETRANSFORMATION TO REVERSE BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT!? WHY THE ABSOLUTE FUCK NOT!? WHAT BETTER WAY TO TOP OFF THIS BULLSHIT SUNDAY OF A FIASCO BY GIVING THEM THE ULTIMATE WRITERS COPOUT TO HAVING BEEN SET UP TO FUCKING FAIL IN THE MOST RIDICULOUS WAY IMAGINABLE!!!! GET THE FUCK OVER IT ALREADY!!!

"I guess they must've grown up, Master." GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT STUPIDITY!! THAT IS NOT WHAT BEING A GROWN UP MEANS!!! THIS IS JUST STUPIDITY!!!!

AND IT LOOKS LIKE THAT WHAT LILA WAS AFTER WAS THE STUPID FUCKING LAPTOP TOMOE HAD, NOT LIKE SHE COULDN'T HAVE JUST HAD CHLOE ARREST THEM WHEN THEY WENT TO MEET HER!!!

"I'm sure the people of Paris would love to have a Mayor like you!" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK UP!!!!

AND NOW WE GET TO THE UTTER STUPIDITY OF CHLOE GETTING VERBALLY ABUSED BY AUDREY WHILE ON THE WAY TO NEW YORK!!! THAT IS CLEARLY A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR AN ABUSED CHILD!!!

"I'm going to take control of your life again, starting with your education." WORD TO THE FUCKING WISE, ASSTRUC, IF YOU WANT TO CLAIM CHLOE ISN'T ABUSED, DO NOT HAVE THE WOMAN YOU REPEATEDLY MAKE VERBALLY ABUSE HER IMPLY THAT SHE HAS ABUSED CHLOE IN THE PAST!!!!

Huh, they actually had Chloe show an extremely brief moment of regret and vulnerability when looking at Sabrina's photo in her phone, too bad that won't amount to anything, especially when she immediately starts flicking over to Marinette's contact! Speaking of which, why the hell does she even HAVE Marinette in her contacts?

And Adrien never actually manages to tell Marinette he's leaving, what a WONDERFUL resolution to this stupidity thus far! And once again Nathalie proves to be a spineless worm in her refusal to actually stand up to Gabe's abusive control of Adrien and enabling his crimes.

And we get to see Adrien having an argument with Gabe about him living his own life. Wow, it's almost as if he's both forgotten that he can have a long-distance relationship AND can just, you know, run away?

If this scene of him calling Marinette with tears in his eyes is meant to be sad, it's ruined by the fact this show has utterly squandered Adrien's character by reducing EVERY FUCKING THING IN HIS LIFE UP UNTIL NOW TO BE ABOUT MARINETTE!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GUY WHO BROKE OUT OF HIS OWN HOUSE TO GO TO SCHOOL!? WHY IS HE STRUGGLING NOW OF ALL TIMES TO STICK UP FOR HIMSELF!? WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF IT ALL!?

I'm seriously baffled why Gabe's current plan requires Adrien to be away in a different country "to be safe," because it's not as if Adrien being safe has ever fucking factored into any of his plans prior to now!!!

And.... they kiss. Now. On the entryway to a plane, after WHO KNOWS HOW FUCKING LONG of teasing this bullshit. Also, HOW THE FUCK IS THE GORILLA AND A GROWN MAN STRUGGLING TO SEPARATE TWO FUCKING TEENAGERS!?!?

Now we are at the moment Chloe tries to tell Marinette the truth to hurt her, and it ends in Chloe crying alone on the plane when Marinette shuts her down by revealing she already knows (too late) and that she's fed up with Chloe's bullshit, despite having already said that in Season 1, and the entire thing ends on Lila trying to pry open the laptop she stole from Tomoe.

#miraculous ladybug #mlb season 5 salt #mlb season 5 spoilers #mlb writing critical #mlb writing salt

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k7l4d4 · 1 year ago

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I forgot to mention this, and am kicking myself for it: A friend of mine who lives in the Ukraine let me know that apparently the Russian Dub of this episode changed Caline and her wife into sisters... but left in the kiss between them. Which isn't an issue that the writers caused, for once, but I think it's utterly stupid and deserves mentioning for it.

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 22

Alright, now onto the episode where we are supposed to sympathize with Andre! Emphasis on "supposed to."

There are several things I could focus on with this episode. I could call attention to the show arbitrarily trying to have Caline attempt to reach out to Chloe only to get her gesture slapped away, despite the prior episode having her "realize there isn't any good in her" at the end. We could focus on how Gabe is once more being painted as sympathetic, alongside Nathalie, because of videos from Emilie, despite the fact that they've known about those videos all this time and knowingly chose to go against her wishes anyway, even though they had known for YEARS that she was going to die. There is a lot I could focus on.

But no, what I'm going to focus on is the episode trying to depict Andre as sympathetic and honestly failing. This episode tries to double-down on the idea that Andre secretly isn't a bad guy... but that's wrong. No matter how pushy or bratty his daughter and wife might be, Andre is a grown man, one that has basically been mayor longer then the majority of the cast has been alive, with his wife spending ninety percent of her time overseas, long enough that she had a kid with someone else (not that the series ever acknowledges this!!).

This episode tries to frame Andre as having no choice but to obey Chloe's whims... and anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, who has kids should know that that is a load of horse shit. Andre goes out of his way in this episode to downplay or ignore his actions, and treats his running away from the consequences of his own actions as some noble deed, rather then cowardice. His claims that "City Hall is no longer for sale" is a farce; by abandoning his position, he is, if anything, making it MORE vulnerable because there is no guarantee that whoever replaces him won't be able to be manipulated, and he's leaving all the damage he inflicted on the city over the course of his tenure in place. The man is a coward, and a social parasite of the highest order.

Beyond that, I think it's time to get onto the review. There is too much to go over and too little that I can use to accurately express my frustration. I hope you aren't disappointed, but please mind the profanity.

Episode 22: Collusion

Alright, we open with Gabe monologuing to his wife, once again ignoring how he's going against her wishes for his own selfish inability to let go and move the fuck on with his life, WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS SHIT!?!? Also, he mentions something about a cycle. Now, if this were a better written story, this might hint towards there being some kind of time loop going on, or what have you... but it's not, and I've got no fucking clue what this asshole means.

Considering we literally had it revealed this Season that Emilie explicitly DID NOT WANT HIM to pursue the Miraculouses in her name, him saying he swore in her name that he would reunite them feels disgusting on multiple levels. He is explicitly using her as justification for his own obsession, with no regard for the harm he's caused his son in the process. Get bent, asshole.

And now we get Nathalie watching the videos from Emilie who is trying to justify Gabe's actions by how he just gets too focused on his goals and that he's doing it all to make his wife happy, all while ignoring how this season has literally shown Gabe ignoring his son's happiness on every level and trying to dictate his life. You can't try and paint a man as being haunted by his actions and driven beyond belief in the sake of those he cares about while ALSO having him act as a direct and deliberate obstacle towards the happiness of his only child!! Also, Nathalie is far too late to start giving a shit about Gabe's actions, especially as she's refusing to bite the bullet and just TELL THE POLICE WHAT HE'S BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME. Seriously, STOP TRYING TO FUCKING PORTRAY NATHALIE AS SOME KIND OF MOTHER FIGURE FOR ADRIEN!! SHE HAS STOOD BY AND ENABLED ALL OF GABE'S BULLSHIT ALL THIS TIME!! THEY HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THESE VIDEOS ALL THIS TIME SO ALL HER WATCHING THEM IS DOING IS HER THROWING A FUCKING PITY PARTY FOR HERSELF!!! GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!

Now we get a montage of Adrien and Marinette spending their morning together through a video call. If it's meant to be sweet or cute, it's kinda undermined by the fact that being that fixated on your phone, up to the point of dragging it with you while you are brushing your teeth, is NOT healthy. Oh, and then we get Adrien walking into his kitchen where Gabe asks him if he's told Marinette about him moving to London... and for all that's good and decent in this world, I cannot fucking get WHY THE IDEA OF A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T OCCUR TO THEM. Seriously, they are literally showing off one of the premiere methods of making a long-distance relationship work, VIDEO CALLS!!! It would honestly be more impactful to focus on how him moving to London would impact his abilities to be a superhero, or how it means he won't be able to hang out with his friends like Nino and the rest anymore, not just fixating on why it's all about him and Marinette!!

"I'm doing this for your happiness," he says as if he hasn't literally threatened his son's girlfriend into breaking things off with him and dictates who his son can and can't hang out with. Nathalie offers a token effort of sticking up for Adrien, which I'm ignoring because again TOO FUCKING LATE BITCH. And STOP WITH THE FUCKING PANCAKE METAPHOR!!! IT DIDN'T WORK TO START WITH AND IT JUST SOUNDS STUPID!!!

One thing that kind of baffles me is why Adrien or Plagg think Adrien going to London is something he can refuse. Abusive asshole or not, Gabe is his guardian; if he decides to move Adrien to London, there's nothing he can do to prevent it short of running away. Aaannnddd we get a sappy comment about how him and Marinette will last forever, no matter what. HA!! HAHAH!!! No. Not even gonna pretend to take that seriously, it's too dumb. Also, really dumb thing; Adrien was STILL ON HIS VIDEO CALL when he walked into breakfast, and I didn't see him turn it off before Gabe dropped his bomb, so that should've honestly revealed at least SOMETHING of what is going on to Marinette, yet she doesn't seem to know. Let's see if that changes. And multiple failed attempts at a kiss in a row and I'm gagging; this is dumb. This isn't cute. This is just obnoxious.

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEIR CLASSMATES STILL FIXATED ON THIS!? THEY ARE TOGETHER, MISSION SOLVED, GET OVER IT AND GET TO CLASS!!! THEY AREN'T A LIVING SOAP OPERA FOR YOU TO GAWK AT!!! Rose... sweet, innocent Rose... FUCK OFF. Do NOT DEMAND SOMEONE KISS IN FRONT OF YOU!! THERE IS SO MUCH FUCKING WRONG WITH THAT I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO GET INTO WHY THAT IS WRONG!!! GET A THERAPIST GIRL!!! Also, shut up about the "will seal the eternal love" BS; that isn't how love works, that is not how ANY healthy and lasting relationship works, and you are fucking old enough to know this by now, who the fuck am I kidding, this is the girl who honestly wanted to be a hairstylist for mythological animals!!! I'm honestly half-expecting the reason for this scene is meant to be one of Astruc's terrible attempts to be "in on the joke" by "signaling" to viewers that he fully gets how annoying dragging out the kiss is, but trying to reassure them it's for a good cause. Too bad it's condescending as hell!!

Yeah, the way that Rose is talking really feels like this is badly done meta-commentary, given her gushing about Adrien and Marinette being the "Cutest sweethearts ever" that they've been "waiting forever for." It just plain DOES NOT WORK, because an actual group of people openly and deliberately shipping two people they actually know like that is uncomfortable as hell, and it's the kind of thing that kills a ship for me (there's a reason I don't like Molly x Ollie for TGAMM).

"We're just waiting for the right time!" No, you really aren't seeing as how the two of you literally both tried to kiss each other twice already only to stop when you saw the other person was trying to initiate it. That isn't "waiting for the right time" that's "pussyfooting around something you are well past the point of being able to just fucking DO by now!!"

Now they are doing the stereotypical "no you are" thing. Not cute, that's annoying as fuck. Also, them openly calling each other perfect is disgusting to me, considering how much this series itself has emphasized the toxicity of "perfect" as a concept. Them acting like lovestruck idiots gushing about how "perfect" the other is comes off as a red flag to me, not something sweet and/or entertaining. Even their classmates are fucking sick of it. Once again the show proves it can't do self-awareness to save its life.

Now we are in the classroom and Sabrina is apparently officially "good now," since she chooses to sit next to Nathaniel instead of Chloe. I'm honestly surprised Chloe didn't try and yell at her or anything and just sighed in exasperation. How long before this show makes things worse? And we get the grade-school insults upon seeing Adrien and Marinette, only this time she's focusing on Adrien. They really are committed to having her burn down every possible bridge they can.

Also, the way they are having Marinette confront Chloe by talking about how she was able to get rid of Lila, how she had to leave because of all her lies, while gripping Chloe's desk and looming over her... just the positioning and the way she's talking makes HER come across as the bully. Seriously, there is NO WAY TO MAKE HAVING YOUR PROTAGONIST THREATEN TO DO ALL SHE CAN TO GET SOMEONE KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL LOOK GOOD!!!

Now we get a look at Lila's lair, base, whatever this weird room with a map of Paris and a web of photos connected by strings is supposed to be. It's really disturbing to take in just how much of her life she's apparently willing to waste for... we haven't even been given a MOTIVE FOR HER YET. This isn't just pathetic, this is unhealthy. And we get a scene of Chloe choosing to play music and make a spectacle of herself. She isn't a threat. This, this petulant CHILD is not a threat. WHY IS THIS SHOW SO OBSESSED WITH MAKING HER LOOK LIKE SHE'S A THREAT!? THERE IS NO WAY TO TAKE HER SERIOUSLY AS ONE, SHE IS JUST ANNOYING!!!

Also, as an aside, as someone who has gone to school, any students unironically saying they care about the lesson is sus. On the other hand, them wanting her to quit being distracting is totally in-character; having someone be a jerk and loud is ANNOYING no matter where or when it happens. Also, oddly enough, while she took the wrong thing away from the lesson, she apparently WAS paying attention to it enough to correctly name and describe the subjects of it. It makes it a bit odd why Thomas insists she's dumb; lazy and unmotivated, maybe, but this scene makes it feel like the issue is that she thinks she doesn't need to apply herself. Then again, she's apparently ignorant of the fact that spending money makes it go away, and she can't expect to coast by on her family's collective wealth; as fucking awful as both of her parents are, they at least actually WORK and made their money.

Yup, Ms. Mendeleiev immediately proves to be just as, if not MORE spineless than Damocles. Marinette decides to scold Chloe over causing their pregnant teacher stress (despite her not seeming stressed out in the slightest), instead of Chloe once again abusing her father's authority to bully someone into doing what she wants. Alright, that's a choice I guess. And as meanly as she phrased it, Chloe's right; none of the class can STOP Chloe from abusing her dad's power and authority, only HE CAN.

What makes this stupider is that if Chloe was able to bully her dad into doing shit like this, WHY HASN'T SHE DONE IT BEFORE!?! For fuck's sake, this season has bent over backwards to make it clear that Chloe doesn't give a shit about protecting her reputation or being anything less then a complete and utter fucking pain in the ass, so why the fuck has it taken THIS FUCKING LONG for Caline to "realize" that Chloe is a cheater and a pain in the ass. If she was able to make her dad allow her to get away with playing music in class, WHY HASN'T SHE DONE IT BEFORE NOW!? The big fucking problem with all this is that if Chloe was ALWAYS supposed to be this bad, why hasn't she tried shit like this before?! WHY!?

Oh, and Andre isn't even pretending to give Chloe's whims legitimacy and just tells the school to let her do whatever she wants, and Ms. Mendeleiev keeps proving she's useless. "He's my superior." NO HE FUCKING ISN'T!! THE MAYOR OF PARIS HAS NO AUTHORITY LIKE THIS OVER THE SCHOOLS OF PARIS!! IT WAS LITERALLY A PLOT POINT IN SEASON 2 THAT HE HAS LIMITED ACTUAL AUTHORITY OVER THE SCHOOLS!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!!

And now Lila has Chloe faking Marinette hurt her... I can see where this is going. And wow, Chloe seriously forgot that she's already been ratted out as a liar to Miss B, this is fucking stupid. And yup, immediately throwing her weight around. And now they are gonna shoot Chloe's one act of genuine kindness towards Miss B in the foot, just like they did everything else. Honestly, them having her try and reach out to Chloe NOW of all times doesn't work, considering that last episode involved her "realizing that Chloe has no goodness in her." FUCK THIS NOISE.

"We all tried to help you." THE FUCK YOU DID!!! YOU HAVE DONE JACK SHIT TO HELP HER!! WHERE WERE YOU WHEN HER MOTHER VERBALLY ABUSED HER ON LIVE TV!? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN CHLOE WAS CHEATING!? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN CHLOE HAS BEEN ABUSING HER DAD'S AUTHORITY FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG!? YOU HAVE NEVER DONE SHIT TO HELP HER, YOU ARE JUST GASLIGHTING HER!! If she wasn't meant to be the bad guy, this would be more disgusting then it already is.

Yada yada, Chloe being awful, Mendeleiev being a spineless worm, Hawkmoth tries an Akumatization, Caline calms herself down. This would be more effective if it weren't for the fact that he successfully Akumatized her LAST TIME despite her not even being the actual fucking target; them introducing the possibility of an Akumatization being rejected was awesome at first, but now it just feels pathetic. Also, them making it look like Bustier's gonna cry doesn't work when her tone of voice NEVER FUCKING CHANGES.

I'm just... I'm literally fast-fowarding so much of this since it's nothing but contrivance. This is bullshit. This is SHIT. I'm just waiting for it to get to the scene where Gabe meets with the Mayor, because so far this is just engineered idiocy, minute after minute of Chloe being a braindead, upper-class twit stereotype who makes me want to punch a wall. There isn't anything emotionally impactful about this, it's just INFURIATING.

Okay, that didn't take too long, and we get the Security Robots. Honestly? For starters, ignoring the fact that Andre does not have the authority to affect Paris' police force in the slightest, getting rid of these things DOES NOT EQUATE TO GETTING RID OF THE POLICE. You CAN have both, and if anything having them work in coordination would be the optimal choice in terms of ensuring that they are following their duties properly.

"It seems like Ladybug and Chat Noir are the ones enforcing the law in Paris." ...What is that even supposed to MEAN!? Outside of blatantly WEIRD stuff like that thing with the flying clone dinos and their patrols, they only deal with supervillain stuff. HOW does dealing with the one thing that NO police force, robotic or otherwise, could handle equate to them "being the ones enforcing the law in Paris." And Hawkmoth HAS MADE TECH CONTROLLING VILLAINS BEFORE IN THE FORM OF ROBUSTUS!!! I'm aware that it's Gabe and Tomoe pushing this, but Andre should KNOW about Robustus, meaning he should have a ready made reason to NOT ACCEPT THEM that doesn't involve badly executed arguments!!!

Seriously, this episode's entire root conflict basically relies on Andre somehow not remembering Robustus. Oh, and now Lila's infiltrating the hotel, which makes no sense as I'm pretty sure that the workers would be able to tell she's not one of them. Blah blah blah, pretentious rich girl sounds from Chloe... Lila using her video camera to spy on them...

Also, how the hell does Andre not realize that letting his daughter talk to him like she's his boss makes him look like a complete and utter loser in front of Tomoe and Gabe?

Lila is literally having Chloe say things she knows will make Gabe want to Akumatize her, clearly these two are criminal masterminds. /s

Wow, Gabe describes Chloe acting like a pretentious little brat as "not being cowardly." Even ignoring how he's clearly only doing this for Akuma reasons, this is fucking stupid.

Andre earns one point for pointing out that trying to ban superheroes is dumb as people love Ladybug and Chat Noir (not even mentioning the impossibility of actually ENFORCING such a ban)... and immediately loses it for not realizing that he has allowed Chloe to get away with PLENTY unreasonable bullshit, so him standing up on not BANNING HER ENTIRE CLASS FROM EVER GOING TO ANY HIGH SCHOOL is utterly toothless. Heck, he's not even standing up to her, as he's literally just standing up to her in the most superficial and tepid way imaginable.

Weird, when Gabe revealed he's taking Adrien out of Paris, even if she almost used her new grade school insult for him, Chloe almost sounded WORRIED about him not being around. I have zero doubts in my mind that if the show bothered to acknowledge this, it'd be because she's "upset at losing a new target to make suffer" or some pretentious shit like that. I feel like I'm using pretentious a lot.

And Andre once again proves to be a completely spineless JOKE when he "promises to do whatever Chloe wants" so she'll stop pestering him. My guy, it is so far past any point where you could salvage your image, you should've shut her down and had the staff take her to her room THE SECOND SHE CAME IN YELLING AT YOU WHILE YOU WERE IN A FUCKING MEETING!!! All admitting you are bowing to her whims does is make you look like a spineless jackass.

Oh, and Lila feeding Chloe's ego by saying that Chloe's engineered temper tantrum was a "real display of power." Yeah, how in the WORLD could Chloe have turned out so awful. /s

We are back to the class, all of them deciding to spend their afternoon at Juleka's place, ROSE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE GODDAMN KISSES!!! Stop "awwwing" over them!! THEY ARE NOT THAT CUTE AS A COUPLE!!!!

And we're back to Gabe and Andre, Gabe's about to confront Andre, what was the fucking point with the scene at the boat?? They start off talking very familiar with each other, implying that they have history beyond both being Rich People In Paris, with Gabe basically pulling a "just trust me bro" to Andre's request for an explanation behind the robots. I'd honestly like one as well; what is even the fucking point of those stupid things?

"Remember when we were young and penniless?" No. NO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU DO NOT GET TO DO THAT!! YOU DO NOT GET TO STOP AND REMINISCE ABOUT BEING POOR, NOT WHEN YOUR FUCKING NAME IS LITERALLY A TERM FOR BEING BORN INTO FUCKING WEALTH AND PRIVILEGE YOU CORRUPT PIECE OF SHIT!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO START TALKING ABOUT "THE GOOD OLD DAYS" AFTER ALL THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT, NOT WHEN YOU AND GABE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PORTRAYED AS BEING RICH AS FUCK, EMILIE LITERALLY HAVING BEEN DESCRIBED AS FUCKING OLD MONEY!!! IF YOU WERE EVER FUCKING POOR FOR REAL I WOULD EAT MY LEFT FOOT!!!

"Don't you think we were much happier back then?" NO!! SHUT UP!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO GO "WOE IS ME" ABOUT BEING FUCKING RICH RIGHT NOW!! IT IS NOT A MATTER OF WHAT YOU HAVE NOW OR WHAT YOU HAD BACK THEN, ALL YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS ARE ENTIRELY BECAUSE YOU ARE A CORRUPT, SPINELESS PIECE OF HUMAN FILTH!!!! YOU MADE YOUR CHOICES!!!! YOU CHOSE TO BE A FUCKING MONSTER!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO BLAME BEING WEALTHY!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO DO THAT!!!!

"A woman who barely respects me, a selfish heartless daughter, and a city hall that I never wanted!" SHUT UP!! SHUT! THE FUCK!! UP!! STOP WHINING ABOUT HOW AWFUL YOUR LIFE IS!! YOUR WIFE DOESN'T RESPECT YOU BECAUSE SHE'S A BITCH AND BECAUSE YOU ARE A SPINELESS WORM WHO DESERVES NO RESPECT!!! CHLOE IS ONLY SELFISH BECAUSE YOU HAVE SPENT YEAR AFTER FUCKING YEAR SPOILING AND NEGLECTING HER!! YOU MADE THIS FUCKING BED AND YOU CAN GODDAMN LIE IN IT LIKE THE FLEA BITTEN DOG THAT YOU ARE!!! AND YOU NEVER WANTED CITY HALL, YOU COULD FUCKING QUIT AT ANY TIME!! NO ONE IS FORCING YOU INTO THIS LIFE!! NO ONE IS MAKING YOU DO ANY OF THIS SHIT!!! YOUR MISTAKES ARE YOUR OWN, OWN UP TO THEM FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A LIFE YOU LIVING SHITSTAIN!!!

"All my life I've lied, cheated, and abused my power." NO ONE FORCED YOU TO!! YOU DON'T GET TO BELLYACHE ABOUT YOUR MISTAKES WHEN YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING TO CORRECT THEM YOU DEGENERATE SACK OF WASTE!!!

"I've become a tyrant in service to my family and their friends," STOP FUCKING BLAMING YOUR OWN CHOICES ON YOUR FAMILY!! THEY HAVE NO POWER TO FORCE YOU TO ABUSE YOUR POWER, YOU CHOSE TO DO SO!!! CHLOE BEING A BRAT IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!! AUDREY DISRESPECTING YOU IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!! YOUR LIFE IS NOBODY'S FAULT EXCEPT YOUR OWN!!!!

God fucking dammit, that isn't out of my system, but if I keep pausing for every little thing that upsets me, I'm gonna have an aneurysm. Yadda yadda, long-winded lecture about Andre abusing his power in stupid ways that he has no power to actually enforce, we get the "reveal" that Gabe used to be better, once again without any evidence when all the evidence regarding his treatment of Adrien instead points to him having always been a self-absorbed, self-righteous control freak, and FUCK does this bullshit piss me off. There is NOTHING I loathe more than slimeballs like Andre, who whine and cry about how unfair life is when everything being shit is entirely a product of their own actions, grow the fuck up and start doing something productive with your life. You've got the office, stop bending over backwards like a coward and just DO YOUR FUCKING JOB.

"Maybe there's still hope, maybe we can still change." I do not trust you to "change" in any meaningful way that doesn't involve running away from your mistakes and leaving someone else to clean up the mess. "Give up our privileges, go back to the way it was," yup, immediately proven right. His idea of "changing" is "plug his head in the sand, ignore reality, and act as if all the damage he's caused is no longer his problem." THIS is the man they want us to sympathize with? Yeah, fuck that.

Also, the way they used "privileges" reminds me of Astruc's bullshit about Chloe not redeeming or changing as a person. WHAT fucking privileges?? His status as the Mayor? All he has to do is stop running each election. Give up his money?? He's already rich because of his fucking hotel, that's not happening, and it means he'll still have a massive status to rely on. WHAT fucking privileges could he even give up!?

"City hall is no longer for sale." What, have you been making illicit deals like this with Tomoe before now? If it's ever been "for sale" you've got no one but yourself to blame. And Gabe had been recording the entire thing, and Andre's monologue just so happened to include a sarcastic list of awful abuses of power, conveniently all in a row, that Gabe can neatly and easily edit down into a "confession" he can use to induce an Akumatization, because apparently he can't just force the process despite having shown that yes, he can do exactly that during Zombizou. Also, weird thing with the edited video, it somehow changed the pitch and tone without any efforts to actually DO that, he just shuffled stuff around.

Caline's Akuma form is stupid looking on so many levels, and why would she even NEED the Pig Miraculous power?? Hawkmoth has made forced recruitment powers LOADS OF TIMES!! Heck, this time is even weaker then normal since her recruits are FUCKING BALLOONS!!!

Gabe and Tomoe plot to make Chloe look like a savior, I wonder how in the world they'll do that. /s

And now Caline's Akuma is on live TV, announcing her intentions. I can't even take her words seriously because of how stupid she looks.

Back to Adrien and Marinette, and right when it looks like Adrien's gonna share the bad news, word about Caline getting Akumatized arrived. They aren't even trying not to drag this out anymore.

Adrien, it's NEVER going to be the right time. It's the kind of thing you just have to get over with. Ideally, you do it in a situation where the other person is comfortable. But there's never gonna be a "right time for it."

Zoe takes off running after seeing the doctored video, and we get a scene with Chloe, who shows... well, annoyance at Andre's words. Either because she's dumb enough to think that this is a genuine and knowing confession, or because she has enough moral standards to know that what he's suggesting is idiotic... who am I kidding, of course it's because they think she's stupid.

Yeah, she's just stupid. She literally had to have Lila spell out the problem with assuming she'll still have any kind of power or protection from her actions after this engineered confession.

Caline confronts the cops, and after slashing through a bunch of them... all except the two that are LITERALLY right next to her landing spot are just standing in place, not doing anything, despite holding weapons. They, they aren't even RUNNING AWAY FROM THE SUPERVILLAIN IN THEIR MIDST. Also, this scene honestly makes Tomoe and Gabe's creation of a robotic police force look JUSTIFIED just due to how utterly incompetent the cops come off here.

"I think it's strange that Monarch would support a revolutionary." Ladybug, he literally already did this with Darkblade. He might've been more about personally seizing power, but it is literally the exact same fucking principle. He doesn't "support" anyone, he uses people's personal crusades as a bludgeon to get his way, nothing more and nothing less.

"A revolution when everyone is corrupt," you literally heard a single clip regarding a single politician. If that's proof that everyone's corrupt, that points more to you having been one bad day from going on a rampage to start with.

Also, just noticed, her "army" is even weaker than minion-maker Akumas normally are; they literally can't do anything but FLOAT THERE.

"It's not up to us to decide who should or shouldn't be a mayor, we just need to deakumatize the villain." ...NO FUCKING DUH!? FOR FUCK'S SAKE, THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT YOU WERE ALREADY DOING!! ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY YOU WEREN'T TAKING HER SERIOUSLY TO START WITH!? IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE IT, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW, I'M NOT THE CREATOR WHO DECIDES EVERYTHING IN-UNIVERSE!!!

Oh hey, the Balloons finally do something, I wonder how hard it'll be to make literal balls of air go away... Oh, they are actually struggling. That's honestly sad.

"Deep down, he's not a bad mayor!" Zoe's on the scene for some reason, and trying to talk down an Akuma, clearly that'll do something. /s

Also, no Zoe, your step-dad is a TERRIBLE mayor. He's done nothing but use and abuse his powers for YEARS, and no matter what he says to the contrary, it's entirely his own fault, and he is literally planning on abandoning his position, doing nothing to actually correct his mistakes, to live out his hobby.

"I thought we were friends, Gabriel, but it seems that is no longer the case!" Andre, buddy, for him being your "friend," the two of you never hang out or communicate in any way. Heck, why would you think he's your friend when he literally made a high-end "get along shirt" to mock your dysfunctional marriage?

"Then again, what you did was finally the push I needed to make the right decision." I suspect you don't mean "own up to my mistakes and do all in my vast power as both the Mayor and a wealthy hotel owner to correct them and keep them from coming back again."

Seriously, why the hell aren't Ladybug and Chat just taking her out from behind. SHE IS DISTRACTED!! YOU LITERALLY SAID YOURSELF THAT IT IS NOT UP TO YOU TO DECIDE WHO GETS TO BE MAYOR OR NOT, YOUR ENTIRE POINT IS TO DEFEAT AKUMAS AND SHE IS NOT SO INTIMIDATING THAT YOU NEED TO ENABLE SOMEONE WHO IS CLEARLY NOT IN THEIR RIGHT FUCKING MIND!!!

Yup, just got confirmed that he's going to weasel his way out of his responsibilities and the consequences of his actions. Corruption carries steeper penalties then just losing the job, there's jail time and steep fines involved.

"The Lucky Charm was warning me about her!" ...How? How in the WORLD could it be warning you about the powerless BRAT before you? I just... I cannot deal with this shit. This is just stupid.

Also, this scene kinda shoots the "her spotty vision is all in her head" idea in the foot given that it only went off after Chloe entered the room. If it's meant to be a representation of Marinette being creative, it fails massively when it's clearly reacting exclusively to her biases right now.

"A crown for the queen of brats" OH GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF YOU LEATHER CAT-SUIT WEARING SIMP!!!

And here comes the scene of Chloe illegally taking power that she doesn't actually have, and trying to pin the blame on Ladybug and Chat Noir. How pathetic. And everyone watching the news as Chloe appoints herself mayor... I'm pretty sure the VICE MAYOR is the person who gets the position if anyone wants it. Also, if Andre DID resign under duress, he's technically still in office and can just COME BACK.

Also, if anyone believes that CHLOE of all people, especially when she's actively in the middle of illegally seizing power, would unironically say "power must return to the people," they are an idiot.

WOW, she just declared the known terrorist an outlaw, THAT will actually mean something and have a tangible effect on what happens going forward! /s

Not even gonna touch her "outlawing" Ladybug and Chat Noir, since that's stupid to start with.

#miraculous ladybug #mlb season 5 salt #mlb season 5 spoilers #mlb writing critical #mlb writing salt

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