kaleidoscopic-disaster - Tumblr blog

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terms that jean uses for neil in the sunshine court:

tiny bastard

tedious malcontent

abominable cockroach

wayward child

rabid little Fox

wretched little runaway

ignorant child

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j and e what the fuck nora

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neil wesninski coming out 🥺🥺🥺 am living for the jean povs

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the chain motifs in this book ☹️☹️☹️

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idk if anyone ever calls him it but jere just. yk. FEELS right.

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I just... he had a little sister that he loved more than anything. he followed thea around like a lost little duckling. he was in love with his best friend and it almost destroyed him. he uses pain to both punish himself and stave off panic attacks. he survived five years of brutal torture and abuse by the skin of his teeth. his parents sold him. his little sister is dead. he wants to burn the house down. he cannot cook or shop for himself. he hates his old teammates. he loves his old teammates. he quite possibly loves his new teammates even more. he frets for the safety of people he barely knows. he's terrified of water, of being bitten, of being hurt again. he laughed when his worst abuser was dethroned and beaten and then tried to kill himself in solidarity.

he's finding reasons to live, day by day, one step at a time. a cool evening breeze, rainbows, open roads, friends.

he is jean moreau. he knows his place. he will endure.

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i live for neil josten sarcasm

“He needed to know what Nathaniel was saying in this historic moment.”

Meanwhile Neil

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someone sedate me i cant take this awful book anymore

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:((((((( these poor poor twins but not twins

god neil is so SMART. and he’s not even. he’s furious. but he’s so fuckugb smart UGH

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“Jean looked to the far wall, where one of the nurses had hung up a framed black & white photograph of a lone boat in a harbor, and put himself as far away from here as he could. He thought of riding up the coast with Cat. He thought about the wall of photographs at the Foxhole Court. He thought of postcards and magnets destroyed by furious teammates, and Jean’s control gave a threatening creak. He swallowed hard against a rush of nausea.”

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jean "Oh, he though. It's so big" moreau and neil traveled the world josten :((((((((((((((((((((((((((

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kevin day, jeremy's brilliant, unparalleled friend :((

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'jean was a starving dog on a short chain who'd learned years ago not to bite back' just stab me already wont you

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ugh the juxtaposition of jean not knowing why the trojans would be concerned abt his scars vs neil hiding!!! every chance he gets!!!

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'sometimes i forget youre just a kid' UGH i love cat and this is such a non like sinister thing but he is! just a kid! fuckin 19!

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'you like men' 'more exclusively than you i think' just shut up and kiss already

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ugh i get the usc fresh start but poor jean... cant even explain anything ever to his coaches. bc of the fucking mafia!!!