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i don’t know how to ask for help i disappear and come back when i’m good

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chat how do i kill the desire to be wanted and chosen before it kills me

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To uderza inaczej, gdy wycierasz własne łzy i mówisz sobie, że dasz radę.

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edt

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no more bare minimum, I want the moon & the stars. maybe even a planet at this point.

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“There’s an ocean inside your chest.”

— Chelsea Wolfe, from Pain Is Beauty; “House Of Metal,” c. September 2013

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I need this desperately

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Anne Sexton, from The Complete Poems of Anne Sexton; "The Balance Wheel,"

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✞ 666 ✞

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Pier Paolo Pasolini, from “Prayer to My Mother”

Text ID: I’m here, alone, with you, in a future April...

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Romance is tempting, but I’m too obsessed with becoming someone I don’t want to run from.

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it's a different type of pain when you don't cry anymore, you just take a deep breathe and accept it.

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I went out fishing today. The fog was heavy in the early morning and the gators were out. The bullfrogs were singing at the top of their voices, incredibly distinct even across those vast distances. The catfish weren’t biting, but I caught (and released) many bluegill. The sun came out after I had been out there for a few hours, and the fish went to hide in the shadows under the pier to escape the Texas sun. I threw the bluegill the rest of my bait and I went for a hike. I was lucky enough to see an 8ft gator and to witness a snake eat a toad. What a miracle it is that we are a part of nature too. Thank god for my mortality.

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Kahlil Gibran to Mary Haskell "You are like the great Spirit, though always a woman. You are the breath of my soul and the life of my heart."

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Something claws inside my chest, wild and desperate, beating faster than thought, faster than reason. My mind fractures, and all that remains is the need—to dig my nails into something living, to tear, to ruin, to create destruction as intimately as art.

I want to press my fingers into my skin until red blooms like proof, to watch it drip, to trace it into something mine. I want someone to hold my heart, feel it's pulse, press down just to remind me I am not a ghost. I want to split myself open, let the intensity spill, let it wreck, let it matter.

It is too much and never enough all at once.