kaipler-22b

[kaipler-22b]

It's quite scary knowing when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll be 16.

Honestly didn't think I would make it this far.

[kaipler-22b]

why do i keep fucking everything up why am i such a fuck up why do i ruin everything i’m such a waste of space

[kaipler-22b]

My results are shit I may as well die

[kaipler-22b]

Ironic he wasn't like that

[kaipler-22b]

I feel like I've got nothing in me, nothing to become just pure failure. And as an almost 16 year old awaiting GCSE results and being accepted into an apprenticeship it's fucking terrifying. I don't feel like I'm going to make it. I don't feel like I can do it. I feel lost and like I've missed out on everything because I'm mentally ill. I spent a lot of time off school because of my mental health and I'm scared it's going to carry on affecting my day to day life and end up having an impact on work. It feels impossible to take this step but I have no choice but to do it because you just get chucked into the deep end anyway, there is no escape from this apart from death. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm supportless and have nobody to go to and have no idea how I would approach or talk to my parents about getting therapy because when I was in school that was delt with for me because they noticed how bad I got but my parents didn't, they got told but never did anything because they don't know what to do with me because I'm just a lost cause at this rate. I really don't know what to do. I just wish time would stop... Forever would be nice.

I'm terrified.

[kaipler-22b]

I don’t want to die. I just want everything to stop for a while.

The thoughts. The guilt. The noise.

[kaipler-22b]

my anxiety is going to eat me alive

[kaipler-22b]

i don’t need anyone to pray on my downfall. i am fucking great at ruining my own life actually.

[kaipler-22b]

I wonder how beautiful life must be when you don't have trust issues, depression, mood swings, overthinking, paranoia, anxiety, detachment, isolation or fear

[kaipler-22b]

I can’t do this anymore. Someone please just end me. Before I do it myself.

[kaipler-22b]

i think nobody will understand how truly sad i feel unless i take my life to prove it.

[kaipler-22b]

my brain is damaged. i’ve been sick for too long. there’s nothing that can fix rot this deep.

[kaipler-22b]

Im so awkward and its annoying.

[kaipler-22b]

suicidal people aren't "great at hiding it" just nobody cares enough to realize that everything you do is a cry for help

they only notice the signs when they have to attend your funeral

[kaipler-22b]

I feel things very deeply, yes. But does that make me an empathetic person? Absofuckinglutely not.

[kaipler-22b]

maybe all those shitty stuff people say about me is true. maybe i am that bad of a human being

[kaipler-22b]

i’ve been let down so many fucking times I need to stop getting my stupid fucking hopes up