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I keep scrolling through this big list of movie industry people's top ten 21st century movies, and it's making me think of all the movies I saw at The Capri 20 years ago: Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Amelie, Russian Ark, You Can Count on Me, Run Lola Run, Talk to Her, The Lives of Others, Before Night Falls, Four Months, Three Weeks and Two Days. Many of these movies are on people's lists! And I saw them all in an independent theater when they premiered.

At this point all I do on this Tumblr is blather on about movies and how much I appreciate The Capri, but damn I really do. When you're from the middle of nowhere, you're never on the forefront of any kind of culture or art, but I got to see some damn good movies when I was a 19yo know-nothing, and it really shaped me!

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We’d signed Riv up for swim classes at the Y, but all he was doing there was laconically kicking while teenagers held him. Meanwhile, he can actually swim. So we’re continuing to work on his swimming in our pool and we discontinued lessons. We’ll sign him up again later when he can join an age group old enough to be taught specific strokes.

Having the pool in the backyard has felt a little scary at times, but it’s 100% the reason that our 2yo-almost 3yo can swim and feels so confident in the water. We also don’t let him use puddle jumpers or a life jacket in the pool (in a lake or ocean is another matter) so that he has to continue to learn how to actually swim, float, and get out of the pool on his own. Obviously we watch him constantly.

He did tell me he peed in the pool yesterday, so there are some hazards 😂

A pool was on our wish list when we bought this house, and I go back and forth about whether that was a good idea, but we have multiple layers of safety: an alarm system, childproof covers on door knobs, a fence, and we’re teaching him how to swim.

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Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Annihilation, Eastern Promises, Marie Antoinette, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Zone of Interest, Past Lives, Bridget Jones’s Diary, Moon, Jennifer’s Body, Little Women, Jo Jo Rabbit, Ex Machina

I had fun filling out the NYT ballot for best movies of the 21st century. Honestly, I don't even think this ballot really represents what I think are the top ten. I just didn't want to spend more time thinking about ranking. Here are many more that I really, really love:

Amélie, Interstellar, The Florida Project, Anora, Before Sunset, The Lives of Others, Donnie Darko, Spirited Away, The Rider, Pride and Prejudice, 1917, Pan's Labyrinth, Interstellar, Gravity, Call Me by Your Name, 4 months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days, Y tu mamá también, The Handmaiden, In the Mood for Love, Grizzly Man, Moonlight, It Follows, The Babadook, Midsommar, The Witch, Avengers: Endgame, The Village, The Tree of Life, Aftersun, The Edge of Tomorrow, Sinners, Let the Right One In, The Hurt Locker, Little Miss Sunshine, Kill Bill Vol. 1, Talk to Her, Waitress, Anchorman, Booksmart, Thor: Ragnarok, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Legally Blonde, Miss Congeniality, Sean of the Dead, Sideways, High Fidelity, Dogtooth, The Royal Tenenbaums, Eighth Grade, Everybody Wants Some, In Bruges, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Idiocracy, Step Brothers, Bridesmaids, Bachelorette, etc. because I'm sure I'm forgetting movies I love.

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Just reblogging a little thing I wrote about one of the most startling and complicated books I've ever read.

This book has made me feel many complicated things: shame because reading it is the equivalent of engaging in literary rubbernecking; pleasure because it's compulsively readable; annoyance because of the author's maximalist style; etc.

Mostly, it's a book unlike any other I've ever read, and I have no idea how the author has escaped being sued by his late wife's family. It's so sprawling and emotional--a post-mortem (nearly literal) of the events leading up to and after a suicide and how generational trauma fed into it. I was a fan of Molly's writing and poetry beforehand, and I knew the book would reveal, among other things, her many secrets, betrayals, and contradictions. You really feel, as a reader, that you have no right to the information inside. But B*tler also imbues his narrative with sensitivity, candor, and loads of empathy. This is not a hit job, even though it seems like it should be.

Some quibbles: while the first half is as tight as a thriller, the second half unravels into self-indulgence. There's some weird supernatural stuff that is just wacky. I bought this book secondhand, and so it's a first edition, and it's packed with typos and mistakes that should have been caught in copy-editing. Also, I'm curious how this poet and fiction writer ever shared their writing with each other because B*tler's style is so maximalist to the point of being often nonsensical. As a poet I'm obsessed with concision, so I was editing nearly every sentence in my head as I read this book. It could have easily been 20-30 pages shorter just by cutting unnecessary, vague, and clunky clauses.

Despite all that, I'm glad I read this book. I would not ever, EVER recommend it to anyone who has ever struggled with suicidal ideation, though.

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Oh no! I forgot Billy Elliot! How could I have forgotten Billy Elliot!

I had fun filling out the NYT ballot for best movies of the 21st century. Honestly, I don't even think this ballot really represents what I think are the top ten. I just didn't want to spend more time thinking about ranking. Here are many more that I really, really love:

Amélie, Interstellar, The Florida Project, Anora, Before Sunset, The Lives of Others, Donnie Darko, Spirited Away, The Rider, Pride and Prejudice, 1917, Pan's Labyrinth, Interstellar, Gravity, Call Me by Your Name, 4 months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days, Y tu mamá también, The Handmaiden, In the Mood for Love, Grizzly Man, Moonlight, It Follows, The Babadook, Midsommar, The Witch, Avengers: Endgame, The Village, The Tree of Life, Aftersun, The Edge of Tomorrow, Sinners, Let the Right One In, The Hurt Locker, Little Miss Sunshine, Kill Bill Vol. 1, Talk to Her, Waitress, Anchorman, Booksmart, Thor: Ragnarok, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Legally Blonde, Miss Congeniality, Sean of the Dead, Sideways, High Fidelity, Dogtooth, The Royal Tenenbaums, Eighth Grade, Everybody Wants Some, In Bruges, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Idiocracy, Step Brothers, Bridesmaids, Bachelorette, etc. because I'm sure I'm forgetting movies I love.

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Oh! I forgot A History of Violence! I loooove A History of Violence, and it would have probably made my top ten.

I had fun filling out the NYT ballot for best movies of the 21st century. Honestly, I don't even think this ballot really represents what I think are the top ten. I just didn't want to spend more time thinking about ranking. Here are many more that I really, really love:

Amélie, Interstellar, The Florida Project, Anora, Before Sunset, The Lives of Others, Donnie Darko, Spirited Away, The Rider, Pride and Prejudice, 1917, Pan's Labyrinth, Interstellar, Gravity, Call Me by Your Name, 4 months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days, Y tu mamá también, The Handmaiden, In the Mood for Love, Grizzly Man, Moonlight, It Follows, The Babadook, Midsommar, The Witch, Avengers: Endgame, The Village, The Tree of Life, Aftersun, The Edge of Tomorrow, Sinners, Let the Right One In, The Hurt Locker, Little Miss Sunshine, Kill Bill Vol. 1, Talk to Her, Waitress, Anchorman, Booksmart, Thor: Ragnarok, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Legally Blonde, Miss Congeniality, Sean of the Dead, Sideways, High Fidelity, Dogtooth, The Royal Tenenbaums, Eighth Grade, Everybody Wants Some, In Bruges, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Idiocracy, Step Brothers, Bridesmaids, Bachelorette, etc. because I'm sure I'm forgetting movies I love.

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I think the thing I love about this best movies of the 21st century (so far) project is that these are all movies I either encountered in the theater or at least watched soonish after they came out. I not only enjoyed the movies but I was in conversation with them within the cultural zeitgeist.

I've watched a lot of movies from the past century just to catch up on my cultural knowledge, and for fun of course, but the past 25 years of movies are MY time. They're MY movies.

And speaking of movies, this afternoon I'm going to see Materialists, and I'm really looking forward to it.

[kabillieu]

I had fun filling out the NYT ballot for best movies of the 21st century. Honestly, I don't even think this ballot really represents what I think are the top ten. I just didn't want to spend more time thinking about ranking. Here are many more that I really, really love:

Amélie, Interstellar, The Florida Project, Anora, Before Sunset, The Lives of Others, Donnie Darko, Spirited Away, The Rider, Pride and Prejudice, 1917, Pan's Labyrinth, Interstellar, Gravity, Call Me by Your Name, 4 months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days, Y tu mamá también, The Handmaiden, In the Mood for Love, Grizzly Man, Moonlight, It Follows, The Babadook, Midsommar, The Witch, Avengers: Endgame, The Village, The Tree of Life, Aftersun, The Edge of Tomorrow, Sinners, Let the Right One In, The Hurt Locker, Little Miss Sunshine, Kill Bill Vol. 1, Talk to Her, Waitress, Anchorman, Booksmart, Thor: Ragnarok, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Legally Blonde, Miss Congeniality, Sean of the Dead, Sideways, High Fidelity, Dogtooth, The Royal Tenenbaums, Eighth Grade, Everybody Wants Some, In Bruges, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Idiocracy, Step Brothers, Bridesmaids, Bachelorette, etc. because I'm sure I'm forgetting movies I love.

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I've really been enjoying this Japanese Breakfast album. Right on time, too, because I'd been in a music rut.

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Mary Oliver, Everything

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I'm spending my morning doing a lot of housekeeping tasks that are giving me a TON of anxiety. I'm continuing my email-palooza of emailing random people asking for favors, and it feels HORRIBLE. I'm trying to schedule an interview, place a book review (that I haven't written yet--oops), and secure one more blurb for my book.

I also have to proofread my dissertation and email it, along with a Zoom link and date, to my committee.

And I have to order my PhD regalia, which you think would be fun but it's really just making me so anxious. Like what if I'm fucking up on all these little tasks that I have to do to graduate, and I order my regalia but then I still don't graduate.

Anyway, I am just having a HIGH ANXIETY day, and I need to just accept that I feel this way and move through it. It will get better once I've resolved some of these tasks. Today is just a day for feeling shitty. And that's fine.

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Back and I have a million things to do. But at least my toddler is at daycare.

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Break for talking about food and diet stuff.

I’m trying to change some of my eating habits for health reasons. I already eat a varied diet, but I loooove cheese and snacking and sweets. I haven’t really thought about food since I was in my 20s and trying very hard to be very thin.

I haven’t watched what I eat since then because I try not to be weird or restrictive around food anymore. But now I need to make changes for my health. I also learned that I’m probably genetically predisposed to this (extremely common) condition because my mom was diagnosed with it at my age. She controls it with diet and lifestyle, so I probably can too.

I'm so grateful that I'm mostly finished with my PhD and have the time and space to eat better. I'm doing really simple things like eating lots more fiber, nuts, and seeds and trying to get more protein from plants. I also started (very slowly and very gently because I'm trying not to hurt myself) running again. These are changes that will help me as I get further into midlife anyway.

Anyway, I feel good about making these changes, and I hope I can sustain them.

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I continue to be a big fan of Riv’s artwork. So expressionist! And some mixed media on the two on the right.

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Choosing to ignore horrific current events for tonight. I’ll dial back in eventually.