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This is my fan translation of Kairi Seidouitusei Shougai no Chiguhagu na Hibi by Tokin! I love this manga so much. It’s a wonderful autobiography about DID and a representation with a tone we don’t usually get in English. Tokin-sensei gave me permission to translate the prologue and share it with an English audience because I know so many people would want to read it! I am not going to translate the entire text, but I do really really want to encourage people to submit it in this month’s Seven Seas interest survey!! Please help support Tokin-sensei’s wonderful work!

(Submitting with the Japanese title I wrote above or a link to this post would be best for clarity, my English title is not a literal translation)

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This is my fan translation of Kairi Seidouitusei Shougai no Chiguhagu na Hibi by Tokin! I love this manga so much. It’s a wonderful autobiography about DID and a representation with a tone we don’t usually get in English. Tokin-sensei gave me permission to translate the prologue and share it with an English audience because I know so many people would want to read it! I am not going to translate the entire text, but I do really really want to encourage people to submit it in this month’s Seven Seas interest survey!! Please help support Tokin-sensei’s wonderful work!

(Submitting with the Japanese title I wrote above or a link to this post would be best for clarity, my English title is not a literal translation)

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What was going through my mind the whole Spirit's Eve event:

(slammed this out quick, forgive the low quality colours!)

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I forgot I have this

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the cooking show I’m watching is rated PG-13 for language and nudity

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Pouring my heart out in this comic because I don't know what else to do. I would appreciate if you read it, as I could really use some help. Thank you.

My kofi: https://ko-fi.com/creepincrawl

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you're all joking about not wearing earplugs to concerts, right? we're not out here rawdogging 120dB. right.

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I was talking about this in a server but I wanted to put the thoughts here too

I think Zenos being the way he is stems so much from Emet-selch's beliefs that sundered people are lesser. Like it's the generational trauma that made Zenos that way in the sense of Solus' cruelty to Varis led to Varis' cruelty toward Zenos, but I also think that the loss of the ancient world and the contempt Emet-selch holds for humanity is also something he instilled in both Zenos and Varis. The notion that humanity is just inherently corrupt and evil, and that people will always resort to violence and harm toward one another because he's seen so many conflicts and nations that rose and fell over the millennia.

So in his kin, that sentiment is passed on. In Varis' case, he is aware of his grandfather being an ascian and is very much like, "I will be the exception to the rule, I will be the example of mankind standing above the ancients." Except, of course, Varis uses this mentality to justify some of the most horrific atrocities a person could commit, such as mass genocide through black rose, or killing his own family members in the civil war that followed Solus' death. Varis has this notion that he's an example of a "good" human, despite doing all of the terrible things that Emet-selch ascribes to humanity as a whole.

In Zenos' case, he was groomed to be a living weapon and has come out the other side of it with this bleak outlook. If humans are inherently cruel and evil and corrupt, why does anything matter? It made his baseline assume the worst in everyone, including himself, so his apathy is all-encompassing. There is no right or wrong, everyone kills everyone and it's all fucked up, so why bother trying to be "right"? What even are "right" and "wrong" anyway? It allows him to be someone who does horrific things, while searching for some kind of purpose or meaning. I wish we had gotten to see more of Fandaniel and Zenos interacting, because I think they are so similar in the sense of wanting for meaning and purpose but being so disillusioned with the world and with the cruelty of others that they themselves became cruel.

I think long before the "would you be happier had I a good reason?" speech and Alisaie's rebuttal to it, Zenos had this curious little seed embedded in him by his encounters with the warrior of light. It's not unlike how Lyse spends much of 4.0 both hating Fordola, and also being fiercely curious as to why she is the way she is and seeking to understand her. With Lyse though, she is guided by her strong sense of empathy and the notion that all of her people deserve their homeland returned to them regardless of their actions, while Zenos lacks empathy completely and up until now didn't really think about anyone, not even himself. But that curiosity is there, deep down, and I think it is a major driving force in keeping him going forward.

You could argue that Zenos' motivations are selfish: he does say himself that he is chasing the high of battle with a worthy opponent, and I think on some level that is true. But there is something deeper to it, something that really makes him question all he's known: "In that transcendent moment, what was it that I sought in you? And what was it that you sought in me?" He's seeking purpose, he's seeking the reason for what motivates people like the warrior of light to do good, and what "good" even is. It's so contrary to everything he's known, but it grabs hold of him until it becomes an obsession.

I think it's further elaborated on with some of Zero's story arc where she's learning about empathy, although her reasons for being that way are somewhat different from Zenos, I think they are similar on some level in that they can't really understand empathy or inherent goodness. She does eventually learn it, of course, and I'd like to think if given the chance to survive beyond the battle with the Endsinger, that Zenos could have gone on a similar journey too. That's what I envision anyway.

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Lament to the Creations -part 2-

The setting is if concept crystals hit by the Final Days meteors, the creature inside will be released and immediately turn into a terminus (ancient term for blasphemy) Thus the Bureau of the Architect became the most dangerous place in Amaurot.

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I'm making a lil' puzzle game for funzies.

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Smile!

Time Lapse Below;

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Starter City Vibes 🌱

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Dark Science #155 - What Do You Think We Are?

I'm starting to think there's something going on between these two

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that draw your wol as other races thing

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"Now bloom"