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kaiasullivan · 3 years ago

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Hello! Can I ask for a Tommy Shelby reader request where he maybe comforts reader after she breaks up with a guy (he’s not like rude or anything just doesn’t feel like it’s gonna work) and she like sad and Tommy is comforting and supportive about it (even if his kinda happy she’s single now) and it’s it’s just kinda fluffy and stuff. I really kinda wanna see stuff like that right now but it’s ok if you don’t want to do it though!

Ooooh I loved this! Thank you for the request!!

XOXO

Rated: G - fluff

The Shelby boy’s were never impressed with the men who took you on dates. John and Arthur would always find something about them and try to talk you out of it. Most of the time you didn't need them to help figure it out.

You didn't really have a spark with Edmund, nothing to fuel a great romance novel. But you felt comfortable around him which was a step further than you’d made it before. You hoped that it would grow into something more as time went on.

You were hopeful, until he showed up at your door unannounced. You took him in for coffee and he disclosed he was going to be moving across the country to be more involved with his family's business and to look after his mother. She had fallen ill and in your heart you knew he was a good son to go home and handle it.

But your involvement with the Shelby business was a lifetime commitment. Not that Edmund was asking you to leave with him. Tears stung your eyes, you told him that you hoped his mother was alright, that he was doing the right thing. And the honorable thing by coming over as soon as he found out and breaking things off gently.

He looked at you with sad eyes, and you felt that there definitely could have been more between the two of you in time. You made him promise to write, and if he ever needed help to let you know. He said he looked forward to remaining friends, then you hugged goodbye.

What he was doing was understandable, and yet tears welled up in your eyes. Men like him were hard to come by, and you were enjoying having someone to share things with. You called the shop and Finn answered, so you let him know to tell the others you were unwell. Then you grabbed a bottle of wine and crawled into bed with an old worn out paper back.

------------------

Little did you know, Tommy had seen Edmund at docs. Over hearing that he was moving his business back home. He had Charlie cancel his meeting and got to the shop as quickly as he could.

There’s no way Edmund would be stupid enough to leave someone like her behind. There’s no way I would let him take her anyway. He thought to himself, but he knew it was a lie. You’d made an agreement to be involved in the business, and no one walks away from business like this. But he knew if it would make you happy he would find a way. It would be expensive, but he’d do it.

His heart sank when Finn told him you’d not come in. Without asking why he moved down the street to your flat. He expected to blow open the door to see you with the radio on packing up all your books and sweaters. His heart started to race.

He gave a knock on the door with no answer. Maybe you’d already left? Surely you would have called to say goodbye?

____________________________________

Readers POV

You pulled your tipsy self from your warm bed, hating every cold stride to the door.

You opened it, not caring that you looked a mess. Until you saw it was Tommy, looking very pissed off.

“I’m sorry - I haven't ever missed a day before - I just-” Tears came back, you didn't want to upset Tommy. He was a difficult man to be around, even more difficult to work for at times. He came inside, shutting the door and wrapped his arms around you.

“If you want to go I’ll have it arranged.” He said in a tense voice.

“Go where? I wanted the day off, not to lose my job.” You broke the hug slightly to look up at him.

“You’re staying?” He looked at you in disbelief.

“Where would I go?” You scrunched up your face in confusion.

“I heard Edmund was leaving. I just assumed -”

“We broke up.” The tears started again and he moved you to the couch to sit down. “His mother is ill, and we liked each other. But it was way too soon to ask me to give up my life here, so he didn’t”

“And that was the right thing to do?” Tommy asked you and you felt a sort of private amusement at how out of place he seemed.

You nodded.

“Then why are you sad?” He asked bluntly.

“I really liked him, he was nice and - I just - he was more of a friend really. But a good friend.”

Tommy gave you a strange look.

“You have lots of good friends.”

“Yeah but I really thought this was going somewhere more.”

You could see something change slightly in his composure.

“Anyone would be lucky to be more than a friend to you, love. The right people are always where you least expect it, yeah?” There was an intensity in his eyes that made you want to investigate his words further. You sniffled and nodded.

“Let’s get some tea and breakfast.” Tommy stayed and made you breakfast, he even told you a few jokes. Suddenly you wished more than ever, that you could get a chance to get close to this part of him.

The week passed and you were grateful he was around more. Checking in on you in his own way.

One morning down at the shop John and Arthur insisted on taking you out for a walk. You agreed, wondering what kind of trouble they were going to drag you into.

They sat you on a park bench and went into a lengthy presentation as to why Thomas Shelby was a horrible man. You just laughed the whole time wondering what brought on such a show.

“So to wrap things up. If the idiot asks you out, you just say -No!-” Arthur finished mocking your voice.

“You boys are crazy if you think he cares for me like that” You shook your head. They dropped you back off at the shop.

Sometime around Lunch Tommy came into the office.

You absently said hello while still calculating sums. He didn't reply, coming over to stand in front of your desk. You looked up at him putting down your pen.

“Do you want to go to dinner with me?”

“Yes” You blurted out, knowing you probably looked like you’d seen a ghost.

“Sorry, Yes. That sounds nice.” You said in a softer tone with a smile.

“I’ll pick you up at 8 then.” He winked at you then went into his office. You slumped into your chair, slightly out of breath. Your whole body was a few degrees hotter, completely unable to think about what problem you were working on.

You thought about all the reasons the boys gave you, but you knew nothing in the world was going to stop you from letting him break you. Suddenly you realised that you were swallowed up by new feelings. Thick, heavy feelings that held your bones tightly.

Maybe this friendship was already something more?

Tag list: @tommydoesntpayforsuits @misselsbells06 @peakyevans @queenofkings1212,

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kaiasullivan · 3 years ago

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𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐲. || 𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐛𝐲 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 @randomoutsiders : 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐛𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐲, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩

𝐚/𝐧: 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐛 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥

𝐜𝐰: 𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 (𝐦), 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Tommy’s attention left the book in his hands, the sound of you twisting and turning in the sheets breaking his concentration. He watched you wriggle around in bed, huffing as you tried to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.

“Darling,” Tommy’s voice finally boomed from the corner, and you froze, knowing he was reprimanding you for squirming and staying up.

“Can’t sleep,” you whined, sitting up in bed.

“I don’t think you’re trying too hard,” he accused, setting his book aside and lifting a drink to his lips.

“Tommy!”

He smirked at your protest, and you climbed out of bed, ignoring the disapproving look it earned you. He watched you climb over to him, sitting on the floor between his legs, gazing up at him with sleepy eyes.

“What?” He asked with an amused smile, brushing his fingers over your cheek.

You leaned into his touch, practically begging for him to relieve your insomnia. He watched as you shyly reached up to his waistline, unsnapping the buttons of his trousers. A smirk pulled at his lips, amused by your neediness even as you could barely stay awake.

Tommy lifted his hips off of the chair, letting you strip him naked. You knelt between his knees, cautiously wrapping your hand around his length and stroking until it hardened, growing in your hand.

“Look what you do to me,” he breathed softly, still brushing his fingers over your cheek.

You pushed up on your knees and wrapped your lips around the tip of his cock, the burning ache that had kept you awake, immediately starting to satiate. His strong hands cradled your head, fingers winding through your tresses and guiding you to take him deeper down your throat.

“Bloody gorgeous, suckin’ my cock like a whore,” he groaned, rocking his hips and bumping the back of your throat, making tears well in your waterline.

You moaned around him, aroused by his filthy, sweet degradation. You savored the taste of him, your nose brushing his hips as he buried himself in your mouth, throbbing as you hollowed your cheeks. Tommy swore, guiding your head to bob, trying to delay his own satisfaction, not yet ready to forfeit the feeling of fucking your throat.

“Tommy, please,” you begged him to come in your mouth as he let you breathe for a brief moment, his pupils dilated in lust.

“I want to come in your pussy,” he argued, trying to pull you off the floor by your hair.

“No, I want to taste,” you whined, letting him pull on your hair as you struggled against him.

“You’ve gotten quite the attitude,” he stood suddenly, dragging you to the bed with him.

“I’ll come in your mouth, after I fuck your cunt since you want to be a little brat,” Tommy spoke as he manhandled you to all fours.

You arched your back, screaming into the sheets as he pounded into you from behind. Tommy’s hips slammed against your ass, thrusting easily from how slick you were just from sucking him off. The sheets twisted in your fingers as you writhed beneath him, squealing as an orgasm ripped through your body. Tommy held your hips as you attempted to squirm away from the overstimulation, crying out his name as pleasure burned through your limbs, stealing the breath from your lungs.

A sigh of relief left your lips as he pulled out, your own release now smeared over his cock. Tommy held your head as he sank back into your mouth, filling you with your own taste. His hand wrapped around your neck, squeezing just enough that he could feel himself in your throat as he fucked himself to completion, spilling hot ropes of cum over your tongue and down your throat.

You lapped at the head of his cock, trying to get everything from him as he hissed at the sharp stimulation.

“Fucking greedy,” he huffed, pulling away from you and grabbing a cloth to clean up the rest of your mess.

“Tired?” He asked, settling down and moving your head to rest on his thigh.

You murmured something incoherent, hardly able to keep your eyes open as his fingertips trailed down your side. He watched you lull yourself to sleep, exhausted and pleased from being thoroughly fucked.

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kaiasullivan · 3 years ago

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The Layers of Thomas Shelby - Wrath (one-shot)

Synopsis: He was soft as a snowflake with her, but that wrath he had in his veins still remained. Especially towards those who want to harm her.

A sort of a Soft continuation

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x fem!Reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: swearing, blood, implied sexual assault, sexy times (just a lil bit smutty), injuries, Y/N being a menace and doing and saying dumb things when she shouldn’t

Word count: 4486

Wrath was something Thomas Shelby was very familiar with. He felt it course through his veins whenever he saw and had dealings with rival gangs, he felt it overtake his mind whenever a business transaction went awry, and he felt it blind his sight whenever an employee screwed something up, ruining things for him. But never had he felt such absolutely consuming rage as he did when he came back home, entered his room, and found it trashed with blood spatter on the windows, mirror, and his marriage bed without his wife anywhere in sight.

He knew someone had taken her. He`d gotten threats about it before, and although he didn`t think anyone would be stupid enough to actually go through with them, he`d increased the security around her. That is on top of the security measures he`d taken after what had happened at the charity ball where Y/N had ended up taking a bullet to the shoulder. It seemed that not only would he have to kill whoever took her, but also the imbeciles who hadn`t done their jobs.

Keep reading

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kaiasullivan · 3 years ago

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déshabillé

tommy shelby x fem!reader

word count - 2,018

warnings - smut, undressing, nsfw

A/N - It's here!! It can be thought of as a writing exercise of sorts (learning how to write smut) and while I said there's striptease, it's actually just about slowly stripping Tommy. I don't even understand this...but I spent 6 hours on this, so naturally I'm posting it.

***

"Where is the champagne? I asked you to refill the glasses hours ago." You told the caterer brusquely before going back to check the flowers.

Eyeing the arrangements, you allowed yourself a moment to pat yourself on the back.

One week of marriage, and you were already hosting charity dinners. Your husband, Thomas Shelby was good, if only a little reticent and very busy. But more than his reticence and busyness, it was his formal behaviour that irked you. You were a little shy considering it was your first marriage, but he took your shyness as fear and had never done anything except give you a polite kiss. That too just for the sake of appearances.

"What are you doing here, (Y/N)?" Ada demanded as she appeared in front of you out of nowhere, an army of Shelby women following close behind her.

"The cake is very good." You said through a full mouth.

"Your husband is flirting with the Duchess, and you're eating cake?" She asked in mild shock.

Casting a careless glance at your husband and the Russian Duchess, you shrugged. "He's not flirting. He's talking."

"You need to get your eyes checked, sweetheart." Polly added with an amused grin.

"With a woman like that, everything has a hidden meaning." Esme concurred.

"What do you mean?" You asked, dumbfounded by the onslaught of the Shelby women.

"(Y/N), honey, you're pretty and wonderful. The woman a man wants in his home. She on the other hand, is the woman he wants in his bed." Ada said with a helpless shrug.

"Tommy would never..." You began as you fingered your pearls.

"Doesn't mean he doesn't want to." Linda smirked.

"Oh." It was the only word you could manage as your eyes took in your newly wed husband in an entirely different light.

"Here, give me that cake. You might not want that now." Ada said kindly.

***

Tommy Shelby was tired to his bones. Right now all he wanted to do was lie down, and hope for sleep. What he didn't expect was to find his wife waiting for him in a dress which should be illegal in the United Kingdom.

He was taking off his shoes when his tired eyes suddenly grew attentive at the sight of the scene before them.

His lowered gaze slowly travelled up from your heeled feet, your bare legs and your slinky dress before finally resting on the innocently flirtatious smile on your face.

"What's the occasion?" He asked nonchalantly as he loosened his tie.

"Drink?" You asked as you walked towards him with two glasses of champagne held precariously in your hands.

"Yeah." He agreed, even though his entire attention was caught by the tastefully low-cut neckline of your dress.

"What do you think?" You murmured as you gave him his glass and drew slow circles on the lapel of his coat. He bent low to state in a matter-of-fact voice, "We need to get this off."

But when you looked up at him, he drew back a little. "How much did you fuckin' drink?"

You had had barely one, but somehow, you felt blaming alcohol for your newfound lust was a better option.

"Four. Maybe five." You shrugged carelessly, more interested in putting your hands under his coat.

Easily extricating your grabby hands, he said, "Not tonight, then."

"Why not?" You pouted, inwardly screaming at your stupidity.

"Not in the mood." He muttered and turned his back on you.

But you weren't hearing it any of his excuses, not after you'd put in so much effort. Putting your arms around him from behind, you said, "Please."

"No."

Only he didn't realise that you were already pulling his coat down.

"Are you feeling hot?" You grinned at his expression before throwing the expensive coat on the floor.

He shook his head and walked on, and you followed close behind until you were in front of him. "Where are you running off too?" You demanded and pulled him towards you by his tie.

"Leave it." He bit off.

"Why?" You asked as you pulled him harder for a kiss. Stumbling at the sudden force, he almost fell on you but supported himself by putting his hands on your hips.

"Now we're talking." You murmured against his lips as your hands worked his tie. For a moment, he almost gave up against the feel of you and your scent, but somehow managed to pull away.

This time though, he ended up losing his tie.

"All right, (Y/N). You're drunk. Go to bed." He said as he folded his shirtsleeves and walked ahead to get himself a drink. Something very strong and hard.

"No." You shook your head, and continued following him.

"Why won't you touch me, Tommy?" You grumbled to yourself before holding his hand and pulling him down on the sofa with you.

You were on top of him before he could protest, and soon your face was at level with his and you were straddling his thighs.

"What is it?" You asked, closer to him than you had been in a week.

"Nothin'." He forced out, unable to keep himself from looking at the smooth skin and lushness in front of him.

"Don't you want me?" You asked against his unresponsive lips as you ground against his hardening erection.

His reply was too muffled for you to hear, but you felt its vibrations all the way to your core. You were on the final button of his waistcoat when he sighed and gently pushed you away.

"Get up." He got up and said kindly but you only scowled at him, your hands crossed in belligerence.

"Fine." He muttered and walked away towards the bed, hard and frustrated. Why did you need to drink so much to have sex with him?

Meanwhile, you finally got up and walked behind him. Putting your hands around him from behind, you reached for the still unbuttoned waistcoat and shrugged it off of him in a fluid motion.

"The fuck?" He muttered in restrained anger, unable to believe the dexterity of your hands.

"Why were you flirting with the Duchess, huh?" You asked and without a preamble, pushed him on the bed, before going behind the dressing screen yourself.

"Fuck." Tommy swore under his breath as he righted himself. "(Y/N)..." His voice trailed off when he saw a glimpse of your bare leg from the dressing screen.

"Catch!" You said and before he could even think, Tommy had a heavenly smelling piece of fabric thrown in his face.

Despite himself, he kept looking at the damned screen, waiting for you to come out.

And when you did, he almost forgot how to breathe.

"I hope you like it." You said as you put one leg in front of the other, barely managing to stand still.

If he'd thought the dress was a piece of fabric, the silken negligee might as well be a thread. Against his will, he looked away after a moment.

"What is it, Tommy Shelby?" You asked again as you walked in front of him, and reached for the buttons of his shirt.

He held your hands with his rough ones in almost bruising force. "No. Not this time."

"Why not?" You almost moaned, and his gaze again fell on the expanse of bare skin laid in front of him.

Taking advantage of his distractedness, you pulled him towards you by his collar. You arched your back so your barely covered breasts jutted out, and just as expected, he finally held you by putting his arms on the sides of your waist.

His lips found home on the side of your neck, pressing heated kisses along the way and you responded by resting your arms on his strong arms.

But when he was finally reaching for your lips, you pulled away and walked out of his hold, giving him a sly smile.

It was he who followed you this time, albeit reluctantly and in mild annoyance.

You finally turned around after a short walk, and raised your knee to rest your foot against the wall. Your eyes held an open invitation and he finally gave up all struggle.

Tommy moved in your direction and trapped you between his hold, looking down at you with an almost menacing smile. You tilted you head to give him complete access to your neck.

But he was more focused on the damned dress. He slipped the non-existent straps of your negligee down your smooth shoulders, but to his annoyance, the bodice stayed firm on your breasts.

Chuckling throatily, you reached for the straps of his suspenders instead. They slid down easily, leaving him in a partially unbuttoned shirt and trousers hanging loosely from his hips.

He looked exquisitely delicious at that moment.

Curbing your thoughts, you moved to press against him and covertly undid each button, until the white cotton shirt just hung from his shoulders.

Just like the men in dirty Victorian novels.

It was also the first time you had seen him bare-chested, and you agreed that you had waited for too long.

"Done?" He cocked an eyebrow.

He had caught you red-handed, and you felt heat spread on your cheeks. But you couldn't break character now.

Slipping your fingers over his skin, you easily slid his shirt down, resting your hands on the contours of his body for a moment too long with each touch.

But Tommy was done holding himself back. Lifting you up with an ease you would question later, he carried you to the bed, your legs wound around him, breasts squished and lips planting soft kisses on the side of his head.

He plonked you down on the bed, and reached to unbutton his trousers, only for you to get up and stop him.

"What?" He demanded incredulously.

Licking your lips, you said shyly, "We haven't even kissed yet."

His face softened. "Yeah, we haven't."

And kiss he did.

It was unlike any of your kisses. It was not soft, or polite, or gentle. It was soul-crushing, the kind which you felt in every cell of your body and sucked you empty.

"Enough?" He teased.

"I want more." You bit your lip and smiled.

"All right."

But before he could do anything, you moved to push him on the bed, and straddled him again. You hurried to unbutton his trousers, while he frantically pulled down the obstinate bodice of your negligee to free your breasts.

You stroked him through the cotton of his boxers, making him groan in pleasure. He latched his lips on your hardened nipples, making you arch your back in ecstasy.

Laying you on your back again, he got rid of his trousers and boxers in lighting fast speed, and you stopped breathing at his naked glory.

"Oh, God."

He smirked as he pushed up the silky fabric and helped you take it off in lighting fast speed, eager than he had ever been.

"Ready?" He asked with a small smirk as he settled himself between your legs, his hair falling forward.

You nodded eagerly and he sank his lips into yours for a passionate kiss. So lost in your kiss, you didn't realise when he pushed inside you until a soft sigh escaped your lips.

He paused to take you in, remembering every detail, every expression. But only for a moment before he started thrusting in long, almost punishing strokes, making you dig your nails into his hard back as you arched into him.

Soon his thrusts grew rapid and you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer, clinging to the comfort of his strength as you let him revel in your own softness.

In a few moments, it seemed like your body couldn't take it anymore. Your breath came in shallow pants, a film of sweat covered your skin, and Tommy Shelby was inked to every part of your body.

"Am I the woman you would like to have in your bed?" You panted out each word, seconds away from shattering in his arms.

"Every fucking day." He grunted before giving a last final thrust and collapsing on your side.

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kaiasullivan · 3 years ago

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TOMMY SHELBY — PEAKY BLINDERS S04E06

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kaiasullivan · 3 years ago

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You are Home

A/N: I did not want to say anything , this isn’t much just a small thing that crossed my mind when I wasn’t feeling very nice and just wanted a hug. Lately I haven’t been in a good place mentally and I thought writing would help it dosen’t seem like it has been working. Anywho I’ll stopmy ranting now and let’s get to this mediocre peice of writing.

Warning: Fluff, English is not my first language.

Feedback is more than welcome even if it something really small I would love nothing more than some internet driends rn. 😅🙃

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

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kaiasullivan · 3 years ago

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heartbeat

Tommy Shelby x reader

CW: angst, possessiveness and drugs

Your marriage with Tommy has been turbulent recently, the prominence of betrayal and loneliness in the union takes a toll on your connection.

Tommy held himself to a high standard when he was with others, when he was alone the judgement was only from himself and he was the harshest judge. Drugs and drink satisfied the voices in his head telling him to end it all, he didn't see a point in listening but they were ever-present in his life. He was so inexplicably angry all the time, feeling like he had no outlet, he would lash out and break things, smash glasses etc. He would never help himself in the situation and instead made a bigger mess than before. Pol worried about him a lot, Tommy was acting out more than usual and it was all after your departure.

October

It was a freezing cold morning at the huge fucking house you both lived in, too big to function normally when the whole family weren't staying there. You and Tommy existed separately, it would appear to a stranger that you might not have been married. It was mostly Tom's fault at least when it came to time spent with each other but you were also too stubborn to be as flexible as needed, it was gridlock in the house. Tommy wanted it to be perfect, he wanted to be the husband he thought about when he considered happier families but he wasn't. You weren't the angelic wife you'd always dreamed of, both of you were angry, stubborn and passionate which made any conversation hard to have civilly.

Both of you felt partially guilty and partially angry with the other, the constant tension between the two of you made existing as a whole family even harder. The Shelby family was slowly breaking apart and disappearing, the last thing Tommy wanted was to divorce you and make the family seem even more fractured. You had considered divorce, but you knew that if you left the safety of the Shelby's you might not survive, association with the Shelby's was a mandatory target on your back. Your life didn't feel like it would ever satisfy you but you couldn't bring it up to your own husband due to his materialistic brain. Bringing up insecurities to Tommy was the most pointless point of action you ever attempted in your marriage.

The deep depression that was set over the both of you was consuming, it manifested in all corners of the house as if you couldn't escape the oncoming storm. You both felt so trapped and unable to even attempt any personal growth or self-improvement. Due to your environment being so relentlessly destructive, everything else crumbled around you with no way to stop it. You woke up at 2pm most days and in the depth of winter, this meant you only had about two hours of natural light, before the darkness crept in again and ruined your perception of yourself. Tommy instead did not sleep, he would pass out every night or early morning but he never remembered going to sleep or trying to.

Something had gone wrong recently for the Shelby family, an accident had happened. Through co-operation with the Russians, they had to destroy a train cabin unless they could get a trade agreement between the Russians, the Shelby's and the Italians. Communication had completely collapsed and there was no way of knowing what to do, the wrong train track blew up, the wrong section was tagged with explosives. A lot of people died and it was way too messy for Tommy to deal with, he had to be more discreet these days and the deaths of multiple children on his hands didn't help his insomnia. You didn't know that this was your husband's reason for his distance lately and Tommy didn't want to burden you with the information.

November

Your demeanour towards Tommy completely changed when you walked into your shared bedroom and Tommy was there with a solemn look on his face. It was possible he'd been crying, you were one of the only people Tom felt comfortable enough to cry with. This was bad because he was hardly home and when he was he was working, he was begging for help.

"How's your day been, Tom?" You asked, slowly approaching him after shutting the door.

"Ah… it was so and so." his gaze didn't reach any higher than the ground.

"What about this week? You seem preoccupied." You knew that prying wasn't always the best but he was more likely to open up to you than anyone else.

"A lot, so many things." Tommy's voice was low and quiet, he was holding back a tear, straining his eyes till it hurt. He knew after his distance he couldn't beg for attention.

Sitting down next to Tommy you put a hand over the top of one of his that rested on his knee. You both sat like that for a while in silence, a mute sign of support from you and it made Tommy have to clench his jaw. He wanted to tell you how much he loved you and how much your support did but he couldn't stomach even a few words, so emotion wasn't really showing.

"Thank you," Tommy whispered and you smiled softly. placing a kiss on his shoulder through his shirt.

The next morning you rolled over and were presented with the same empty side of the bed you'd become accustomed to. A wave of numbness cane over you, you sighed and rolled back over onto your side. Insecurities started to overload your brain and you couldn't shut out the ones about Tommy's affair- suspected affair. You knew the Shelby family, the men especially and you knew their business trips. Or even when you weren't around, if Tommy wanted sex you wouldn't put it past him to have it with anyone.

Whilst your insecurities weren't completely right, the real situation was much more complicated. Tommy had cheated on you numerous times over the last year, he had begun using opiates multiple times a week. Tommy selfishly kept this from you to have even the smallest shred of normality between you even if it was essentially built on lies.

When you coexisted normally, you knew everything about the Shelby business as Tommy valued your input. But, recently there had been no conversations between you that lasted longer than a few sentences. Tommy didn't have the mental strength to fill in all the gaps where he fucked random people, it was easier to make you think he hated you.

After opening up to you in your bedroom, Tommy disappeared from the house for weeks. No one would tell you where he was and you gave up trying, every day was the same and nothing felt right anymore. You just wanted normality again, you'd do anything for the sense of dread every waking moment gave you or the anxiety that sent your stomach into knots every time a door opened, in case it was Tommy coming back to ignore you even more.

February

One morning you were smoking a cigarette sitting on the steps at the front of the house, one of your household cats sitting at your feet. Your months existing without Tommy were slowly getting better, you'd bought more cats to keep your company and stopped taking house guests. The cost of trying not to miss your husband was shutting everyone out. Walking back inside you went into the library and stared outside by the window sill.

Tommy was consumed with self-hatred and worry about you, he knew that you would deal with the time separated as well as he was. But without being able to divorce, he knew you would be happier not knowing all the shit he'd done behind your back.

When he was around you he didn't feel like he could be honest anymore, he was too far in. Tommy feared you'd find someone else but even considering that made a wave of anger rise up inside him that he couldn't control.

He stood up in the house he bought in London and threw every glass he could find at the wall. He continued these familiar behaviours until glass littered the house. Tommy drank himself to sleep in his office and passed out in his chair, drunk on how he loved you and how he was so unworthy.

June

You had started going out on the weekends with a women's issues committee of young twenty-somethings who kept each other safe. It was the first loosely structured community you'd been a part of since school, you felt that you could do anything. You still had no idea where Tommy was so taking a trip to London didn't seem like something that should worry you. Having no idea Tommy was also in London at that time, you and your group made your way to a club.

A few hours earlier Tommy was on the way to that same club as he'd been alerted you were in town and planned to go there. He, Arthur and John sat at a private booth, the barman was instructed to inform the group when you arrived. Tommy wanted to see you and also make sure you were protected, he didn't trust anyone enough other than himself. He had a thought that made his stomach drop that you would sleep with someone else, it wouldn't be like you but after having no contact for months it wouldn't be fair for Tommy to assume anything.

The moment you walked in, Tommy didn't need to be told, he saw you and you were magnificent. He didn't realise how much he had missed your presence until that moment. None of this was registering on his face as he took another drag from his cigarette, but now all they had to do was drink and wait.

After a few drinks, you were light on your feet and dancing with lots of people in the club, it had huge ceilings and multiple floors with endless amounts of bars and balconies. You made eye contact with a handsome man who took an interest in you, after dancing together for a while his hand made its way onto your waist. He bought you a drink, he might have told you his name but you didn't care much, you just wanted a distraction and for him to stop with the pleasantries and get on with it. You hurried the connection along by laughing at all his jokes that weren't funny, touching his arm more than usual and letting your hand rest on his arm.

He looked down at you with desire in his eyes and you returned it with a doe-eyed expression you knew worked on any man you'd tried it with. Suddenly he took your arm and slowly led you toward the staircase. Heading upstairs you looked so elegant walking up the grand stairs with your fingers grazing the marble bannister. This almost felt right, you felt the centre of attention even if everyone wasn't looking and you thrived. For a moment the alcohol and the snow made Tommy a forgotten thought and you only thought about where the next drink was coming from. When you got upstairs the man bought you a sweet-tasting cocktail and you went out to the balcony.

Watching you walk up the stairs made Tommy hold back every urge he had to run up to you and kiss you, spin you around and make you feel as special as you did on your wedding day. But that wouldn't happen anymore, things were different, he did this. After you were definitely out of sight Tommy, Arthur and John made their way upstairs with everyone moving out of their way as soon as they saw them. All three of them got a whisky from the bar before splitting up on that floor. Tommy leant against a window and chinned his whisky, he went to pull out his cigarette case but it wasn't in his pocket. It was probably for the best, even the nicotine wasn't calming him down like you could.

The man was boring, he was talking about his job or something and you weren't focussing, just smiling and nodding as he failed to ask you a single question. The tipsy facade was slowly fading so you excused yourself to get a drink. Walking out through the balcony's sheer curtains you headed to the bar and noticed something, a memorable cigarette case. When you picked it up and turned it over, inscribed was 'TS' and your heart dropped.

"I wouldn't touch that miss, it's Mr Shelby's" the bartender mentioned to you and you smiled thankfully, looking around for any sign of your husband.

Tommy had been watching you from a few yards away with his lips slightly parted, some part of him wanted to run up to you and some part of him wanted to kill everyone who came near you. He opted for the second, Tommy, Arthur and John moved in on the man whose name you didn't remember. He was dead fairly swiftly and quietly and Tommy knew he had to leave fairly quickly now.

You knew your husband was here, you didn't know where but he was here. So understanding that he was probably watching you, you went back down the stairs and waited at the base of them at a table that was slightly hidden. You hoped he was here, you hated yourself for thinking it but as you held his cigarette case tightly you knew who really pulled the strings. Picking up one of Tommy's cigarettes and smelling the familiar scent was enough to make you weep but you showed no reaction and stayed blank.

Tommy had lost sight of you and noticed his cigarette case was no longer at the bar. All three of the brothers straightened their clothes before heading off down the stairs, Tommy had never felt so fucking angry in a while. He wanted to rip the man who touched you apart, limb by limb- but there hadn't been time for that. He needed to get out of here without you seeing any sign of him even though Tommy was aware you probably knew he was here. His wife was just as clever if not more than Tommy, you understood him which made you a great deal more dangerous.

"Now after seven months, I didn't think I'd be the one watching you," You stepped to the base of the staircases Tommy hit the ground floor and he was stunned into silence for a moment.

"Don't act like a child," He shot back maliciously. It caught you off guard but you soon gained your composure,

"Oh, I hardly think I'm the child here when I had no intentions on eve thinking about you before I saw you. You seem to be.." You gestured to John and Arthur "Keeping watch of me, not your best idea to lose this," Pulling out the cigarette case Tommy sighed.

"I have to go," Tommy went to leave but you held his arm and wouldn't let him go.

"We are talking, now or fucking never, Tommy." You were the sternest you'd ever been with him because you were so fucking tired of pretending that he was a good partner.

Tommy's heart was pounding out of his chest, John and Arthur went to the bar and it left him standing in front of you with no defence, he couldn't speak because he didn't know what to say. He took you to another private booth and shut all windows and doors as Tommy turned around to say something he felt your palm collide with his cheek.

"You fucking bastard." The malice in your voice made Tommy's head hurt.

"What the fuck-"

"Seven months!" you paused, "Seven fucking months, Tommy. You just discarded me and-"

"You're hyper-focusing on yourself when this impacts all of us." Tommy was trying to find any sense of control in the situation.

"Focussing on myself would be a fucking dream, Tommy because all I can do is think about you and your fucking hold you have on me." You ran your hands through your hair and lit a cigarette. A silence fell between you.

"What were you planning to do with him?" Tommy broke the peaceful break.

"Anything I fucking pleased is what, you don't own me and you don't get to control my-" Suddenly Tommy pinned you against the wall forcefully and was inches from your face.

"You don't control this the way you think you do," Tommy's hand snaked onto your waist and you bit the inside of your cheek to hide the way you had missed his touch.

You pushed against him but he put more pressure into holding you against the wall, getting been closer to your face. You didn't know if you wanted to kiss him, you couldn't decide.

"Can I at least sit down?" You offered and as he loosened his grip you reached into your pocket and brought out two small snuffboxes. Tommy looked surprised but took the box when you offered it. You didn't expect to be getting on a coke high with your husband today, but nothing really went to plan in your relationship with Tommy that was mostly downs.

The coke made you both more communicative than you'd been in months, even if it was all angry and jealous nonsense. Tommy couldn't stop thinking about you with someone else and you couldn't stop thinking about how Tommy abandoned you.

"Why did you give up so easily?" You asked whilst staring up at the ceiling.

"I didn't give up, I left because I thought it was the right thing to do for us and for you because I only make things worse. I don't think the amount of love I have for you can overpower all the bad things I did." Tommy hurried over his words

"Woah," you paused "that coke is having an interesting effect on you..."

"Fuck off," Tommy muttered.

"What are the bad things you did?" You asked timidly.

"I don't want to talk about it." Tommy sniffed another line and lay back in his chair.

You both existed together in peace for a few hours and both of you felt a certain degree of comfort within the silence. Tommy wanted to say everything going on in his brain right now, how he felt about you but, if he couldn't be honest when he was drunk he wasn't going to be when he was high. Thomas didn't know why he couldn't talk about a single thing with you but was so terrified of what you'd think whenever he wanted to open up.

"I'm going to leave now, Tom. I can't make sense of any of this... and I think you need to find a way too tell me before it's too late. l be back at the house from this weekend." You paused and stared up at Tommy looking for something in his eyes.

"I'll be in London for a bit longer," be replied sadly and your stomach dropped a bit.

"If I'm not at the house I'll probably be gone for a bit as well, Ive been staying with my sister." You lied through your teeth too see if it would make anything happen for Tommy. He said nothing, he was unable to think of anything good that might change your perspective.

"I'm going to leave now." as you stood up, Tommy's eye-line wouldn't even reach you. You were hurt and confused, having no idea how Tommy's brain was working recently.

"I'll see you when I'm back in Birmingham." Tommy said gruffly still looking down. You thought he would look you in the eye as you left but he didn't, you got yourself looking presentable and went for the door. Tommy touched your hand as you went past his chair and you stopped, looking down at him as he gripped your hand closely.

"You can't just hide from me. Regardless of what you've done eventually you'll have to stop hiding down South, the longer you wait the worse it'll get. I'm not saying this means I'll forgive you, but I'll never trust you again if you don't tell me everything." You slowly took your hand out of his grasp and walked out.

Tommy wanted to die. He racked up a few more lines using the side of his business card from his wallet. Being awake and consciously aware of his decisions was crushing him relentlessly. He knew you were right but that didn't mean anything because, you would still hate him eventually. It was inevitable. He could feel how hard his heart was beating when he touched your hand and it was the most in love with you he had been in months, everything hit at the same time and he realised how much he missed being near you.

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